Chris McGuire (@Chris8675309 and letstalkfunny.substack.com) is a comedy writer and producer and he loves Italy enough to talk about it for an hour and I learned things!! This was just really fun.
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welcome to the dark Forest Jackie and her P will never bore us Shameless confessions about our obsession will make us laugh and smile so let’s explore the Dark Forest and down for a while hi Rangers it’s me Jackie C welcome to the Dork Forest it’s 2024 let’s do this here’s the credits of course Mike Rick Burg said that song at the beginning and he wrote that song and he sang it with Sarah Cohen his wife and he will sing the Mexican hat dance at the end of the program also Patrick Brady still putting this together video audio all of it he’s amazing so and vilos doing Jackie store.com Squarespace is doing the regular Jackie page and I’m thinking of moving the Dork forest and dork forest.com away from WordPress cuz it’s driving me nuts but those are the credits but if you go to Jackie casa.com you can get dork Forest merch you can get my standup merch you can get my standup CDs and DVDs which you’d have to have uh devices for those uh you could also see videos and find out any number of things I have another podcast called The Jackie and Lorie show but the DOR Forest is the flagship 18th Year we’re doing it you guys you can go to my band camp or my YouTube for extra content please donate is what I’m saying it’s 2024 and I think we’ve been in this long enough why don’t you guys everybody send me a 100 bucks that’s what I’d like you to do you can PayPal me you there’s links all over the pages you can venmo me at Jackie you can find me at a standup show and uh hand me a sweaty wat of 20s do something but I love doing the show I would love uh to make some money is what I’d like to do in other news I’m sure there’s more things that I should talk about but I can’t think of them but let’s listen to who’s going to dork out about something cuz that’s my favorite part thanks for listening you guys you’re all great let’s get into the show it’s me Jackie C coming in hot with an episode of the Dork Forest uh and I say that because it’s 101 degrees in Los Angeles right now anyway uh with me in my I’m in my garage he is in his home uh Chris McGuire longtime friend longtime friend period uh friend of the show probably but how you doing Chris I’m good I’m good and yeah I’ve known you a really long time it’s been a long time how long have you been in La uh I believe it’ll be 27 years yeah the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere longer than I’ve lived in Wisconsin for sure 26 26 for me yeah I think 26 or 27 what was it uh when did I get my DUI 97 98 I think I moved in in 97 that’s hilarious yeah we we moved here in 98 so and and so I probably met you at 97 yeah yeah I probably met you at one of Vance’s shows ah Vance Sanders yeah I was I was I was you know I’ve tried to do a Christmas episode of the Dork forest with him uh a couple of times and it’s never worked how is that well that’s because he’s so busy around Christmas no we’ve done the hour I just there’s nothing I can do with it you won’t talk about Christmas all I mean I should literally just film his house at Christmas for an hour you should do a like a Facebook live or something right I may do it maybe that’ll be the Dork Forest Christmas episode live for the non-existent patreons I don’t have a patreon uh I do have a donation button which I believe everyone is familiar with because I asked in I’m in the new intro that I did this year I was like everyone give me $100 especially if you’ve been listening forever and have never given me a $100 that’s hilarious and several a lot of people several people have given me uh $100 and uh you know what that means I have a hundred more dollars so thank you very much Rangers of the Dork Forest Chris Maguire uh standup comic TV writer and now doing whatever you’ll let him do uh in the writing and Performing area is that correct very true have I summed that up I am a television writer producer and uh and I am available for work that’s it he’s he’s he’s available it’s Chris 8675309 on Instagram probably because you thought it was funny I it it’s it was an old joke it was an old joke about picking your other people did it after I I was very early on the I was very early on the internet humor like before people knew about like my M I had material like why do we need email I mean that’s how early like I was Inon and I had one about picking a screen name and uh it was like Chris Chris taking Chris one taken so um oh there you go9 yeah that’s it that’s a song that’s a it’s a musical joke you guys I get it I don’t get a lot of musical jokes but there’s one I get uh you are partnered with someone who’s been on this program at least three times uh the the wildly talented uh and hilarious Tess rafy yes um and um she also the first time she was on talked about what you’re gonna talk about now we’re gonna get the other side you guys I love I love multiple people on the same top anyone with a extremely detailed accounts of of the country of Italy um whenever anyone goes hey you guys seem to go lot can I uh you know could we get a few suggestions yeah and then they’re on the phone for three hours we won’t let them go we like hold on a second I’m locking the door wait I’ve got a I’ve got a a meat slicer here I’m doing Pudo the whole thing you can’t leave before we sered the Yi right so you when was the first time you went to Italy we went the first time I went with Tess yes with Tess was um oh you had never been I had never been she had been once before I think when like college or something and I went with her in 2008 was the first time we went in the winter uh which is not the not the greatest time to go but actually anytime is great but like it was March and we went to Rome and uh stayed at uh at my at the time my boss’s house Robert Morton had a um a house in Tuscany oh wow so we stay that’s right outside of is that outside of Florence I thought that was outside of Florence tusy Florence is I is in Tuscany it’s a region it’s one of the regions and it’s like you’ve got ltio is the region where um uh Rome is and and so about an hour away from Rome is uh the the region of Tuscany the pro I don’t know if it’s a province or a region but um and yeah it’s and it it uh Sienna Florence are the two big cities in uh in Tuscany right right huh there are 20 regions of Italy I bet I I bet I could name most of them well you’re you you could totally name them because for some reason this isn’t um oh you know what I think I think that’s just the name of this company oh 20 regions in yeah yeah but uh SS sort of like but sort of like uh sort of like States or provinces are the re yeah the regions of Italy yes they’re the region and Tuscany is the one that’s well known for uh wine it has excellent wine and making movies right uh lots of it’s you know Under the tuskan Sun um there are a lot of uh extreme Charming uh medieval hilltowns in Tuscany and that’s sort of the attraction you go you stay on a farm or you stay in in a in a medieval Hilltown and the food is very good and the wine is exceptional oh my gosh yeah that sounds that sounds great so uh as always I need to know is there a Hilton property possibly that I could also stay at do I have to stay at somebody’s Farmhouse I would bet there is is um I there must be there has to be something in Florence OR Sienna we stayed yeah we stayed at Bed and Breakfast in both Venice and Florence the I’ve been to Italy twice once for my honeymoon we saved up we went to Venice and then Florence yeah and then previously I went as an idiot child uh right after college where I was just drunk and didn’t even have a let’s go and every morning in the youth hostel I would look around and go what are you guys going to go do and they say well we’re going to go look at the David and I’m like what is that and then I followed them and then I got to see the David yeah so it’s a that the um this was when you were an idiot child yeah this I was ran out of college 21 yeah uh yeah a forence which is not um it’s it’s not it’s it’s gorgeous and everybody wants to go it’s gorgeous it had it has two of the best museums like ever if you’re into Renaissance Art and right Rocky penises it’s the place yes the uii is the one with the Michelangelo and the rapael The Birth of Venus you know Venus in the clamshell yeah that is that is uh that is at the eizi and it’s a much bigger painting that you’re you would ever expect it’s gigantic oh yeah it’s it’s really gorgeous and then there’s a bunch of Michelangelo and then I have never been to the Academia which is where the David is but I from what I understand that’s the big attraction there is the David and it’s also taller than you would think as wellos to the which is smaller the monisa is small right right 11 by 17 it feels like I could have printed it and uh yeah yeah no the Renaissance guys um Italian uh painters liked big canvases I think that’s why they were so popular with h churches and stuff because they they paint big you know what I mean they paint and and churches have those vaulted like every it’s so big inside a church you got to be able to see Jesus from the 60th Pew you know exactly so that’s amazing so okay so the first time you went you went to tus you stayed he stayed in tusy which was it was not a famous it was near a town called Shoot I’m I’m spacing on the name of the town it has a beautiful church but they all do uh but anyway it wasn’t in a major it wasn’t in a major town it was about I think 45 minutes from Sienna or something like that about 45 minutes from Florence was kind of in the middle but it was gorgeous it was uh um it was a nice little town and uh that’s kind of an amazing introduction it it was great no I mean it was an old uh it was an Old Stone building it was like a you know it was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years old you know it was extremely cold and um I was going to say it sounds chilly yeah it was extremely it was extremely cold but like you know have these beautiful fireplaces again very evil you would have loved it cuz it’s very like Dungeons and Dragons you know what I mean like big big mantles and the whole deal and uh you know really really fun and deep fireplaces and stuff like that um yeah it was lovely it was a was a nice introduction because it was in the you know we kind of like to do like the off the we’ve been there a lot so we we kind of like to do off the Beaten Track so this was a great way to be like oh you go off the Beaten Track and it’s still awesome and that that’s kind of what informed our trips after that right so when you say off the Beaten Track you’re like so you’re in a small village essentially in Italy yes and uh do you have a car did you rent a car yeah we always rent a car in Italy um I a few times no but rare because the driving is easy compared to other European places like for examp I’ve been to Ireland I was very stressed out in Ireland it’s left side of the road and we were in the country in Ireland so you know you around those you’ve been there right you go around the brambles and stuff like that you don’t see the other cars coming I made Andy Drive the whole thing and he scratched up the entire left side of the car and we had bought like extra insurance and they still said you’re still going to have to give us another 200 euro yeah because this is a mess Italy and Ireland are the are two of the only cities in Europe where they won’t take American Insurance they they do local insurance and it’s a scam it’s a scam oh of course as is as is American Insurance but uh but we’re already paying for it so you’d think oh well I could just use it you’re like no all insurance is literally it’s exactly like the guy who comes to your house and say be a real shame something happened to this place and uh that’s what insurance is yeah so well I just tell you know you you figure you show up with an American Express card they’re like oh don’t get insurance because we’ll cover this or whatever and they will not take it in Ireland or or Italy so in Italy for driving um I think other than in the cities like yeah Rome is insane you do not the only way you want to go you want to get the hell out and you don’t want to drive around the city there’s no place to park and and people are maniacs and the roads are you know 2,000 years old or more so the the when you they invented the roundabout I think yes and they have roundabouts and you better be you know I’m from you know I lived in New England for a long time so I’m familiar with roundabouts but like but once you get out easy okay it’s really easy the roads are pretty good that the shoulders aren’t super wide it’s a little stressful people drive F you try to get a little little car though right oh yeah I mean just for for the money also you know what I mean so uh yeah you get a little car they usually upgrade you something mediumsized and it’s fine you know gas is expensive you know sure sure and do you uh is it a stick or is it um can you get an automatic I don’t mind the stick I I used to I had a stick forever and then I I’ve had a automatic forever now so I think I I think they default to automatic I could be wrong yeah well at least they don’t default a stick if you don’t know how to drive a stick it’s kind of yeah it’d be really hard exactly so like test will drive sometimes too and she doesn’t know how to do uh do sticks so we kind of have to get an automatic and it’s fine the cars are fine and they’re you know we found a good rental place you go wherever you want you go wherever you want see that’s the great thing like if you go like I would tell everybody if you’re going to Tuscany definitely Rent A Car you know uh because otherwise you’re going to be landlocked you’re gonna be locked in Florence you’re gonna be locked in Sienna and that’s it and you’re GNA miss out the best part of being in Tuscany which is going to these tiny little hilltowns they’re adorable and they all have a church and they all have like a wine place they have a good restaurant and they’re fun to go to they’re just fun to go to because it’s a beautiful country side right it’s gorgeous it’s like being inside a painting is what I tell people you know like yeah I’ve only taken a train through Italy and then I’ve flown in and then been trapped in a city and the trains are ra by the way if you’re doing something like you want to get down the Amalfi Coast and you you know you know you’re going to kind of stay where it is and then there’s boats then you don’t need a car but like you know take the train down from Rome and it’s easy but Tuscany is a great place to have a car and so is um the area north of Tuscany is called ailia Romana that’s where um bolognia Parma those that’s a great place to have a car um oh wow can you get Boney and Parma they they literally more to doubt you’ve heard of Mortadella right yes yes it’s that’s baloney basically I mean they kill me for saying right but it’s amazing baloney yeah it’s amazing baloney yeah yeah there is uh wait I got a I do have a photo on that which is crazy but yeah they have uh parmesan cheese and then all the cured meats is the big thing there is is that place the place north of Tuscany is kind of the cured meat place where is all of Italy the cured meat place all of it is there’s you see that see that big piece of balone yes the wheel yes yeah the Giant Wheel of baln but uh yeah that’s morala um there’s cured meat everywhere there’s wine everywhere there’s certain places that are really well known for certain things um like bolognia for example I think somebody said this to me and I was like I couldn’t even comprehend it they’re like oh that’s where the best food in Italy is and I go how how is that possible like how could it be better than amazing or or in Tuscany you know and we went they were right first of all the one thing is you’re gonna have to get used to Pork they do a lot of pork but like that’s that’s where there’s something like 25 major kinds of um what do you call it pasta and like 18 of them were invented in bolognia and then that’s where parmesan from and then uh pruto and all that other stuff okay great great and and it’s also really nice the the wine isn’t as good as Tuscany but like the restaurants are just insanely good and uh it’s a really cool town it’s really cool the oldest university in Europe is in bolognia yes older than the one in London okay the one Oxford Oxford older than them it’s older than and it’s older than the one in Paris that’s interesting because I thought that Paris was the oldest but I could be wrong but I believe I’m right because it is that it’s the oldest university in Europe and uh they in like I mean this I mean this is pretty dorky but it was kind of cool but like yeah you know you go to the university they invented the autopsy so like you go into the the room where they used to teach medic autopsies and it’s like the the the hospital bed or whatever you want to call it is like a marble table Yeah Yeah it probably had a lot of blood did you break into song did you go queency is a doctor no he’s not a doctor he’s more of a policeman who cuts people up um that is that is not the words to Quin but that is I like the t uh the uh so that’s amazing so what do they they don’t um you don’t get to sit in on an autopsy they just it’s the history of the autopsy that’s what you’re right yeah yeah I’m sure they probably do lectures like special lectures in there but it’s a very old room it’s it’s that gorgeous you know you know like you’re like like wood beautiful wood walls and stuff like that it’s just gorgeous so have you gone in every season to Italy no we well we’ve been to Winter a couple of times we’ve been to Summer a bunch okay and the last time we went was the uh midt which okay that’s Autumn now is my favorite time that now that’s my favorite time to go because it’s cheaper less crowded and um if you still want to swim you just go down south and the water yeah we went the last time we went uh Tess was like well I really want a Beach vacation I’m like since September 15th we’ll see what we can do and then I you know did some research and then they’re like yeah it’s real warm in Pula right now so we went down there and that’s how where’s Pula the heel of the boot oh okay yeah they heal the boot is that is okay so when we saved up and went to Italy for our honeymoon uh my friend stepan zitz uh his mother is from she is uh I believe from France and she asked if we were going to the ulfi coast and I Andy had never been so we were going to Venice for a week and we were going to to Florence for a week and um and she said Stephan said that his mother said well then they might as well not bother I I disagree I mean we’ve been down there a couple times but we do again off the Beaten Track so we’ll go out to an island called isia which is not cpri it’s not the fancy one it’s the one the Italians go to and it’s lovely uh but but the AMF Coast is extremely it’s gorgeous it is gorgeous but it’s expensive it’s hard to get to you know oh is it yeah and the beaches are like you know someone’s going to kill me they’re fine the they’re fine they’re not there are way better beaches like let me show you uh here’s another one I got for you this is like if you go down to the South you get be enthusiastic about your favorite beach in Italy and it turns out most of my listeners are like I have been so I’ve never been well that looks like a hell of a beach it it looks like um you know Fiji or something and it’s gorgeous and this is like yeah it looks like a movie it’s gorgeous and then um where’s the other oh here this is my other nerdy thing I do is that I do the Drone shots so there’s the overhead shot of that beach do you bring a drone yeah I do send it up and then GoPro yourself to some cool drone shots yeah hope I don’t get caught you know down there don’t care okay yeah well you just kind of want to sort of the Big Bird’s ey view right yeah well you know you’ve seen Tessa’s book I do the um I’ve done a lot of I think all but one is my my photos like this is the one this is another one of overhead can you see it yeah yeah that’s in Tuscany too actually that’s the seaside of Tuscany oh wow yeah so they’re beautiful beaches but like to be honest with you everybody wants go on the M coast and I always try to talk people out of it and no one wants to be talked out of it and so okay I’m like it’s good we did it it’s F I mean you know patano is like you could go like maybe the third time like the thing is is here’s here’s what what um I will say this and I’ve told te this story it’s uh and it’s and it’s still it is still true uh I when I went to Italy I went um when I was uh 20 or 21 years old old and um we took the train to Rome and then I was going to go to Naples because I had once read um a book set in Naples and they said it was pretty dirt baggy in 1987 yeah but it was a little dodgy right yeah uh in in 1987 but uh still a little dodgy they they okay yeah it’s like it’s like New York City be pre Giuliani you know right right so but I heard the pizza’s amazing and I kind of wanted to sort of be in that kind of an I just wanted to see what you know I’m always curious about whenever people say oh that’s a bad part of town or those people are this or those people are that I always want to go look at those people and go no they just look like people to me yeah yeah and uh so I don’t know I so that’s and I didn’t know that that’s what I always wanted to do but I I I can date it from when I was 21 and I wanted to go to Naples have you been to Naples I we have been through Naples on the way to like sarento which is on the same Peninsula as the amfi coast but we’ve never it’s always been something I wanted to do we just haven’t gotten around to it um but how many times have you been do you think I think 10 yeah over 10 yeah 12 or 13 wow and and the uh but we we for whatever we reason we’ve never I’d like to I think that Naples for two days would be super fun and it you know it’s the further south you go the more familiar it is as an American because that’s where everybody moved from to America so like you get to Sicily they love Americans they’re like oh my cousin’s in Philly and I have a cousin in Boston and right right Chicago and all this stuff so they love Americans because half of their family are over there so like you know Sicily P Pula was friendly but sic I love Sicily Sicily was like was super friendly it was crazy it’s like it’s just crazy and I’m a nerd for volcanoes and everywhere you go there’s freaking volcanoes you know did you go to Pompei we did that’s that’s closer to uh that’s back towards Naples but we did go to Pompei which I would highly recommend um it’s yeah it’s you gotta see it I mean it’s one of the largest I’ve always wanted to see it yeah I think I mean I don’t know like I would imagine in Egypt or something like that they probably have some they have stuff that’s way big bigger in terms of archaeological digs and stuff but it’s pretty big and then only like two-thirds of it has been excavated so oh interesting it’s a city you like walk down their streets and it’s cool you know that’s one of the things where it’s like it’s really worth it you know if you can swing a guide that’s the type of place you want a guide okay yeah I was gonna ask you yeah yeah cuz otherwise you’re looking at like uh ruins you know what I mean like this used to be a house you know I always you know I you know there’s there’s the joy of going to a small town and just sort of sitting in that small town driving around and going to restaurants and going and going to Wineries and going to different things and just sort of hanging out and kind of re relaxing and then there’s also the joy of going on a tour and getting the information we went uh you know we went to Vietnam and Cambodia oh wow and went on I call an idiot tour because that’s what I need and it was seven days in in Vietnam with a guy from Vietnam who was in charge of the bus and he brought us places you didn’t have to go every day you didn’t and then he traded us off tapped out with uh uh and gave us a Cambodian dude to do our Cambodian week we did nine days and nine days and then um and it was incredibly informative and then he also brought us you know it was a chance to like in every town he would get an even more local guide oh that’s crazy right so you’re drilling deep you’re drilling down deep in the right and he would take us to like people he knew they would make us a dinner and that would be an extra $6 yeah that’s special and then yeah and then uh the third day in we asked if we could get a bon me and he just looked he looked at me and he goes You Wanna I’m bringing you gourmet meals here at night you want a $6 sandwich from the street you want a 75 cent sandwich from the street I was like I don’t stop with the gourmet meals but yes I would also like a sandwich yeah and um but so yeah I I would I would love a guide in pompe I think you would I think well a I think you should because otherwise you you don’t you don’t know where you’re looking at um and the other and in general like I’m lucky because you know test speaks Italian so you know go we we’re very rarely uh isolated lost yeah yeah know we don’t get lost that often and you know honestly since these it’s almost impossible to get lost anyway you know yeah but but we’re we’re always able to communicate so we’re very lucky so other people you know if they went to like for example we went to pulia the last trip which was two years ago we went to this Resort it actually used to be a Club Med and it has two of the most beautiful beaches but it still has this post Club Med vibe to it and there’s a lot of families and teenagers running around and but so it felt a little like dirty dancing but only in Italy you know what I mean and so it was super fun and the beaches were delightful but we uh there were literally two people I mean it it’s a big place there were literally two people that spoke English that’s it oh okay in the whole place and so so that one um I that’s very difficult actually well I’m like I understand like restaurant you know Italian so I can to know that right to know that you kind of have to understand restaurant and and hotel Italian so that you can you can get food and you can find bathro where where’s my car you know what I mean and uh but it was funny because they looked at us and they were like what what the hell are you doing here because it was no American tourists it was all right Italian tourists and it was right uh this was two years ago so somebody came up to me and said in you know broken English said I’m really sorry to hear about the queen oh they thought they thought I was British and then someone else thought I was Australian nobody thought we were americ nobody thought you were americ really for the best yes it’s like our Empire is in the process of falling you really don’t need to yeah yeah nobody wants we got Vis we got vizos but they’re they’re inside the house I’m sorry anyway um the um yeah so that’s really cool so we are lucky we’re very lucky and it comes in handy is my point yeah and and I bet you she becomes more fluent every time you go yeah she gets out of practice but she’s pretty great and I have I because I do a a stupid amount of research for wherever before we get to everywhere I kind of know a lot about I’m a huge nerd about that stuff I’m like I have to know that history of the place I have to know I I will go say like okay I’m I I love my I put Maps up on the wall and I’m like you know okay these are the five great places to go and I always have a plan which makes her yeah but it makes her very annoyed so like we we basically the plan is there if we decide to do it and if we don’t and say no I wanted to go to the beach that’s fine we just go to the beach now the last time Tess was on the DOR for us she talked about murder mysteries and um the Thursday Murder Club has uh a very interesting scene in it where Elizabeth who is a retired MI6 uh person she talked about how in every relationship there’s the person who plans yeah and there’s the person who wants to just go and if the person who plans is smart they never say they they’re like yes let’s just go but they’ve got the plan and they just they wander around Venice and they just happen upon the best right you know restaurant or the or this amazing church that’s buried in the Maze that is Venice yes and um so but I like I mean I like the honesty of your of your relationship don’t get me wrong no no no but I I plan because I’m you know I’m like I first of all I’d like to see all these things but you know I’m only half of the of the the team here so you know if she wants to just go do that then I’m fine doing that you know we’ve been there enough so there’s less preciousness to it do you know what I mean when you go to a place like that a lot you’re not like oh my God if we don’t see it now we’re never going to see it again you know so if you kind of put that out out of your head you’re just like okay great now I can just kind of have a nice experience you could do both and the thing is is that kind of research is amazing what um what were some of the your favorite towns that you found stuff out about I the my favorite one um I I one of my favorite ones one of my favorite ones was the the last trip was uh and this is not a um uh super deep cut like people like when we went there I’m like oh there’s I see a lot of them I see tattoos with English word you know what I mean like they’re Americans um well but uh it’s it it is a far and it’s called Mata and it’s where um The Passion of the Christ was um shot so it d as kind of a bethle Jerusalem and it is one of the three oldest uh cities in the world Aleppo uh which is in Syria I think um Mata and then the other one is like is in Israel somewhere okay it’s a j I’m forgetting but um so it’s 12,000 years old people have been living there for 12,000 years wow and we got a tour guy di because I’m like and this was the one part of the trip where I’m like I really want to go to Mata I go like please just give me my two nights Mata and then whatever else you want to do we’ll go to the beach I’m not a beach person but I’ll do it for you I go but just give me two nights in like this this nerdy place and so we we went and um it’s uh it’s pretty spectac let me let me show you this it’s a pretty spectacular looking place because since people have been living there for you know 12,000 years it you can see the different levels like you it’s a UNESCO world heritage site and on one side of it are caves and people lived and I’m not kidding about this Jackie people lived in those caves until the 1980s oh really yes um it was what it they call it in Italy they call it uh they call that this is what it looks like can you see that yeah so yeah that looks like I indana Jones episode yeah have you seen the James B the last James Bond movie no I actually haven’t I wanted to but I didn’t opening the opening sequence is in Mata and there’s a big uh shoot at uh nope too too bright anyway it’s sort of near the boot yeah it’s in the it’s in the taint yeah taint none of your concern where they are but but so this is the so people Liv there for 12,000 years they uh the uh different groups had gone through and and over the the the bourbons and the other uh the the um who are the on overrun it’s been overrun Italy was extremely especially southern Italy extremely conquered country um so you know there’s parts that are built up and parts that are extremely ancient and uh so in 1980 it had you know people stopped living there except for the people who like were natives right and they were living in caves they’re called sassy and now you can the big thing is you rent you can stay in a a cave hotel but they’re not but back then it’s literally like no toilets nothing it was a freaking and they had an extreme um well I’ll build to that but basically it’s like they were living in caves and the government came in they called it the great shame and they built these towns and okay mov them to towns and gave them houses right oh right because it it felt embarrassing that people were still living in caves well yeah they were well they were living in squalor like the INF mortality rate was crazy like when when would have 20 kids ouch so that they could have four yes yeah so they could end up with four right so they uh but here’s the crazy thing Jackie it’s like um it was like a movie they moved him out and a bunch of them went back right because that’s where they live all they knew and genetically they tested them they were they were Neolithic they were Oh weird they were like old natur humanoid old kind of humanoid and so anyway we get this guide and this was a cheap guide it’s one of those like vator gigs you know for like $69 or something and he takes us around and it’s the sadness tour it’s literally the sadness Tory it’s about um he was he would show you know he went into a cave and he started talking about infant mortality which is a you know boner killer I think we can all agree with right and and he’s like and they will put the babies up on the Shelf to keep them away from the animals that will come in and people will will ask me often did the babies fall off the shelf yes you know I mean like every just when you thought he couldn’t get sadder he got sadder it was amazing so we lasted about test lasted super long I was super proud of her because I was literally like okay I get it this is the saddest tour so we left after about 75 minutes or something like that but he gave us the whole history of the the city and about the people that live there and and the social problems of assimilating them in a modern uh Society sure sure and uh and super cool place the food was great Jackie it was it was uh picturesque it was it was Abel with plumbing now it’s basically like they took those thing it’s become super gentrified now where the the one cool thing which was another reason to move them so that so that development could come in I suppose but the government will only allow you to open a business in Mata if one of the partners is mates so yes okay and they have to be like you know it’s like the Native American thing here with cosenos and whatnot they’re indigenous people yes and Hawaii and all that exactly so so yeah yes now it’s you can have a luxury um uh experience and stay in a cave but you know and when you had done the research when you had done your own Deep dive could you ask did you have knowledge that he didn’t let you in on and did it did it bring you to places that you might not have gone to it the history there is so deep that I couldn’t I could only scratch the surface of it so I was kind of like a student when he was talking I’m like oh wow that’s insane and um that’s awesome yeah it was great it was great and the food was different it was really good and how how like as you get down to Sicily are we eating lasagnas and spaghetti no is it more no uh like Sicily is a lot of fish okay it’s a lot of fish and there’s some pasta and stuff but it’s a lot of fish uh this part of the country pasta’s got to be bolognia where you said that they invented 15 vers everybody has their own pastas you know so like if you go to Mata they’ve got their kind of uh pasta and they uh you know when you go to like a pizza place and they have the little thing of like Crush red pepper and you put that on the pizza I always wondered where that came from because I never saw it in Rome when you go to Rome nobody’s got that you know right at least I I haven’t seen it and Matera that’s the place they grow a bunch of crush of red peppers and so they do they have spicy stuff on yeah it’s on like pasta yeah it was quite good it was quite good yeah that’s amazing so uh now that I’m looking at the map down here I have been to bendes but only via train and then I just right I took far right because I was taking a uh I was taking a ferry to to Athens oh yeah yeah yeah that’s where they go9 yeah 88 89 yeah and then here’s my question as I went in to look at bendes did you go to galipoli we did not W gipo okay we did not we if I went back there which I might because honestly the beaches were so lovely and um it still feels unspoiled but it’s G to Americans are uh starting to more people yeah more like um but that’s a gulf that looks like where where that where that boot is like ter toron Toronto yeah um yeah yeah that’s that’s the that’s the the peninsula the aulia and bendes is on the Adriatic side I believe it’s the Adriatic is that the one oh no no sorry it’s probably the Mediterranean side and that goes to it’s very easy to get to Croatia like if you want to go I think it’s on the Adriatic side it is on the adri okay so then it’s like two two and half hours on a boat to get to Croatia and a little farther for Greece or you can go to Montenegro or something like that um and then on the other side is where galipoli is and that um we did not do galipoli it’s actually supposed to be I read about it because I wanted to have it as an option because we stayed at the we stayed at the end it’s called Santa Maria de Luca leuka yeah which is the the last town before water and then uh the the other side is gpoy and then otono is the other place we stayed which is on the east side um so gipo I’m sorry I’m rambling but like go of the trifecta yeah you stayed on two of I did that I did two of the three and on the galipoli side uh it is one of the most lgbtq friendly places in Italy yeah it’s yeah it was interesting yeah they’re probably is it also Australian friendly because of gipo that’s hilarious yeah Mel Gibson is huge there but um we uh we did not go but I we we thought about it we we passed it to go to that crazy Beach I showed you with the thatched umbrellas oh right right yeah okay that’s amazing yeah it’s good then the food down there is like the food in Pula is like um you know oretti it’s the little ears oretti pasta it’s like that Tomatoes fish the the fish was excellent I had sushi there was like insanely good and then do you do you think you eat more fish now I since like did you always well my wife likes fish so yeah you know it’s it’s not my like default favorite thing but I probably do eat it more um you know I love a Freda misto which is you know just lightly battered like lightly fried lightly fried sea uh like calamari and and shrimp and stuff like that I love that that’s a great summer dish um I made chipino once one uh CH is am I it’s the it’s the yes it’s the it’s like a bullia bay kind of yeah it’s it’s got all the different fishes and sea and shellfish in it and we had it in Venice yep and you do a lot of Italian cooking is what Tess said yes um what do you do you always make your own pasta do you ever make your own pasta no we have we have it’s a fun look if you know how it is I mean you still work on weekends a lot you know doing standup but like you know when you stop doing that you’re like it’s dinner party you’re in the dinner party phase of your life industry yeah exactly you’re in that dinner party phase of your life so you have friends over and if you see the same friends too often you need activities so I found that like pasta making pasta is a really fun activity yeah if you have people that are game it’s super fun yeah because do you have a a an attachment to a kitchen aid or do you have a rly we used to have the rly one yep and uh and I did it once and I was like well this is a fair amount of work I’m just gonna buy yeah you know where the the best if you like fresh pasta in in La you go to Italy you get fresh pasta and it’s not that expensive and it’s going to kick your ass it’s going to be amazing and uh Tess turned me on to that weird uh European Grocery Store in the in the over by Game Dude um in Burbank uh yeah uh it’s inth Hollywood no it’s uh it’s um called oh I know what you’re talking about Epicurious Epicurious yes and it’s and it’s on Sherman Way and it’s next and it’s just in a weird office building structure yeah it’s like by the Home Depot or something right yeah yeah it’s right next to the old game dude sells you old uh used video games still open can’t believe it’s still open yeah still selling vids um but she turned me on to that and and and I often buy uh sort of fresh pasta there it’s it’s dried but um but she goes she said she goes to Italy quite a fair a fair amount we we we love it there but I gotta tell you about you know what’s interesting about uh fresh the fresh fast pasta versus dried pasta I worked on a show with Martha Stewart for you know four seasons and we did a pasta episode and um we’re like okay we we’re going to make pasta go yeah she goes yes I assume you want us to make pasta and I said what what what’s with the attitude and she goes she goes Dr I she goes I use dried pasta all the time yeah you know dried pasta is great she’s like dried pasta is great so I long as it’s good dried pasta exactly there you go and all right well fair enough to that so what do you make if you’re not making pasta for Italian stuff um I like um you know I mean I love the uh in Rome there are the five pastas you know katua Pepe uh arabiata carbonera um grea and I’m forgetting the fifth one so any of those I love doing you know she’s way of preparing say what there and that’s preparation that’s not what the pasta looks like that’s no that’s the the delivery so like you know carbonera so carbonera is ume is the simplest say what okay I don’t any of those are no do you know you’ve never had uh are you you’ve Hade right CA Pepe is is like mac and cheese except it’s parmesan you know what I mean it’s just it’s a it’s a pasta and you put parmesan on it and it’s pepper that’s it so it’s all all about the ingredients black pepper that’s it that’s it oh Andy’s made that cuz he loves black pepper with the power of the sun uh so he’s made but I don’t think he’s used parmesan I think he’s used uh wait you can useo peino yeah that’s what you use use peino or parmesan depending on where you are and that’s the basic one and it’s actually hard to do right you know because right it’s hard because it get kind of Cony it’s really hard to get kind of thick get kind of thick so you have to be very careful with it but like you know that’s when when I go to Rome people are like what’ you get I got the KATU Peppa of course I did it’s because it’s like they make it it’s perfect they they make it perfectly and then uh carbon what makes it perfect is it is it the consistency I think it’s or the ratio it’s just the right amount of like light but not too like a carbon is heavy a carbon Arrow will have egg in it right that’s the big difference PE so peino and pepper there’s no egg anything and there’s an egg in that too no in the in the katua Pepe is just like peino or parmesan or a mix and how and how how do you make it do you make a pretty good one or uh yes but it can it it can go south it’s you really have to watch it it’s fast so you cook the pasta right when when the you you want to let’s say it’s 11 minutes for the pasta to be done you want to take it out at like 10 then you throw it in another pan you throw in a little bit of uh the pasta water and then you cook it for another the other minute but as you’re doing that you’re putting on the cheese and the pepper and mixing it up uh so that it gets you know um starchy it gets kind of a starchy thing to it um but it can get uh the the cheese can get kind of clumpy so you have to be it’s not it’s not straightforward um but carbonera is that but with but with the um with egg and then um you know ra is just the yeah you put you put the egg on at the end and it basically Cooks up and so that’s a little creamier and heavier but it’s delicious and then um the uh arabiata is you know a spicy um what do you call tomato sauce and I love a good tomato sauce I just love a terrific I love tomato sauce what’s the spice like red pepper flakes or is it just red pepper probably a little bit of that um Cayenne uh probably a touch of that um uh salt and black pepper and stuff like that yeah yeah and then some sort of just a little bit of fire oh that one has garlic in it garli and then and then you know in Italy it’s not like Olive Garden or you know New York Red Italian food places you go and it’s just the sauce is everywhere there it’s kind of like it’s to even the red stuff it’s tossed in the sauce and then they just throw a leaf of basilon it or something what I mean but it’s wonderful yeah it’s wonderful and they pick the kind of pasta that’s kind of porous so that the sauce gets in there okay and what’s porous pasta so is it just that it has a long a bigger surface area as opposed toh great question well spaghetti is is thinner generally in um so it doesn’t have a lot of surface yeah not as much in Rome they’ll do something like bucatini is the pasta It’s a thicker spaghetti but also a circle okay yeah it’s it’s it’s like spaghetti except imagine it’s thicker you know and and uh so it’s got more surface area and that’s what I mean by porous like it it just soaks up stuff a little bit more um it’s good and then uh uh grea is um oh arabiata I think also has sorry I’m forgetting one thing yeaha has it’s it’s not is it Panetta what’s the other the other pork thing I think it’s I think it’s no I think it’s Panetta and it’s cut up and they uh you know kind of flash fry it and when you okay you get them it’s like a very salty little thing and when you pop it in your mouth when you bite down on it it kind of squirts fat it’s delicious and then you mix that up with you know with uh two versions there’s the light uh version which is just the peino romano and the pasta and then there’s the red version and I believe sorry I believe that’s a rabata it’s got the okay it’s got the um I could be wrong somebody will there’s a nerd there’s a nerd Watcher Jack jackie.com feel free to correct what you should know is that he loves it he loves all the he’s on board I love it I like a good um I do think I like the way it Italian cook steak but I think American beef tastes better and that’s probably doesn’t mean it’s good you know it’s probably chemicals you just because something you’ve been raised with yes so how’s the chicken situation the chicken’s I love chicken oh and you know what’s really good to the eggs I feel like the eggs are fresher you go to a supermarket here the eggs are old Jackie yeah you know old they’re old and you get one why people have yeah that’s why you got there’s a rooster in this neighborhood and every time I walk by it I’m like rooster in my neighborhood sure wish I knew it knew them and I could get a couple of free eggs you know yeah Karen Anderson has chickens I don’t know if you know Karen Anderson she’s a writer I know Karen Anderson she’s got chickens you could get she’s given she gives away eggs you got to talk to her K you have to go to yeah gotta go to uh I know who I’m thinking of Sue uh you think it’s Sue Murphy I’m thinking it’s Sue Murphy Karen Anderson much more approachable I love Sue Murphy but Sue Murphy literally every she was on this show the Dork Forest the Sue Murphy episode Rangers look back in time find a sue Murphy episode where she talked about drunkenly trimming trees that’s was her hobby at the time she’d be driving by back from her from her riding gig this has got to be 15 years ago yeah and she had she couldn’t handle it that people had not trimmed their trees correctly so she would take the sappers off of people’s trees at night and I was like is that legal and she’s like not a chance not a chance it’s legal going yard for she was a bot she was one of my boss my uh bosses a few years ago she’s a character right she she also famously told me she’ never watched her own standup or her own half hour comedy special because she just couldn’t face it she’s like it’s fine yeah and um whatever if they liked it we all win and um so I’m I’m glad that uh that Sue Murphy still out there y can’t yep good to hear it good to hear it Karen Anderson super approachable love Karen Anderson yes you need to ask her for eggs and uh she’ll she’ll probably hook you up right right or you should T Forest her about of her chicken yeah I actually uh attainable goal I have a quite a long list but uh I want everyone to be on now talk to me about the so what is your favorite chicken recipe done by the Italians um well in Ro in in Rome they do um kator which the American version I’m not a huge fan of it it no my stepmother made it it’s a little soupy it’s supy and it’s like I don’t know it’s not done right but if you there’s one place in Rome that we went to forgetting the name uh I’ll leave it for the show notes um was uh where we go every time we go to Rome we go and get uh we go there there because their catori is really good and it’s more vinegar based so it’s Tangier okay yeah it’s Tangier is cooked perfectly um and it’s generally uh I believe it’s generally white meat um okay but it’s were you about were you about to tell me that test rafy is allergic to tomatoes yes oh that’s got a that’s devastating I just uh I my tomatoes are just coming ripe just coming rip in my garden right now that’s great I got about 40 Tomatoes about to uh it’s pretty amazing yeah and so I just all I do is eat tomato sandwiches for about a month and uh and that is all I do with them because uh I [ __ ] love a tomato sandwich no it’s great they have it tastes like a real tomato do you get I bet do you do it with mozzarella you got a you got to get a big sometimes we yeah sometimes we do uh a capres CU we also have basil in the back y we got basil we got Tomatoes we could do a nice capres so that’s beautiful mhm is it is it yeah is she deathly allergic or is it just a bad reaction okay uh yeah it’s whatever between the two right she doesn’t like uh she can’t really do tomatoes or eggplant or any of the night shades y uh she gets a bad reaction and uh so I made because we just finished uh we had a bunch of summer squash Patty pans and yellow crook necks M and uh so I made what I called squash a Mago which is uh babagan but made with summer squash instead yeah instead of eggplant and um it’s just the same tahini garlic and lemon and uh blender and then uh and you don’t even and you bake it you bake it to soften it U but you don’t have to you can e even eat the Skins because it’s it’s a Patty pan and sumers squash I feel like that like eggplant parm I you you you see it but I feel like it’s more of a southern thing in Italy but I like a good eggplant parm you know uh I love a good like a seafood stew like that’s that stuff I like chapeno yeah like chapeno yeah yeah yep those are great I mean that’s the thing in Venice Venice is like that’s like a classic Venetian do you like risoto seafood Roto in Venice is like off the chain oh really because Andy’s favorite favorite thing is risotto one of his favorite things is risotto and I don’t think we had risotto if you go back there’s a place we went uh one of the easiest ways to research a a great trip to Italy is just watch the Bourdain episode of wherever you want to go because he usually has some we went for that’s where we went for the Vietnamese Bon Me we went for the Bourdain one the guy just looked up yeah he was like fine and then he looked up the Bourdain Bon Me and in Hanoi or wherever we were uh I think it was in and um and Andy came because I didn’t go that was one of the days I just slept and um he brought me a sandwich bag and he said there was a big picture of Anthony bouraine oh well in in ven Venice it’s very easy to get a um bad meal in Venice like I think Venice is in my opinion I’ve had a number of bad meals in Venice because I I think like the I’ve been there twice the second time we went I made reservations because I’m like I don’t want to mess around I want to have a Flawless you know Wonderful because it’s the most fun city to uh get lost in it is it is a you you don’t drink but it’s also one of the best bar hopping cities I’ve ever been to because they have all those little cafes that everywhere you turn there’s a little cafe and they got the little Chet the food and and you have a little glass of wine and then you go on to the next one and I remember one time with Tess we were we were sitting in a little cocktail bar that was like not far from the canal and every 25 minutes or so three or four gonders would come in and they go by the bar and they’d all get shots and they’d sing something and throw back a shot and then they go back you know and do this and the same we were there for about an hour and a half it was the same three guys that would come back and get I mean I don’t really don’t think you want to the gonders are drunk Jackie is what I want to tell you we eventually went on a Gondolier thing just because you’re in Venice and yeah so I went and it was um it was boring Chris oh really it was not well I mean it was fine yeah but uh but and it was our honeymoon so it was delightful but it was it’s sort of like there’s several things that I’ve done because they’re supposedly super fun like we rented a jet ski once and that was not fun that was that was whatever it was there it was and it was you know what it was it felt like a job uh and then just the other week we went to aloa Park here in Los Angeles where they have the pedal Swan Boats I have not done and we pedal for it was $12 to work out for an hour and um it was also fine but we could have I once swam with whales you would think that I would be whale sharks you would think that I uh and I didn’t like it so I might be a bit of a buzz kill when it comes to that kind of stuff but I do well it’s okay I mean Tess didn’t want to go on the Gondola either by the way and so I just I I talked to the hotel I we stayed at it was our honeymoon too when we were staying at the actually no it wasn’t we told them it was our honeymoon we got a better room yeah we got a room upgrade that way but it was a nice hotel it was right on the grand can canal and I said want to surprise my wife with the gondola ride do you have any recognization they go yes we have the best gondoliers of all so whenever I paid a little extra for this guy he was great we had a good time cheat loved it you know she’s like I can’t believe we’re doing this and then we had fun it was fine you know it was romantic we it was nice we yeah we took a picture I’m pretty sure we took a pi we might have forgotten to take a picture but um yeah but it was what we did we ended up eating amazing food you know actually the first night the first night was not good but because we didn’t know what we were doing yeah yeah and so we got some this weird prefix thing yep and it came with like a a before dinner app and an after dinner apertif and like wine and we’re like no we just kind of wanted to eat dinner and uh and then so the rest of the trip was and I told Andy I was like I will do and this is how I TR we travel I’m will because he likes to go to a thing right and I like to go to a thing but i’ also like to sit around so uh my thing is is we have whatever continental breakfast or we get a breakfast I’m willing to get up early 7 AM wow breakfast by 8 am I could go to a I could either go to a church or a or a museum y a nice lunch a real nice lunch that’s the most important meal yes and then a church or a museum I’ll do two things a day right Y at 3 pm I would like to sit down and have a cup of coffee and maybe a a pastry that’s kind of we do the same thing Jackie it’s basically the same we we get up a little later than you but we do two things a day and after a nap there’s a nap right around seven a nice dinner yep seven or eight 10 p.m. hit the sack maybe maybe a little sex you don’t need maybe maybe we have a little married sex and then we get up we do it again yeah and it’s nice it sounds it sounds great I tell everybody I’m like I’m we’ve traveled with a few people and I’m like look there’s only one thing you need you need to know about this this is your final thing to say please this will be my final thing is I’m like uh the good restaurants close at 2 pm right after that you’re just getting pizza so we are going to park our we’re planning our entire day around lunch and we’re going to park our ass at the place going to and I want to know where we’re going or the area and we need to be there no later than 1:30 and then and if we can do that we’ll all get along yeah but then people go like oh surely it will be fine if we’re it rolling at 230 I’m like no no no I’ve done this enough times you know I’m an expert they also wish to have a lie down and because they there’s a there’s a very vibrant late night thing happening in many cities like Saigon think 11:00 the World opened up and you’re like I don’t care I am willing to go to your late night market at 930 how about that how about that and then I’m done but uh Chris McGuire you guys it’s Chris 8675309 on Instagram you have a substack I do uh and you also are gonna start a podcast for that substack yes my podcast is let’s talk funny. substack do.com and uh it’s mainly uh story and humor storytelling and humor tips for people uh I work with some public speakers and they love all things humor and storytelling so uh I kind of write to them every week but uh I think it I have other non speaker friends then comedians that like it and they go oh this is actually useful information you reminded me about something I forgot so let’s talk funny. substack docomo that and then uh in the Instagram we’ll all be in the notes thank you Chris McGuire for doing this this uh this show this is awesome I had a l time I had so much fun thank you you’re welcome and Rangers you know the rules out there take care of each other hi ad doll how was the show it was good it’s so maddening that you wait like an extra two beats and then I’m just like talk about yourselves it’s almost like you’re not in show business and you don’t know that it means now or maybe I have done I have recorded a lot of dialogue in recording Boo and you don’t want to jump the gun because it can get cut off okay oh to keep it clean yep Patrick Brady Andy Ashcraft is thinking of you yes welcome and also the gag it’s the gag that drives me it’s the gag that sends me over the edge I did an episode of the Dork Forest today Andy how was it well it was with Chris McGuire and it was delightful good it was just it was essentially he and his lovely wife who have been on this on the program as well Tess rafy uh um they go to Italy they save up they go to Italy nice three years later they save up they go to it like that’s what they do they don’t go anywhere else to my knowledge just Italy they just really like it so they go different parts of Italy oh well that’s good I mean there’s probably lots of different parts of Italy that we don’t really know much about no or anyone except for probably not even the Italians if you were to ask me it’s whole country it’s a whole country they got different regions and Chris Maguire uh what he does is he they they’ve gone probably he said probably a dozen times in the last 20 years that they’ve been together right and um that’s amazing yes and they usually rent a car and then drive like maniacs because that’s what everybody no it’s okay he said it’s better than Ireland and I told him that you drove in Ireland I did and it was scary right and the only thing I know about driving around in like Rome is of course uh night on earth right and he does not recommend driving in the city he said stay outside of the city go to smaller town towns and Villages you’re going to Rome you’re going to stay in Rome don’t get a car correct you are correct yes and um so lots of crazy taxi drivers right right and bolognia this is what I’ve learned bolognia best food in Italy well especially if you like bolognia sandwiches moradel and uh but I I kind of want us to go just because they’ve got they’ve got process meat I’d be willing to go for sure and he said you have to like pork because it’s a lot of pork and I said oh well that’s why he should go there andy Ashcraft you do you enjoy do you Andy Ash take this pork as your favorite meat you do I do so it’s a great episode I had a really lovely time talking to him and just listening to him and he’s just Chris McGuire good person that’s awesome yay I like him so I hope you had fun everybody and Rangers you know the rules out there take care of each other my hat my hat my hat they’re dancing around my hat my hat my hat my hat well what do you think of that if it looks like a Mexican hat dance and it sounds like a Mexican Hat Dance it’s most likely a Mexican hat dance so take off your hat and let’s dance yay oh my God we why don’t we just call that as the end of the show