Welcome to the SEC\u2019s finest dining establishment, where the menu changes every Saturday, the prices are outrageous and there\u2019s a decent chance your meal will leave you feeling sick.\n<\/p>\n
This week\u2019s special? Chaos, served with a side of humiliation.\n<\/p>\n
With 16 teams to evaluate and absolutely no health inspector willing to enter the building, we\u2019re turning this week\u2019s SEC power rankings into a restaurant menu.\n<\/p>\n
Some teams belong in a five-star steakhouse. Others belong at the all-you-can-eat buffet. And a few probably shouldn\u2019t be legally allowed to be classified as food.\n<\/p>\n
Bon app\u00e9tit.\n<\/p>\n
Taylor\u2019s SEC Power Rankings<\/p>\n
(Last week\u2019s ranking in parenthesis.)\n<\/p>\n
1. Georgia (2)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. No. 6 Alabama, 20-17
\nThis week: vs. Auburn<\/p>\n
Menu item: Chef\u2019s signature filet mignon. Perfectly seasoned, expertly prepared and exactly what you\u2019d expect from the most expensive item on the menu. The only complaint is that it\u2019s so consistently good that ordering it has become boring.\n<\/p>\n
2. Alabama (3)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to No. 2 Georgia, 20-17
\nThis week: at No. 14 Tennessee
\nMenu item: 28-day dry-aged ribeye. An exceptional cut of meat treated with the utmost care and attention that\u2019s priced accordingly. Most of the time its an amazing meal, unless a dog gets its paws on it.<\/p>\n
3. Texas (1)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to Oklahoma, 27-24
\nThis week: vs. Florida
\nMenu item: Tomahawk steak. The menu description is spectacular. The price is outrageous. The waiter promises you\u2019ve never experienced anything quite like it. And it looks spectacular. But somehow, it never lives up to the hype.<\/p>\n
4. Ole Miss (4)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. Vanderbilt, 52-17
\nThis week: vs. No. 13 Missouri
\nMenu item: Nashville hot chicken. Explosive flavor, enough heat to make your eyes water and capable of overwhelming just about anything in its path. The problem is that occasionally the kitchen gets carried away and burns the whole thing.<\/p>\n
5. Missouri (6)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. Texas A&M, 27-6
\nThis week: at No. 9 Ole Miss
\nMenu item: Slow-cooked brisket. Might not look particularly impressive at first, but give it enough time and it\u2019ll absolutely destroy you. Just ask Texas A&M.<\/p>\n
6. Kentucky (8)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. No. 10 LSU, 35-34 (OT)
\nThis week: at Oklahoma
\nMenu item: Bourbon-glazed short ribs. Nobody expected much when ordering this dish, but suddenly it\u2019s competing with the premium entrees and award voters are looking at it like it might be one of the best dishes on the menu.<\/p>\n
7. Mississippi State (10)<\/p>\n
Last week: Off
\nThis week: at No. 22 LSU
\nMenu item: 5-pound burrito. The first few bites are spectacular. Fresh ingredients, tremendous flavor and a portion so generous you start wondering why anyone would order something else. Then it goes downhill halfway through, your stomach starts violently protesting, and suddenly the only thing you care about is finding the restroom.<\/p>\n
8. Tennessee (9)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. Arkansas, 24-17
\nThis week: vs. No. 6 Alabama
\nMenu item: Sizzling fajita platter. Loud, dramatic and impossible to ignore when the waiter brings it through the dining room. There\u2019s plenty of heat, and the ingredients are good, but sometimes all that smoke and sizzling produces a meal that\u2019s much less impressive than the entrance.<\/p>\n
9. LSU (5)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to Kentucky, 35-34 (OT)
\nThis week: vs. No. 16 Mississippi State
\nMenu item: Bowl of gumbo. All the right ingredients, a famous restaurant and a chef who insists this is the best dish on the menu. Sometimes it looks like it might be. Most of the time, though, you\u2019re questioning the quality of the expensive ingredients.<\/p>\n
10. Florida (7)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to South Carolina, 38-19
\nThis week: vs. No. 7 Texas
\nMenu item: Monday seafood special. Anthony Bourdain famously warned diners of ordering fish specials on Mondays because there was a decent chance it had been sitting in the kitchen since Friday. The waiter insists it\u2019s fresh. The chef swears there\u2019s nothing wrong with it. It may be fine, but don\u2019t be surprised if you\u2019re hugging porcelain for 12 hours.<\/p>\n
11. Texas A&M (11)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to Missouri, 27-6
\nThis week: vs. The Citadel
\nMenu item: $200 gold-leaf steak. Beautiful presentation, expensive ingredients and a server who spends 15 minutes pulling it out of a smoke-filled briefcase. Then once you cut into it, it\u2019s cold, tough and has absolutely no seasoning.<\/p>\n
12. Oklahoma (12)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. No. 1 Texas, 27-24
\nThis week: vs. No. 15 Kentucky
\nMenu item: Bread and butter. Basic, hard to not be good. Sometimes though the bread is warm and fresh, the butter is just slightly melted and it\u2019s wonderful.<\/p>\n
13. Auburn (13)<\/p>\n
Last week: Off
\nThis week: at No. 1 Georgia
\nMenu item: Collapsed souffl\u00e9. It looks promising right up until the slightest pressure is applied. Then everything falls apart.<\/p>\n
14. Vanderbilt (14)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to No. 9 Ole Miss, 52-17
\nThis week: vs. Arkansas
\nMenu item: Artisanal charcuterie board. A nice selection of meats, cheeses and crackers that was all the rage the last two seasons, but the shine has worn off and the cheese looks dried and cracked.<\/p>\n
15. South Carolina (15)<\/p>\n
Last week: def. No. 16 Florida, 38-19
\nThis week: Off
\nMenu item: Tableside Bananas Foster. An elaborate dessert made tableside involving setting something on fire. When done correctly, it\u2019s spectacular. When done incorrectly, somebody\u2019s eyebrows are going missing.<\/p>\n
16. Arkansas (16)<\/p>\n
Last week: lost to No. 15 Tennessee, 24-17
\nThis week: at Vanderbilt
\nMenu item: Well-done steak special. Not the good cut. The piece of meat the chef keeps in the back for the guy who demands his ribeye be cooked until it resembles a hockey puck. Somehow, it\u2019s still overpriced.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Welcome to the SEC\u2019s finest dining establishment, where the menu changes every Saturday, the prices are outrageous and there\u2019s a decent chance your meal will leave you feeling sick. This week\u2019s special? Chaos, served with a side of humiliation. With 16 teams to evaluate and absolutely no health inspector willing to enter the building, we\u2019re<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":40786,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42],"tags":[32189,19460,32190,32191,32192,32193,32194,32195,32196,32197,32198,106,107,108,109,104,105,32199],"class_list":["post-40785","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-steakhouses","tag-alabama-crimson-tide","tag-college-football","tag-georgia-bulldogs","tag-kentucky-wildcats","tag-lsu-tigers","tag-missouri-tigers","tag-ole-miss-football","tag-rebels","tag-rebels-football","tag-sec-football","tag-sec-power-rankings","tag-steak-house","tag-steak-houses","tag-steak-restaurant","tag-steak-restaurants","tag-steakhouse","tag-steakhouses","tag-texas-longhorns"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/vive.im\/@dnc\/117449828787191053","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40785","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40785"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40785\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/40786"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40785"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40785"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.diningandcooking.com\/restaurants\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40785"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}