Miss Manners: Should I stop dining out with mom over her lemon hand-washing?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a meal at a restaurant, my mother is in the habit of vigorously rubbing both of her hands with one or two lemon slices, squeezing the juice into her palms, pouring water onto a napkin, then wiping her hands. She will even go so far as to shake excess water from her hands onto her plate.

Mother thinks this is perfectly acceptable dining etiquette, especially since a finger bowl is usually not provided. Even if a finger bowl were available, I understand that one’s use of it would be discreet; one wouldn’t scrub one’s hands and shake them about.

I have asked Mother repeatedly to stop her handwashing at the table. She makes a great show of this, and I find it embarrassing. Naturally, Mother won’t take a daughter’s advice.

GENTLE READER: This must be quite a show.

Incidentally, you are correct about this not being the way finger bowls are properly used. They are intended for a quick dip of the fingertips, if necessary, not a bath.

Miss Manners would recommend, in descending order of difficulty: 1. telling your mother that you are happy to accompany her to the washroom, as you thank the waiter and countermand your mother’s request for lemons; 2. stop going to restaurants with your mother; 3. stop going to events at restaurants with anyone other than close family members; and 4. stop sitting next to your mother at restaurants.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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