There is more to being a bear than just being cute, chunky and furry, so says Vic Perri.
Longtime HIV Health Promotion and Peer Support worker for the HIV community, Vic Perri tells us about what makes him tick and how he has navigated the many parts of his identity over the years. Vic was born in a working-class family of Italian immigrant parents in inner city Richmond, Melbourne, Australia. He learnt from an early age that key to being happy in life was to try and be true to himself. He decided he would beat his own drum despite the cultural expectations of his family, Italian community and eventually even the queer and HIV communities. It has always been about what brings joy and meaning in his life rather than follow what family or other people and communities expected of him.
While growing up with Italian food, he has learnt to love Asian, Indian/Sri Lankan, Middle Eastern and African food. He loves cooking and making spice mixes and curry pastes. In his household he has on rotation, special dishes such as a Sri Lankan Pork Curry called Ooroomus Badun, Syrian chicken and Thai green Chicken Curry. His musical taste developed in the late 70s/early 80s with post punk, synth, new wave, synth, electronic and other alternative music. His favourite groups are Siouxsie Sioux and Banshees (by far!), The Cure, Ultravox, New order, Chemical Brothers, Depeche Mode, Japan, The Human League and many more.
He loves travelling, experiencing other cultures that offer diverse and amazing sights and delicious food.
Note for the readers: Vic Perri was given the interview questions in advance and he provided a comprehensive answer later on, so I have summarised it down, but there is a lot to learn about the Victorian Italian Stallion Bear, and I will work with Vic to preserve his knowledge and wisdom that he shared in another format.
Luka Musicki (L.M.): So welcome Perri, can you tell us how it started with yourself growing up and your first time coming out? What happened?
Vic Perri (V.P.): From a young age, my life has been a complex tapestry of intersecting influences, particularly navigating the expectations of my Italian family while trying to integrate with my Australian school friends. This emotional tug-of-war made it challenging to balance my family’s desire for me to conform with my personal need for acceptance among my peers. In my mid-teens, I faced another layer of conflict as I realized my sexual attraction to men contradicted my family’s traditional expectations for my future, which included marrying an Italian woman. Although I felt a strong urge to explore my identity, my first visit to a gay bar at 18 overwhelmed me with fear and anxiety, leading me to flee the environment before truly engaging with it. This experience highlighted my struggles with vulnerability and acceptance, as I longed for a sense of belonging while grappling with my personal truth.
L.M.: Interesting, so tell us more about the important aspects of your life and the groups that you formed? And more about your Italian heritage?
V.P.: After years of coming to terms with my sexuality, a transformative experience occurred one night in 1990 at “Mandate,” a gay venue in St Kilda. I unexpectedly reunited with a friend of Italian heritage, who was there with another Italian companion. What started as a casual meeting quickly expanded into a gathering of roughly twelve individuals, all sharing a similar cultural background. As we reminisced about our childhoods, we discovered numerous shared experiences that deepened our connection, revealing the emotional advantages of coming together as gay men of Italian descent. This pivotal moment sparked the creation of the “Italian & Gay Social and Support Group,” which eventually evolved into the Southern European & Latin Gay Men’s Group (SEALGM) to accommodate our Greek, Maltese, and South American friends who lacked their own support networks.
The group’s mission was twofold: to provide emotional support to one another and to raise awareness within the broader queer community, which was predominantly Anglo at the time. Beyond personal gatherings, we actively organized and participated in community events. One of our inaugural activities was set in 1990 at a café during “Picnic in the Park” in Fawkner Park, an event organized by the Alternative Lifestyle Organisation (ALSO) that eventually grew into the Midsumma Carnival. We offered freshly brewed coffee, homemade pastries, and colorful decorations, creating an inviting atmosphere that was uniquely our own. Another signature event was the “Pasta Bust” at the Laird hotel, where we transformed the venue into a Roman-themed temple, serving endless drinks and freshly cooked spaghetti—an evening that became memorable for many in the local queer community.
Reflecting on the cultural portrayals of immigrant life in acts such as “Wog Boys” and “Sooshi Mango,” I find humor in the comedic representations that resonate with my experiences growing up. This realization highlights my evolution as an individual, distinct from my parents while still sharing some similarities with them. If a queer version of Sooshi Mango existed, I would call it “Trio Misu,” emphasizing not only cultural contrasts but also the generational gaps that have emerged as our community ages. While navigating my sexuality within the framework of my Italian background has been an interesting journey, I’ve also felt inspired to share my story through anthologies, conferences, and interviews, aiming to connect with others who share similar experiences.
L.M.: When we had some conversations in-person in Canberra, you talked about how you had to compartmentalise in the straight world. What did you mean?
V.P.: Meanwhile, I worked as a technical officer in the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO). This was simply another part of my compartmentalised life. Compartmentalising one’s life was not an uncommon thing for gay men to do in the early days. So in this ‘straight’ space, I made some close friends and became quite active as they had introduced me to bushwalking, white water canoeing, pushbike touring and badminton. In terms of being out, I still felt it was too risky. So generally, being gay and not fully out forced me to live these separate lives. I was the good ‘Italian’ son at home, the ‘straight’ conscientious lab and outdoorsy guy at work and the ‘gay’ guy clubbing and having fun in the queer community.
L.M.: So what does being Vic Perri involve?
V.P.: Well, reflecting on my identify and appreciation for the bear community, which provided a sense of belonging that has been lacking in both queer and straight media, often dominated by images of young, fit bodies. As someone who identifies as chunky and furry, I found a natural fit within this community. They express gratitude for the bear leaders who have created inclusive spaces for gay men of all shapes and sizes, emphasizing the positive emotional impact this has had on many individuals, including themselves. The VicBears in Melbourne play a significant role in fostering this sense of community.
In addition to my personal connection to the bear community, I was invovled in organizing Southern HiBearnation festivals and co-hosting Mr Australasia Bear Contests alongside his late friend, Dale Kruze. I acknowledge that my identity as a bear may have opened doors for their volunteering and work in the queer community but stress that true success comes from qualities like integrity, friendliness, and kindness. I do caution aspiring individuals not to rely solely on their appearance, noting that being well-liked as a person is crucial for building meaningful connections and friendships.
From 2001 to 2005, I dedicated my time to the queer community group Bent TV, where I produced and presented a show I created called “Face 2 Face,” interviewing various individuals and organizations within the queer community and its allies. My involvement eventually led me to become the president of the group, and I gained invaluable experiences, including producing broadcasts for key community events like Midsumma Opening Nights and the Pride March Bake Offs. Through my efforts in promoting VicBears and their activities, I was honored with a VicBears Life Membership, which I deeply appreciated.
In 2003, I co-founded the Australian Gay Multicultural Council to serve as a national body supporting various queer multicultural groups and to raise awareness about the challenges faced by queer members within multicultural communities. This initiative built upon my earlier involvement with the Italian and gay group and expanded my outreach to diverse queer cultures and faiths. Our key activities included organizing three national conferences titled ‘Living And Loving in Diversity’ in 2004, 2016, and 2018.
L.M.: So tell us more about “It’s definitely not ‘all work and no play’ for this bear”.
V.P.: In between volunteering and working, my partner helped me make sure that we got our fair share of seeing the world. Italy, France, Spain, Germany, Vietnam, Cambodia, Japan just to name a few places. A favourite and one to highly recommend? Well, I am going to sound biased but how can I go past Italy. For a tiny country, it’s absolutely jam packed with beautiful and historical cities and towns filled with art, culture, food, friendly and generous people, scenic countryside and coastlines. We’ve been back a number of times in order to make sure we see as much as possible and of course to catch up with my relatives.
L.M.: So tell us about the bump into the road in your life.
V.P.: In 1987, I faced the life-altering diagnosis of HIV, which came with a grim prognosis of just two years to live, given the absence of effective treatments at the time. The weight of this news drove me to the emotional brink, leading to guilt and shame that often overshadowed my identity as a gay man. To cope, I chose to keep my status a secret, fearing rejection and stigma, but I maintained good health over the years, which allowed me to manage the situation privately without the need to disclose my condition to anyone.
After working in science for several years, I sought a change and began volunteering at the Positive Living Centre of the Victorian AIDS Council in 1995. There, I started at the reception and progressed to HIV Peer Support, where I discovered my true calling. My experience living with HIV enabled me to inspire others through my journey, focusing on self-management and capacity building. This approach allowed those affected by HIV to gain confidence and improve their quality of life. Over time, I built a fulfilling career in the HIV sector, contributing to health promotion and support for those living with the virus, particularly older individuals.
Throughout my journey, dealing with the stigma surrounding HIV has been a significant challenge, particularly during the 80s and 90s. Fortunately, advancements in treatment have drastically changed the narrative, with the concept of U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) becoming a pivotal breakthrough in reducing stigma and preventing transmission. This progress has been accompanied by efforts to educate the public through speaking engagements and awareness initiatives. After nearly three decades in the sector, I made the decision to retire in February of this year, reflecting on a rich and transformative journey both personally and professionally.
L.M.: It seems like a lot of tough work, so what did you do to reward your effort in the early days?
V.P.: Back peddling again to 2005, for my work in HIV Health Promotion and Peer Support in the early days as well as my involvement with Bent TV, JOY Melbourne, VicBears and AGMC, I was nominated for ‘Man of the Year’ in the Brother/Sister Magazine Rainbow Awards. It was such an honour for me to be among only 3 nominations from a list of around 30 prominent community members to be recognised in this way.
L.M.: Okay, nice. And what did you do to get the traction for change where it was needed, i.e. onwards and upwards?
V.P.: Fast forward to later years in my career, and I am grateful to be given opportunities to make my mark on national and international stages. In Amsterdam at the International conference AIDS 2018, I presented a video that I produced including younger and older gay men sharing their experiences with their HIV. Another highlight was in 2019 when I won best conference poster at the Australasian Sexual health Conference in Perth. And for my final swan song of my career before retiring earlier this year, at the International conference AIDS 2024 in Munich, I presented another lot of short videos that I had produced of older people with HIV sharing their experiences in ageing with HIV. I also gave a presentation of my work. If that wasn’t enough, I was also asked to sit on a discussion panel of people with HIV from various countries discussing intergenerational issues between younger and older people with HIV. This experience in Munich had ensured that I left the HIV sector on a high.
L.M.: Wow, that is amazing. So what did you do to slow down to get yourself on balance?
V.P.: After retiring in February this year, I could have easily imagined slowing right down with much more time on the couch watching TV which I love. Well, I had no idea how busy I was to continue being. Apart from the usual jobs at home, domestic and non- domestic, such as cooking, cleaning, house maintenance, etc., I am also organising the restoration of the front of our Victorian terrace. I had no idea how such a big job it is going to be and how many people need to be involved with the various aspects of it. Also and thankfully, as I had hoped, I have consulting work including helping run a workshop for people with HIV in Sydney. I was also asked to be the keynote speaker at the International AIDS Candlelight Memorial in Canberra recently. I am involved with the Positive Speakers Bureau at Living Positive Victoria. I am grateful for these projects because they help me stay connected to the HIV community. The difference between these projects and my previous job is that this is in my own time and on my own terms.
And what of the future? While I can’t predict the pace I can keep up with these projects as I enter my later 60s and then 70s and 80s, I do hope I can continue to not only participate but contribute constructively and positively for many years to come. For you older bears out there, you can see my face in a campaign (photo and video) run by the Council On The Ageing (COTA) and Seniors Rights Victoria (SRV) to mark the annual World Elder Abuse Awareness Day (WEAAD) held on June 15th. I am also working on a personal project which is an exhibition of photos and stories of queers from Italian background and what they have accomplished. Apart from regular folk from our local queer community, I’m hoping to include people like Anthony Calea and Josh Cavallo. The aim is to raise awareness and educate the wider Italian community of it’s queer members and to reduce stigma and homophobia in that community. In a way, I’ve gone full circle. I want younger people of Italian background who are dealing with diverse sexuality and even gender to have an easier journey than I did when I was young. Projects after that? Who knows! Watch this space.
L.M.: Thanks for Vic for sharing your legacy with me. To give our readers out there a snapshot of Vic in a nutshell of his favourite items, here you go.
Location: Flemington, Melbourne, Australia
Pronouns: He/Him/His
Relationship status: Relationship of 35 years with a guy of a different HIV status.
Favorite Drink: Red wine and Espresso Martini
What type of guy are you into? In terms of physical appearance, my taste is quite diverse. They can be smooth/furry, slim/chunky, short/tall, blonde/brunette, Anglo/non- Anglo, etc. In terms of personality, they must be above all, friendly and easy going, self-aware, sense of humour with the ability to laugh at themselves. Also, non judgemental as I have no room for racist, HIV phobic, transphobic, ageist people in my life.
Favorite Cities/Vacation Spots: Naples, Italy
Favorite Hobby or Pastime: Cooking and making spice mixes and pastes.
Idea of a good date? Deep and meaningful conversation about shared interests such as in film, music, food that help connect.
What do you look for in a guy? Emotional Intelligence, self-confidence and a general wisdom.
Where can you find yourself?
If you want to gather more information on all the queer/HIV related projects/activities mentioned above and heaps more can be found on his LinkedIn profile, many with links to the actual projects/activities themselves.
Dining and Cooking