I gave myself an exorcism. [TW Vomiting]

When I was in Nashville for a conference, my colleagues suggested we grab chicken. I looked online and saw the “Shut The Cluck Up!” option and figured I should try it. I survived the BWW Blazing Wings easily back in the day. Sweat like a pig but it was very tolerable. I was thinking, “it can’t be that bad, right?” WRONG! Took a small first bite and it burned. Immediately drenched in sweat. Had to take my glasses off. I thought that maybe a bigger bite would work out better. Yeah, it would still burn, but it would go quicker. My taste buds were eroding. Whatever a stomach ulcer must feel like…that’s what I thought was happening to my tongue. The Mac and Cheese and beans looked good so I thought I’d give them a try. The smallest touch was burning me alive. I asked my colleagues to get me more ice water. Downed it. Did not help me. I didn’t wanna cave into my colleague offering me the rest of his ranch. I wanted to test my limits. Ultimately, halfway through the chicken, I surrendered. In retrospect, it was absolutely necessary. It didn’t hurt nearly as much. Eventually, I regained part of my ability to taste. The fries were kinda bland but the Mac and the beans were delicious!

We were in TN for a conference at the time. I intended on attending a few lectures after my lunch break while my colleagues were gonna do their own thing. I told them I wanted to go back to the room. They told me I took it like a champ and they’d see me later. My chest started to hurt, and I mean HURT. I would take a few steps, and it was BURNING. I walked about one block and I couldn’t hold back anymore. I jogged to the hotel, wretching and gagging along the way. Poor onlookers traumatized by my self-inflicted misfortune. Made it back to the room with a minute to spare. Unloaded into the toilet. My nose and throat were burning too now. I was in such terrible pain. Hovered for a few minutes to make sure I got it all out. I felt better for maybe about an hour and a half. All of a sudden, the chest pain returned like I didn’t expel my guts everywhere. I sat for the keynote, dying inside with the storm brewing. Eventually, I couldn’t hide it. I was holding my chest in agony. Before, it was mostly worsened by moving. The moment the last speaker went, I told my colleagues it is time to go. I’m still gripping my chest, sweating, and moaning. As we started getting closer to the hotel, my body nearly caved again. I saw a garbage pail outside and was that close to releasing the kraken in front of everyone. Almost like how when you drive home and you have to take a dump, it gets worse when you’re right outside. I thought I could make it back to the room in time long enough that they wouldn’t have to see it. I did, but for whatever reason, when I actually get there, I can’t let it all out. I had to induce the vomiting myself. It burned just as badly as last time. I wanted the misery to end and was concerned about the flight home the next day. Luckily, I had just remembered the Tums I packed for the trip in case anything went wrong. It helped significantly. I was able to make the networking event at the end. While my colleagues had a blast line dancing, I laid back in the hotel, not wanting to do anything with how badly that day went. When it came out my other end the next morning, my inner anus was hurting. It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting though.

I am wholly responsible for what happened. My pride caused all this. Now I’ve learned my limits. Never again would I order anything insanely spicy like this, even if I don’t have to fly home the next day. As far as how the actual taste went, I was able to tell it wasn’t just spicy just to be spicy, even though my body could not handle it. Satan may have made it but it still had flavor. If you are stronger than I am, you may like it. I 100% recommend the beans and the Mac! Anyway, I’m just gonna Shut the Cluck Up next time I think about eating something this level of spicy.