I decided to try my hand at making pizza again, and it somehow went worse…
Legitimately have no clue how I messed this one up
by alexalex1236
44 Comments
Lastcaressmedown138
Is this seriously your most valiant effort?!?! It looks worse than a frozen totinos pizza
No-Blueberry-1823
The color of the cheese is very distressing to see
4touchdownsinonegame
Pizza is a very easy thing to make. Did you look at any recipes?
You might not nail it with a random recipe you find, but it will be a whole lot better than what I’m looking at here.
pizzapromise
Honestly, this doesn’t look too bad for DIY.
If the cheese was white this would look pretty good.
What happened to the cheese????
figbott
You did everything wrong. Everything.
ConditionsCloudy
It looks so confusing yet I wish I could try it.
Cappy_Rose
Has anybody seen my old Cardboard box and my package of Kraft Singles?
muzzynat
Not guilty.
Attempting to make pizza and failing is a step towards glory. The crime is when people think they can IMPROVE pizza with shit that doesn’t belong (such as coney dogs)
alexalex1236
For everyone asking what happened to the cheese i’d like to direct you to my previous post here, it’s… not much better
Noeyesonlysnakes
Jail immediately
DoctorHelios
Guilty as guilty can be. This is a crime against all pizzadom.
UnarmedSnail
If the sauce is good, that looks edible. It’s just not pretty. Try again.
ThatDeuce
3rd time is the charm, and pizza while it can be easy once you get the hang of it, will take some time to just get the hang of it. Maybe try a different style first, and look over the tools you are using.
Virtual_Tea6341
Italian Naan Bread
Trubtheturtle
Pre shredded cheddar and graham cracker crust is the new IT thing guys.
Get on the wagon now.
FrozenWaffleMaker
Guilty. Just on reposting this putrid pile alone. Seen this pic at least twice before.
buffysbangs
Like, maybe start with premade pizza dough from a bakery. And whatever cheese you are using, stop using it and get some mozzarella. I think those 2 things will improve your game immensely
dbowman97
Is that literal cardboard?
Pizza_For_Days
The cheese is non dairy cheese or something I am assuming? Has to be as I have never seen any kind of regular cheese look like that.
I can’t help you with that part as someone who doesn’t have much experience with Vegan cheese options, but I can offer up some advice to help you make a better crust at least.
Not sure if its just the lighting from the picture, but the sauce has like a brownish tint to it that is confusing me lol.
porkchop-sandwhiches
This is the eraser head of pizzas.
Selleck8289
Everyone paying attention? *This* is what this sub is for, not well made pizzas that have some weird ingredient
PrincipleNo3966
Get a round pizza pan or stone.
Don’t only use cheddar cheese. Use mozzarella. You can add a hint of cheddar. (I personally use a mix of mozzarella, provolone, Parmesan and a little bit of cheddar or cheddar jack).
Get pizza dough from the deli. Then eventually you can make your own dough after you’ve mastered putting together a pizza.
Use parchment paper to prevent burnt crust, just make sure you pull the paper out from under the pizza as soon as it comes out of the oven or it can get soggy.
I like to use garlic butter on my pan if I’m not using parchment paper.
Short_Act8023
For the love of all that is holy please just stop.
Muted_Masterpiece535
crusty54
Being ugly is not a crime.
Kiwi_CunderThunt
You need to start with the basics, perfect your dough. Be patient it needs to be kneaded well to work the gluten, warm place so it can double, knock it back and roll it into an actual circle.
Passata sauce with some herbs, simmer it on low heat to thicken it a bit then blend when cool.
Make a basic pizza like a margherita pizza.
Throw this one out you criminal 😁
ZiggyThaGoon
Don’t worry bro, I believe in you, you’ll definitely get it within the next 5 tries
seanmonaghan1968
Everyone has off days, last weekend my yeast was bad and the dough didn’t rise well. Keep going and it gets better
limpymcjointpain
Looks like you went in too hot, and you need some practice rolling dough for sure.
1. Coat your rolling pin in flour. Don’t be too proud to give it that one handed morning stroke with flour. 2. Pick on corners at a time instead of only rolling from center. 3. If it splits a bit on the corners, you can cut off excess and use some water (finger some water on it) to fill in any broken edges. 4. Sometimes, less is more with toppings. 5. Fold the edge in and pinch them a bit like a pie instead of making a cheese cookie.
17 days in jail, plus community service.
leftykills436
It somehow looks like a deformed baked potato
fictionallymarried
Community service at most. Keep trying, champ. You’ll get there
Numerous-Help-5987
Too hot too long
BriefFisherman8771
Yes… yes it did…
FancyAide2779
Why? What for? Where are You from? What are You? 😢😳😨😣
BlancsAssistant
To start use mozzarella and maybe go slightly thicker on the dough
Eraos_MSM
What cheese did you use? The cheese alone makes it look horrible because no pizza should be completely covered with cheese that yellow it looks like you used shredded Kraft Singles as the cheese. That color would be nice around the edges but the whole pizza overall should have some paler coloring especially in the middle.
Either way we all gotta start somewhere and tbh I’d still eat that pizza you could probably serve that with no complaints depending on where you work but it is far from ideal.
I hope you continue to improve your pizza making craft! Good luck!
tipareth1978
Why did you dump turmeric on it?
tomato_bisc
I thought this was human skin, like a prop from a horror movie
mratlas666
You should. You should prob stop trying.
lostgravy
Sometimes you gots to go backwards before you go forwards. If it’s the county, consider it an honor, your honor and move on
toastedstoker
You could try looking up how to make a pizza. WHY!
arsveritas
This is a basic recipe that doesn’t take much to improve your pizza crime.
First, either buy a ball of dough from a super market or get a decent dough recipe. Even the first stew google hits will be sufficient. For an American pie, King Arthur’s flower is fine. Make sure to knead it or use a bread hook on a mixer to create some gluten structure.
Let it rise for at least an hour or 24-48 hours if proofing. (The store dough will just need to re-rise over an hour or two.)
Second, get a square pan — it’s easier than trying to stretch for a round pan. This is also a style in the mid-Atlantic or Midwest in the USA.
When your dough is ready (risen or proofed), dollop oil into the pan, and squeeze your dough into it. This doesn’t take great skill — just throw the dough down onto the pan, flip it back over (so it’s oily), and then push it into the pan (and the corners) over the next 20-30 minutes.
Preheat your oven to its max — I keep assuming you’re in a home kitchen, so probably 500F is your max. That’s good enough. Let it preheat until ready.
One the pan is filled, either par bake it for five minutes on a low oven rack or throw the sauce and cheese directly on the crust and bake it. (Personally, I par bake.)
Use fresh tomatoes or Ragu pizza sauce, and then throw on low moisture or low-skim high fat cheese. Get it in a ungrated square or ball if possible. Get a grater.
Cook in a home oven for 8-10 minutes, and you have pizza that doesn’t look and taste terrible.
Enjoy, hopefully.
Floppycakes
Sometimes it’s OK to stop trying.
happyherbivore
This is not a pizza crime because this is not a pizza.
44 Comments
Is this seriously your most valiant effort?!?! It looks worse than a frozen totinos pizza
The color of the cheese is very distressing to see
Pizza is a very easy thing to make. Did you look at any recipes?
You might not nail it with a random recipe you find, but it will be a whole lot better than what I’m looking at here.
Honestly, this doesn’t look too bad for DIY.
If the cheese was white this would look pretty good.
What happened to the cheese????
You did everything wrong. Everything.
It looks so confusing yet I wish I could try it.
Has anybody seen my old Cardboard box and my package of Kraft Singles?
Not guilty.
Attempting to make pizza and failing is a step towards glory. The crime is when people think they can IMPROVE pizza with shit that doesn’t belong (such as coney dogs)
For everyone asking what happened to the cheese i’d like to direct you to my previous post here, it’s… not much better
Jail immediately
Guilty as guilty can be. This is a crime against all pizzadom.
If the sauce is good, that looks edible. It’s just not pretty. Try again.
3rd time is the charm, and pizza while it can be easy once you get the hang of it, will take some time to just get the hang of it. Maybe try a different style first, and look over the tools you are using.
Italian Naan Bread
Pre shredded cheddar and graham cracker crust is the new IT thing guys.
Get on the wagon now.
Guilty. Just on reposting this putrid pile alone. Seen this pic at least twice before.
Like, maybe start with premade pizza dough from a bakery. And whatever cheese you are using, stop using it and get some mozzarella. I think those 2 things will improve your game immensely
Is that literal cardboard?
The cheese is non dairy cheese or something I am assuming? Has to be as I have never seen any kind of regular cheese look like that.
I can’t help you with that part as someone who doesn’t have much experience with Vegan cheese options, but I can offer up some advice to help you make a better crust at least.
Not sure if its just the lighting from the picture, but the sauce has like a brownish tint to it that is confusing me lol.
This is the eraser head of pizzas.
Everyone paying attention? *This* is what this sub is for, not well made pizzas that have some weird ingredient
Get a round pizza pan or stone.
Don’t only use cheddar cheese. Use mozzarella. You can add a hint of cheddar. (I personally use a mix of mozzarella, provolone, Parmesan and a little bit of cheddar or cheddar jack).
Get pizza dough from the deli. Then eventually you can make your own dough after you’ve mastered putting together a pizza.
Use parchment paper to prevent burnt crust, just make sure you pull the paper out from under the pizza as soon as it comes out of the oven or it can get soggy.
I like to use garlic butter on my pan if I’m not using parchment paper.
For the love of all that is holy please just stop.
Being ugly is not a crime.
You need to start with the basics, perfect your dough. Be patient it needs to be kneaded well to work the gluten, warm place so it can double, knock it back and roll it into an actual circle.
Passata sauce with some herbs, simmer it on low heat to thicken it a bit then blend when cool.
Make a basic pizza like a margherita pizza.
Throw this one out you criminal 😁
Don’t worry bro, I believe in you, you’ll definitely get it within the next 5 tries
Everyone has off days, last weekend my yeast was bad and the dough didn’t rise well. Keep going and it gets better
Looks like you went in too hot, and you need some practice rolling dough for sure.
1. Coat your rolling pin in flour. Don’t be too proud to give it that one handed morning stroke with flour.
2. Pick on corners at a time instead of only rolling from center.
3. If it splits a bit on the corners, you can cut off excess and use some water (finger some water on it) to fill in any broken edges.
4. Sometimes, less is more with toppings.
5. Fold the edge in and pinch them a bit like a pie instead of making a cheese cookie.
17 days in jail, plus community service.
It somehow looks like a deformed baked potato
Community service at most. Keep trying, champ. You’ll get there
Too hot too long
Yes… yes it did…
Why? What for? Where are You from? What are You? 😢😳😨😣
To start use mozzarella and maybe go slightly thicker on the dough
What cheese did you use? The cheese alone makes it look horrible because no pizza should be completely covered with cheese that yellow it looks like you used shredded Kraft Singles as the cheese. That color would be nice around the edges but the whole pizza overall should have some paler coloring especially in the middle.
Either way we all gotta start somewhere and tbh I’d still eat that pizza you could probably serve that with no complaints depending on where you work but it is far from ideal.
I hope you continue to improve your pizza making craft! Good luck!
Why did you dump turmeric on it?
I thought this was human skin, like a prop from a horror movie
You should. You should prob stop trying.
Sometimes you gots to go backwards before you go forwards. If it’s the county, consider it an honor, your honor and move on
You could try looking up how to make a pizza. WHY!
This is a basic recipe that doesn’t take much to improve your pizza crime.
First, either buy a ball of dough from a super market or get a decent dough recipe. Even the first stew google hits will be sufficient. For an American pie, King Arthur’s flower is fine. Make sure to knead it or use a bread hook on a mixer to create some gluten structure.
Let it rise for at least an hour or 24-48 hours if proofing. (The store dough will just need to re-rise over an hour or two.)
Second, get a square pan — it’s easier than trying to stretch for a round pan. This is also a style in the mid-Atlantic or Midwest in the USA.
When your dough is ready (risen or proofed), dollop oil into the pan, and squeeze your dough into it. This doesn’t take great skill — just throw the dough down onto the pan, flip it back over (so it’s oily), and then push it into the pan (and the corners) over the next 20-30 minutes.
Preheat your oven to its max — I keep assuming you’re in a home kitchen, so probably 500F is your max. That’s good enough. Let it preheat until ready.
One the pan is filled, either par bake it for five minutes on a low oven rack or throw the sauce and cheese directly on the crust and bake it. (Personally, I par bake.)
Use fresh tomatoes or Ragu pizza sauce, and then throw on low moisture or low-skim high fat cheese. Get it in a ungrated square or ball if possible. Get a grater.
Cook in a home oven for 8-10 minutes, and you have pizza that doesn’t look and taste terrible.
Enjoy, hopefully.
Sometimes it’s OK to stop trying.
This is not a pizza crime because this is not a pizza.