The Sunday Lunch Club by Juliet Ashton – Full Audiobook

The Sunday lunch club by Juliet Ashton prologue lunch at theas Volo Von Cod baked in foil sticky toffee pudding everything but everything had changed the cutlery Thea laid out was old and well- handled mellowed by years of lunches and dinners it enhanced the flats eccentric blend of old old

Fashioned coziness and hipster style she picked up a dessert spoon felt its weight as it balanced on her finger then set it down again just so the table looked perfect even if she did say so herself not showy not styled yet welcoming and beautiful and thought about she thought deeply about things

This Slender Woman with the carefully done nails and the well-cut dress in corn flower blue she bent down to tweak the clean blanket she’d laid over the cat bed amused at herself for such Mad Housewife attention to detail this was not her usual style the doorbell rang

Thea froze had she bitten off more than she could chew inside these walls she was safe when that door opened the world would flood in dabbing its fingerprints all over her safe place an old fear was exuded she could lose everything Thea looked at the door to

The garden she could open it race out hurdle the low fence leave the bell ringing and the cod in the fridge and the wine unopened each guest was a friend but what would they make of her would they find her odd exotic alien or would they recognize her for what she

Was a quote from a wise old woman popped into her head your soul never changes murmured Thea taking one last appraising look around as the doorbell repeated itself churlish this time time if she’d forgotten anything it was too late to do a damn thing about it Thea pushed a

Strand of hair behind her ear cleared her throat gave herself a last searching look in the hall mirror and opened the door it was Time chapter 1 lunch at Anna nibbly bits roast beef with all the trimmings nut roast strawberries and cream the Sunday lunch Club wasn’t a proper

Club there were no membership fees or laminated passes or rules it was an ad hoc get together for the piper family plus any stray friends or lovers or pets who happen to be kicking around sometimes the club sat down together twice a month sometimes every week at other times they forgot about it

For weeks on end it had started when Anna’s parents moved to Florida there had been been a big sendoff when her mother had served one of her roasts in the conservatory of the family home out in the suburbs it had been emotional saying goodbye to the bricks and mortar

The four brothers and sisters grew up in a mass of memories some good others bad and one decidedly ugly had crowded the table alongside the beef and vertiginous Yorkies and gravy thick enough to walk across they’d realized as they chewed and drank and argued and laughed that

There’d be no more roasts after Mom left that was a solemn moment everybody put down their forks and in that moment the Sunday lunch Club was born not that they ate a roast every time only Anna could be bothered to undertake the multiple tasks and meticulous time management involved Anna’s roomy

Conscience put her forward to be Keeper of the flame Sunday lunch had to be perfect it had to be complete if there was no horseradish sauce on the table she went to bed in a funk furthermore there had to be both freshly grad horseradish and the supermarket version

Her older brother who jumped on every passing foodie bandwagon insisted on the real thing but her ex-husband said the shop bought sauce reminded him of his childhood there is so much more to roast beef than mere lunch each roast carries Echoes of all the roasts that went

Before no two gravy recipes are the same some families insist on peas others stage a mutiny if a carrot is involved a Sunday roast is a comfort blanket made of meat A Link to the Past a reassurance that not everything changes Anna understood this and took everybody’s preferences into account

That’s why she had to conjure up not only a perfectly cooked joint rare in the middle crusty at the edges but also roast potatoes mashed potatoes peas carrots Yorkshire puddings both large and small red wine gravy gravy from granules roast parsnips plus a nut roast the kitchen was smallish and

Imperfectly formed but there was room for a sofa and it was improved by the view of Anna’s small garden mostly paved the pots loitering around its Edge were beginning to wake up April toyed with them blowing hot and cold the Sleek lines of the modern Garden Studio were

In congruous among the trellises and benches it was newly built a testament to her confidence in artum accessories the business she started with Sam they spent more time in there together than they ever had done during their marriage she consulted her spreadsheet time to make the batter flour eggs milk the comforting Timeless

Sound of a fork beating plain ingredients in a bowl Anna decanted the pale sludge into a jug and put it in the fridge why she didn’t know she did it because that was how dinky her grandmother had always done it she turned to the table extended it took up

Almost the whole of the kitchen floor space Anna liked to pretend she was indifferent to the style of the table setting saying loudly that it was the food and the company that mattered however the previous lunch a Sumptuous Catered Affair at her brother’s house was a hard act to follow

Anna felt the pressure and had splurged on napkin rings then she’d had to buy napkins her paper ones looked foolish in their new wooden coats Anna tweaked the flowers regretting her decision to put them in a glass V she hustled them into a jug then no that

Didn’t look right either and she shoved them back into the vase by which time they looked as droopy as she felt however often Anna entertained there was always this moment before the first arrival when everything looked wrong when The Battered chairs morphed from shabby chic to plain shabby and the

Tablecloth showed its age it was too late to start again too late to reset the table in her usual slap Dash way too late to scale back her ambitious menu too late to dismantle the updo that now looked overdone and fussy when she checked herself out in the Chrome of the built-in

Oven she looked so young in the fuzzy reflection her hair looked naturally blonde instead of L’Oreal sweet honey and her eyes glinted greenish in a pale oval face with not a line to commemorate the hurly Burly of 40 years on Earth she’d inherited her mother’s tendency to

Puffy under eyes the more truthful Hall mirror told a different story still Anna had long ago made peace with her looks so so on a bad day ramping up to Yummy if an effort was made life was a compromise between aspirations and reality she let go of all her misgivings

About the table setting about the size of the joint about whether or not the place cards that had seemed so cute when she’d written them were actually pretentious Anna took in a deep breath through the nose or the mouth she could never remember her Pilates teachers

Instructions and let go of all or almost all her anxieties she still cared that her guests had a good time and left feeling nourished she no longer cared whether or not she impressed them which she thought looking at the misspelling on the nearest place card is just as well the

Room filled up Coats were handed to Anna or dumped on the sagging sofa bottles were pressed on her her cheek was kissed a gift of champagne truffles was OED over somebody probably Neil the oldest of the four siblings and the one who liked to impress himself on a room had

Opened the glass doors to the garden and the straggly spring Sun exposed the neglected pots and an Ikea bookcase she’ dismembered weeks before God God olives I love olives whooped her sister ma scooped up a handful and stuffed them all in her mouth unaware they were Artisan olives and their price had made

Anna’s hair stand on end did you do me a veggie option don’t I always even though Ma’s vegetarianism was the shaky sort easily derailed by the whiff of a bacon sandwich Anna always made sure to dip into her cookbooks and come up with something that rivaled the mighty roast

Somebody said Santiago sidling up to Anna who was pouring prco and worrying whether she’d bought enough has done a poo poo who asked Anna and they both laughed she was grateful to the god of in-laws for sending her Santiago decorative playful very very Spanish his light touch brought out her own inner

Child I bet she said leaning down to the baby in his arms it was you wasn’t it at 3 and 1/2 months old Paloma was all pink and white innocence blue eyes huge in her chubby face she was everybody’s pet everybody’s favorite the piper family’s new toy take her up to my room

Santi said Anna there’s more space to lay out the changing mat she watched him go I know what you’re thinking Neil appeared nudging her thinking what a great bum a 10 out of 10 A1 Classic of its kind San’s bum is more or less why I married him Anna nudged him back

Actually I was thinking what an incredible dad he is even though he’s so young is that a dig at me Neil took offense as easily as he took in air I was young once you know it’s not a skill anybody can do it and santi’s not that

Young he’s 24 or to put it another way two decades younger than you don’t remind me in some ways it’s lovely having an Adonis beside you in bed every night but but in others Neil pulled in his tummy and put a hand to his hairline he whispered it reminds you of what a

Fat old husband you are you’re only 44 a mere 4 years behind her brother Anna hated it when he lamented his age she preferred to strenuously believe the magazine articles that told her 40 was the new 30 she’d always felt older than her years when Anna looked back over her

Teens they weren’t the sunlit beach scenes of other people people’s youth with their parents out of the country so much she’d been a mini mummy to the younger siblings Anna and Neil had been born close together 7 years later ma had come along then Josh there’d always been

A them and us feel Anna and Neil still felt vaguely responsible for mave and Josh I’m 44 in human years said Neil in gay years I’m a thousand and one he tutted at the bread stick in his hand why are your nibbles always so syy Samy Anna was insulted it’s tradition you o

Nothing traditional about rocking up to the same old hummus and olives and zat bloody ziki for years on end Neil was extra Arch today and when are we eating I’m starving when it’s ready Anna took off with the tray of prco the L-shaped kitchen and family room had been one of

The reasons she’d bought the small Victorian semi in a Terrace of similarly neat homes near the park but the open plan layout was a disadvantage when she hosted the lunch Club there was no escaping the luncher endless neediness they regressed to toddlers as they walked through the door

Unable to pour liquid for themselves all drooling with Hunger no she thought not toddlers they were baby birds their beaks open their squawks filling the air she imagined herself chucking worms into their open gobs and Sam heard her giggle he he was in his chair or rather what

Used to be his chair when they were married 6 years after the divorce Sam still colonized The Frayed blue velvet cushions whenever he visited long legs stuck out in a potential trip Hazard sitting back he pared her giggle Sam was tall sturdy an oak with lowkey coloring

Stolen from nature eyes a soft Hazel hair a difficult to describe medley of blonde and brown like the oak Sam was calm another metaphor Anna favored was the iceberg not because Sam was cold far from it but because he kept so much of himself hidden To The World At Large Sam

Was tranquil but 10 years of marriage had taught Anna how to recognize the giveaways that hinted at inner turmoil today he was Serene already a touch Tipsy Sam had no capacity for Booze a fixture in Anna’s life these days her ex-husband was a cheerleader for her love affairs such as they were the

Latest one had crashed in Flames some time ago Sam had listened to each Twist and Turn given advice consoled her and boosted her confidence as Anna had said he’d been almost as good as a woman at all those things he seemed to have sworn off relationships perhaps our marriage

Vaccinated him against romance thought Anna as he took a glass from her tray and said you look nice he said it as if it was unusual do I yeah agreed Ma snaffling a glass and leaning into Anna’s face your Skin’s all glowy and your eyes are sparkly oo you naughty

Girl you’ve been having seex the boy at Ma side 13 years old with skin the color of toffee winced mom for God’s sake that’s how dinky used to say it so we wouldn’t understand s x repeated mave with relish their Irish grandmother often quoted was an occasional member of

The lunch Club who’s the lucky guy and anah hurried back to the oven ignoring their laughter hoping none of them noticed the blush that crept up her neck pretending to check on the beef she had a vivid flashback a utility room white goods a Kenwood stand mixer herself up against a

Fridge freezer frenzied forgetting her own name as a man pounded his body against hers she’d held out a hand to steady herself and pushed over a liter bottle of fabric conditioner neither of them noticed Anna stole a look back at the others only Sam looked her way he

Winked he saw the blush all right Anna knocked over a salt Celler writed it again and was grateful for the cheer up of her mobile ah she said reading the text guys Josh can’t make it what’s the excuse this time Neil was sardonic heun’s got something

On the text had been more precise I can’t face it Sis as usual Anna let him off the hook although 29 years old Josh would always be the baby of the family I spoke to him during the week how’d he sound Neil’s attempted nonchalance didn’t convince they all worried about

Josh great he sounded great lied Anna Uncle Josh never comes Storm’s mouth turned down shush you said ma gently there was an Unwritten rule not to criticize Josh using a family telepathy they all agreed that he’d been born with thinner skin he felt Knox more harsh took setbacks more

Personally he promised to come to the next Sunday lunch Club said Anna another lie but one she’d try to convert into a truth Paloma whose manners were as Exquisite as her face slept in her carry cot all through the main course missing the compliments for the beef even nicer

Than dinkies Neil verged on blasphemy my carrots were a bit hard said mave yet you bravely managed to eat them all Anna pointed pointed out do you want to let that course go down before I do desert they all groaned their agreement waistbands were discreetly undone Neil

Had the look of a man regretting that last roast potato I haven’t been this full he said since the last time we all got together at paloma’s welcome home lunch he was red in the face as if he’d been doing hard manual labor rather than stuffing his face what was that stew

Thing we had asked mave emptying a bottle into her glass and waggling it at Anna who understood the code and stood up to fetch another bask lamb Neil closed his eyes in Bliss San’s mom’s recipe that was an amazeballs day said storm who’d barely spoken throughout the

Meal his tidy afro bent over his food the last club meeting had been a triumphant finale to Neil and Santiago’s efforts to adopt a child they’d persevered for over 2 years tackling every hurdle in their path at times the process had seemed never ending Anna saw firsthand how they perked up with each

Breakthrough only to wilt when they were knocked back again then all the stars had aligned and the impossible had happened or rather Paloma had happened despite the fact that Neil and Santiago were willing to take a child of any age they were in the right place at the right time to adopt a

Newborn at 10 weeks old Paloma had still been a dot in a nappy she would never be able to remember her life before she entered the Cocoon of care and love that the Pipers wo around her Anna found that poignant Paloma aroused a miscellany of emotions and feelings that took her by

Surprise she saw something in the baby’s round eyes a question that reverberated through her body come on Paloma mave reached down and plucked the baby out of her opulently dressed crib the others exchanged glances mave was an impulsive creature who lived in the moment which often had an adverse effect on the next

Moment inevitably Paloma woke up and began to squall a wasam matter CED mave her wild brown hair falling over the baby her free hand reaching for her glass the matter is the poor kid was fast asleep and now she’s not said Anna your auntie Anna’s a gouch isn’t she

Baby talked mave yes she is she squealed wine furring the edge of her diction mom said storm without looking up from his phone surreptitiously spirited onto his lap undercover of the tablecloth don’t we’re surrounded by spoil Sports palomaa ma sank the rest of her drink as

Neil harped loudly at this use of an unauthorized nickname for his new daughter your daddy disapproves of me and my own son has all the Pizzaz of a bank manager she reached out to ruffle her boy’s hair where did I go right ducking away from her storm asked what’s

For Afters strawberries and cream Anna usually resorted to this crowd pleaser strawberries are out of season complained Ma so shoot me Anna wasn’t in the mood for one of Ma’s rants about organic allergen-free low air miles eating they probably came all the way from Morocco side mave as

The big glass dish of ripe red fruit was placed in the middle of the table and everybody leaned in don’t eat them then murmured Neil it’ be wrong to waste them said ma piously another shared look ran around the Sunday lunch club and before you ask

Said Anna setting down a jug she’d found in a charity shop the cream is from a cow I know personally mave looked up wide-eyed before bursting into laughter she believed anything after her third prco letun make sure dinky comes to the next lunch said Santiago holding out his bowl

I miss her I miss her his English was fluent but prettified by his accent she seems to be settling in at the home said Neil tossing a strawberry at storm don’t call it that muled mave it’s a retirement complex Anna quelled Neil with a look the old habit of talking

Over the younger siblings heads died hard it’s like battery farming but with old deers instead of chickens said Neil evidently enjoying the consternation this caused it’s a lovely Place said mave who hadn’t set foot in it she’s with people her own age said Anna uncertainly exactly since when did dinky

Want to be surrounded by old people said Neil we discussed this Anna was quiet firm she couldn’t live on her own anymore and yeah yeah said Neil it’s for the best but you know they did they knew they knew that the sunville communal area smelled of cabbage they knew how

Rabidly proud their minuscule grandmother was Sam said it’s not easy but you all did the right thing he sounded so sane that Anna wanted to believe him that was the voice he’d used back when she’d wake in the night he’d dry her tears talk her round hold her

Until she dropped off again now when she woke up in the night she was alone with her thoughts sometimes they won and Anna had to drag herself out of bed to make the Milky drink prescribed at such times a strawberry stopped on root to Anna’s mouth as something struck her would she

Ever sleep beside a man again not for a night or two but for years on end with him making a familiar shape in the dark it wasn’t just sex that made a marital bed special Anna recalled the braided limbs The Snug warmth of it all the synchronized turnings the churned

Pillows the bed as Fortress us against the world she looked at Sam who was licking cream off his finger he used to say that it used to be true funny that Anna could miss some ingredients of their marriage so intensely yet be relieved to have escaped it storm

Started Japanese at school did I tell you mave bunched her lips like that when something made her especially happy her freckles made a dotto DOT of Joy don’t be embarrassed sweetie she seemed devilishly pleased at seeing her clever son cringe in his Adidas top only five

Boys in his year are doing it pansu said Santi suddenly eh Neil stared at him steady on Santi I’m the brains darling you’re the beauty you can’t speak Japanese that’s all I can say admitted Santi dimples deepening I learned it when I was a waiter it means hello er no

It doesn’t Uncle Santi storm pulled a face it means nickers Santi covered his face with his hands Bowing in the face of the laughter I say it to every Japanese person I meet standing to collect the plates Anna paused her mind skipped back to an earlier topic worrying at it trying to

Shake something loose um how long ago was that lunch for Paloma a month 4 weeks exactly Santiago’s Moorish dark eyes glittered nostalgically he was a Sentimental Soul I’ll never forget the day we introduced our Nina to the family here here samk face creased into a smile I got smashed remember the cocktail guy

And the chocolate fountain said storm and the amus bushie things said mave actually she said looking into the middle distance that cocktail waiter was Bloody gorgeous I auditioned him myself said Neil don’t do that said Santiago under his breath don’t do what Neil’s brows Drew together two peeved beetles

Don’t be all Camp Santi stood up and crossed to the glass door to the Garden he pulled it closed and stared out at the darkening afternoon nobody had complained of the cold it was Santiago’s way of avoiding a row Neil watched him but changed the subject it was a

Marvelous de even though some naughty person spilled fabric conditioner all over the laundry basket and didn’t own up the naughty person was otherwise engaged thought Anna scraping leftovers into the bin she wasn’t the sort of person who had enthusiastic sex in utility rooms during the cheese course except apparently I’m exactly that sort

Of person she thought not entirely displeased with this version of herself she set down the stack of plates and said just popping out folks I need to get milk for the coffee the corner shop sold everything ketchup tissues horrible porn it would certainly have milk but Anna kept walking she was

Rushing but not because she was in a hurry to get back she was on the run from a mounting suspicion however fast she stroe it kept pace with her when she pushed at the door of the chemist on the parade it was right there at her side

Anna bought what she needed and secreted the package in the bottom of her bag as if it was Contraband there’s milk in the fridge called Sam as Anna Whirled back down her own narrow hallway he held it up triumphant silly me Anna pushed past him tearing off her Mac right who’s for

Coffee I’ll have started mave your stupid organic what it tea yes I know Anna sat down a tray with a slam then banged down cups much as she loved her rag bag of visitors she needed them gone this laid-back Sunday suddenly had an urgent agenda who go is it to cook next

Sam was saying as he followed her back to the table with the truffles Neil had brought yours the fringes on Ma’s cheesecloth sleeve were damp from trailing in her lunch don’t forget I’m vegetarian my darling mave said Neil nobody could ever forget you’re a vegetarian he had scant patience with

His little sister’s constant reaffirmation of her various isms you say it once an hour on the hour but you love me for it Ma was utterly confident of her place in the world of the protection of her family of her welcome everywhere I do said Neil but then I

Bloody have to don’t I you pest I can’t promise anything as spectacular as Neil and Santiago’s do said Sam he held Anna’s gaze for a moment < > be no fabric conditioner spilled she coughed looked away longed to root through her bag and get out her

Purchase why wonk they all go home Neil stood and hope fluttered in Anna’s heart that the others would follow suit they didn’t letun break out the Trivial Pursuit he he said all the booze in the house had been drunk mave had scampered to the corner shop for fresh

Supplies they’d gravitated to the front room strewn themselves over the sofas that faced each other the board game forgotten it was Anna’s own fault her comfortable untidy house was too welcoming it invited every stray to make itself at home Anna’s lunches were notorious for carrying on until

Nightfall there was always one more cup of coffee to be had one more strange C from the back of the cupboard One More scarless Story today she didn’t bask in any Hostess Glory instead she cleared up as loudly as she could slamming drawers as she put away dishes even starting up

The vacuum cleaner nobody budged in fact as she loitered in the hallway she heard ma ask Sam the dreaded question how have you been Anna slumped against the coat stand letting out a tiny groan well said Sam funny you should ask my leg hurts when I do this evidently in the sitting

Room Sam did whatever this was they were in for a long sermon Sam’s Health was Sam’s favorite topic like many hypochondriacs he was absurdly healthy yet every twinge and cough sent him rushing off to the internet to research his symptoms then of course he went on to his captive audience there’s that

Rash on my elbow God knows what that is Anna wanted to shout it’s a rash but she knew from long experience that once Sam found his Groove he was impossible to deflect unable to wait any longer she stole upstairs Anna needed her fears disproved her silly imaginings dismissed

The maneuver with the tiny plastic paddle wasn’t one she’d ever done before there was a knack to it she washed her hands and sat and waited forcing herself to look around the bathroom instead of down at the stick the room needed some TLC there was a cracked tile in the

Shower the tap wobbled she’d get round to it the house was an endless work in progress like life Anna whistled then she hummed then she tapped her foot then she gave in and looked down the anonymous plastic wand had big news babies were a closed door for Anna a no

No something that happened to other people 10 years of marriage had produced no close shave no near Miss she’d never discussed baby names with Sam never wondered if their spare room would make a good nurse Parenthood was a roped off area like a sleepwalker Anna plotted

Down the stairs and headed to the Garden where she Drew in deep lungfuls of chilled air wrapping her arms around her body Anna gave herself a sharp talking to this news was too enormous to take in at one bite she would break it down later when she was alone she must hold

It together until everybody left if they ever did mave was rustling up more tea in the kitchen storm helping if pretending to look for a teapot while staring at his phone could be described that way we’re on to Sam’s diabetes she said cheerfully her head in the fridge he hasn’t got

Diabetes Anna said it so crabby that mave bobbed up over the fridge door to stare at her God okay she said give him a break Anna didn’t want to go there with her sister one of Ma’s pet theories was that Anna had been crazy to let Sam

Go she was all the more emphatic about this when she’d been drinking saying stuff like one day you’ll realize and it’ll be too late Sam’s the healthiest person I know said Anna taking care to sound less Gruff HEK outlive us all I reckon he misses you here let me the

Sooner Anna made the tea the sooner they’d all go home Anna barely heard the goodbyes or registered the hugs Sam was last to leave when he held her she clung to him until he pulled away with a concerned frown Anna I she could tell him right now no

Messing about she could say it out loud watch his expression headache Anna tapped her forehead ouch Sam looked sympathetic poor you poor us actually Anna had a stow away the house was quiet again that special Sunday evening calm Anna drifted about her home like a ghost a baby the Great unmentionable between

Her and Sam She tidied away the notion accepted she was different I’m Not Meant To Be A Mother Anna looked down at her body wondering why it had played such an elaborate practical joke after all those years of doing her bidding in bed that night facing the small hours and still wakeful Anna’s

Weariness Stripped Away the jumbled fears and laid bare the real question how do I feel about this baby bone Tire worn out with the effort of predicting the million things that could go wrong she answered simply without deliberating I love you she thought chapter 2 lunch at Sam’s goats cheese tartlet

Beef Wellington spinach and blue cheese on cruit Nutella cheesecake Anna almost backed out of of the next Sunday lunch Club when she woke that morning a name she never said out loud was on her lips Bonnie she rarely dreamed of Bonnie and what she’d done to her the pregnancy stirred Anna’s brain

Like a stew sending all sorts of gristle to the surface snatches of the dream tugged at Anna but as the morning passed the dream lost its power so she did something to her hair dashed a lipstick over her lips and propelled herself outside into the indecisive Mayweather the modern lowrise block was

Square and neat surrounded by clipped Gardens and mature trees that made it easy to forget the noisy Main Road Sam lived on the ground floor in the boxy flat he’d bought after the divorce even though the split was amicable the usual resentments had bubbled beneath the surface and it had

Taken two years for Sam and Anna to speak to each other without conversation turning bitterly to how the CDs had been divided up both of them had been relieved to move on from that stage and become what most people agreed they were destined to be not Partners but best

Mates Meandering up the concrete path Anna slowed as she neared the door trees hung damply over the lawn and the flats seemed to sink into the mulch it had rained for 3 days straight and the path was Pock marked with dark patches yet to dry in the 5 weeks since the last

Meeting of the club Anna had barely seen Sam she was accustomed to spending every working day with him in the glorified shed working hard at artum accessories but he’d been out of the country visiting their Factory in Romania shmooing a new client in New York their daylong chats had been

Replaced by snatched minutes on Skype time differences meant he was bright-eyed and bushy tailed as she was inserting herself under her duvet Anna wasn’t complaining Sam’s Globe trotting was a byproduct of artem’s success the company had turned a corner and could finally afford to employ them both full-time she was doing what she’

Dreamed of during her years down the salt mines of a large department store designing fussy handbags for mothers of the bride artom was a carefully curated selection of Timeless yet modern fastidiously crafted leather handbags and purses when sries had placed a big order she and Sam had got drunk drer than

They’d ever been before only to find that blooming Dales in New York was also Keen to stock their deep red true blue and arctic white handbags hence Sam’s flitting around and hence Anna’s secret still being exactly that a secret Hands In Pockets Anna stared at Sam’s Windows barely noticing the

Crocuses and daffodils nodding a hello from the flower beds it was time to come clean today she’d make a man a father whether he liked or not the doorbell made a tiny noise a shape grew behind the dimpled glass of the front door Anna prepared herself to speak as soon as Sam

Opened up you must be the famous Anna the shape wasn’t Sam it was a woman about Anna’s age her streak hair loose her belted dress casual but classy I am I suppose Anna took a step back you are samk face appeared over the stranger shoulder he seemed to be be lit from

Within by a thousand watt bulb she’s Isabelle he kissed the woman’s cheek my Isabel oh stop it you laughed his Isabelle yeah stop it you echoed Anna feeling ambushed as she brandished the mandatory bottle this she pointed first at one of them then the other is a surprise Sam threw her a briefly

Questioning look as if he’d heard the edge Anna was unable to keep out of her voice we speak every day you see Anna turned to Isabelle who had welded herself to Sam he didn’t mention you she saw Isabelle wince pull away from Sam only for him to tug her back into position I

Could have told you said Sam God knows I wanted to but I decided to keep it to myself for a while until I knew Isabelle was as keen on me as I am on her Sam jiggled the woman’s shoulder mock fearful you are aren aren’t you God yes Sam beamed just

Checking the couple’s meat cute was described but Anna barely heard the tale of them reaching for the same bottle of bleach in the Mini Mart she was reeling inwardly and wondering why she was reeling inwardly this man was not her property once she’d had the right to

Police his private life but now Sam was allowed to have lady friends that’s nice she said absently Hanging her jacket up under the stairs in the 6 years since the divorce Sam hadn’t been on a single date he’d always been available there has Sam taken you to see the Lifeboat station at southw

Yet Isabelle his geeky love for lifeboats was a standing joke he didn’t have to Isabelle’s nose crinkled and Anna had time to notice how perfect that nose was and to feel suddenly that her own nose was a malet made of Flesh I’m a member of the southw Lifeboat

Society she’s been to southwold more than I have Sam seemed ready to burst with joy at this evidence of their rightness for each other Anna sat on the burnt orange sofa a cat leapt onto her lap his motorbike purr drowning out the love birds clattering pans in the

Kitchen Caruso hello my darling she scratched the creature under his chin Sam got custody of Caruso in the divorce stroking his Sleek Stripes was like going back in time I wanted to tell him about you know what she whispered into the cat’s soft ear your master always did have terrible

Timing Anna loved what she still thought of as Sam’s new flat a few minutes walk from her place it was manageable rather bare pleasingly masculine the clean lines of the 1960s architecture were complimented by the mid-century furniture a spindly legged black coffee table Sat by the vinyl sofa knowingly

Kit artwork hung on on the white walls after living with Anna’s clutter she left a wake of tissues and makeup and paperbacks wherever she went Sam kept things minimal a mojito for the lady Sam entered with a glass on a tray mojito said Anna you normally have to run out

For Blue Nun when you host lunch Isabelle’s in charge today I’ll pass thanks Anna was taking the pregnancy guidelines seriously got any juice e Sam looked dum founded Jesus don’t tell me you’re dieting again just trying to cut down Anna looked up at her ex-husband and his omnipresent jeans his hair Shaggy trendy

New glasses drop kicking him into line with fashion at last so what do you think of her hissed Sam cocking his head towards the serving hatch isn’t she great she’s lovely said Anna truthfully Isabelle was wholesome fresh like a dollop of cream on a slice of apple pie

Shek not really your type she’s exactly my type Sam was amused by this nonsense it’s as if she was made especially for me Anna had thought that she was Sam’s type she felt him wait avidly for her to say something positive she seems very very nice lovely hair and

Shoes normally a bottomless well of positivity Anna struggled to be generous she blamed the pregnancy the squiggle of cells was a handy scapegoat is Isabelle’s very nice she repeated but I wish she’d bug her off so we could talk she’s lost for words Sam crouched in

Front of Anna she’s so I get it said Anna you like her it’s important that you like her he was urgent you do don’t you you like her I’ve literally just met the woman Anna shoved him playfully so he toppled onto the rug the others arrived in dribs and

Drabs May breezed in shedding faded ethnic layers as she rattled through the pitfalls of the bright and London line there was a bus replacement for part of the way we’d have been quicker coming from Scotland she prodded storm propelling him towards Anna kiss your aunt even though storm had to be told to

Do it these days Anna loved his kisses he was in a Liverpool tracky from a distance he was other teenage boy but to Anna he was still the miracle she’d helped into the world 13 years ago go the memory of holding Ma’s hand through the birth jolted Anna in a few months

She’d be on that front line herself births were messy things gory painful overwhelming Anna held storm tightly and he protested she let him go births are joyful too she reminded herself it required some effort to think of herself as a mother after tiptoeing around the

Idea for so long Anna had no option but to face it headon she felt only the violent glare of Mother Nature’s headlights look who’s here ma shephered an Ary into the room as if he was a guest on a chat show Josh Anna could have clapped you made it yeah well Josh

Shrugged he was dark like mave they both had the piper Gypsy Jean dark gentle eyes velvety brown hair that lapped at his collar Sam mate there was a Butch slapping of backs Sam and Josh had always got on Isabelle was introduced looking prettily shy as she nodded and smiled and did the

Whole new girlfriend thing Anna watched her then felt the prickle of somebody watching her it was Sam with a question in his gaze that she ignored turning instead to greet Neil and Santi who’s this goddess Neil bent to kiss Isabelle’s hand his forehead still slightly pink from his recent hair plugs

She’s the amazing Isabelle said Anna wondering if perhaps baby hormones had seeped into her brain and encouraged her inner Encantado said Santiago with his Exquisite Spanish manners he introduced Isabelle to Paloma who was in yet another new outfit kicking happily in her father’s arms or one of her

Fathers the plan was for the child to call Santi poy and Neil Daddy but that day was Far distant Paloma was still a gurglar taking in her new world with eyes like scraps of sky she had a level gaze slightly unsettling in a baby of four

And a bit months are we all here asked Neil Restless as ever already bored by the love birds not quite said Sam guys you haven’t even noticed the table wao cutlery said Anna bemused nobody expected much from Sam’s lunches punctuated by the Ping of the microwave

And eaten off laps Anna had once drunk her Peno ggio out of a vase but today an actual table laid with with honest to goodness glasswar and Crockery stood by the window and clean plates laughed Santiago looking around for somewhere to put Paloma as he shed the various bags

Of baby kit she necessitated he held her out to Neil but he was too busy exclaiming over the table this is what happens said Neil when you let a woman into the house Bravo Isabelle and said Sam squeezing the woman the food will be edible it’s only Beef Wellington

Isabelle colored up only squeaked storm who’d come out of a vegetarian phase and was now a rampant carnivore but first said Sam with the smugness of a magician about to astonish his audience the starter as the club members gasped at such sophistication Sam beetled out to the galley kitchen Anna found him

Swearing mildly as he burned his fingers on a baking tray of tartlets she helped him arrange them on a dish she’d never seen before Isabelle was certainly making her mark on the flat Sam she began and her gravity made him stop and look at her what she meant

To tell him about the tiny brain currently knitting itself together inside her instead she said how come you never found a moment to tell me about Isabelle I mean it seems as if you really like her but nothing NADA as Santi would say sam became very still what’s this

About puzzled by her question being answered with another question Anna threw him another what’s what about this attitude Sam kept his voice low you’ve been spiky with Isabelle since you met her I have not you know you have Sam let out a long breath look if you really

Want to know I kept Isabelle to myself because well it’s precious you know I didn’t want everybody chipping in with their opinion I wanted to get to know her and work out how I really felt before going public smarting at being lumped in with everybody Anna said but I

Tell you all about my disasters this feels different said Sam be happy for me Anna yeah of course I’m happy for you she meant it she was and yet Sam listen there’s something I need to about time muttered Sam looking past her I know I’m late sorry man tall

Golden-haired with Wicked eyes it was the barman from Neil’s big bash leave me to the drinks and I’ll get going everybody said Sam ushering him into the small sitting room remember Dylan yes said ma emphatically sticking out her chest dial Neil was delighted to see one of

His lame Ducks he met many outof workor actors and models through his advertising agency and was always on the lookout for odd jobs to earn them some money these ducks had one thing in common they were all gorgeous are you on bar Duty again yeah yeah Dylan caught

Anna’s eye and winked yours Madam is a g&t if I remember rightly a fizzy water please said Anna shyly the northern Irish Lil of Dylan’s words should have been available on the NHS for drooping female libidos the beef wellington was a Triumph Anna had seconds it’s so nice

Whispered Santi in her ear to see Sam with somebody you old romantic you Anna wanted to agree Paloma strug Ling on her Poppy’s lap thumped her little Palms onto Santiago’s plate and the lunchers all sprang back as gravy rained down on them you can’t eat in baby Wrangle Anna

Wiped Brown goo from her eyebrows Neil take your daughter for a minute I’m busy darling Neil was busy scrolling through snaps of paloma on his phone for the benefit of Dylan who bar duties forgotten had sat down to eat with the club members it’s okay said Santi but Isabelle scampered over and scooped

Paloma off his lap let me she smiled I love babies possibly the woman had a handbook somewhere on her person cutesy things to say to a new boyfriend’s Chums we all love babies surely said Anna aware she’d prompted some odd looks around the table not me said Dylan happily sitting back

Can’t stand them I knew you’d say that mave changing seats with storm plonked herself beside him I’m a bit psychic I know things she means said Neil holding up a shot of paloma dressed as a mermaid shek a bit psycho my Big Brother’s a concrete thinker ma leaned into Dylan

Whereas I’m very open I feel vibrations I sense auras and you drink your own weight in Roha said Neil Anna could tell he was riled at Ma for poaching Dylan who turned in his chair to gaze at her Anna didn’t blame him her sister was a beauty with a

Mesmeric quality to her fine dark looks despite the tie-dye grunginess she Drew men in even when her Allure was blunted by booze Anna caught Storm’s eye the youngster had inherited his mother’s Glamour and then added an austere loveliness of his own he was sad storm he had been a grave toddler and

Now he was an introverted teen she stuck out her tongue and he smiled despite himself watching his mother flirt was high on his list of unbearable agonies Josh who’d eaten less than anybody else said mildly we all a bit psychic everybody has intuition don’t we all families have sides and Josh tended to

Have Ma’s back no matter how eccentric she was remember the night Mom and Dad announced they were immigrating said mave her face close to Dylan’s I knew they were going to say it didn’t I she asked the table at large no the table replied what you actually said said Sam

Amused pulling Isabelle and Paloma closer to him was that your parents were going to announce their divorce did I MA never minded being the butt of the joke she blew a kiss paloma’s way which Paloma acknowledged in a queenly manner when is p going to meet her grandparents her English grandparents I mean

Santiago’s mother had been on the first flight from Barcelona bearing frilled dresses and gingham Bonnets and a tiny crucifix on a slim gold chain soon said Anna as Neil said never probably their relationship with their parents was subtly different to their little brother and sisters Isabelle

Jiggled Paloma as she asked how long did it take to adopt this one too long said Neil a couple of times we almost came close with other children a toddler then a lovely boy of four but Santiago blew out his cheeks it didn’t happen the months of interviews and home visits and

Background checks had taken its toll on the men Neil had been vocal as usual but Santi had absorbed it all only showing emotion on the day they went to collect 10- we old Paloma he’ cried and cried and cried and then he’d cried some more I am bursting he’d sobbed with

Love now the inevitable happened Paloma reacted to Isabelle’s jiggling by vomiting all down her sugar candy dress as her sobs Rose Isabelle stood hurriedly and offered her to Neil but it was sany who took their daughter and spirited her away with much shushing and kissing and there there’s what Neil felt

Anna looking at him San’s better at that type of thing he turned addressed Isabelle who’d taken her seat again adoption isn’t for the fainthearted we’d have turned back if he we didn’t want a child so much paloma’s mother had problems she was a drugie interrupted storm we don’tk call her that said Neil

Gently but yes the poor girl has issues there was never a question of her keeping the baby Jesus poor kid said Sam Anna shifted on her chair it was all so close to home do you think Paloma will ever want to get in touch with her birth

Mother that was serious stuff for the lunch table and Neil’s expression told her so we’re going to be frank with her I mean basic biology will tell her that two daddies can’t make a baby we won’t hide the facts what she does with them he said is up to

Her facts those hard-headed sharp elbowed Busy Bodies Anna was full of facts so said Isabelle brightly turning to Anna as if moving on to less personal matters you and Sam were married if anything this subject was more personal yep said Anna nodding for a long time

She laughed Al n time 10 years said ma 10 long years laughed Sam Isabelle asked why’ you split up Anna stared at Sam and he stared back I don’t really know said Sam just you know for Anna the pertinent question was why did they get married it

Didn’t work out plus my feet smell added Sam is there Afters storm hunched over the table was deadly bored with the grown-up chatter Isabelle’s made a Nutella cheesecake said Sam Nutella and cheesecake burped mave together they should serve this at World Summits said Neil as the dish was brought to the

Table there’d be no more war you found the perfect woman said Santi back now with Paloma in her second outfit of the day what did I miss is there custard he’ never tasted custard before we met said Neil he smiled sily at his husband we making

A real brit out of him no way San’s black brows beetled chips and curry sauce no gracias I’ll keep my Pella and my tortilla Josh held out his arms I can you know take Paloma if you want surreptitiously Anna watched her brother with the child Josh’s Beauty was outrageous shimmering with those bread

Knife cheekbones and full mouth yet he kept himself shut away always in Shadow as if ashamed she had seen many people do double takes at Josh his reticence made him easily ignored but on closer inspection he was both Lush and delicate a hot house flower seeing Josh spontaneously reach out for Paloma

Brought a swell of optimism Anna kept waiting for Josh to connect Neil told her she was setting herself up for disappointment it is what it is was his take on Josh Anna wanted to dig down deep solve the mystery of her brother’s isolation she scolded herself human beings aren’t puzzles to be solved

There’s loads more cheesecake if anybody wants seconds Isabelle’s shoulders went to her ears I made two my darling I like you more and more said Neil mouth full I could go another plateful Dylan stood up with his plate Anna did the same pushing mave back into

Her chair with a firm sit as she passed in the kitchen as Dylan hunted out the dessert Anna’s heels squeaked on the floor he turned at the noise looking for an action replay Dylan lunged cheesecake forgotten no God no Anna put up her hands keeping her voice low and

Glancing neurotically at the open kitchen door Dylan something happened you’re telling me Dylan was all Wicked Glee maneuvering her into a corner against a folded ironing board you were awesome Annabelle Anna she pushed him away seriously Dylan I don’t stop get off she finally convinced him that their

Romp had been a one-off and he stepped away Arms by his sides hell sorry I thought she felt sorry for him Dylan looked about 7 years old when he hung his head like that listen Something’s Happened I’m mad about me said Dylan suddenly goofy you didn’t even remember my name Anna reminded him

I’m there were plenty of ways to say it with child expecting up the duff an went for Simplicity Dylan I’m pregnant and please don’t ask yes of course it’s yours he didn’t say a thing he turned and walked to the front door let himself out and flattened some daffodils in his haste to

Be elsewhere what did you say to Dylan mave appeared her face accusing nothing said Anna automatically actually I did say something she took her sister’s hand it was small the fingernails bitten mave was such a child next to tall long-limbed Anna come on I have an announcement to make in the

Sitting room with all faces turned expectantly to her Anna said I’m 9 weeks pregnant there was a pause no you’re not said Neil I knew it said Ma dreamily I felt it here she clutched her chest congrat ulations Sam Rose slowly out of his chair as if Fighting Gravity his gaze

Asked a 100 questions who’s it all came out the assignation in the utility room the pregnancy test the departure of the father to be as if his hair was on fire ma stroked Anna’s arm as the others gathered round this is brilliant sis said Josh his sweet face

Curved into a massive smile Youk be a brilliant mummy Santi said wek support you K it’ll be a cousin for Paloma Neil prompted Anna his opinion mattered don’t you have anything to say you’re Stark staring mad oh shut up Santi swatted at Neil with paloma’s dimpled hand no more

Mad than us storm looked appalled but you’re so old he said your Auntie’s in the prime of her life scolded ma she said this about all women no matter what age they were mind you sis you have no idea believe me what you’re letting yourself in for the teasing about

Utility room sex would probably never end family in jokes are the most durable Anna was doomed to go to her grave with don’t let her get you near the tumble dryer ringing in her ears as Neil dropped her home in the enormous 4 P4 that tiny Paloma somehow

Made necessary he kissed her on the cheek and said you owe me a liter of fabric conditioner you trop alone in her house the evening closing in Anna flopped on the sofa still in her coat her head teemed much like her womb the quiet Sunday dusk felt

Like a breathing space and Anna crawled into it grateful for the chance to bring some order they were all on her side that teasing mocking crew of hers even Sam who only had eyes for his shiny new girlfriend had privately asked how she was how she really was she was able to

Tell him that she was fine they both stumbled as if learning a new language they’d never used words where babies were concerned it was true Anna was fine she was calm at last after weeks of swinging from Euphoria to despair that’s an exhausting journey to make twice a

Day a baby how wonderful she’d think only to stuff her fist in her mouth later a baby I can’t I just can’t I can that was her mantra today she could do this and she wanted to do it no baby should have the responsibility of healing their own mother but this new

Piper would square a circle it didn’t even know existed at the thought of Dylan she wilted she hadn’t expected much but even so the baby was a shock yes but it had been a shock to Anna as well it takes two to tango or Bonk on a washing machine but unlike Dylan she

Didn’t have the luxury of running away that was a new thought wherever she went her chick would go too her Shadow her responsibility that sent a current of electricity through Anna more profound than the orgasm she’d experienced among the white goods it jolted her forwards in time to the day she’d hold somebody

In her arms somebody she’d made by accident admittedly but the baby was her doing and she pied Dylan for not grasping The Wonder of it her life was now a no bad vibe zone Neil’s disbelief Sam’s concern the thinly veiled censure she expected from her parents none of

These would be allowed past the front door I’m in charge murmured Anna moving gently around the room lighting a candle removing her coat savoring the sanctuary Early to Bed allegedly makes a man and presumably woman healthy wealthy and wise so at 10:00 Anna was already in a dressing gown mixing up a Milky

Something in her kitchen hello a ghostly voice wafted through the letter box who’s there asked Anna uncertainly me the ghost turned out to be Dylan his exuberant hair was flat his smile tentative we should talk bang went her early night Anna sat him down in the tiny front room where he made the

Furniture look doll-sized I’m sorry about you know fleeing I understand At first I felt like fleeing myself it wasn’t very manly Dylan hung his head who cares about manly you’re a person first and foremost Dylan do your friends call you Dylan yeah right she knew nothing about this

Man other than he was extremely good at impromptu sex I’ll call you that then because we should be friends shouldn’t we of course said Dylan how old are you it was rude to ask so abruptly but this was a unique situation and tensed herself for the

Answer and almost threw up when he said he was 21 how you know old I’m 40 said Anna you’re a cougar smiled Dylan instantly regretting it and rebooting his expression sorry I didn’t how’ you find my address your brother ah yes look said Dylan with an emphatic air this was evidently

Rehearsed if you want to keep this baby that’s cool it’s your body you know but I can’t have a kid now I have to be honest it’s too soon and you and me we’re not Love’s young dream exactly Dylan seemed encouraged by her acceptance of the situation it was just

A bit of fun and by the way it was epic Dylan put his head to one side and raised his eyebrows I’m a bit of an idiot Anna I’m not really an actor and I’m not really a Barman I’m still finding myself you know Anna smiled at his earnestness she liked

Him she realized that was a relief he went on I’m broke I’m always broke I Kip on people’s floors I smoke weed lots of weed I can’t keep a relationship going do you want to now Dylan smiled not really no I don’t expect a thing from

You Dylan not a thing I’ll bring up this baby I’ll look after it I’ll be a single parent but it’s important to me that that you acknowledge it Anna swallowed her composure buckling for the first time since he’d arrived this child must be welcomed God yes sure Dylan bounced energized at being set

Free i’llbe its dad you know the fun dad who takes it to Disneyland and teaches it to play the guitar and goes backpacking in Thailand with it a small voice inside Anna said this baby is going nowhere near Thailand with this Manchild be around when you feel like it

There’s no need to Pretend We’re a normal family I can do the heavy lifting you show up for birthdays and stuff deal deal Dylan sprang up and rung her hand his skin was warm robust and sent a zip of sexual heat through Anna dousing it speedily she said we should swap numbers

Bit late but there you go as they exchanged details both looking down at their phones Dylan said geez thank God you’re being cool about this Anna my mom’s going to kill me it was clear that Dylan was incapable of going more than a couple of sentences without making Anna feel like a

Geriatric cradle snatcher as she saw him to the door there was an aura of crushed expectation about him as if he was ready to Scamper up to bed with her she said we know where we stand Dylan you’re the father but this baby is mine I can love

The little dude though he said his hair a Halo in the port light he’d probably never know how grateful she was to him for that Dylan might be an idiot he couldn’t open the front gate without her help but he had heart and hearts Trump brains every time good night mother of

My child he sang Hands In Pockets he half turned back and said hey Anna how’d you get to 40 without having a baby next time said Anna meaning never as she closed the front door chapter 3 lunch at Josh’s stew possibly ice cream it was an unusual name Anna rarely

Heard it when she did she jumped so our next caller said the radio presenter as Anna’s car idled at the lights is Bonnie from Merton Anna never heard what Bonnie from Merton had to say she was jolted back to when she said goodbye to the Bonnie in

Her own life she tried to explain apologize but it felt pointless I knew what I was doing a horn honked impatiently Anna raised a hand sorry sorry and jerked away from the lights it came and went but never quite left her the feeling of loss when she saw an

Illuminated letter B in a gift shop green eyes the scent of vanilla the loss was tainted made dark ER by guilt the car slowed to pull into the car park and she wondered what storm would make of his auntie if he knew the cruelty she was capable of he wandered towards her

Storm never hurried in tracky Bottoms in a zip-up jacket bag slung over his shoulder attitude intact all right he said climbing in there was no need to come to clap them Junction I could have got the tube to yours it’s no bother Anna knew that ma gave the boy a

Lot of freedom but London was a bigger batter place than Bri she wondered how her own child would cope with the alarming levels of protectiveness that came so easily to her ready to work your ass off storm fluttered his eyelids among his pet hates was adult members of his family

Swearing or trying to be cool Anna’s comment ticked both boxes yep he said back at the shed Anna waved him in telling Sam Behold our new assistant first things first said Sam sternly 11’s the day’s work experience was part of a new initiative at storm School Anna felt

He was a bit young at 13 to be thinking about a career but had been chuffed when storm asked to see how artum accessories was run Sam had a sadistic urge to wear out the teenager he set him photocopying running to the post office stuffing envelopes washing mugs printing labels

They stopped him answering the phone as he could only Mumble artum accessories and answered the simplest query with I don’t know looking up from the digital mockup of her latest design Anna took pity on storm and motioned for him to come and sit beside her she walked him through

The process of creating a piece this one the Cassandra looks simple but they’re the ones that need most work it’s a flat plain looking messenger bag but I’m adding pockets for keys and mobile phones and stuff no point being pretty if you’re not practical the template on the screen

Dragged stormm in soon he was suggesting refinements actually said Anna that’s not a bad idea she sketched a small rectangle a travel card holder that’s attached by a chain I like it when storm was proud of himself he was the image of his father another person for Anna to

Miss she hadn’t seen Alva in over a decade when Alva and Ma got together it had been love wild crazy love with ma it always was he’d been scrawny then a wisp of a boy from a strict chaotic loving Caribbean family so different to the ordered home life of the

Pipers College had been scrapped in favor of a squat in the preh Hipster East End of London Anna remembered visiting with her mother and being amazed to find there was no l they had to nip next door to the pub when Nature called but the place pulsed with young

Love mave and ala were joined at the hip then at 20 mave had missed a period she hadn’t been sure what to do had sobbed to Anna about her options but Alva knew exactly what to do first a job then a flat with no qualifications he fell into

It it was a perfect match galvanized by upcoming fatherhood Alva wouldn’t hear of options he learned from the bottom up he was a natural entrepreneur and by the time storm was 2 years old Alva branched out on his own as a consultant the squat was swapped for a pristine Tu

Better in the suburbs mave loathed it something in her pined for hardship or at the very least peeling Lino when she left in the middle of the night with storm tucked under her arm like a handbag it was Anna and Sam she’d fled to they tried to mediate to stress what

A wonderful partner and provider she had in Alva but mave had fallen out of love as abruptly as she’d fallen into it Anna suspected there was somebody else involved but she kept such dark imaginings to herself Alva recovered as best he could and now supplied scaffolding to his son’s rackety life

With mave he paid for his schooling took care of the rent and some of the bills provided the iPad and iPhone that are essential kit for any self-respecting modern teenager he picked him up every other Friday evening and delivered him home on a Sunday and colluded with

Storm’s insistence that he’d be known as Steven at school in short he was an excellent dad Anna realized it was Friday is your dad picking you up from here nah storm was a natural spy he never gave up information willingly so Anna had to ask why not I haven’t been

To his for a couple of weeks and that was that no further data he sloped off at the sound of the doorbell a twoot warble that Anna recognized as the postman’s Anna tidied as she waited for that day’s bills and junk mail to be brought to her she constantly battled

The mess on her side of the shed the timber office housed two desks lots of filing cabinets and shelves plus a draftsman’s easel where Anna sketched Handbags and purses it was the heart of the artom Empire Sam balked at that word but Anna countered that Empires can be

Small storm returned with a large box gimme gimme Anna was already drooling at the thought of what was inside side not edible goodies but still delicious these must be the Italian leather samples they’d ordered opening up packages full of hides always felt like Christmas artam was considering a move

From vegetable tan leather to Chrome tan Sam focused on cost whereas Anna was seduced by the feel the depth of color that musky smell of a new skin she deferred opening the box until she had a coffee in her hand as she made her way back to the the house she wondered

Whether she should look up caffeine intake during pregnancy and decided against it in case the prevailing wisdom was to cut down waiting for the kettle to do its thing Anna sifted through the envelopes passing over the brown ones for Sam to deal with and picked up a handwritten

One this envelope she noticed had no stamp it had been slipped through the door at some point and storm had scooped it up with the delivery handwritten notes were the best she and Josh communicated in this way she hadn’t had one of his quirky drawings for a while shaking out the

Flimsy Note Paper she reached out to scribble pressy for Josh’s on the chalkboard by the fridge he was hosting lunch on Sunday it would be nice to turn up with a little something maybe his favorite chocolate a dark bitter variety that set Anna’s teeth on edge the small handwriting marched self-confidently

Across a folded piece of thin paper Anna put it down as she cast about for her glasses she remembered the conversation she’d had with Sam after the last lunch Club a fortnite ago so he’d said at work the next day in artum global HQ the shed

You don’t like Isabelle eh of course I do she’s a lovely girl she’s not a girl Anna Isabelle’s a woman and that sounded sarcastic to me he mimicked her his mouth turned down she’s a lovely girl I didn’t say it like that it wasn’t meant to be sarcastic Anna with stood his skeptical

Look before saying oh all right maybe a tiny bit she was trying a bit too hard wasn’t she that had been a classic mistake expecting a lover to have Clarity of vision about his beloved Sam’s Vision was more Rose tinted than most Anna had been glad of it when they

Were first together when he told her she was the loveliest girl in the world of course poor Isabelle tried hard she wanted to make a good impression she’s heard so much about you all Sam had paused before saying about you the kettle danced and Anna was back in the

Present she poured hot water into the cafer and then glasses on lent back against the fridge to enjoy the letter she read it twice she looked at the ceiling there was no answer there as to why life had stretched out a paw and mauled her on automatic pilot she took

The tray out to the others adding a glass of orange juice for storm it crossed her mind to show Sam the but that was out of the question Sunday brought with it a lion but Anna was chased from her warm bed by those small neat words dancing behind her

Eyelids in the shower Anna watched her outline Shimmer in the wet glass surround as yet her body was minimally Changed by her pregnancy accustomed to being long and lean Anna braced herself for the moment her tummy suddenly popped but for now the baby was merely a polite swell of Flesh

When she wondered will the boobs arrive she planned to make the most of them her push-up bras had precious little to push up as soon as her cup size increased she would buy a strapless maternity dress and enter rooms like a ship in full sale pity there would be nobody to appreciate

Her new figure when she took off the dress as a divorce and a survivor of numerous scarring flings Anna was accustomed to thoughts of romance gathering in her peripheral vision she was always wondering who it would be the big love the great man the defining passion at 40 she still had the optimism

Of a school girl surely everybody has a chance at lasting love it was virtually a right as for her age that was a number from a hall door it was Outlook that mattered now such idealistic Daydreams must be parked indefinitely surely all her attention all her capacity for love

Must must Center on her pregnancy at times like this naked and foamy in the shower the baby seemed more like an idea than a real living being it couldn’t chat to her or Heckle the TV with her or do any of the dull wonderful things women expect from their men cutting

Herself off from the big guns of love and sex felt like willful cruelty but it was better to do it herself then wait for the time when her body did it for her surely a pregnant body is a turnoff for anybody but the perspective father there can be no more definite way to

Signal sorry guys I’m taken stepping out of the shower Anna admitted that she wasn’t in the mood for Sunday lunch Club the letter demanded her attention like a bony finger from the past tapping her rudely on the shoulder say cheese no Neil hated having his photo taken I’m driving darling it’s

Dangerous shut up and smile you swine this is for Josh’s project Neil grimaced then gave in and turned quickly to the lens flashing his veneers that’s better Anna’s Polaroid camera a Christmas present from Josh was one of her favorite play things the Retro coolness of its bulky design and the

Playful magic of the picture swimming into Focus were nostalgic Pleasures what project Neil looked over his shoulder at Santi and Paloma in the back seat they were in a world of their own a peachy world where Spanish endearments figured highly you know Josh’s thing he wants me

To take a Polaroid every day and he takes one every day and Anna wasn’t sure about the point of all this Polaroid and then he’ll stick them up on a wall or something sounds like Josh Neil rolled his head and winced as his neck cracked like a pistol shot Arty heun’s been

Texting me all week about what to cook today it was rare that the club convened at Josh’s he was a guest not a host not even a guest thought Anna more of a ghost it won’t be vegan will it Neil was profoundly anti- healthy eating a balanced diet was a Biscuit in each

Hand as far as he was concerned no it won’t be organic Soulful vegan Cuisine said Anna repressively she was every bit as relieved as Neil she’d met all the tofu she ever needed to but she supported Josh’s obsessions I emailed him an easy recipe for chicken casserole

Should be delicious are we nearly there repeating one of dinky’s Dublin sayings she said I’m so hungry I could eat a child’s ARS through a chair eating for two said Neil then again you always did how many weeks now K asked Santi as they swung round a corner only 11 putting

That only in front of the number made the end game Anna with her legs and stirups manageably far in the future he or she is the size of a grape are you drinking lots of water Santi was Stern getting lots of rest trying to morning sickness now and then the physical

Symptoms were manageable the fear was a different matter the hormones supplied bouts of euphoria but these Daydreams were popped by self-sabotage can I really bring up a child on my own her close Circle family and as good as family would support her but would that be enough sometimes

Extraordinary things happen in the most ordinary of places in the car that smelled mildly of was nappy and where santi’s Bas recitations of Spanish nursery rhymes argued with the satnavs robotic directions Anna had a premonition it popped into being whole and perfect a belief based on nothing

Yet one that firmed up like a warm loaf baking in the oven love is waiting biting its time just when her body was telling her to narrow her Focus to the baby she had a premonition that life was about to open up like mave Anna had no delusions about

Being psychic yet this romantic optimism felt like gospel truth like maths or gravity despite being pregnant with the child of an itinerant cocktail maker Anna sensed a big love circling look at the state of the place Neil edged the car into a space right outside the peeling stucko terraced

House where Josh lived they assembled in the once Grand Stone porch now home to a cornucopia of Kebab rappers torn curtains hung at grimy windows and marijuana smoke curled from the basement what a palace shush Anna was CT Neil sometimes forgot that not everybody had his wealth I can hear

Josh feet were bounding down the stairs jumping the last two and she smiled relieved heun’s in an up phase pushing the letter and its toxic contents from her mind Anna grinned as the door opened her smile froze it was the surprise maybe of once again a complete stranger answering the

Door or perhaps it was the physical shock of the man who filled the space with such Vitality you’re not Josh said Neil amiably he too had a thing for guys with hair that curled this man had the rioting hair of a Roman statue not even slightly he stood aside to let them in

Josh sent me down to get you apparently heun at a critical point with the food Paloma wailed as they climbed the stairs possibly with dismay at being in such a lowly postcode the man was Luca it transpired and Anna who had assumed that her pregnancy inoculated her against lust

Wished with all her heart she’d worn one of her better bras and not opted for the striped tea and jeans combo that amounted to a uniform for her for three flights each with its own cocktail of smells dope on the ground floor cheese on the first armpits on the on the

Second Anna stared at Luca’s bottom she could find no fault in it he turned back interrupting her studies and nodded at the beribboned bar of chocolate in her hand you brought a present Josh has one for you as well that’s sweet of him I’m not sure you’ll like it why not Josh

Rarely bought presents his empty hands at Family birthdays were taken as a symptom of introversion rather than stinginess it would be just Josh’s Style to suddenly produce a gift when there was no need you’ll see Luca had dark eyes that sloped slightly he was warm and lazy looking

Like a hot afternoon in a hammock tall wide he opened the door to Josh’s flat and something small and covered in hair raced through it bounding up at Luca at Anna at Neil who screamed and at Santi who lifted the baby over his head a dog said Anna

Holding the Little Beast by its scrawny pause this isn’t she looked to Luca it is that’s your present it was the first collusion between them a shared recognition of life’s absurdity he held her gaze for a second longer than was strictly necessary or so Anna thought

Sit said Josh to the dog who jumped and barked and slobbered as they edged into his tiny flat sit please sit said Anna the dog miraculously sat its tail thumped and he stared greedily at her he likes you said Luca he doesn’t know her yet said Neil Josh where did

This creature come from they filled the monastic studio room a few books chairs donated from dinky a standard lamp without a shade it was as if Josh’s real life went on elsewhere I’ve been volunteering at a dog shelter Josh put his hand through his thick dark hair his

Hands were constantly in motion around his face as if to obscure it this Fella’s been passed over so often I wonder why murmured Neil as the dog scraped its bottom along the carpet tiles heun’s so full of love said Josh squatting down to have his face roundly licked nobody understands him that’s all

He needs a good home so he looked up at Anna I thought of you but I Anna was at a loss she’d never hang Ed after a dog the timing was way off surely being pregnant and single was enough I’ll take him of course she never could deny Josh he

Asked for so little after the requisite blow-by-blow retelling of the train journey from Brighton MA sat at the shaky table Josh had somehow fashioned for lunch Isabelle and Sam were together at one corner with storm opposite them checking his phone for what Anna wondered what urgent news stories kept

Teens glued to their mobiles so she leaned over and saw a BuzzFeed quiz labeled build a pizza and we’ll tell you which celebrity you’ll marry serious stuff she whispered to her nephew who burrowed even further down into the wonky stool Josh had provided circling the lunchers the dog

Jumped first at one lap then another with no hard feelings when it was shoot away ears flopping tail worring it pounced and leapt its buttony is bright guess what many of Ma’s stories began this way Neil guessed what immediately you have a new bloke how’ you know Ma’s

Mouth fell open you always have a new bloke darling Neil looked around no napkins Josh um sorry no Josh looked around too as if napkins might suddenly jump out of a drawer shut up Neil Anna kicked him under the table you’re not at the ivy so is nobody interested in my life asked

Ma loudly tell us mave San’s gaze flicked to Paloma snoozing behind a dam of cushions on the sofa that would later double as a bed his expert appraisal told him everything he needed to know about his girl she was safe sl/ dry who’s the latest too Bueno latest and

Last mave pulled in her chin honestly guys Paul’s a keeper take that look off your face Anna I mean it that’s not a look said Neil that’s her face I wasn’t aware I had a look on my face said Anna you always have a look on your face

Laughed Sam a roll call of M’s lovers didn’t make pretty reading she stepped over decent guys to get at the low lives if they were likely to borrow money and then disappear or sleep with her friends or lash out with their fists mave would make goooo eyes at them this one’s

Different she said yeah yeah I know mave laughing accepted the comments I’ve said that before but this time I mean it Paul is oh he’s you tell them storm looking up horrified storm shook his head his father calm trustworthy Alva was the exception to Ma’s rule he’s a bloke was

All that storm would contribute oh you mave shoved her son I know you all disapprove of me and my quest for love she said but this time I’ve landed on my feet he’s solvent for a start money isn’t everything said Luca Anna who’d clocked Luca’s chunky watch and knew

That artfully crumpled shirts like his weren’t to be found an m and S raised an eyebrow Luca saw it and raised one back something raised inside Anna something deep inside she shifted on her seat startled by her feral physical reaction to a mere eyebrow heun’s divorced but

He’s a great dad heun’s got an amazing job as a ma frowned something or other something proper so heun’s not a street performer Good Start said Anna her sister’s Last Bow had juggled fire outside the Brighton branch of TK Max Anna listened patiently to the recital of this amazing man’s

Qualities he’s clever and barely drinks and he wears actual shoes in the knowledge that next month there’d be another Contender for the one mave skipped from hopeless Bozo to hopeless Bozo without ever truly engaging her feelings wondered sometimes about what effect this revolving door policy had on storm oi stormy she

Whispered and he looked up soon I’ll only be able to recognize you by the top of your head the main thing is ma went on HEK normal is he good to you Anna asked the only important question HEK kind and he cares can’t wait to meet him this white

Lie pleased ma the casserole brought to the table from the abbreviated kitchen that took up a corner of the studio was brownish thickish the Ooze it provoked dutiful and a touch scared Anna took a huge portion to show solidarity Josh bit his lip as the others tasted their lunch

Is there Paprika in this asked Isabel with polite interest yes said Josh grateful he grinned until Neil said there’s a whole packet of Paprika in mine Joshy said mave in a cutesy voice did you make me a meat free version oh sis he’d done the impossible Josh

Had forgotten that Ma was vegetarian Luca leapt up no problem he put his hands strong Workman hands that nevertheless had neat Nails on Josh’s shoulders sit eat I’ll rustle something up the little dog pit padded after him parking its bottom to watch him cook how long have you been seeing this

New man asked Santi pushing Chicken around his plate since last night beamed mave Jesus muttered Neil what spat mave this Sunday lunch Club was in danger of deteriorating into a badly catered brawl so Anna turned glass in hand to ask Luca if he was really Italian or did your

Parents just like the name I’m the real deal Luca let rip with a torrent of fluent Italian as far as Anna knew he could have been asking for directions to the abattoir but it sounded super sexy so you were born here she asked as Luca located a clean pan and some spaghetti

In Josh’s Barren cupboards no I was born in saluto near Turin when I was a baby my mother took a teaching job at Oxford she and my Dad loved it here and they never went home again so here I am practically an Englishman he chopped up a tomato with

More Verve than any Brit ever could do you miss home santi’s question was low-key frighted with emotion and Neil looked at his partner and put one hand over his this is home said Luca he bent over the pan I prefer English tv English newspapers English politics but not food

Said Josh how about women Ma’s mind was one track surely you prefer a gorgeous Italian senorita that’s Spanish smiled Santi as Luca said almost to himself I prefer English women I like their pale skin their soft eyes he looked directly at Anna she met his look sensing the Dare

In it she swallowed hard and he turned away saying allora spaghetti Al Pomodoro ma pronounced it Heavenly it smelled fresh with a promise of Summer even using tired old Tomatoes The Others watched enviously and did their best to finish up the stew guess I’ll never be a chef said

Josh rounding up the plates and balancing them precariously on the few square inches of worktop maybe next time I’ll do something Russian brilliant idea said Anna sometimes Josh took Petty failures hard today he was different more energetic Sam explained to Isabelle Josh is a translator Russian to English

And vice versa wow said Isabelle not really said Josh I love the language he waited a beat then went on it’s not like English at all it’s Slavic so it’s different like you thought an there’s lots of Russian poetry isn’t there said Isabelle leaning forward she was feeling

It Anna could tell the offkey power that Josh sometimes exerted over people if they bothered to look closely and listen carefully Russian is lyrical beautiful Josh wasn’t nibbling his nails or picking at a strand of hair plus Anna noted his hair had been washed she sensed a Christmas Eve tingle about him

As if something big and glittery was coming up LCA settled again at the table said I was hoping to meet the famous dinky today she canel at the last minute said Josh so Luca said Sam how do you and Josh know each other something passed between Josh and Luca a tiny fron

Oh you know said Josh around and about we both enjoy Luca had evidently taken off before knowing where he’d land tennis he said tennis ma gaped Josh tennis seriously the youngest devoutly Anna he nodded his head towards Paloma lovely kid he said do you have children ma lurched over another boundary

Thankfully no Luca shook his head children annoy me he said their voices the crying and I’m not interested in their imaginary friends while the others laughed and Neil controversially agreed Anna let a small hope die refusing another glass I hope you appreciate my sacrifice B she Rose and went to the insultingly small

Bathroom the developers of Josh’s building had shoehorned into a corner through the thin partition wall Anna heard snatches of conversation Neil it seemed had kickstarted a Sunday lunch Club basic why didn’t Josh try to earn more money knees up to her chin on the minuscule L she heard Neil say have you

Been networking like I suggested the sound of ma snort made Anna grateful to her Josh netork work spluttered mave Neil not everybody’s like you shooing and showing off Josh can’t Network there was no toilet rooll Anna improvised look Josh your work is pretty Niche Neil wouldn’t drop it if

You want to move up from this dump you need to start pushing yourself a low rumbling voice which Anna didn’t at first recognize proved to be Luca one person’s dump he said is another person’s Palace Anna punched the air Neil didn’t get Josh for walls space for his books

And access to music was all he needed plus toilet roll she reminded herself she could imagine Josh eyes Sliding Away coughing nervously Neil leave him alone she shouted as she pulled up her pants laughter exploded on the other side of the spitten tissue wall Anna’s tendency

To Mother Josh was a family joke they should have known she was never off duty even when in the L the mirror was a relic from her her old house everything in Josh’s flat was a donation the tiny crack on one corner brought her back to when she used to

Stare at a younger version of this same face when she was married to Sam he would tell her she was gorgeous most mornings nobody had said so for a while putting a hand to her cheek she imagined that it felt plumper softer as if a Halo of Flesh was growing around her outline

In order to insulate the baby shoulders back face sideways on hint of a smile nope the terrible Lighting in Josh’s bathroom refused to let her look 1 second younger than her years I’m supposed to Glow she thought washing her hands vigorously Anna closed her eyes to the

Condition of the hand towel I must not tidy up she said to herself I must not wipe it was useless fighting the need for a fix she’d been tidying Josh’s life since he was born and this bathroom was in a front to all right thinking people swishing around with a damp flannel she

Soon had the shelves and mirrors sparkling she stood the toilet brush to attention she lined up his shampoo and shower gel on a shelf to the right of the mirror stood a colorful tube that stood out in this bare bathroom lipstick Anna had never seen a single Speck of

Femininity in Josh’s home gingerly she pulled open the cabinet a facial wash peered back at her Josh was a soap and water man more clues dotted the glass shelves Foundation by Armani this mystery woman had taste in Bucks she liked red lipstick and glittery eyes Shadow Anna’s heart raced her baby

Brother was taking baby steps maybe not such baby steps this girl evidently stayed over often enough to Merit leaving toiletries at his place slipping back to her seat Anna was met by the dog she thought of him simply as the dog naming it would suggest permanence beneath the hum of

Conversation she bent down and put her nose to his I don’t want you got that the dog’s tail hammered the floor he wants you Luca had bent down so his voice was intimate in the dark space under the table when he smiled Anna had no option but to repay him with interest

His eyes were very dark like those of the dog and could turn on a dime from intent to frisky that was a good analogy for a big strong healthy dog it’s nice she whispered to be wanted as they straightened up carefully casual Anna realized that nobody had mentioned her pregnancy no asking after

Her health or commenting on her non- bump had they sensed the charge in the air between her and Luca silently she thanked her Circle for their atypical discretion Josh does not what’s the word Santi sometimes fumbled with English he laid a hand on Neil’s arm as if to

Silence him while he thought conform he clicked his fingers triumphantly Josh likes to live in his own way all I need said Josh before Neil had a chance to let rip again is to keep things simple I don’t want to accumulate tons of he held out his palms stuff I like to see

Everything I own heun not competitive said mave adding a pointed unlike you at Neil bollocks Neil who imagined multi-million advertising campaigns every day couldn’t stretch to imagining Josh’s take on life nobody lives in a rat hole like this by choice I like this flat said Isabelle

It’s cute cute Neil sat back a giveaway that he was going to shake this particular bone all night Luca stepped in by standing up hey you know we all measure success in different ways my own definition is that I have enough money left over at the end of the month for a

Decent bottle of bolo is that wine asked mave it’s the best wine in the world Luca went to the L soon they heard him singing a loud operatic Arya presumably to cloak whatever else was going on in there said Josh for the second time that day ice cream I promised ice cream

Didn’t I you did said Santi slowly he was very very fond of ice cream even the pallet English stuff right I’d better Josh pointed at the door you know buy some how does he do it said Neil after Josh pulled on his battered Converses and dashed out he

Always nobody always does anything Neil Anna was tired of defending her brother yeah letun drop the Josh bashing said Sam genially he and Anna had often discussed the way genial unassuming Josh managed to spark conflict in the family time for lenina’s meal like a conjurer

Santi produced a bowl and a spoon and a starched bib out of the Lacy sack that went everywhere with him Anna’s own noino would inherit top-notch hand-me-downs from its cousin it was starting to feel right or at the very least not wrong Anna felt Solid Ground beneath her

Feet unless she happened to glance at Luca she did that now as he Rook his seat only to find he was looking straight at her the ground trembled but she found she wasn’t alarmed by the Tremors interrupting a monologue from Sam about the strange pain in his side

Was it serious he wondered or a stitch Anna hissed I think Josh has a girlfriend rubbish said Neil e said Sam still feeling his side oh I hope so said ma leaning down to fondle the dog we all need love in our lives did I tell you

That Paul has it’s getting serious she’s left some of her stuff here and led a search party to the bathroom to show them exhibit one lipstick and Exhibit 2 eyes Shadow how come he hasn’t said anything puzzled Neil because you’d shoot him down in flames Anna turned to Luca do you know

About this woman yeah Luca radiated unease but it’s Josh’s business which makes it my business Anna was a Warrior when it came to joshh have you met her yes Luca ushered them out of the tiny rooml I don’t what’s her name you can tell us that surely smiled Anna you’re a

Wicked Woman her name’s Thea Luca raised his hands and she saw the satisfyingly correct amount of hair on his forearms neither werewolf nor virgin that’s all you’re getting out of me Josh will introduce you in his own good time in that case just tell me is this Thea a

Good thing Anna couldn’t help but imagine a fem fatal with a gun very Luca tipped his head back and looked down into her eyes trust me for some reason yes Anna was the first to look away was the best possible thing happening at the worst possible time the

Ice cream was alas not vegetarian so ma smoked through dessert so she said blowing a smoke ring as the others ate their raspberry ripple Thea oh God whimpered Sam beside him Isabelle was a Gog the Sunday lunch Club was a crash course in Piper Family Dynamics how did

You Josh’s face collapsed in bafflement makeup in the bathroom said Luca biting his words ah Josh laughed they all breathed out I can’t keep anything from you guys it was double-edged that comment Josh didn’t usually do sarcasm there is somebody it’s all very new bit fragile before you ask Anna no

I’m not introducing her to the Sunday lunch club yet Charming said Neil pretending to be offended wek be gentle with her what’s Thea short for I’m imagining a face Sprite all floaty fabrics and Flowers in her hair Luca laughed short and sharp as if to intimate that Neil was in for a

Surprise while Josh said see this is why you can’t meet her youd tear her apart standing up abruptly he went to the bathroom as Ma and Anna began to hiss at Neil what did you say that for you bloody idiot what did I do Neil turned

To Santi back me up darling Thea is a silly name isn’t it it’s a Charming name said Santi wiping the baby’s chin shh heun’s coming back said Isabelle who really was learning fast Piper goodbyes took ages lots of hugging much running back up the stairs to say one more thing

Promises to meet up Anna stood in the the porch alone staring out at the half gentrified Street any moment now she’d have to take her leave of Luca she was surprised he hadn’t asked for her number by 40 women know when men are interested Luca was interested probably married she

Thought or perhaps my radar is unreliable at the top of the stairs Josh held the door open for the stragglers to leave polite Gentile but longing to be alone again or longing to call Thea Anna was tuned into joshh in a way that verged on the unhealthy many nights she

Lay awake worrying about his future when she should have been catching up on her beauty sleep lately her little passenger had pushed Josh off the top spot that was only natural but she felt guilty about it another concern had barged in shoving both the baby and Josh out of

The way that damn letter obscured all else Anna paced on the pavement she felt a special loneliness descend I have to confront this on my own if she brought it up with Neil he’d groan neither of them wanted to remember the time when the people she loved turned monstrous faces towards her her

Other siblings the younger two would look at her in a completely different light Ma and Josh were in the dark about what their big sister had done I intend to keep it that way the letter waited for her like a bad smell like a head cold like a lover who doesn’t know when

To quit as Anna switched on lights threw down her keys and shook off her jacket the letter sat where she’d left it on the work toop she didn’t have to pick it up one Reading had set the words in stone dear Anna does the 11th of November ring any

Bells it should do it was a big day for you although I know you’d rather forget it there’s one person who can never forget it that person is me thanks for nothing Anna Piper Carly a thud the dog had bumped into something Anna had almost got away

Without him but Josh had thundered down the stairs with the gormless scrap in his arms now the Beast was getting to know Anna’s kitchen scattering the fridge magnets and getting stuck in the gap between the washing machine and the dryer a bowl of water was set down but

The dog had already blundered into it soaking itself in the floor Anna bent down to tickle under the animals chin she already knew how much he loved that you’re such a mess she said you look like a Yeti a very small Yeti the dog would be handy for distracting her from

The letter A noise in the Hall made her straighten up and talking of distraction Luca ambled into the kitchen he cocked an eyebrow so he saidh do I take you out and where do we go I like eating she offered good start me too Luca folded his arms put his head back

And studied her hm I’m not sure whether to be obvious and suggest an Italian place be as obvious as you like I love Italian food great he smiled at her not moving enjoying the view great she reiterated putting her hand to her hair there’s something I want to tell

You yes Luca closed the space between them he was near enough to put his arms around her and he looked as if he wanted wanted to this close his eyes were like coal Anna let it happen he was a rock face of linen and warmth the dog’s name

Is yeti she murmured as he kissed her chapter 4 lunch at dinkies a small Sweet Cherry kiche sausage rolls klaa dinky special chocolate cake a lot can happen in a fortnite for example you can almost but not quite fall in love 2 weeks is long enough to penetrate the top layer of another

Person particularly if like Anna and Luca you see that person most days 14 days of getting to know each other had revealed a few facts about Luca he called when he said he would his chest hair game was strong he was unpretentiously knowledgeable about wine he was expert at sneaking up noiselessly

Behind Anna and kissing the back of her neck he tended to be grumpy if she rang him first thing in the morning he’s a bear she’d think happily as he growled and tutted she was unable to like him any less even when he was Surly and monosyllabic he’s a great big Italian

Bear a fortnite had done nothing to dim the power of the letter it lay in Anna’s bedside drawer its voltage making the whole house hum it had raised questions to which Anna had no answer but by leaving out a return address or even a surname it gave her no right of

Reply unusually for such a decisive woman Anna was stuck the letter had brought chaos and then freeze framed it like a photograph of an erupting volcano given the chance she might be able to defend herself about the events of the 11th of November Carly the name meant

Nothing to her might scoff at the pathetic reasoning but it was all Anna had to offer it was all that stood between Anna and self-loathing she thought of the trunk in her attic and how she would add to it again this November that solemn ritual of creeping

Up the ladder offering in hand it was traditionally the worst day of her year but now its power had leaked all over the other 364 Yeti the two-note call was pointless the dog was untrainable sometimes Anna wondered if she should have his ears tested but a

Dog who galloped from the far end of the house whenever the fridge door opened was not deaf Yeti whittel joyously and generously on carpets and floorboards and feet any shoe left Laing about was chewed up he had an irrational loathing for the sofa and ambushed it with his

Needle sharp puppy teeth Anna did her best to love him but it was hard to love a creature who made your house stink and left tidy poos in the bottom of your wardrobe he > rescue dog Luca would remind her heun’s been neglected the tiny dog looked even

Smaller in Luca’s big hands he built a kennel in the garden which the dog refused to use as a surprise he took Yeti to be groomed but the result was disappointing he looks worse wailed Anna as the DED furball barked indignantly at his own reflection in the back door

You’ll learn to love him Luca seemed sure of this soon you’ll wonder how you ever managed without him that’s you you’re talking about thought Anna giving in to Luca’s arms his mouth his greedy need for her while giving herself Anna held something back allowing him to eat her up as if

She was a cream cake she managed to withhold a little it wasn’t easy Anna loved being a cream cake 2 weeks into the relationship for that’s what it was Anna had heard Luca describe her as his girlfriend even at 40 these calibrations mattered and it was time for the next

Sunday lunch Club at last I get to meet the mysterious dinky Luca was buttoning up his shirt in Anna’s bedroom after removing it in a hurry the moment he’d arrived shek have you wound around her little finger by the time you get your coat off Anna scrutinized her wardrobe dinky liked

Anna in blue so blue it was she slipped on a linen shirt dress and slid her toes into leather flats angling her foot she took pleasure in the stitching of the shoe and the density of the midnight blue dye she made a mental note to ask Sam if they could move into shoe

Production at some point and picked up her camera LCA threw up his arm and stepped back at the lightning flash what the I take a Polaroid a day remember for Josh’s project Anna fanned the small square watching Luca materialize offg guard his eyes marry it

Was a great likeness she would pin it to her notice board in the shed already she perceived it as a Keepsake I’m creating souvenirs for after he’s gone certain truths had to be faced one such truth was assembling itself in her uterus the sexy thoughtful man currently jiggling

His car keys and imploring her to get a move on was not the child’s father when Anna put these two truths together it gave her a reason to hold back the Germans probably have a word for a place that is both institutional and cozy sunville Breeze block blandness was

Only slightly warmed up by the floral curtains at the Double glazed Windows the corridor to dinky’s room was a maze that smelled of talc and onions dotted with figures hunched over walking frames Anna hated to overtake them her Vigor highlighted their feebleness in a glass-walled communal day room somebody enthusiastic played an

Electric keyboard Anna peered in as she and Luca passed waving hello at an elderly man who raised his stick to her doors squeaked shut elsewhere in the building radios chattered plates clattered in a distant dining hall a hefty Irish woman in a powder pink sunville tunic recognized her as they

Passed you’re Mrs Piper’s granddaughter over her shoulder she shouted handbags divorced allergic to coriander her warmth brought Anna’s shoulders down a notch the internet overflowed with stories of sadistic Care Home staff she was grateful for evidence that dinky was listened to she wondered what word described the old people

Around her were they inmates patients she dimly remembered the superintendent referring to clients somewhat late perhaps she shuddered at the word superintendent the client in Room 43 a ground floor Garden Room w onet b/ kitchenet satellite TV was holding Court in a highback chair dinky’s name was

Appropriate she was the size of a six-year-old with a dolls face and enamel buttons for eyes her soft Irish skin was lined now and her odd bent little beak of a nose gave her a poignant air it also made her talk in a slightly snuffly way when she called out Anna

Darling dinky’s Dublin accent was impervious to the decades she’d spent in London there you are hen Anna’s appearance was clucked over her hair was a lovely her dress was fabl and she was kissed and a chair was found and Anna felt her family lap around her like

Water Josh was perched on a stool Paloma on his lap Santi and Neil roared together at some joke ma sat at dinky’s feet like a labrador albeit one that smelled of body shop musk over by the window Sam and Isabelle held hands Anna made sure to mouth a hello at them and

Who’s this dinky looked Luca up and down her tiny blue eyes bright and perceptive that’s Anna’s boyfriend said ma from the floor enjoying herself I’m Luca he held out his hand and Dinky took it imperiously qu name she said under her breath using her telephone voice she

Said will you take a small Sweet Cherry Luca Luca would and did he sat on the arm of Anna’s chair and found her hand he was Anna realized nervous scrawny dinky with her man-made separates and her stiff white perm had put this big dark man on his best behavior is he

Catholic asked dinky as if Luca wasn’t there she was joking but only half joking actually yes laughed Anna she was thankful to Luca’s ancestors for providing him with the correct religion dinky still didn’t know about the baby and today was the ideal opportunity to tell her she foretold carefully concealed disappointment she foretold

Her own heart cracking slightly as old-fashioned devout dinky made the best of it lapsed though said Luca apologetically to his Hostess nobody’s perfect said dinky seriously dinky asked Neil Sherry in hand Ponch arguing with his striped shirt is this really how you want to live I made me decision said

Dinky stoutly sunville is Grand I’m getting used to it are you sure asked Ma you don’t regret selling the the house the modest Terrace Piper Homestead was on the corner of a London Street that had been dodgy when dinky moved in as a newlywed but was now slap bang in

The middle of trendy territory the mindboggling profit would keep dinky in sunville for the rest of her days I never regret a thing said dinky that’s one of me rules in the 60 years since she was widowed dinky had kept herself afloat financially and emotionally Pride was

One of the traits she’d passed to her oldest granddaughter the room looks great lied Anna the straight edges of the Bland architecture sat uneasily with the big old mahogany bed and the wooden shelves crammed with dinky’s beloved Catherine Cookin the red velvet armchair its embrac such a part of Anna’s

Childhood sat beside a radiator instead of a Coal Fire the radiator hummed ignoring the June mildness and the room was stuffy lunch was a buffet Affair of sausage rolls in kiche eaten on laps Neil sent Anna a look when she returned with interest dinky’s home cooking was a

Thing of the past it was the end of an era and the start of a new one when you carry the future around inside you you’re Duty bound to be optimistic Anna loaded her plate a day that included sausage rolls couldn’t be all bad there’s something you don’t know

Dinky mave was koi at her grandmother’s feet damn Anna put down her sausage roll she’d wanted to tell dinky alone let her grandmother get used to the idea um mave mave bunched her shoulders around her ears I have a new boyfriend dinky and he’s brilliant sidling up to Anna Neil

Whispered only mave could think that Trump’s a baby is he a looker dinky liked to point out that her husband the late sainted grandpa had been Dapper yes mave didn’t seem sure well heun’s tall and dark and all that sorry dinky mave pulled in her chin dodging her

Grandmother’s swipe and is he Catholic asked dinky don’t know don’t care Ma believed in Buddhism on some days and an Elvis on others as long as heun’s kind to you darling said dinky this fella is all right by me but if he touches a hair on your head she put up two arthritic

Fists my money’s on the little woman shouted Neil less of the little if you don’t mind dinky beckoned to Isabelle who stepped forward like a deer stepping out onto a Motorway this girl said dinky everybody under 70 was a girl is a what is it now darling she cocked her head at

Isabelle’s prompt shek an environmental engineer dinky looked amazed as her Dentures stumbled over the words she was from a generation that was amazed if a woman got a degree even though she herself had worked all her life and raised a son single-handedly Anna was surprised too

I’ve sat with Sam day and day out and never asked what Isabelle does for a living she wondered if he’d noticed and decided that of course he had she watched him as dinky continued to sing Isabelle’s Praises Sam had changed was he better looking his hair was the same

That ribbed jumper was ancient it’s me who’s changed Anna was looking at a man who was no longer her property she was spotting virtues she hadn’t bothered to notice for years how kind his eyes are hey Luca nudged her Anna turned and he was super close warmth and a sweet odor

That was related to sex enveloped her he leaned in placed his lips against her forehead and her skull rumbled as he said in his low deep voice looking forward to when we’re alone again yes said Anna with considerable understatement when he crossed the the room summoned by dinky to tell her all

About his career therapist ooh and tell me does that pay well darling Neil skipped to Anna’s side again about time you told Luca young lady what about oh PE the baby Neil mouthed the explosive word Neil wasn’t to know that she told Luca about her pregnancy in the car on the way home

From the last Sunday lunch Club they’d been idling at the lights a few minutes from her door when he said we should have dinner one night he turned to her his smile wolfish in the fading daylight one night soon like tomorrow night instead of yes or no or maybe Anna had

Said I’m pregnant he’ taken his hands off the wheel sat back in Surprise wow you’re super fertile we haven’t even held hands yet they’d howled then and the car behind had beeped at them to get going you don’t look pregnant said Luca parking smoothly expertly

It’s new I’m still getting used to it it was a bit of a shock I see so you’re not Luca pouted as he worked out how to put it you’re not with the father no so you’re single and I’m single Luca put his hands behind his head and smiled that expansive smile

That seemed to Ping on all the street lights along Anna’s Road and we’re talking dinner not marriage so let’s do it yeah it was the that straightforward Luca had a way of breaking situations down into bite-sized pieces yeah she’d laughed a nice steak a chip or two can’t hurt thanks for

Telling me Luca leaned forward closing the gap between them in the car I’m going to kiss you Anna and if the kiss goes well I’m going to suggest that I come in for coffee Jesus no pressure she mumbled making him laugh so that he sat back again was that that line crap he

Asked it was meant to be smooth just kiss me Luca said Anna so he had did he come in for coffee asked Neil underlining the double meaning of the phrase Anna jumped at his apparent mind reading yes and sex she whispered with a neurotic look in dinky’s Direction you

Cheeky girl Neil shuddered happily bet he’s a beast not telling Anna subdued him with a look she wanted to talk about Luca about his powerful thighs his muscled back the way he gasped when he slipped inside her she wanted to skyrite about the way he’d made love to her in

The hallway against the front door unable to wait and she wanted to write a one-act play about the love they’d made later more slowly in her bed transforming a John Lewis sale purchase into a tousled Temple to Cupid you’ve gone all pink said Neil it’s stuffy in here

Usually Anna needed to warm up to a sexual relationship to coax herself into undressing in front of a man pregnancy should have added even more pressure and self-consciousness with Luca clothes were Superfluous being naked felt right there’d been no moral qualms no wondering if it was too soon no doubts

That he’d respect her or that she’d respect him if they jumped in too fast careful said Neil serious now this isn’t a good time to fall for somebody nobody’s falling for anybody she assured him as Luca returned to her swimming through the crowded room miss me he asked hopefully Brazen sighed Neil

Shaking his head in dinky’s Direction bloody Brazen Behavior what are you on about Anna fed Lucas some kiche with her plastic fork they laughed in a bubble of their own making delicious erotic she didn’t want it Shattered by one of Neil’s rants dinky refusing to even acknowledge Paloma Neil shut his eyes

Turned away E Anna wondered if he was joking but the pain on his face was real dinky loves Paloma you idiot Santi had pulled a chair near to dinky and placed paloma’s carry cot by dinky’s feet like an offering to a very small slightly Tipsy goddess see Anna nudged her

Brother she smiled down at her big deal Neil chewed his cheek Luca using a softer version of his usual voice which Anna knew was his therapeutic tone said there are many people vying for your grandmother’s attention Neil shek an old lady she excuses said Neil in a bitter whisper she doesn’t accept Paloma

Because she’s not her granddaughter by Blood that’s not true Anna frowned this was hard to hear you know it Anna and I know it it’s dangerous suggested Luca to tell people what they know one thing I do know about is Prejudice I didn’t come out until I was 30 Luca Neil

Said this as if it might be Luca’s fault I was so scared of how my parents and Dinky would react Santi there he waved an arm in his partner’s Direction he didn’t even have to come out Santi hearing his name approached them lugging the Cary Cott like an oversized handbag

Oh do shush precious for God’s sake said Neil at his daughter who was grizzling and Kicking her booties in the air she wants to be held said Santi who understood every gesture and sound the baby made dinky called Neil shamefaced as if asking a huge favor palom fussing would

You like to later pet dinky held up her plate sure I’m still eating of course said Neil I get it too busy Afters shouted mave who regressed to toddler manners around dinky is it cake she asked lustfully of course chocolate cake what else dinky seemed shocked at the

Idea of a Sunday lunch without its traditional finale abuela asked Santi did you make it yourself dinky’s cake was famous within the confines of the family of course not said Sam she couldn’t make it here could she I could Sam said dinky smugly and I did press

That buzzer for me there love Sam did as he was told statuesque woman who wore the pink sunville tunic as if it was Couture brought in a dark towering cake her hair was piled high in dozens of plats this is Sheba dinky thanked the care worker whose face was an

Introverted mask her eyes cast down she’s from where is it love Lagos said Sheba curtly when she lifted her eyes they were A Soulful Brown I love your hair sheeps said ma who had a habit of awarding perfect strangers instant nicknam Sheba didn’t answer the cake was divided

Given out swooned over it was as moist as it was rich as it was morish Anna’s carefully applied lipstick was replaced with chocolate icing stay Sheba please said Sam as the woman backed out noiselessly have a piece yes stay the others echoed and sheba clamped her lips

Together which seemed to be her best stab at smiling it was typical of Sam to notice her to include her Anna saw Isabelle study the back of his head as Sam cut a slice of cake for Sheba possibly Isabelle was also thinking how kind he was how attentive

Anna examined the past had she noticed that about Sam when they were together did I ever comment on it Isabelle seemed to be doing a better job of being Sam’s woman Anna suffered a twinge of territorial annoyance she called to him Sam did you look into that new accounting software Neil mentioned

Sam wrinkled his nose are you the same woman who tells me off for always talking about work we have all week to discuss software Anna I’m busy he pulled Isabelle to him she squawked they laughed Anna tried to do the same he was right she’d often warned him

About becoming a mummified old Bachelor who lived for his job it was good no great that he had something to distract him but the job equals me she thought ashamed Once More by her capacity for melodrama I’m losing him again was a thought Anna couldn’t fight off even

Though she was the one who dissolved their marriage a wine went up like a petulant police siren Paloma had gone off as storm called it Santi his mouth full of cake motioned to Neil to take the baby off his knee sweetie I’m eating said Neil so is Santi said Anna heun better

At Paloma stuff said said Neil at changing a baby’s nappy it’s hardly a technical challenge have you ever changed one Neil nodded tartly there you go with Paloma under one arm Santi hurried out Anna saw the sideways look Sheba gave to Neil and seconded it she doesn’t miss a thing thought Anna come

Here to me Anna dinky regally held out her hand rubbing Anna’s fingers when her granddaughter did as she was told she lowered her voice asked in a purring undertone are you pregnant love Anna swallowed hard yes ah dinky held her gaze 13 weeks how did you it’s all in

Your face pet you know your granny is an old witch don’t you dinky was the sth daughter of a seventh daughter she could tell when Thunder was on its way and when one of her brood was lying I knew each time your Mammy was carrying one of

You she let go of her hand every baby is a blessing Anna the straightforward forward acceptance broke something in Anna tears streamed down her face Sam was first at her side an arm around her shoulders asking hey hey what’s all this like he used to do when they were

Married the others followed suit apart from Luca who held back Anna was grateful for his discretion nobody felt it necessary to tell dinky how the baby was conceived Dylan was airbrushed into an ex-boyfriend and does this new fella mind dinky made a small hum at the Modern Way of dating wouldn’t have

Happened in my day not all men are like Grandpa mave was Misty eyed on sentiment that reminds me storm do your special job lovey said dinky she pressed a box of matches into his hands Shing him towards the shelf over the radiator once her great-grandson had lit the tealight in front of Grandpa’s

Photograph dinky sat back relaxed again as the room let out A Satisfied awe it’s like your grandpa’s here with us she said still watching over us Anna usually left the soppy stuff to ma but today she was full of gratitude for the family’s untidy love lighting Grandpa’s candle

Was a task storm never winged about silent they all gave Grandpa a moment in the spotlight respectfully taking in his clean-cut face crystallized in the 1960s smart confident cocky even he had stayed bullant young while his wife shrank into the arms of old age the jut

Of his clefted chin gave a hint of power and strength his Charisma had endured long past his life partly because of endless retellings of the story of how he and Dinky met story said storm who showed zero interest in most adult conversation but always requested the

Story it didn’t take much to set dinky off as a Dubliner storytelling was in her jeans and she beckoned to luk Luka come closer Luca darling you’ll enjoy this the room went quiet this taale was a Cornerstone of Piper mythology polished to a Sheen by constant retelling any of them could have recited

It alongside her now then dinky’s voice was sweet and dry like candied leaves imagine me 16 years old hard to imagine me that young I know there I was stepping off the boat from Ireland I had on me best shoes and they were killing me she stuck out an ankle as if she

Could still see the buckled quartz on her wide flat octogenarian feet a little case in me hand a St Anthony necklace under me vest and me best hat on this hat was Infamous she described it again Jesus it was gorgeous that hat felt dark green like a beret but posure I don’t

Mind saying it old women are allowed to be vain but I was lovely fresh with the de of Ireland still on me silly face then said mave you saw grandpa well now letun be honest Grandpa saw me and oo went up like a panto the story had long

Established call and response set pieces Luca catching on came in late with his ooh and everybody laughed the port was big so many people rushing around and they looked so hard dinky looked at the ground for a moment as if the carpet had been replaced with the echoing floors of holy

Head busy with sharp heels and heavy boots and ground in dog ends I wanted to turn around run home back to me parents back to our warm kitchen I felt so small as one they all said it you are so small dinky I was jostled all over the place nobody had a

Speck of manners some big egit almost knocked me over and didn’t even look back never mind apologize then Sheed paused ratcheting up her audience’s anticipation this chap steps in front of me and puts out his arm like this dinky crooked her arm he says they all recited

Grandpa’s line may I be of any assistance I’d been warned about you English dinky waggled a finger at Sam who put up his hands in defense I was huy with him mother had warned me not to talk to strange men he persisted chasing after me as I stumbled off in me hat he

Said again the audience supplied their grandfather’s dialogue my name’s Charlie Piper are you catching the London train Miss still I ignored him out of the corner of me eye I could see he looked like a movie star Anna and Josh enjoyed a secret smile their grandmother was stretching the truth but they also

Benefited from her bias all dinky geese were swans he was guiding me touching my elbow and the crowd didn’t seem so bad after a while he says where are my manners they chanted let me take your bag this was one of Storm’s favorite Parts cross-legged on the floor he

Shouted you thought he was a thief I said oh no you don’t and he laughed and when I heard his laugh I knew that not only had I met a good man but I’d met my man laying his head on Neil’s shoulder Santi let out a contented sigh bold as

Brass he sat beside me all all the way to Houston tell me about yourself G he said dinky’s approximation of her husband’s Cockney accent was fond and devilish he bought me a Kaa and a bun the size of me head and I chattered about life back in Dublin nobody had

Ever been interested in me before it was like dinky was lost for a second it was perfect she whispered then prompted storm then dinky we had a smoke and a laugh and suddenly we were at Houston Station he saw me to the barrier just about to say

Goodbye then he saw the look on me face you were frightened Anna was moved again by this part of the legend London was so much bigger and dirtier than I’d expected I was a lost lamb then your grandfather turned to me and he said she paused let them do it for her you’re

Going to be all right G because I’m going to look after you and so he did dinky wrapped up her party piece afterwards he told me he’d fallen for me on the train and that was that they didn’t waste much time Neil was Rye filling in the newcomers 2 months later

They were married and then Dad came along soon after wished you you cheeky so and so dinky wasn’t really annoyed she had a salty side he worked hard looked after me and your dah devoted himself to us then when little Alan was 6 years old ma said wistfully Grandpa

Was taken no he died Anna disliked euphemisms she looked at the black and white face behind the shimmering candle the glimmer in Grandpa’s eye explained why a God-fearing Irish Colleen of 16 would ignore her mother’s warnings one night Charlie was late home he was never late and I had this

Terrible forboding I tucked little Allan into bed slung on me coat to go out looking none of these mobile thing in those days I opened the front door and wasn’t there two policemen coming up The Path Jesus the looks on their faces I felt for them bringing that news to a

Family there had been an accident at the factory they said he was gone silence fell in the room you had to look after Dad all on your own Anna felt the echo keenly your dad was no trouble said dinky lovingly lenient the look that traveled between Anna and Neil was

So practiced and quick that nobody else noticed as the audience dispersed as the final slivers of cake were handed out Luca gravitated back to Anna no trouble Neil was sirly remember what Dad said to me when I finally told him I was gay of course I do said Anna looking over her

Shoulder this seemed neither the time nor the place to dredge that memory out of the MC he told me I got it from Mom’s side Neil glowered as insulted now as he had been then it as if homosexuality was a disease dad is well he dad Anna and Neil

Rarely discussed their father he’s a man of his generation so those two Neil jabbed a finger in the direction of mave and Josh currently going through dinky’s collection of Daniel odonnal cassette tapes those two don’t have any concept of what he’s really like they grew up in

His house Neil Anna pretended not to know what he was talking about this hadn’t been aired with Luca yet they put up with his moods with his opinions being the only ones worth having with him getting his way A lot of men his age Have To Rule The Roost Sam hadn’t been

Like that they’d been Partners times have changed thank God not in this family Mrs Piper it was the first time Sheba had spoken her accent was strong guttural it’s time to dinky cut in turly thank you Sheba you can go but you must I said thank you that tone was reserved for

Grave misdemeanors Anna had winced under it when she’d broken dinky’s favorite ornament or missed mass as Sheba left the room Anna and tenny wiggled don’t you like Sheba dinky she’s Grand dinky was short are you sure dinky you know I worry about you being in here is Sheba

You know kind to you there had been a touch of anger in the set of the woman’s shoulders as she left changing the subject as she always did when she was disinclined to answer a question dinky asked Isabelle what she saw in Sam because it surely couldn’t be his money

Or his looks but Anna didn’t join in with the laughter quick drinky poos Neil suggestion was met with Ardent nods as dinky’s visitors passed through the sliding doors of sunville out into the early evening that Pub looks awful laughed Anna pointing to a dive on the

Next Corner it’ll do said Sam it did do sitting around a beer puddled table they compared notes on dinky’s new home Josh was inclined to make the best of it it’s warm and she’s safe he said head dipping eyes on his drink he tended to hang back

At Family get togethers at least we don’t have to worry about her having a fall on her own Anna hadn’t realized Josh worried about such things she hadn’t realized he worried much about anything it seemed to be Josh’s Destiny to be the one everybody else worried about she worried

Now taking in his thin frame wondering why he let his hair grow so long detecting signs of neglect that’s true she decided to make the best of it making the best of it was one of dinky skills she has all her familiar stuff around her Grandpa’s looking down from the

Shelf said mave and from Heaven said Neil setting down a tray of drinks don’t forget heaven what’s the matter with you today Anna felt mave and Josh sit back in their seats they rarely got involved when big sis and big bro locked horns why all the bitching me bitching Neil’s

Ruined cherub face looked affronted Santiago was I being see Santi was engrossed in arranging paloma’s blank it around her like a snow cloud she was a burst of light in the gry pub Neil gave in sometimes it gets to me you know all that stuff about

Grandpa how come dad’s the way he is if Grandpa was so perfect mave scowled what’s wrong with Dad she said indignantly he didn’t come to my wedding for a start not that again ma snorted they live in Florida Neil Mom wasn’t well she looked as fit as a bloody

Fiddle on Skype accustomed to being listened to at his Ad Agency Neil expected the same treatment off duty we all know why they didn’t come can’t we move on asked Santi sounding older than dinky his parents came Neil jerked his head at Santi they’re Catholics too so

Dad doesn’t have the excuse of religion dad’s bigoted he’s disappointed he doesn’t like his son being gay said mave Josh said nothing but he said it loudly he sent you a present though Anna remembered the size of the check for the first time that struck her as odd the

Last thing Neil needed was money and did you notice dinky’s Behavior today Neil was red with annoyance his lips thinned as he said barely looked at Paloma Isabelle leaned against Luca her mouth to his ear Anna heard her whisper you get used to it all the lunches are

Like this it’s better than Telly dinky loves babies mave was as miffed as ma ever got which was hardly at all but does she love this baby Neil pointed at the oblivious Paloma this baby with two dads Luca shifted looked at the ceiling his thighs spread Anna heard him make a

Small exasperated noise she said Neil you’re talking as if we’re in the Dark Ages none of us think twice about this stuff we all love Paloma the way we love you and Santi I’m not talking about us said Neil encompassing them all with a wave of his arms I’m surprised at you of

All people defending dad that got everybody’s interest what does he mean ma sat forward nothing he means nothing Anna opened a bag of crisps and said surreptitiously to Neil you can be such a they stared each other out Anna won she’d been winning staring competitions with Neil since they were tiny

Heun’s just stirring she said to mave and Josh who despite the diversion of the crisps were looking from one to the other in bewilderment dad and I get on fine you know that don’t fight said Josh Anna crooked her little finger held it out to Neil paxis paxis Neil curled his finger

Around hers sorry he was chastened Neil always went too far and then he always felt terrible about it as families do with their elastic love they forgave him walking to the car Neil and Anna went ahead conspiring did you see how panicked Josh got when he thought we were falling out said

Anna they think of us as surrogate parents said Neil they never minded when Mom and Dad argued he eyed her as if wondering whether to go on he did go on of course Neil rarely held back does it ever bother you the way Mom and Dad exploited us making us look after mave

And Josh all the time it was hardly exploitation we were babysitting Neil and dinky was always around to take the strain when they were away true they shared a nostalgic moment at their grandmother’s house Neil and Anna had been relieved of their duties allowed to regress run slightly wild they’d stayed

Up late had ice cream instead of dinner were never asked to account for mave or Josh without saying a word against their parents Behavior dinky showed she understood sometimes I feel as if we had a totally different childhood to those two Neil looked back checking they were out of

Earshot we know what Mom and Dad are capable of and mave and Josh don’t it would have been so easy to tell him about the letter Neil would what exactly he’d understand yes but nobody could solve the problem it presented and he’d be so upset she hugged him so suddenly

That he jumped before hugging her back Maven Josh she said into his ear must never know we agreed that at the time it’s still for the best listen she said surfing on their cander you didn’t really mean that about Dinky not loving Paloma I did Neil stopped dead look at

Me Anna what exactly am I meant to be looking at how old am I you’re 44 next question how long have I been out as a gay man 14 years which which means that for 30 years I pretended to be something I’m not now I want to be accepted is

That too much to ask perhaps you think I’m being petty when I complain about Dinky or winge about Dad not coming to the wedding through gritted teeth he said do you honestly think anything on Earth could make me miss paloma’s wedding Anna considered carefully before opening her mouth he might exploded but

It needed to be said if you’d walk across hot coals to attend paloma’s wedding what’s stopping you changing her nappy now and again she took in the way he glared at her but carried on Santi did everything for Paloma today you didn’t take any of the strain it’s not

Like that at home snapped Neil oh and thanks for the support archly he put an emphatic full stop to their T AET and stalked back to the others elaborate goodbyes were made I love these Sundays said Isabelle you’re never sure if there will be way too much

Much food or not enough there’s always some sort of row sometimes somebody cries but they’re never ever dull she sounded as if she planned to be around for quite some time Anna made a point of hugging Isabelle eyeballing Sam over her shoulder with a C I’m being nice look

There was nothing wrong with Isabelle perhaps that was the problem she was a cutout doll not what Anna would choose for Sam to mave Anna whispered how much did she give you she’ spotted the slight of hand as dinky slipped ma a bundle of notes when they

Were kids it had been 50 but rates had gone up just a little something to tide me over said mave Josh lurked he always skulked at the end of a lunch needing a lift too diffident to ask he was a puppy hoping for a caress fearing a slap hop

In you said Luca unlocking the car the bedsit was miles out of their way but Anna was grateful to Luca for rescuing Josh the journey gave her a chance to talk to her little brother wey of Luca’s judgment she kept the nagging to a minimum even though she longed to ask if

He’d contacted his landlord about the dodgy wiring she didn’t ask about Thea she asked what she should name the baby we should let babies name themselves he said if ma had said it Anna would have rolled her eyes until they were sore from Josh it was cute oh

Shut up she laughed slapping him he laughed too Anna felt as if she’d won a prize Luca dropped her at her gate calling her back three times to kiss him igniting a need that would have to wait until they met again home The Familiar pictures on the wall the worn carpet on

The stairs the favorite spot in the kitchen where Anna sat herself gratefully down Yeti bounded into her lap his paws on her shoulders licking off her makeup his breath smelled of shoe there was so little evidence of her pregnancy that the fatigue took her by surprise Sunday lunch Club had exhausted

Her Anna tried to retrace life steps to work out when dinky had made the transition from somebody to lean on to somebody she worried about it was only fair that Anna look out for her grandmother it was loving payback there was no effort required it was easy

When her parents had moved to Florida the Baton had been passed to Anna the unspoken assumption being that the oldest unmarried childless Piper female would step in sexist thought Anna and what’s more sist she’d roped Neil in and they’d found sunville together after a few dispiriting weeks of nosing around

Residential Care Homes Neil’s financial adviser had finessed the house sale it was the usual modus operandi Neil paid the bills but didn’t get his hands dirty the anxiety was chiefly Anna’s there was ironing to do a bath to be had Luca to call and talk dirty to and the letter to read

Again chapter 5 lunch at Lucas antipasto prudo salami brusketta tortillini and bro lamb in breadcrumbs zupa and gla Anna had morning sickness she also had midday sickness afternoon sickness middle of the night sickness she wondered who’ named it so misleadingly that Sunday morning it was only a vague queasiness easily forgotten

In the Splendor of Luca’s bedroom his spacious flat on the ground floor of a detached period house on a road between a loop of the temps and Henry VII magnificent Palace at Hampton Court was full of books and paintings and things it could have been cluttered but instead

It had a crazy Order each artwork meant something he’d read all the books the furniture had traveled with him through many house moves she buried herself in its color and texture in the changing light that crawled across the rooms throughout the day completely altering them in his bed a colossal four poster

Affair she tugged the red drapes across creating a personal nighttime she didn’t want it to be Sunday she wanted to live with Luca in an eternal Saturday night When Love Was Made and box sets were watched and the Deep Rumble of his laugh made her tingle Hampton Court Palace had

Become one of their places they picnicked in the grounds and caught the fery from the riverbank it was such an unlikely place a sprawling Fantastical Castle plonked in a suburb gilded dragon and unicorns glowered from its Gates yet it was opposite a Pizza Express it suited their strange romance

Which was also caught between two separate realities there was Anna’s which involved a baby and Luca’s which did not it wasn’t that they didn’t mention her pregnancy they did they never discussed it though it was a fact like so many other facts fact Anna was allergic to coriander fact Luca snored

Fact fact Anna was pregnant fact Luca was not in the far end of the flat an oven door slammed Luca had been up since Dawn and Heavenly smells knows their way through the bed drapes it had been his idea to host this week’s Sunday lunch Club my way of apologizing for keeping

You to myself all this time each time Anna had been invited to lunch during the last two months she demurred preferring her flat or Lucas just the two of them the other clubbers had preferred not to meet without her she’d been both flattered and dismayed it was

A pressure of sorts and she had her fill of that the covers moved by her feet she heard panting Yeti was waking up a bump traveled up the bed a pointed snout trimmed with impressive whiskers emerged followed by the rest of Yeti there was a lot of Yeti he’d grown into

His name and out of his dog basket despite Anna’s best intentions to train him carefully he had access all areas shedding hair like a Kardashian spends money the latest rule he’ torn up was her most precious one she’d vowed never to let yeti on the bed but the pious

Howling got to her and now she and Luca were a threesome he complained that he was the odd one out as his girlfriend and her dog cuddled and spooned and shared licky kisses beside him the noise of the door easing open and the sound of feet padding across the carpet got Anna

Wiggling with anticipation pulling the silk cover up to her chin and enjoying the feel of its rumpled weave against her breasts buor no Cara Anna squirmed cork screwing herself down among the bed clothes Luca knew the effect his speaking Italian had on her she was Radioactive with desire around this man

It could be hormones but she preferred to believe it was chemistry the first time they’d made love a mere 5 hours after they met making Anna more or less a and a happy at that could have been awkward icky it had taken Anna a while to come to terms with her pregnant body

It had felt other not entirely her own in Luca’s arms greedy Lusty passionate she’d reclaimed herself he’d roamed all over her enjoying the scenery his mouth on every part of Anna their nakedness was so honest she felt clothed in her skin as if she could wander out and buy

A pine of of milk without covering up her creamy nudity her body had changed since then pregnancy was the gift that keeps on giving it gave her a new shape every couple of days her tongue was expanding her profile rounder but she was still not obviously pregnant that

Mattered Anna had a faint fuzzy fear that when her bump rounded out when it got to the point where strangers gave her their seat on the tube she would Revolt Luca that moment was some way off and Anna had trained herself not to think about it she took each day as it

Came with Luca they couldn’t and didn’t make plans the breasts however had arrived and for that Luca was truly grateful Anna felt voluptuous ripe powerful undressing in front of him was a joint pleasure no shucking off her pants and leaping into bed two equals enjoying each other it was heady

Stuff the bed curtain was drawn back bre breakfast is there any nicer sight in the world said Anna than a greatl looking man you’ve just had superb sex with coming towards you with a tray in his hands thank you madam we pride ourselves on offering a complete service the flat didn’t need much

Primping to prepare it for the Sunday lunch Club crew it looked best in slight disarray with the sun slanting through the shutters a spattering of dust only added to the patina as if a portion of old Italy had been towed across the Mediterranean and moed in Su as Luca

Sang and sliced salami among the hanging copper pans in his Galley kitchen Anna vomited discreetly in the on Suite this was one byproduct of pregnancy unlike the increased cup size and libido she was Keen to keep from Luca it would be different if he was the father I’d share

Everything good and bad with him Anna wiped her mouth with a groan remembering the days when the only time she threw up up was when she mixed her drinks on a night out the phone trilled little sis read Anna mave I might be a bit late there’s some

Sort of works on the track or something no probs why is she calling to say this ma was always late oh and Paul can’t make it ah don’t bloody a me Anna Piper I knew you’d do this do what use a simple two-letter word Anna cued her

Hand checking her breath you know what you’re doing making out there’s something wrong that stupid mave has cocked up her love life well he has food poisoning he’s lying in his bed dying happy now Anna flinched her dad used to say that to her with the same ugly

Inflection I didn’t sorry to disappoint you but Paul’s Ace I I love him then I’m happy for you I’m also wondering why you’re so incredibly defensive you’ve got me all wrong mayy I just want you to be okay I want us all to be okay I want to meet

This amazing Paul Anna fought to keep the subtext out of her voice she’d been wondering why Paul hadn’t yet been shown off like a show Pony he so Keen to meet you lot I’ll have a lunch Club down here sounds great in her Mind’s Eye Anna saw limp vegetarian pasties and finger

Marked glasses listen Alva’s making trouble Alva how surely not the same Alva who covered more than half of the household bills paid for storm schooling and babysat him whenever ma had an inkling to find herself at glastenbury he’s saying stuff what stuff that maybe storm should live with

Him for a while you mean literally move in with him and CLA and the kids mhm Anna knew that sound Ma’s lips were pursed to keep in the tears what’s the reason I mean Storm’s happy at home so it was hard to tell with the boy he

Turned inwards perhaps it was his age but Anna worried he was like his Uncle Josh that the discontent would linger long past his teens isn’t he what are you trying to say letun talk about it properly when you get here mave was as prickly as a hedgehog she only lost her

Trademark cool when she was deeply troubled we’ll sort it out don’t worry she’d been making promises like this to mave since her sister was a baby on the whole she kept them I’m sure Alva isn’t planning to take storm away from you perhaps she trod carefully perhaps it

Would be good for both of you you and storm if he went to his dad’s for a bit we all need a breathing space now and then there was no explosion just a small voice on the other end agreeing that you might be right with half an hour to go

Luca was FL flat out the oven was on the hob was crowded with bubbling pots the girlfriend was banished from the kitchen drifting about in Jean’s top button undone beneath a floaty white top Anna crossed a line specifically the line at the door of Luca’s Consulting room he

Hadn’t said so but it was clear that he preferred her to keep out he was sensitive about client confidentiality many times Anna had tried to dig into his professional relationship ship with Josh but no matter now subtle the question Luca warned her off gently but very firmly like an illegal immigrant Anna flitted

Across the border into the dark walled room there was disappointingly no sheds long between an inviting sofa and a plush office chair a box of tissues sat ready on a low table it was a room of Secrets files stood tidily on a shelf there were no names just initials

Anna speed read the labels until she found JP before she could raise her hand to take it down she heard Luca clear his throat in the doorway are you trying to get me struck off no just just looking for your brother’s file Luca stood to one side indicating she was to leave the

Room now this is my place of work he said Gravely his expression fixed and Stern made him look older less like her Luca and Anna was flooded with remorse I know I shouldn’t have sorry he smiled back to himself again don’t make me lock the door Annie she

Loved it when he called her that nobody else ever had this has to be private you understand she understood she kissed him he tasted of garlic and tomatoes and Anna had always liked those ingredients she could have kissed him for a lot longer but the doorbell rang and judging

By the sounds of bickering Neil and Santi and Paloma had arrived don’t look at me said Neil instead of hello flouncing past leaving Anna with a bottle of good Italian wine and a handtied bouquet of white and green and mauve flowers her favorite colors Neil was a genius at gifting we’re not

Talking to each other said Santi sniffily offering Paloma up for adoration from what I could hear you’re talking to each other very loudly Anna hugged her brother-in-law grateful as ever for his presence he was a radiator not a fridge Santi gave out warmth never hoarding his happiness

Always ready to share even when he was miffed what’s he done and oh my God Anna stepped back as Neil turned to face her in the narrow hallway your face yes I’ve had Botox sue me crucify me Neil’s taut face was Crimson with emotion I happen

To think it takes years off me it’s your face said Luca kissing him on both rubbery cheeks you can do what you like with it Anna could tell he was hiding his shock and amusement there was nothing wrong with your face Santi spoke low nostrils inflated as he whisked past

Into the sitting room I like your face he stopped looking around him taken aback by the dimensions of the space you’ve knocked to rooms into one he stared about him delighted Luca you have taste I know Luca winked at Anna just look at my bird slang was so wrong in

Luca’s mouth it was strangely thrilling to be called his bird like number 14 buses the lunch guests arrived all at once mave and storm met Josh on the stairs ahead of Sam and Isabelle who’d brought a pot plant and a strange homemade cake which Isabelle kept apologizing for all were taken aback by

The paper plates Luca was taken aback that they were taken aback it was he said how his mother always served Sunday feasts it’s the food that’s important not the washing up to Italians anyway he enjoyed a dig now and then at his Heathen British friends I go to her

Place at least once a month and we throw out the plates when it’s finished why didn’t you invite your mom today asked Sam it’ be great to meet meet her said ma she turned to Anna what she like I um wouldn’t know smiled Anna Mama’s a busy woman said Luca not too

Busy to talk to her son daily on the phone or to meet him in town every week for a cocktail it seemed like the most natural thing in the world for such a dutiful fond son to introduce his mother to his bird but so far Luca had never

Even mentioned it oh God this brusketta said mave eyes flickering in Bliss once the obligatory toast to the absent dinky had been made and the salami Sam spoke with his mouth full leaning across the lace tablecloth a strangely feminine choice for a man like Luca but apparently an heirloom to snaffle a

Brusketta he patiently held up his toasted chabata topped with an oily tumble of diced tomato so Isabelle could Instagram it her account was apparently mainly food and kittens Anna knew that the old Sam would have scoffed at that but the new smitten Sam looked at Isabelle as if she was made of precious

China it’s so good said Santi putting his hand to his heart to eat food made with real love and proper seasoning are you really enjoying it Neil asked Sam I can’t tell from your expression enough with the botox jokes Neil didn’t join in with the laughter remember that gay

Years are like dog years we age quicker than you boring Straits your daddy speaks such nonsense said Santi to Paloma once again she was on his lap we think he’s gorgeous don’t we youth is currency in my world said Neil which makes me a popper I know what

You mean said Anna she and Luca were sharing a chair which was nicely intimate but also hard on her behind women are up against that too we lose value as we age not in this house said Luca some women said Sam turning to take in Isabelle we improve as the years go

Past it’s a pressure though ma backed Anna up you’ve got to be thin you’ve got to look no older than 35 your whole life you’ve got to shave your legs wax your you know what it’s a full-time job she addressed Paloma don’t get involved sweetie refuse be like your auntie mave

My underarms are a jungle Neil tried to scowl please don’t bring your Hairy Bits to the lunch table Ma so that’s tortillini and broo said ma as Luca put down white bowls small pasta shapes swam in a shimmering golden broth when pressed Luca explained that he’d simmered beef bones chicken onions

Carrot and celery for 4 hours but yours mave he added before she could complain is a vegetarian version I made in a separate pot 4 hours Anna put an arm around him that’s dedication she said with a hint of Pride I have a boyfriend who can actually cook that’s very sexist

Anna Luca tucked his napkin into his collar Godfather style nope it’s realistic Anna turned to Sam I did all the cooking when we were married didn’t I she regretted it as soon as she said it Anna often referred to her marriage but now that Isabelle was an SLC regular

Perhaps that was inappropriate she saw Isabelle’s head droop slightly over her pasta and said quickly but that was years ago so I managed to knock up a weird casserole thing last week remember YY Sam put his hand to his stomach maybe that’s why I’ve been having these twinges in my

Gut Anna tried to share an ironic look with Isabelle at this latest evidence of Sam’s hypochondria but Isabelle looked away flustered as if unsure of engaging with her shek wary of me thought Anna more food whale mave as the next wave arrived Jesus I can’t face another

Morsel but that lamb looks so a good Neil allowed Luca to pile his plate with slices I half expected to see Thea today he raised his double chin peering down at Josh she’s not ready for the spotlight Josh helped himself to potatoes Santi put his head on one side

Josh touched his soft heart we’ll be kind to her he promised we don’t bite he flicked a look at his husband well I don’t whereas said Anna Neil as Hannibal Lecter the loudest laugh came from Isabel who was both trying too hard and sloshed LCA said mave don’t you think

It’s time we met Thea nice try thought Anna as Luca avoided the question with a shake of his head and a pout of his full lips not only did he refuse to be drawn on the nature of Josh’s therapy he was also tight lipped about Thea’s age

Nationality height or whether she was as into Josh as he clearly was into her the only morsel Anna had managed to draw out of Luca was that yes Thea was good for Josh now he said to ma let’s respect Josh and let him decide when we meet

Thea all very well thought Anna But It’s tricky to respect somebody if you worry about them it was perhaps a presentiment of motherhood which meant Anna couldn’t share it with Luca he had no emotional investment in the baby at least said mave unable to drop it take a bloody

Pooid of her Josh you take a picture of everything he’d already snapped Storm’s new trainers and Anna’s ponytail Josh pushed back the strand of dark hair that fell over one eye and didn’t answer mave saying instead I’m off to Croatia next week he closed his eyes with make

Believe patience and said before you ask mave yes Thea is coming with me a not so covert look of approval traveled from Piper to Piper this was progress Josh had always sloped off abroad when his budget permitted exploring corners of Europe and Russia and Latin America always

Alone he sent no postcards never texted a Scenic shot it was as if a door slammed when he left the country and his family behind even the inevitable Polaroids he took along the way were devoid of human figures itk be nice to have company said Anna she was never

Quite at rest when he was away she assumed that her brother suffered with depression it had never been named and she intuited that these trips were one way of dealing with it this Croatian trip with Thea sounded like a holiday a most Unos occurrence begging like a professional Yeti roamed beneath the

Table ma slipped him cubes of Italian Roast potato freckled with rosemary Isabelle gave him the fat off her lamb Neil pushed away The Damp snout saying youve spoiled that dog Anna on Q Yeti burped above the giggles Anna defended her hairy Protege he we where he should now I’ve had boyfriends who couldn’t

Achieve that level of sophistication said Neil he was on better form today not so warlike now that Anna wasn’t drinking alcohol she had a hyp sensitivity to how much the others drank and the effect it had Neil and Ma drank too much like I used to two hours in and

They grew fuzzy around the edges groping for their words Meandering on when the conversation had changed Direction sticking to tap water as ever Josh was unchanging calm as a monk Luca she noticed only drank enough to relax never enough to unravel at some point Anna assumed she

Would find a fault with her lover but for now the honeymoon blinkers were still firmly on nobody knew what zupa Andy was it’s like trifle explained Luca the name translates as English soup layers of cake he made the sponge Anna mouthed to an astonished mave were interspersed with pillowy whipped cream and trickled

With lure none for me thanks Neil’s refusal silenced the table what he snapped is there any point me spending a fortune on my face if I let the rest of me get fat but you’re already fat so so ma didn’t see the problem one bowl of zupa in won’t make much difference you

Love trifle Anna hated to see Neil deny himself for the sake of regaining a youth that never really existed he’d always been tubby go on have just because you’re expanding doesn’t mean I have to ooh Sam made comedy out of Neil’s flash of claw but Anna wondered

When her brother had become so brittle he’d always been Arch a touch camp but when had that spilled over into irritable edginess and over-the-top put Downs Paloma coughed making a noise like a fairy yodelling and with a flash of insight Anna pinpointed the moment of change the adoption process conversation turned to politics

Sam had strong opinions about the government so did Luca these opinions were Polar Opposites and the two men monopolized the table until ma Bor chipped in I had one of my dreams last night here we go s Neil Mystic Megs back Sam explained to Isabelle that Ma was a

Bit psychic he was proud proprietorial even though thought Anna he poo poos any mention of crystals or mandelas or auras ooh I love that kind of thing Isabelle sounded credulous her mouth stained licorice by the Sicilian wine her enthusiasm explained Sam’s enthusiasm I saw a letter said mave Anna

Sat stock still the room moved around her chattering slurping Yeti rubbed against her leg handwritten it seemed to rise out of the Mist a love letter asked Isabelle a final demand said Neil nudging Santi who collapsed against him laughing it was Anonymous Anna felt her interior churn

And knew it was nothing to do with the baby still only the size of a mango and she prompted that’s it Ma had moved on her Clairvoyant dream forgotten any coffee going Luca did it seem you know threatening Anna wanted to know did what seem oh the letter do know

Ma had lost interest are you okay she asked peering at her sister I’m tiptop said Anna she stood abruptly I need some air I’ll come with you Ma was at her side as close as Yeti as the three of them headed to the rod iron balcony on

The other side of the sheer curtain with the red geraniums and the snow white hydrangea Anna composed herself I don’t know what to do said mave about what I told you mave was impatient she’d always assumed that the world ended at the end of her pretty nose Alva oh yeah sorry Anna wrenched

Her Focus away from the supernatural so fill me in like I said Alva thinks it’s time storm lived with him full time not just weekends and holidays and stuff you know what Alva’s like banging on about fatherson time and a strong male role model and all that bollocks it’s not

Bollocks mave Anna was gentle storm has me mave beat her chest I’m all the role model he needs it’s not as if he never sees Alva they’re really close heun’s a good dad Anna emphasized this often Alva was a good dad despite Ma’s lack of cooperation and I’m a good mom keep your

Hair on you’re as touchy as Neil after a brief irresistible detour to their brother’s smooth new face they stopped cackling and Anna asked the obvious question what does storm think he wonk say ma fidgeted looking out at the rooftops Jesus I wish Paul hadn’t convinced me to give up smoking storm

Doesn’t want to hurt his mom you’ve done a great job with storm ma looked startled as if Anna had spoken in tongues you serious of course Anna frowned did she compliment Ma so rarely it was hard in the beginning ma was lost in the past for a moment you were only

What 19 20 mave had grown up alongside her own son in a way they’d brought each other up Anna did a quick calculation when my child is Storm’s age I’ll be 53 when Anna got to 53 storm would be in his 30s she romped through all the landmark ages 18

2140 I’ll be 58 6180 she gulped she’d left it late this baby making I don’t know if I like if storm likes this idea ma slipped up this was as much about her fears as it was about Storm’s well-being will you come with me to talk

To Alva about it I don’t want to go all that way on my own all that way Anna smiled at Ma’s talent for overstatement hve is One Stop on the train no Boston mave was querulous don’t you listen yes I listen to all your Guff all the time only sisters could be that

Frank you’ve never mentioned Boston Anna shivered she wasn’t going to like this next bit she could tell Alva’s relocated he’s gone into partnership with some big IT company or something details never interested mave you know how everything falls into Alva’s lap that was a perverse take on Alva’s hard work long

Hours stamina It All Happened really quickly he and CLA suddenly upped and left and now they’re living in one of those massive American houses with a veranda and a pool and and mave spluttered groping around for another us stereotype a basketball hoop offered Anna probably heun’s found some snotty

Private school for storm where everybody goes on to Harvard ma curled her lip as if that’s all that matters looks like we’re off to Boston then thank you Ma almost melted with gratitude her eyes swam will you help me do the right thing I’m the last one to ask about the

Right thing the letter proved that you don’t need my help silly Anna saw Panic flare in Ma’s eyes but I’ll be there every step of the way she said it and she meant it but for the rest of the lunch despite the good food and the better company Anna was quiet I should

Have been there every step of the way for Bonnie it was a scar that had almost healed over before the letter ripped the thin skin away and now it throbbed and bled and threatened to stain everything around her if she didn’t get a grip they sat around like turkeys fattened for

Christmas nobody energetic enough to make the first move and go home except of course for Josh who’d left soon after the last scraped spoonful of zupa Eng Luca and he had had a long intense conversation on the stairs out of Anna’s earshot she’d scuttled back to a sofa as

Luca’s footsteps rang on the stairs Sam saidou minding your Ps and q’s aren’t you me no you are my darling said Santi his head on Neil’s shoulder the baby wedged between them fast asleep no burping no Rudy ruds this was San’s code for farting he was far too decorous to

Use such English words eyes closed Neil murmured I didn’t see you scratch your bum once today shut up said Anna firmly as Luca appeared do you use the L while Luca’s in the bath yet Sam seemed to be enjoying himself shut up said Anna but Luca caught and Dawn and hooted wek

Still being very polite about stuff like that he said flopping down beside Anna he laid an arm about her shoulders aren’t we oh how she loved that we Anna held back fought against slipping down the mudslide of Desire Luca had never repeated his assertion made it Josh’s

Flat that he hated children but it dangled between them he’s only on loan she reminded herself as she settled against his side in the Lazy Sunday atmosphere he was more comfortable than the cushions and exciting with it if you want me to I can do a Rudy rude right now

She had to subvert her feelings with humor she had to stop herself blurting out could you love me Luca tuning back in she heard Neil admit I meant to pop over to dinky this week but work you said that last week she reminded him who needs a conscience when you’re around I

Went to sunville said Santi when Neil looked taken a back or as taken a back as a newly botoxed man can he said I don’t tell you everything did you bring Paloma asked asked Neil of course did you think I leave her with the servants Santi trilled the r with Spanish Brio as

He mixed and matched tenses and Neil was anxious and what we had a nice time did she was she nice to Paloma Neil everybody’s nice to our little palamita there it was again that insecurity about dinky’s feelings for her only great grandchild was Sheba there asked Anna you noticed it too said

Sam looking up from the cat’s cradle he and Isabelle had made of their fingers as they shared a vast aging armchair something going on there yeah Anna had hoped she was making it up the way dinky talks to her and the way she talks to dinky Sam was on Anna’s wavelength

There’s something secret between them something not good oh God Neil sat up perturbed you don’t think Sheba he couldn’t find the word then grimaced at the one he chose you don’t think she abuses dinky no no no Anna tried to convince herself but you read such awful

Things about old people in homes but not dinky said mave as with all problems she evidently wanted this swept away as quickly as possible she’d speak up yes she would Neil looked at Anna wouldn’t she of course she would they were all silent I’ll ring her this

Evening me too said Neil and me said Sam shek be sick of us laughed Anna Sam and Isabelle were the last to leave as his girlfriend sought out her cotton jacket on the spare room bed Sam pulled Anna to one side in the hallway hey he said which was his

Habitual way of starting a conversation he was unsure about hey yourself said Anna gently throwing glances at the spare room door he said I’m going to ask Isabelle to move in with me really Anna moderated her expression Sam had winced at her amazement right I see she tried

To gauge what he needed from her it felt oddly as if he was asking her permission are you sure you haven’t been together long when it’s right it’s right be careful don’t scare her off she might freak out he dropped his voice even further they could both hear Luca and

Isabelle chatting yeah right like you’d freak out if Luca asked you you’d bite his hand off that’s oh that’s different is it Sam ended her sentence when she was unable to why don’t I deserve a chance at this Christ Anna you could try and look pleased for me you seem great together

Anna scrabbled trying to make up lost ground I’m not raining on your parade Sam she’s sensitive and she’s and she loves me said Sam he paused then took her hand the feel of his fingers was a constant throughout her life at once nostalgic and contemporary letun not

Fight a we were never any good at it before Anna could speak Isabelle bounded out of the spare room her effort to look as if she hadn’t noticed their entwined hands didn’t convince Anna I loved having them here but I’m glad they’re gone Luca took the pile of serving

Dishes out of Anna’s hands so I can do this he homed in on her arms about her mouth on hers he was warm solid and he tasted of lunch washing up versus Luca was no contest lying on the bed they discovered they were too full of food to

Make love sorry said LCA sh Anna was perversely pleased it felt like a milestone they were tacitly accepting there would be plenty of other opportunities prioritizing sleep over sex felt like a coupley thing to do so long as it doesn’t happen too often they snoozed and the light in the

Room changed for from pearly to gray stretching they moved about the flat setting it to rights clearing away stray glasses debating what to watch on Netflix Anna yawned she deserved this delicious Sunday evening just her and Luca and a romcom she deserved a night off from the letter oh I forgot Luca

Came up behind her at the sink this must have got swept up with my stuff when I was at your place a presentiment warned her as he reached into his leather she wanted to say no she wanted him to leave it in the bag until the next

Morning but she said nothing and Luca brought out a long narrow envelope chapter 6 lunch at maves nibbly things baked potatoes surprise filling beans alah Hines angel cake and custard dear Anna contacting you is against the rules isn’t it but they’re not my rules and as I don’t respect you I don’t have

To respect your rules you might wonder why I’m contacting you and I don’t have a real answer I suppose I want to try and finally get my head around your cruelty you’ve done your best to forget me but how can I forget you I am the victim of your selfishness and I refuse

To be quiet about it anymore yours Carly the worst thing about the letters and this was a hotly contested competition everything about them Disturbed Anna was the fact that they were hand delivered this Carly person had stood outside Anna’s house looked at her curtains and the pansies dying in her

Window boxes and the white painted brick facade and the glossy red front door she’d have heard Yeti’s berserk barking and the scritch scratch of his claws on the hall floor the moment the letter box clattered maybe I was in the house at the time pottering stirring soup in a

Pot showing swatches of fabric to Sam out in the shed the lack of a postmark or a surname or return address took the power out of Anna’s hands Sam ended his phone conversation a long loud numbingly dull powwow with their Romanian Factory manager and swiveled his chair to face

Her he’ suggested a chair race earlier and when Anna had had demurred he’d agreed that yeah maybe she was right being pregnant and everything the baby didn’t stop her racing him she loved beating him on the course they’d worked out around the desks it was the letters they had outgrown their outline

Trickling into all the corners of her day she shoved them into a drawer and attended to him picking up the conversation interrupted by Romania I know she’ll want to Instagram it all Sam was planning how to ask Isabelle to move in with with him it had

To be a production because YY loves that kind of thing M nice nodded Anna as Sam wondered aloud whether to leave a trail of rose petals through the flat she likes those mini Blackboard things he said rubbing his chin what if I chalk it

On one of them yeah could do or maybe go to our favorite restaurant that French place with the courtyard garden and get the waiter to put a house key in her champagne sounds nice I read about a guy who took half of the food out of his fridge half the covers

Off his bed half the furniture out of his rooms and led his girlfriend through the house saying without you I’m living half a life is that a bit much not sure where I’d put the furniture Sam sat back tapping his pen on the desk he stopped suddenly are you

Even listening why are you asking me of all people when I’ve already said I think it’s too soon Isabelle strikes me as is a woman who Spooks easily all this fuss might make her Dart away like a deer I’m asking you of all people because I ask you about everything Anna

Also because I’m out of practice at being in love and you’re my spy in the Land of Women you don’t have to support me but it’ be nice if you at least pretended to be glad that I’m happy again after all these years on my own the dressing down was deserved Anna

Felt ashamed of her inability to lift her eyes from the letters you’re right I’m a moody blame the pregnancy letun have a break for lunch and we can plan how already on his feet Sam gathered documents into the Magnificent man bag of weathered leather Anna had

Made just for him I’m having lunch with the sales director of selfridges remember then I’ve got the afternoon off so I’ll see you Sunday at maves I didn’t mean I’m going to be late Sam fended off Yeti’s goodbyes and left Anna could have said that he should keep his questions

Simple and to the point if Isabelle was ready then she was ready but if not it would be easier for her to explain why in a normal setting without all the well-meaning razam Matas but I didn’t say any of that instead she’ sounded disapproving unsupportive Sam deserved

Better from her without him the shed felt lonely her ear constantly cocked for the slap of the letter box Anna was grateful when Yeti laid his long snout on her lap and looked up at her as if he understood sometimes we do things behind our own backs there was a valid reason

For Anna to pull down the steps to the attic and clamber up in her slippers as Luca slept off a Chinese Takeaway in front of a chattering television somewhere in a cobwebbed corner sat a family photograph ma would adore it it would be the perfect offering to bring to lunch the next

Day the picture was easily found but Anna didn’t leave the claustrophobic a-shaped room room she knelt by a sturdy old suitcase gone brittle with age and unsnapped the clasps this was a ritual she went through once a year the rest of the time she pixelated the boxy shape whenever

She had to poke around the attic newspapers a different title every year the Sun the telegraph the express the times the Sunday Times even though they spent their life in airless quarantine the older papers showed their age no longer white they were the color of dead skin they crackled at her touch in

2004 the headline told her the war in Iraq was in full deadly swing the newspaper on the bottom of the case dated 1994 shouted about hurricane Gordon which claimed lives in the Caribbean before heading for the United States there were murdered toddlers a suicide bomber and in 2005 bird flu was

Everybody’s big fear a reality St star lied about her nose job in 2015 and a tiger cub was born in captivity in 2003 11th of November rolled around every year despite Anna’s fear of the memories it dragged up from the dead Earth she wondered what Carly had in

Store for her when it rolled around again downstairs again eyes dried nose blown Anna woke Luca as she dropped PE King Gourmet Styrofoam boxes into a bin liner so that I’ll do it later he said he sat forward muted the television dipped his head to see her face behind a

Shroud of hair Annie Luca could hear Anna even when she wasn’t talking she shook her hair out of her eyes and dredged up a smile do you want to he began talk about it nah she threw him a prawn cracker you’re not a therapist here Luca relax Yeti was especially invited by

Mave so Anna had to restrain him on her lap all the way to Bright in Luca’s passenger seat driving duties generally fell to him and Anna didn’t contest it she preferred to look out of the window and daydream whereas he relished the changing of Gears the nipping down

Shortcuts it was an outlet for his Italian brand of masculinity in a world which preferred its men dosil growing up in a house governed by her father’s moods Anna had never gravitated towards traditionally Butch men Luca was male not Macho he didn’t expect her to be fluffy or airheaded or to cook his

Dinner when it was just the two of them they found their roles naturally in the kitchen in the car in the bedroom thinking of the bedroom made Anna shift in her seat it was vulgar to rate Partners sexually but Luca demanded it sex with him was the best she’d ever had

That was partly down to her it was a team effort she smiled at that you’re thinking about sex said Luca glancing from from her to the tarmac of the A320 what shut up no Anna sank into herself you always smile that naughty smile when you’re thinking about us

Being together Luca laid a hand on her leg I’m thinking about it too the last time the next time stop said Anna there was lunch to get through meeting Paul talking to storm about Boston checking to see if Neil’s Botox had relaxed it’s hours before we can be together

Anticipation said Luca makes it all the better fill up on the nibbly things whispered Anna as Luca hovered over the bread sticks in guacamole they’re usually the best part of the meal the cottage was minuscule one of those period properties that make you wonder if england was populated by

Hobbits in past centuries the square kitchen at the front its window giving onto a typical narrow brighten Lane could only accommodate one person at a time but it was Ma’s Habit to lay out the appetizers on the worktop wedged in together wolfing grini they’d opened the bottle Luca had brought in preference to

The Cloudy organic Brew provided by mave what do you think of him asked Anna furtively him who Paul of course men could be so slow seems nice yes he does Anna was almost disappointed she was so accustomed to ma choosing creat that Paul baffled her HEK too nice she

Said what are you basing that on nothing confessed Anna she didn’t have a feeling or a suspicion or a hunch it just couldn’t be true that a man like Paul could come along after a conveyor belt of brutes they could hear him talking to Neil and Santi about his property

Development company he sounds normal said Anna I can’t imagine him talking to mave about planning regulations or Equity funding loans lovers don’t talk all the time Luca reminded her kissing her on the nose HEK funny too Anna wasn’t used to liking her sister’s men plus he’s nice to mave did

You notice how he helped her set the table that simple fact had almost moved Anna to tears she blamed those handy hormones but it was something that went deeper it was an acknowledgement of how easily she bruised on behalf of the people around her m that noise was an early warning signal

That Luca was bored of the conversation but Anna ignored it you’re a therapist you know people what do you make of him is he an Axe Murderer under that dull exterior I’m a therapist not a mind reader Luca put a finger to her lips shush When you mention my job it usually

Means you’re about to ask me something about Josh and I can’t tell you anything more than you already know he’s not a type or a diagnosis he’s your brother I can’t turn him into a dramatic reveal like you get in the mystery books you read a Kur fuffle at the door announced

Dinky Josh held her arm as she was ushered into the doll’s house like a visiting Empress I’m Grand Lego of me dinky waved away her grandson and walked with a Bandy chimp is gate to the only armchair mave owned it was like most of her furniture covered with a crochet

Blanket lovely breathed dinky as sat in full summer plumage dinky wore a cotton dress and a poppy bobbed hopefully on her squash Straw Hat all together again she whooped she liked she often said to have all her chicks around her one of them was running down the stairs Barefoot hollering

Dinky mave was tousled she’d never mastered dressing up only one eyebrow was penciled in and her jumpsuit was not quite done up her Gypsy glamour didn’t need Perfection she was a whirling Hub of noise and color and life I want to sit on your lap she cried like I used

To you’re too big for that love and I’m too old dinky’s Spirits were always raised by Ma’s nonsense there were two bright dots of color on her pale papery cheeks she turned to Anna her favorite according to family lore dinky laughed off any such idea but it’s true thought

Anna somehow her grandmother could make a pet of Anna without hurting the others feelings sure you’re barely showing said the old woman your mother was like that carried you all at the front Anna nodded awkward hearing this talk in front of Luca he’d bent to kiss dinky’s hand unfazed dinky was God help

Us all flirting with him oi grandmother said Anna hands off my fella if I was 30 years younger I unfortunately wouldn’t be born yet said Luca Jesus you little go boy boy shrieked dinky delighted even more than a compliment she loved an insult the Irish are funny that

Way the room had shrunk that’s how it felt to Anna it had of course remained the same size but with Neil Santi and Paloma added to it the sitting room was stretched to capacity it’s so Sunny said Josh why don’t we eat outside we can’t

Said mave why not Neil wanted to know a glass in one hand and the last fought over bread stick in the other rats said mave with a what can you do wobble of her head letun leave it at that his youngest sister’s unorthodox ways were a

Mystery to Neil he tried to keep it that way rats he mouthed the word at Paloma and showed his teeth and she screamed happily the perfect audience for her showoff daddy she held out her fat arms bear today in mint green dungar and pumped her legs she wants you said Anna

Put her on on the floor Santi said Neil turning away embarking on animated Hells and how are you’s with Luca this floor Santi frowned at Anna who shook her head in agreement ma believed hoovering the rug made her a play thing of the patriarchy Yeti constantly found

Delicious amuse bus in the weave here I’ll have her Anna reached out and took Paloma a warm dumpling heavy and wriggling from Santi he looked depleted bad night she had a growth spurt she doesn’t nap as much and now she’s waking up about 4:00 a.m. San’s broad shoulders

Drooped I never thought it could be so exhausting he stopped suddenly brought his tanned hand to his mouth sorry sorry I shouldn’t when you are he gestured to her body then did a double take you are pregnant aren’t you K where’s the bump it’s there I assure you

Anna pulled her strip rped cotton dress tied around her Paloma on her hip doesn’t your husband take turns getting up at night with the baby sweetheart said Santi you’re his sister why do you even ask this he snores like a Sero all through her cries he leaned closer he wears a satin sleep

Mask they both gave that the snigger it deserved as a foil platter of baked potatoes hit the borrowed table ma had somehow squeezed into the room turning to Paul She said honey bun and storm went into an almost terminal cringe who are you texting making a note said Paul to get those rats

Sorted ma Unleashed a look of Triumph on the others see it said eat eat she barked but Sam and Isabelle aren’t here yet Anna sat sideways refusing to hand back Paloma until Santi had taken a few mouthfuls he texted running late he said and to start without him what the surprise filling

Josh was noticeably more Breezy at maves Anna supposed the no rules no expectations atmosphere suited him better ah yes mave was leaning over folk banging down Rusty Cutlery it surprised even me to be honest she screwed up her mouth there is no filling I forgot there

Was groaning there was abuse there was a croak to leave her alone you maggots from dinky so it’s just baked beans asked Neil one hand protectively over his stomach I love baked beans said Paul he was so crisp and neat he could have come straight out of a box Anna could smell

Fabric conditioner and shampoo from across the table Paul was straighter than straight and Anna liked him for unbending enough to see the good things in mave to willingly enter a house where no cup was properly washed where making the beds involved leaving the duvet on the floor perhaps he loves her thought

Anna I forgot to get baked beans too mave was Unapologetic foraging for salt and pepper in a drawer with no handle Sam appeared in long shorts and a battered hat that Anna had tried to throw out many times when they were married he was brought up to speed on

The food situation but his sense of humor was slow kicking in oh right he said I’ll go and freshen up what’s ailing him dinky bent over her plate looking down the table at Anna how would I know sometimes dinky behaved as if she and Sam were still

Together go and look after him nobody was left behind on dinky’s watch Anna glanced at Luca not for permission more to pull a face but he wasn’t paying attention listening instead to Santi tell a joke Santi was very bad at jokes it took a long time and he never quite

Nailed the punch lines on the scrap of Landing Anna waited for Sam to emerge from the bathroom he was in there a very long time with none of the obvious noises you might expect when he did come out he stepped back surprised to find her on the patch of nylon carpet sorry

He said standing aside did you want to I’ve been sent by dinky to see what’s up Anna didn’t want to ask but she had to no Isabelle today no Isabelle any day said Sam what does that mean Anna tailed him down the narrow stairs even though Sam took them fast enough to convince

Her he’d rather she didn’t it means Sam looked towards the crowded sitting room mave had put on a beloved salsa CD and he closed his eyes as if the noise hurt his ears step outside with me a minute the street was weekday busy Brighton was a heathen town which didn’t

Believe in keeping Sunday for rest it was hot too Anna sweated beneath her Stripes so she folded her arms nudged him with her elbow what’s going on she’s gone bolted Sam threw out his arm couldn’t get away quick enough What hap you were right I freaked her out by

Baking my front door key into a bread roll then asking her to make me a sandwich she looked at it and said I can’t so you were right well done you I didn’t want to be I need a drink they all noticed how much Sam drank during the meal he ignored his

Enormous jacket potato and dragged the bottle of unspeakable plunk towards him possessively are we allowed to ask why Isabelle isn’t no Neil none of your business said Sam heartbreak Stripped Away his bonom me he was a snarly junkyard dog they all tried to ignore as he drank more and his

Mood worsened he didn’t even join in with the general Joy at dessert all of them except Santi remembered the lurd yellow white and pink stripes of angel take from their childhoods there was relief that mave hadn’t made the custard it was shop bought a perfect match for

The riot of e numbers in the sponge I forgot I brought you something mave Anna squashed up against Luca on one side and Santi on the other somehow extracted the rectangular package from her bag beneath the table is it edible asked Neil hopefully no it’s amazing mave had already

Greedily torn off the wrapping paper she held the old framed photograph on her lap for all to see it’s dinky and Grandpa’s wedding picture oh don’t be looking at that old thing dinky covered her face with her hands as the others leaned in and devoured all the details

You were so cute said Santi holding up the babyl palomita your great grandmother I was 16 said dinky confronting the image sideways squinting at the child woman smiling out from the black and white church porch 16 she repeated wonderingly as if she barely believed it you’re not wearing a white

Dress storm was confused we were poor my love said dinky softly I love your little Tweed suit mave was effusive she leaned back kissed Paul full on the lips making Anna look automatically at storm who pretended not to notice isn’t my dinky the most gorgeous bride you ever

Saw Anna thought that gorgeous wasn’t the right word she was poignant this newly minted dinky with her nipped in tweed jacket and her posie of wild flowers you were only 3 years older than storm dinky we grew up fast in them days dinky seemed tired of memory lane she

Cast about for her handbag so pretty said Luca his tenderness for dinky made Anna glow you’ve hardly changed dinky shut up you ya’ charmer dinky reached out to slap him I had freckles then now I have fcking age spots that said Paul pointing at grandpa is a handsome man

Wish I had his hair said Neil he scrutinized the photograph something looks different about you dinky something subtle like the passage of over 60 years every drop that Sam had drunk was there in his voice a ripple of disapproval made an invisible lap around the table but nobody chided him Sam’s

Pain was palpable I know what Neil means Josh traced a circle around his grandmother’s black and white face something about your face has changed Anna saw it too but couldn’t pin it down her phone cheaped and she jumped when she saw the caller’s name i’ better take

This rather than Brave the rats in the garden she stumbled through the Maze of chair legs and outstretched feet to stand on the front doorstep bending to hold Yeti’s collar she said hi Dylan hey oh hi yeah it’s me so um thought I’d call see how things are with the um

Dylan took a run at the word and managed to force it out with the baby and stuff the baby and stuff are fine Anna wasn’t sure how much he really wanted to know he wasn’t the person to share her stretch mark fears with everything healthy and normal and cool how are you

Oh I’m wrecked said Dylan big night last night I mean big Anna wondered if it had involved intercourse on household goods that’s nice she said for the want of anything better to say I barely know this man I’ve made a baby with it’s good to hear

From you thought I should check in see if you know how sort of things are Dylan was trepidacious as if the baby might have faded like a hangover is it a boy or a girl I could have found out at my last scan but I don’t really want to

Know she paused would you you like to know it was odd asking somebody else’s opinion so far this pregnancy was a solo effort I could ask if you really want me to no God no look it’s your decision Dylan distanced himself hurriedly he couldn’t find the right tone obviously wary of presuming too

Much but anxious not to seem like a heel has it got all the fingers and arms in that as far as we can tell Anna was often flippant about the baby but she could could bring herself to joke about its Health if anything was wrong I’d let

You know great I mean not great I mean I know what you mean Anna looked down at Yeti I got a dog she said cool I love dogs on safer ground they chatted for a few moments more when Anna went back inside the table had been folded away and the

Others were clustered around a large painting modern bold it took up most of a wall Paul bought that for ma Sam turned his wine sloshing out of his glass and she didn’t run away women are weird we went to this exhibition ma was explaining the Chopstick she’d earlier

Used to open a drawer now stuck in her hair I said I liked it and the next day it was delivered he spoils me Paul seemed embarrassed Anna liked him for that what do you think of your mom’s new work of art storm bit said storm hey Neil looked aggrieved your

Grandmother doesn’t need to hear that language young man manners stormy said dinky the only one seated he loves it really mave was B but Anna saw how perturbed Paul was by the boy’s reaction sitting standing leaning uncomfortably mave was very short on furniture they all found out more about

Paul two kids boys he said in answer to San’s question they keep me busy I can tell you you divorced Sam’s manners were in the same skip as storms he was slurring now what happened did you love her too much women hate that you know yeah I’m divorced Paul smiled at Ma

Mouthed it’s okay we split up a few years ago all very civil we share the Little Fellers we’re friends she’s a wonderful person like this one here he gave mave a playful punch on the arm storm made a gagging noise and ran heavy-footed up to his room they all

Heard his door slam ignore him said mave placidly HEK come round tea broke out mave didn’t believe in coffee claiming it stained her chakra I’m not sure I even have a chakra murmured Luca I did have one but my karma ran over it Anna and Luca braved the rats who were

Nowhere to be seen among the recycling bins and broken chairs that constituted Ma’s Garden not exactly long Le laughed Anna when Luca said but it suits mave and she loves it like this so better than long Le really she felt ashamed Luca stretched the cottage had that

Effect on a body so many belongings in such a small space gave Anna what she thought of as a ma headache we can make our excuses in a bit and scadaddle she saw how Luca tried valiantly not to look relieved there is only so much exposure to his girlfriend’s family a man can

Take they looked back in through the grimy glass doors muted the family’s mouths moved their hands gesticulated and Sam slumped I don’t think Neil’s going to get very far with his big idea smiled Luca my brother doesn’t know when to stop one of the secrets of his

Success Anna watched Neil Loom over Josh talking passionately selling his plan Josh is much too independent to take a loan from Neil it’s tempting no interest pay him back whenever Neil’s worried that Josh will never get on the property ladder it is tempting but it implies

That Josh won’t make it on his own how many siblings offer tens of thousands of pounds no strings attached generally the first to criticize Neil for his bluff bossiness Anna was peaked by Luca’s analysis Neil wants to make sure everybody’s settled he’s kind of the daddy of the family but

The family already has a daddy Anna opened her mouth to answer Evas ly slickly but Ma interrupted them slipping out from the sitting room so hot in there she said lighting up a cigarette I thought you’d given up said Anna I did said mave then I took it up

Again no biggie listen small favoret to ask go on Anna kept her face neutral mave had the cheek of the devil when asking favors she didn’t disappoint you know you’re coming to Boston with me next week yep give me your passport number so I can get on on and booked the

Flights by the way that’s the thing what thing asked Anna wearily a lifetime of M’s things behind her I can’t go but Anna didn’t understand when can you go I can’t ever I MA threw up her arms as if asking the universe what am I like I

Don’t want to face Alva and see him being all you know American with his big house and his barbecue and his sing Veranda so she plucked at Anna’s sleeve you go for me yeah no I’m only accompanying you it’s you who has to look around talk to storm make a

Decision Anna frowned what are you scared of mave I know you’re not jealous Alva’s success and wealth and domestic happiness had never attracted mave you’re better at weighing things up and making decisions and sorting out only because I have to this little girl shtick worked on most people not Anna

However this is important where Storm lives is something you and Alva have to deal with together she softened hating to put Ma on the spot knowing mave would do anything for her within reason look mayy you liked Alva enough to make a baby with him that turned out pretty

Well she looked in at storm carrying a cup of tea over to dinky as carefully as if it was liquid nitrogen surely you can sit down and work this out like two adults I’m not going mave was muish she grounded out her cigarette beneath her Birkenstock I don’t want to she admitted

Alva does my head in not a technical term said Luca making her smile reluctantly heun always right which makes me always wrong Anna sighed partly because her back achd is that you making your presence felt baby and partly because the scenario had already been written of course she would agree of

Course she would go instead of ma don’t worry I’ll sort it out you’re the best sis in the world mave bounced on her heels hey why don’t you go too Luca that had a rather rehearsed ring to it said Anna it’s about time you two went away together that’s what new

Couples do Paul’s taking me to Paris while you’re in she clammed up abruptly I see Anna put her hands on her hips not only am I doing your dirty work with Alva but I’m providing free child care so you can swan off to the world capital of lurv with your

Boyfriend you could put it like that mave winked Luca can’t take time off just like that Anna clicked her fingers irritated at how mave had put her relationship under the microscope she too had been thinking surely it’s time for a mini Break by now Luca clicked his

Fingers it works he said turns out I can take time off just like that he put his fingers slightly calloused around Anna’s chin and tipped her face upwards with tender purposefulness even therapists take holidays and I’ve never been to Boston great Ma literally applauded as Luca’s face came closer

Anna hoped her sister would have the good sense to steal away but no it took an impatient hand gesture from Anna to get rid of her so they could kiss in peace it started off lowkey but turned dramatic the way kisses can Luca pushed her against a wall the unfriendly Pebble

Dash grazing her shoulders you and me on the other side of the world he said against her lips no Sunday lunch Club smiled Anna sensing how badly he wanted to get her alone no nobody just us and the baby Anna concentrated on his mouth on the way his tongue worked against her

Own the baby wasn’t something they could share but ignoring the child suspended happily innocently inside her felt like a crime she was a mother they could never be truly alone besides she pulled away storms coming too remember Luca breathed heavily and happily resetting the kiss to a lower

Heat hugging her tight with those thick arms of his I like that kid he said we’ll have a ball he was a good man pity he was the wrong man pity it wasn’t Luca she’d seduced exactly 21 weeks ago the air had gone out of the party it

Was a step away from winding down Anna had made a tentative attempt to shake Sam away wake as he lay on Ma’s bed entwined around Yeti who was anybody’s for a cuddle but had retreated downstairs again she picked up abandoned plates reached over San’s shoulder for

An Empty Glass but mave snapped oh leave it Sis that makes everybody uncomfortable I’ll do it when you’ve gone she took a swig of wine and threw her leg over Paul who was crammed onto the sofa with her or not Mom can I storm stood up disentangling himself from

Paloma and handing her to Santi as the child’s other father was engrossed in the Sunday Times yeah love off you Trot where’s he going dinky lifted her chin she liked to keep tabs on her chicks off to see his mates said ma m said dinky who had the old lady’s traditional dim

View of mates hang on storm Paul struggled to his feet escaping Ma’s tendrils I’ve got something for you n you’re okay storm slipped out as Paul put his hand into his pocket for his wallet he gives stormy pocket money whispered ma to the others as her boyfriend followed her son out into the

Hall told you heun’s perfect Anna yawned fidgeted inside her her tiny friend fidgeted too or so it seemed she’d yet to feel the baby genuinely move it was a small anxiety one she smothered by constantly re-checking the guidelines on the internet I’ll worry when I get to 25

Weeks surely an alarm would sound in her blood if there was something wrong slipping out to the hall Anna had one foot on the stairs determined to wake Sam this time she and Luca were fing him home and she didn’t want to hang about any longer Storm’s voice from the

Kitchen a tone she recognized as an inch away from tears made her stop and listen you can’t buy me you’re not my dad you have a dad a perfectly good dad Paul’s voice had a smile in it Anna wondered if he would attempt a manly hand on Storm’s

Shoulder and hoped not I have boys of my own but we can be mates can’t we there was a mutter from Storm it didn’t sound remotely like a yes look storm I don’t want to steal your mom I want to take care of her I happen to think she’s a

Lovely lady who deserves some love and attention she does everything for you and now and again she should be spoiled yeah more rumbling from Storm if everything was fine before I came along why was your mom so glad to meet me if she likes me shouldn’t you

Give me a chance be nice storm urged Anna her hand on the banister Paul was what any sane doctor would order for mave what was good for mave was ultimately good for storm even if he did hate sharing his mom whatever storm said it didn’t please Paul she could hear his

Gritted teeth I’m going to keep trying storm because your mom loves you storm clomped out on school boy feet that had grown faster than the rest of him Anna held out her arms she could see appropriately enough a storm gathering on his pretty features but he ignored

His aunt and led himself out into the street it took a while to Rouse Sam to remind him where he was to help him to the bathroom standing waiting for him Anna couldn’t recall the last time time she’d seen him so drunk possibly during the divorce Isabelle’s exit had evidently

Stirred up painful memories Anna thought of the letters waiting at home in a drawer conspiring against her poisoning The Well of her happiness memories are powerful beasts you nearly finished she shouted just as he emerged tousel and bloodshot his mouth turned down oh God you’re not

Going to be sick are you no I just sick of Life Sam half walked half fell down the stairs she won’t answer a text he pronounced it test not picking up when I call I thought she loved me she did does Anna didn’t really know that I

Barely know her the most important thing now was to get Sam home and into bed where he could sleep this off they could talk about it at artum during the week and talk and talk I owe him that lurching into the sitting room Sam almost collided with Luca who

Straightened him up with a questioning glance at Anna who Shrugged soon get you home Sam said Luca gripping him round the shoulders you are a good good dear good friend Sam was close to tears there was the usual circle of helpful relatives around dinky as she pulled

Herself to her feet Santi held her gigantic hand bag Neil had a grip on her upper arm mave was settling dinky’s collar she wasn’t that creaky until she went into the home thought Anna like all loving granddaughters Anna wished nature would Grant dinky immunity from old age she hated all the signs the

Stooped posture the crabbed fingers the sparse hair showing pink scalp where once there had been thick curls soon get you home dinky said Josh he was her chauffeur today in charge of driving the stayed Ford Focus his grandmother kept at sunville it’s not home said dinky abruptly plonking back

Down into the chair like a broken doll that place isn’t my home she began to cry for a moment nobody moved dinky never cried not a single tear throughout all the bereavements and disappointments of a long life a whiskey was poured dinky’s cheek was kissed her hand was

Held and still she sobbed her puckered Apple of a face pink with distress I hate it there she moaned do they are they Anna remembered the complicated tension between dinky and sheba do they mistreat you dinky I just don’t want to live there I want me own house and me

Kitchen and me bed wailed the tiny woman rocking to let out the woe Pala began to fret at the sound of such unhappiness and mave sobbed as hard as dinky you don’t have to go back she hugged her grandmother almost violently you’re never going back is it your room that’s the problem

Neil knelt in front of the old lady I’ll have a word dinky I’ll fix it she misses home said Santi verging on anger it’s not about the size of her room for God’s sake I miss me old life said dinky sniffling now calmer but no less miserable the peace and quiet toddling

Off to the shops we discussed all this said Neil he was still sweet still her doting grandson but he was also pragmatic you had every opportunity to back out Neil ma was shocked if she doesn’t want to live there she doesn’t have to Neil’s Right Said dinky Conjuring up a

Handkerchief a proper ironed one from the sleeve of her cardigan I’m sorry loves I’m getting soft in motage rubbish said Anna she agreed with Neil and she agreed with ma two conflicting facts were true it was far too late for dinky to decide she didn’t want to live at sunville dinky could do

What whatever she pleased we can’t let our dinky be unhappy they owed her so much emails flew back and forth all Sunday evening with yeti on her lap and Luca in her orbit Anna was deep in Piper to and fro where they soon forget the niceties like hello at the top of the

Emails or signing off at the end Josh was bombarded with how was she when you dropped her back at sunville did she cry in the car how did that Sheba seem dinky was her usual cheerful self he told them all she said not to listen to her she’s

Just a silly old fool but in a very Irish accent she has to leave sunville declared ma with characteristic poor spelling and extravagant use of exclamation marks now they agreed she couldn’t stay at sunville Santi was all for staging a midnight raid letun go and get her

Straight away I do not want her to stay there one minute longer than she has to touched by santi’s attachment to his grandmother-in-law Anna nevertheless counseled reason we have to do this properly calmly the next move that dinky makes will be permanent they all knew that Anna had almost typed her last

After all the emotion the outbursts the proclamations of undying love for dinky came the big question Neil was brave enough to type it where’s she going to live there was internet silence Anna’s fingers were in the air ready but she couldn’t seem to make them type the

Words with me she looked around the quiet lampl room at her quiet lampl boyfriend and her sleeping twitching dog this was a bubble that would burst in December it was precious she wanted to preserve it as long as possible this made her Anna thought officially a horrible person dinky deserved her love

And care I she typed just as an email broke the silence I’ll happily live with dinky wrote Josh no need darling don’t be silly mave was first out of the blocks Josh you are a young man you should live your life was San’s take echoed by Neil who added remember your rabbit remember

It died under your bed trying to eat wallpaper stick to translating Russian Josh you’re very sweet but no I miss Isabelle Sam had woken up apparently how did I get home go to bed Sam typed Anna we have a conference call with New York in the morning he’d howled about

Isabelle for the whole journey home Josh she wrote that’s an incredible gesture but you like to travel at the drop of a hat you have your whole life ahead of you she pondered for a moment that sounded as if Anna didn’t let us take care of this but I

Want to help you can J but not right now wrote Neil Josh added no more to the debate I can’t have dinky ma Got That in speedily not with storm and the rats and everything everything Anna was archly curious what prey is this everything you speak of could it possibly be the same

As everybody’s everything there’s nobody in the world ready to take in an elderly relative with zero notice I’ve got no money and a new boyfriend and what do old ladies eat anyway don’t worry you’re safe typed Neil dinky would be scandalized by what goes on in your

Bedroom jealous me and Neil will take in dinky to our hearts and our casa Santi was clear it will be no trouble she is my most special lady oh that’s so good of you bless you Santi I’ll help all I can there was no time for Anna to press

Send before Neil’s email stomped all over his husbands it’s obvious dinky can’t live with us our lifestyle would make her uncomfortable before Anna could take him to task for his paranoia Neil went on plus there’s Paloma to think of Anna you’re the obvious person for dinky to

Live with for one thing you’re her favorite and for another thing you’re a woman and surely an old lady like dinky would prefer to live in a feminine home Anna stared at the screen of her iPad for a long time before her fingers Flew Over the virtual keyboard so I’m

The obvious one to take in dinky because I’m a woman because if it comes down to a choice between you and me then it has to be me because caring work loving work basic keeping people you love alive and well work is always down to the woman or

Maybe it’s because my house is so much smaller than yours at last count you had three spare bedrooms Neil plus a cleaner and a gardener and a partner as a pregnant woman of 40 with no spare room I am you’re right the obvious choice delete delete delete instead Anna wrote

Two short lines I’d love to have dinky here with me and the baby it’ll be an honor to pay her back for all the love over the years axx SS she logged out before she could be thanked she and Luca did not make love that night he was preoccupied

His head in a book frowning through the black rimmed glasses that he only wore at night and which made him look to Anna like a glamorous nerd the room grew dark then light around the two figures in the bed as they began the night spooning and gradually moved apart only to find each

Other in the thin Dawn Anna didn’t sleep she was greedy for Sleep hoarding it against the days when she’d have a mini me and according to the Doom mongers of Internet forums she would sleep like a Sentry snatching an hour here and an hour there one eye

Open that night sleep didn’t play ball Anna watched the light change on the ceiling to the music of Luca’s snores and Grunts and lip smacking this Symphony changed throughout the night with an impressive variety of notes and tunes if she’d liked him a little less fancied him a little less the nighttime

Concert might have made her Retreat from Luca but she liked him a lot let’s not use that other more explosive L word so all it did was make her smile concerns of the day grow fangs in the middle of the night all their colors are darker they smell far worse and they

Revel in their power Anna was in the grip of the near future and the distant past it was cruel of her to add dinky to her list of problems the woman was the true matriarch of the piper family sorry Mom but it’s a fact and she had every

Right to expect a home with Anna she moved closer to Luca they both lay on top of the bed clothes naked nak and gently luminous in the halflight she wanted a last Harrah with this man a few weeks of giddy love making and daed jokes and deep conversation an imminent baby was

Passion killer enough but add an 82-year-old to the mix and she might as well pull on her big knickers and concede defeat a clock ticked the house creaked somewhere on the street a fox winded then the letters pounced they knew her defenses were down she wondered

If the writer Carly no surname was also lying awake I doubt it the letter had probably purged Carly got the hatred and resentment down on the page and out of her house and into my house she turned sparred with her pillow but no part of her felt comfortable she said it again

Out loud this time sometimes she whispered it she’d shouted at once at the sea most days it simply said itself inside her mind I’m sorry Bonnie then in the darkest dip of the night the baby inside Anna moved a silvery Ripple traveled right through her like being tickled like being loved

By something not yet able to know what the concept meant thank you thought Anna and fell asleep chapter 7 lunch at alvas Margarita’s on tap smoked baby back rib SL TexMex Burgers barbecue chicken corn in the husk SLS sl/ Boston baked beans grilled shrimp Home Style peach ice cream cherry

Pie Anna missed Yeti why she wondered to miss a creature that ate your discarded tissues and wet itself during thunderstorms made no sense but she missed him and his hairy enthusiasm and his licky kisses and his insane conviction that she was the best human in the entire world Luca was a vague

Shadow behind the frosted glass that divided the bathroom from the hotel bedroom all yours he emerged naked he was wet his hair a jagged slick he stood with his back to her putting on his wristwatch are you looking at my bum woman it’s one of my favorite hobbies

Luca wiggled his buttocks and Anna snorted she bounced off the bed pading past him in the toweling robe provided by the hotel hey Luca reached out Unwound her from it leave this off looking at you is one of my fave Hobbies too no I Anna held the robe to her

Backed into the shower won’t be long yes you will a reliable shower her own was Moody was such a bonus that Anna lingered under the hot water head back letting it flow down her body a body that didn’t quite belong to her anymore her tongue tummy had finally gone pop it

Curved from below her breasts and banished her waist t-shirts dresses all her clothes looked different some were impossible to wear she still didn’t look unquestionably pregnant when this thought occurred to her Anna winced why do I keep saying that to myself her pregnancy was a fact not something that

Could be denied as long as she fitted into her jeans it had become a joy for her a defining event of her life but so had Luca yes she held back yes he was only on loan that didn’t stop her recognizing what they had as something

To be cherished she achd to share the baby’s landmarks with him but since the first kick as she lay in bed beside him she’d kept them to herself fancy Lobster he called for a change she shouted back and was rewarded by his laugh Lobster was on every menu in

Boston coming as standard with the Breezy friendliness of the people and the taut perfect blue of the sky water consistently hot and flowing from a shower head she didn’t have to clean rained down on Anna and she turned under it enjoying it in the shower she felt clothed by the water and could

Appreciate the changes in her body as beautiful there was a purpose in the push of her stomach a reason why her hips bloomed she turned off the shower and shook her hair droplets of water banging on the glass tiles like bullets it was time to own her new shape and share it

Luca wasn’t the father that was true but he was her lover and this growing thriving form was her new reality nonchalant shaking a little she wandered past Luca as he pushed a comb through his hair he saw her in the mirror and stared he stared at every inch of her

And then he turned it’s like Christmas every couple of weeks he said I get a whole new girl friend to play with but she’s still you the postcoidal glow didn’t last long in fact it had disappeared by the time they pulled on shorts and te’s and

Called the lift you did ask Annie yeah but Anna’s shoulders went up to her ears I didn’t expect you to tell me the how many lovers have you had question is always loaded no matter how casually it’s dropped into conversation with Luca’s arms around her the sheets Tangled by their lovemaking

Anna had heard the names of each of his Partners it wasn’t the number of women he’d slept with it was the fondness with which he said their names the way he was ready with charming memories Anna had found herself saying I don’t know why you ever split up with them if you like

Them that much Luca had been amused but now as they took their seats at a gingham tablecloth and said Lobster in unison to the waiter he was cheesed off isn’t it a plus that I’m on good terms with my exes yes whatever Anna’s hair was still wet and she bullied it up into

A bun they tackled The Lobster in silence there was Frosty politeness about pouring water going away together promises to be a smorgus board of wild love making and three course dinners but it also trains a cold Spotlight on any fractures in the relationship Anna had discovered that

She and Luca didn’t feel the same about chatting on airanes that he hated room service that he found the way she spoke to waiting staff sugary please like me silly worst of all was the way he’d shouted come on sleepy head can’t lie in bed all day on their first morning it

Was accusatory Anna felt as she hugged her pillow grateful to have neither Yeti nor artum accessories urging her to get up these things piled up Anna knew he was irritated by the time she took getting dressed but then I do have a bump to disguise she could tell he would

Rather not have long conversations with people behind them in cues or sitting at the next table in cafes or waiting for the lift but Anna couldn’t help responding to Bostonian chatty friendliness she knew she was driving him mad with her desire to tick off all the local

Sites we’re not on a school trip Annie perhaps this was the beginning of the end the slow turn away from each other Anna was unaccustomed to the harmony she’d found with Luca these glitches upset her in a way they wouldn’t with any other man once Perfection is sullied can it ever look

The same again if something is imperfect to begin with nobody Minds a few scuffs or scrapes Luca banged on the table that’s it he said that’s the end of the Daft row he leaned over cued her face and swiftly kissed her back to normal please for me and my Annie yeah yeah it

Was perfect again there version of perfect which somehow could Encompass her pregnancy Luca was in favor of catching a cab to Alva’s for Sunday lunch but tick Anna wanted to follow the Freedom Trail a 2-mile trek through the center of Boston that visited all the American Revolution sites cobbles were hard on

Anna’s new shoes actors in 18th century costume shouting here ye here ye were hard on Luca’s nerves a cafe table beckoned and they gave in ordering iced water have you called dinky today Anna yep she’s doing an exercise class she was joking about wearing a sparkly leotard Anna now called her grandmother

Daily did she sound she sounded happy merry her usual self then don’t worry Luca reached out and pushed a strand of sweaty hair out of Anna’s eyes the touch was tender and she held his wrist to keep his hand there a while leaning into it I do worry though dinky had backed

Down Anna had visited sunville the day after their last Sunday lunch Club to find dinky in her room doing a crossword with the aid of a large magnifying glass the eye turned on Anna through the glass was a childish blue clear and canny and free of Tears I’m turning the spare room into

Your room dinky Anna had waited until Sheba was out of the room the carer hung around straightening cushions fussing at dinky until Anna asked for a tray of tea you can move in right away the baby would have to Bunk with its mother we can repaint if you

Like Anna had rehearsed and rehearsed until any hint of obligation had been rinsed from her voice sure now look it dinky had been using this phrase since Anna could remember don’t go taking me seriously Anna love it was the Heat and the excitement and the dinky had cast

Around for something else to blame and me arthritis we’ve made the arrangements now smiled Anna then you can unmake them no we’ve all decided have you now dinky had looked Ry isn’t it my decision Anna Catherine Teresa Piper you’re pulling out my full name dinky meant business

But it was you who said you don’t want to live here anna glanced at the door paranoid that Sheba might be listening at the keyhole is there something going on dinky is anybody being mean to you no said dinky shortly haven’t I a mouth in me head to speak up if anybody tries

Taking Liberties Anna agreed yes dinky did have a mouth in her head but added this is suspicious dinky one minute you’re in tears the next everything’s hunky dory what I said said dinky was I wanted to go home but I’ve accepted that home is gone me house is sold and this

Is where I live now I want you to have a home whispered an with me you have a life to live darling a baby on the way a business to run not to mention that big slab of a man dinky laughed ah would you look at her blushing my Anna you have a

Heart the size of the sun but I don’t need you to rescue me I just let some sadness out that’s all and you’ll have to trust me when I tell you that things are fine at sunville in Boston now with Luca savoring the freezing water Anna said I

Don’t want dinky’s life to be fine I want her to be happy she does have the final say you’re so bloody reasonable and calm and sane Anna shoved him in the arm and Luca pretended to be mortally wounded the tables turn when the people you love grow old you start to worry about

Them dinky’s in her 80s but that doesn’t mean you stop taking her seriously if she says she wants to stay at sunville you have to honor that keep an eye on her but respect her wishes if we do discover that there’s some sort of abuse going on then we steam in and helicopter

Her out of there until then yeah respect her wishes Anna Shook out her folded tourist map registering Luca’s infinitesimal sigh as she did so you know what she crammed the map back into her bag saw the Freedom Trail let’s sit here a while and chill Luca beamed at

Her if that’s what you want he said taking her hand under the table I’ll respect your wishes this house said Luca as Alva brought them the coldest of cold drinks how do Americans get their drinks so very cold is out of this world thank you Alva folded his arms modestly happy with

The compliment he was tall Anna had forgotten how he towered above her his skin was a deep dark color with a shine to it as if polished every morning his bald head gleamed and behind his glasses Alva’s eyes were a sultry coffee color his presence was reassuring a man of few

Words he thought before he spoke it’s a bit different to where we lived in hve that was gorgeous too Anna reminded him Alva had left the squat far behind but this an actual Veranda it was the classic American dream home with Gables and white painted cladding it Shone in the Boston Sunshine

Its soundtrack one of GLE ful shouts and splashing from the inevitable pool storm had barely acknowledged them too busy running from his room down to the pool in new daylow Trunks and with the family dog at his heels he’s fitting right in mused Anna rocking gently to and fro on

The canopied swing seat she shared with Luca heun like a different kid said Alva he’s barely looked at his phone too busy in the pool or on his bike or going off to the beach everything was set up for storm to slip smoothly into this new life

Monogram towels with a golds in his own shower room a bike in the yard a desk at the distinguished School Luca said it’s a big decision for a kid his age we’re hoping said Alva that the decision will make itself that he’ll follow his gut if

He decides to go home said Luca how will you feel typically he cut to the heart of the matter Alva looked surprised by the question and Anna realized that he fully expected storm to stay that all the sunny benefits of Boston must surely sway his son I’ll I guess I’ll have to

Deal with it he said this isn’t easy for any of you said Anna how’s mave Alva was wary as if talking about something illegal however he approached the mother of his oldest child it always ended with an argument she thinks I’m selfish right Anna nodded no need to pretend with Alva

But she wants the best for storm yeah Alva didn’t seem convinced but he moved away before Anna could comment clapping his hands and saying barbecue time I’d better make a start is ma prepared for living on her own asked Luca she says she’ll manage but Anna wished her sister

Would be frank it’s hard to get past the anger she’s mad at Alva for some reason when it was her who left him he’s not one of those absentee dads who pay the bills he’s a proper solid father to STM but she seems to resent that as if storm

Belongs to her and nobody else nobody belongs to anybody said Luca Anna wasn’t keen on that sentiment no no she shook her head we all belong to one another my clever clogs therapist friend Luca laughed I prefer your theory a text announced itself on Anna’s phone she

Squinted at the screen Sam she said London Calling where you file design specs for Amberly bag matching purse lamenting Sam’s half-hearted approach to txts spk she replied strangely enough in the file marked design specs under Amberly bag matching purse what are you doing in the office on a Sunday

Alternative is sitting at home thinking about Isabelle have you called her today no I told you I’m a good boy now have you texted her might have done Anna and Luca sighed in unison how many times maybe 10 how many okay 14 nothing heavy just telling her she’s the

Love of my life that’s as heavy as it gets you idiot but I do love her Sam please stop bombarding her give Isabelle some space let her miss you is this real advice Anna don’t you prefer it w Isabelle you never really welcomed her that’s not

True she was scared of you I told her you were my closest friend and she wanted to make big impression you blew hot and cold you know you did Anna prevaricated for a long time over her response Anna you still there yes I didn’t realize I made her uncomfortable

Her pants are on fire you knew Anna tilted her shoulder so Luca could read the screen I wish I could make amends bit late for that but you are right no more texts declaring undying Alva’s family suited their house his wife CLA was long limed in white shorts Margot

Only three was both cute and smart with knees so chubby they had dimples 8-year-old Damian followed his half brother everywhere aping his loping walk and the way his shoulders bowed we cycled to a Cove this morning said Alva poking things on an enormous barbecue did some surfing of course you did Anna

Sat back laughing you’re the most annoyingly healthy and wholesome family in the world we not always goody goody CLA set down huge bowls of crispy lettuce and burst in ripe Tomatoes we have wine with dinner you Devils he lies in on a Saturday Claire nodded at Alva

The outdoors is so gorgeous here the weather is so perfect it’s a shame to waste it some mornings in London Anna had to steal herself to make the journey from her back door to the shed the Luminous sky and the baby breath air of Boston melted her bones so said CLA

Setting out napkins and glasses and all the paraphernalia of lunch this Luca hot Anna hadn’t spent much time with Alva’s wife but Clare talked as if they were besties Anna liked such social chutzpa and answered I know I know both women watched him patiently lift little Margo

Onto the steps of the slide then wait for her to zoom down in her ruffled swimsuit and do it all over again hot and good with kids Clare stuck a spoon in the klaa like a flag hang on to him babes she waved a nap in the general direction of

Anna’s stomach he’s not is he no the father is how to describe her situation with Dylan heun’s not going to be around Luca’s father material perhaps but to somebody else’s child it was safer discussing this with a woman she saw a couple of times a year than broaching it

With her closest kin that’s a big ask some men like a big ask CLA smiled at the back of Alva’s doed bald head as he tried to get the better of the barbecue if Luca is ready this could be great timing for both of you it was easy to agree with cla’s

Optimism on a breezy warm day surrounded by the accoutrements of the good life Anna tried to see Luca in that light to change the focus maybe he would stick around after the birth certainly he was Charmed by Margot and the feeling was Mutual Anna was fluent in Luca’s body

Language and could tell he was getting a kick out of the simple game with with the giggly child what said can’t be unsaid however before Luca knew she was pregnant before they were a thing he’d said Bly that children annoyed him he was a man of strong likes and dislikes

Anna luxuriated in his approval but she knew the important little person inside her did not have I told you about this school I’ve picked out for storm Alva turned with a gigantic sausage on a fork Alva’s fondness for such topics was one of the reasons ma kept away from him he was

Earnest yin to her cooky Yang it’s good for languages you said he gets such good grades in French and Spanish I thought we should encourage him there’s a state-of-the-art science lab at this place plus it’s a shoe in for Harvard and babes Clare broke in gently obviously a skill she’d honed through

Marriage to Alva perhaps we should eat now she winked at Anna sorry Alva shouted RI and feet came running from all over the plot to sit at the long table they shrimp Anna had seen smaller cats you have to try dad’s baby back ribs Damian had that feverish look

Children get around food they’re not actual babies whispered Margo in case Anna was worried dripping with sauce the ribs were obscenely moish Luca licked his fingers and blew Anna a sticky kiss gulls cackled out in the bay a horn sound Ed storm looked as if he’d finally

Undone a tight jacket Alva stood up I forgot the Sunday lunch Club hookup an arrangement had been made for ma to host lunch back in Brighton and for them all to eat together via the white magic of Skype with a laptop at the end of the

Table keys were tapped and a cheer went up when a toothy smile filled the screen hiya shrieked mave waving so fast her hand was out of focus cheers lovees she raised a can of something move the lens so we can see everyone said Alva in that overloud voice everyone uses for

Skype well first there’s me ma pulled at her computer and her room swam before Yeti materialized his tail was thumping and he was eating something directly off the sofa cushions oh it’s Yeti said Anna involuntarily and the dog stared at the screen he began to whine he misses you gushed mave a ye

Anna felt a tug at her heart despite the dog’s many bad habits keep the camera panning I want to say hi to dinky Alva was another Conquest for the old lady he’ visited her at sunville to say o revoir that’s it I’m afraid ma was cross-legged still in her pajamas I

Canceled saws why asked storm Special Sauce on his nose no reason not in the mood ma pulled a silly face Alva looked to Anna who frowned it’s raining here said ma the Shadows under her eyes were visible despite the sketchy reception Anna recognized the hunched posture of a

Hangover couldn’t be ARS to cook so Anna moved her plate of ribs and Jurassic Park shrimp out of shot she saw an overturned pot noodle on Ma’s coffee table isn’t Paul coming over nah everything okay in that department what department mave was sharp the MA’s crap boyfriend’s Department he has a terrible

Cold and he doesn’t want me to catch it we’re cool stop jinxing us I’m not I Anna felt CLA shift uncomfortably this dirty laundry could be washed another time we miss you she said meaning it wishing she could sling an arm around her sister’s narrow shoulders don’t we storm yeah said storm

Non-committed he looked everywhere but at the screen he’d stopped eating Anna noticed as if he didn’t want to show show off his dad’s Cornucopia of health and wealth to mave I’ve been kite surfing Mom call me ma sweetheart said mave then kite surfing brilliant God knows what it is but brilliant over

Cheerful Alva said Storm’s already making friends in the neighborhood really Ma’s surprise was understandable storm took a while to warm up to strangers good-look boy like him laughed CLA tweaking Storm’s nose makes friends wherever he goes there was a flicker in Ma’s eyes as CLA touched storm so affectionately so

Unselfconsciously Anna saw it side eying Luca she could tell he saw it too but we’ll soon be home she said brightly wek bring you back a lobster actually Alva folded his napkin neurotically into a tiny Square I’ve been thinking mave if storm wants he can stay on you can send his

Stuff and we can enroll him at school and he can join my gym and you know he could settle in right at the start of this school year mave was so still Anna thought the screen was frozen but no Yeti was biting his paw so it was ma who

Was frozen sure she said sure sure sure I can pack up his room ship it over no problem when are you coming over asked CLA we have a guest cabin ready for you oh I’m busy you know with this and that there was silence possibly while everybody wondered what Ma who never

Rose before noon could be busy with Mom said storm his voice creaking in that way of teenage boys whose vocals Lurch between little girl and elderly cabbie it is nice here you’d love it you obviously do said ma tenderly so tenderly that Anna felt as if she was eavesdropping Yeti said mave suddenly

And unconvincingly bouncy talk to your mommy she grabbed the dog who almost obscured her and waved his paws at the screen um hello said Anna kicking Luca for laughing I hope you’re being good for your ER Auntie mave Anna’s shoulders went up to her ears she’d never subscribed to the furry

Baby’s school of thought as she soldiered on try not to wee on her bed the others peeled away from the table lured by the promise of hurn ice cream in the enormous air conditioned kitchen when there was only Anna left ma put Yeti down her shoulders heaving I knew

You were crying whispered Anna don’t mave don’t say don’t snapped mave wouldn’t you cry if your child was being taken away he loves it there Anna he likes it better than here than me mave didn’t have to say it for Anna to hear it nonsense Anna put her face nearer the

Laptop Yeti recoiled slightly Storm’s still the same boy HEK still your boy just because he doesn’t admit it doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss you silly and yes this place is a maze balls but he hasn’t decided yet I used to think about how free I’d feel if I didn’t have storm

Mave was Rednosed defiant yes bad mother alert but I did when I was stuck indoors for nights on end reading him stories and playing Lego I used to fantasize about being able to do what I wanted when I wanted but now he’s not here and I don’t know what to do without

Him ma toppled sideways onto Yeti and bald Yeti letter he was good that way listen Anna cobbled together some wisdom there was usually some lying around whatever happens I’ll be beside you 100% you have me you have Paul you’re going to be all right because you’re strong

Mave you’re made of pure Steel under all that cheesecloth do you hear me yes sniffled mave she’d gone Small Voice and all storms a bit like me isn’t he his nose is yours and so is his heart both a touch too big London was 8 hours of recycled air

And Dreadful food away as Anna unbuckled her seat belt she did a mental inventory of what would be waiting for her a hungry Yeti a pile of artum tasks the letters she’d managed to downsize them while she was on another continent this Carly didn’t seem to be asking anything

Of her perhaps she wouldn’t hear from her again as the plane effortlessly hoovered up miles Anna felt in Her Bones that Carly wasn’t done with her there would be a pile of letters on the mat one of them she felt sure would be handwritten brutal I can never get properly comfy on

An airplane seat she fidgeted and twisted pulling at the neck cushion she’ bought in Departures and now hated especially now you’re pregnant I guess it was one of the few times Luca had directly reference the baby Anna didn’t respond he didn’t add anything eventually she said thanks for my perfume they DED in

Dutyfree I was surprised you chose that one don’t you like it Anna took a self-concious sniff of her wrist I love it but it’s very vanilla I thought you’d go for something more Laural vanilla has meaning for me reminds you of cakes well that too but I’ll tell you another time

Anna pivoted God by the time we left I felt like asking if I could live with Clare and Alva they’re good people Luca took the neck cushion from Anna and said consider this an intervention and tossed it under his seat Alva could never have built that life with mave she gets itchy

Around status symbols she’s a Romany at heart it’s quite Stark they’re Dynamic Luca explained when Anna made a face Alva’s the adult and Ma’s another child he never complains or refuses possibly because he scared she’d restrict access to storm she wouldn’t Anna sounded more

Sure than she was would she I had a good chat with Alva after Sunday lunch I noticed I left the two of you alone I taught Margot how to jump into the swimming pool says the the man who doesn’t like children he told me he knew

All about the affair she had the one that finally broke them up yet he’s never brought it up with her ma thinks she got away with that see he’s indulgent she’s naughty that’s their pattern thank God they didn’t stay together Anna lacked the courage to ask about their own pattern perhaps we won’t

Be together long enough to establish one at the moment though it was colorful pleasing to the eye I couldn’t put up with infidelity these days there’s so much opportunity are you saying you understand people who stray I’m saying exactly that it’s my job Anna I’m not condoning it Luca laughed Anna didn’t

She preferred him in romantic mode to worldly mode I hope storm doesn’t regret his decision storm knows his own mind Luca took Anna’s hand his fingers were tight warm male around her own you okay he asked me okay said Anna and she was for now chapter 8 lunch at neilan

Santiagos homemade mey Char grilled al/ hummus slamas Salada stuffed peppers / aroke /l/ Persian rice salad SL slow cooked lamb spatchcocked garlic chicken baked feta tasu baklava Anna Neil hi what can I you’ve got to get over here eh I’m in my dressing gown Neil what’s the rush I’m

Expecting the whole Sunday Bloody lunch sating Club in 2 hours and Santiago’s gone missing missing like abducted no I mean he’s not here he’s not answering his phone how can he do this to me it was his idea to ditch the Caterers and do the food ourselves this time he was

Right it’s more personal when you go to the trouble to do it yourself will you keep to the point I’m going crazy here the food’s not even half done Paloma is well she’s being Paloma how can I cope with an 8-month-old child and prepare the house and the food and me oh God

She’s crying shush shush my darling yes daddy’s here oh God Anna she won’t stop is she ill probably hungry or wants to play play are you mad woman there are peppers to stuff saw the peppers roll on the floor with your daughter instead with my back Anna I beg you come over

And save me from what from Paloma when Anna put down the phone she turned to Santiago what do you seeing him they laughed for quite a long time I feel bad now said Santiago as the laughter ended in a long happy Sigh No you don’t actually I don’t s ‘s eyes were so

Dark they seemed black and now they creased with cheerful wickedness it’s about time Neil got to know his own daughter he sat up excited suddenly do we have time to visit dinky they did as she hurried through the pastel hallways of sunville trying to keep up with Santi Anna wondered if all

Spanish men were so sppy about the elderly she hoped he was typical but so much about Santi was a one-off his ability to stand back and let Neil Shine without ever competing his nonchalance about his looks his Rock Solid reliability after scolding them for turning up before she had a chance to

Make herself decent dinky extracted every last syllable of gossip from them she wanted to know how mave was she hasn’t called me in a while all that business with storm she cheered up when she heard the latest about Neil you mean to tell me he’s looking after the baby

All on his own dinky put her hands to her face Jesus I don’t know which of them to feel more sorry for from the outside the enormous white cube of a house flanked by Neon Emerald Lawns was Serene inside paloma’s whales bounced off the artwork and the porcelain floor

Tiles she’d already colonized the glacial spaces of the house Neil had spent years Planning and Building A play pen sat beneath the limited edition Warhol prints a potty had rolled under the white grand piano now L was overriding the built-in sound system with her sobs what Neil was desperate on

His hands and knees he was aplike on her rainbow rug looming over her as she sat disconsolate noisy you’re not hungry you don’t want to wee wee you’ve made it very clear how you feel about Teddy Teddy had been crammed into her play oven is it poppy do you want poppy

Poppy said Paloma through her tears it was her one word used for most things like her feet or her stuffed elephant but mostly for Santi whenever he came near her yes darling yes said Neil in the shushy whooshy voice he used for the baby adding Darkly in his normal tones I want

Poppy too so I can ring Poppy’s neck how could Santi do this to me was all Neil could think as he jiggled Paloma in one arm and attempted to char gril Ober jeans with the other even without the bother of paloma he’d had doubts about getting it all done in time

She stopped crying he stared at her surprised thank you darling he said GMO said Paloma or that’s what it sounded like she giggled at him Neil giggled back then shook himself this was all very well but it wouldn’t spatchcock the chicken don’t feel you have to hang

Around Sheba said Anna it hadn’t escaped her notice that the woman lurked after bringing tea and non- homemade cake Sheba made a movement then stopped as if unsure of the wisdom of what she was doing before leaving the room on silent feet she doesn’t say much said Anna

Probing dinky was constrained around the carer dinky was constrained around very few people when we’re on our own Shea’s a regular chatter box that sounded double-edged to Anna we can ask for somebody else to look after you if Will you wished dinky’s sharp eyes didn’t meet Anna’s so that’s what this visit is

About she rubbed her arm a nervous tick you’re checking up on me see nodded Santi we worry about you abua that makes me sad said dinky you don’t want to make me sad do you chicks being one of dinky’s chicks was membership of a very special Club I don’t buy this change of

Heart said Anna one minute you’re crying the next you’re saying oh I didn’t mean it you can leave right now said Santi energized forceful you can come back to our spare room I will make empanadas for you hear that dinky Anna laid her hand on her grandmother’s the skin lay over

The bones like freckled rice paper just say the word San’s generosity was moving evidently it was Neil who’d insisted that dinky be Anna’s responsibility or you can live with me from right now this second the door opened without knocking or greeting them sheo was there time for aqua eyes she

Said her voice a honeyed African Mumble her face disconcertingly blank tell them Sheba said dinky from her Dron Throne I’m happy here aren’t I I’m Grand she is Grand said Sheba robotically we better make a move Anna Rose reluctantly take care Santi bent to kiss dinky on her

Forehead she swooned slightly into him Anna’s feet took her sluggishly over to the photo of Grandpa so many pulls on her heart she didn’t want to leave dinky but she had to rescue Neil and Luca would be waiting for her and mave had been in a strange mood since the Boston

Trip and nobody knew if Josh was even attending the lunch and Sam well Sam was a ball of unhappiness his misery visible like a personal fog don’t get up dinky she smiled the photograph was on its side she writed it tenderly I’ll get up if I like said dinky

Defiantly swaying slightly don’t get up she says and me saying goodbye to visitors she squinted at Anna in the doorway are you sure you’re pregnant chicken where’s the bump Anna pulled her silk blouse tight around her if I wear a really loose dress the baby could pass

As a heavy lunch she smiled if I wear a tight dress there’s no doubt that I’m prar today I’m kind of ambiguous Anna stroked the frame of her grand father’s photograph I’m glad you’ve got Grandpa here emotion crept into her voice he’ll make sure you’re all right she took the

Photograph over to dinky and closed the old lady’s fingers over it Sheba lingered the door closed behind Anna and Santi and they hurried towards the automatic doors and the outside world in the dim room the blinds half drawn dinky and sheba didn’t speak until Sheba said low and bitterly did you tell

Them old old lady did you the oberin were ashes the Arctic kitchen was blemished with the corpses of dishes left to burn or spoil a red wine ring stained the marble that’ll never come out thought Neil as he changed paloma’s nappy on the Butcher Block a chubby foot knocked a bottle of

Extra virgin olive oil that Neil had brought back from Capri in hand luggage it glugged expensively over the floor Neil was not the sort of man who knows where the dust pan and brush is kept so he simply threw a towel over the whole mess reaching over and keeping one

Hand on paloma’s tummy so she didn’t roll off as well a flower arrangement delivered earlier sat in its box blooming invisibly the witty Place cards were blank the ice delivered earlier was now a bag of water the CD of middlebrow background music had been swapped for

Nursery rhymes the host was still in his dressing gown you can’t be just one baby he muttered as he inserted paloma’s arms into the sleeves of her third dress of the day dress one was splattered with sick dress two was huffily rejected you have to be twins to cause This much fuss

Poppy said Paloma she clapped poppy poppy poppy Neil sat on the floor a pile of broken glass on one side of him Paloma wriggling on her alphabet mat on the other he wanted to dive into a vat of wine and stay there until Santi came home and the baby was clean with her

Hair brushed and her skin smelling of talc how he said aloud does Santi do this so effortlessly Santi was never to be found on the floor surrounded by chaos his partner floated through the days broad shoulders taking everything the baby could fling at him laughing off every

Spill or tantrum as Santi wasn’t there Neil found himself asking the questions Santi always posed why do you call me your partner when I’m your husband Santi would brandish his wedding ring Spanish Eyes flashing why do I do that darling Paloma had no answer but she held Neil’s gaze

He felt emboldened by her attention and answered his own question I never thought I’d have a husband I had to pretend to be straight at school and at home my dad’s old-fashioned my mom Neil realized he didn’t know his mother’s views on sexuality well your grandmother stands shoulder-to-shoulder with your

Grandfather on everything so Neil took Paloma onto his lap she was soft with tiredness her limbs as floppy as her Teddy stroking the dark question mark of hair that lay flat over her forehead he said there was no gay marriage when I was a boy gay men didn’t

Have children they made a different life they were discreet or else they were woofters wearing tight trousers and making double oners on Saturday night Telly I didn’t recognize myself in any of those people I wanted to be in love Paloma was warm and heavy Neil cradled

Her close and spoke in a soft lullabi voice I didn’t dare look for love though instead I had lovers it’s not always the same darling I was born out of place in my family in my culture I didn’t want to be a I wanted to be a man I

Wanted to be me but I wasn’t me I was this ridiculous guy who drifted through nightclubs and came home on his own until I met your dad poppy Santiago Cortez had been literally Head and Shoulders above the other waiters at the topa barar where Neil took his dates the reaction Neil had to

Him the first time he saw him happened aresh each time Santi showed him to his table eventually Neil recognized it as something more than lust lust isn’t endlessly renewable so one night I took the plunge and asked him out for a drink do you know what he said Paloma sucked

The belt of his dressing gown he said no gracious well I don’t ask twice so I ignored him after that the sod didn’t notice so one night when I’d had a couple of sangrias no need to tell Paloma he meant a couple of jugs I asked him why he’d

Said no after all I spent a fortune in that place so he must have known I’d show him a good time he said he didn’t want to be one of many but he winked Paloma poppy winked so I said what if I promised not to see anybody else would

He consider dinner he accepted before I got to the end of my sentence they had dinner Santi more or less moved in after dessert they were naked for 3 days and recovering for three more Neil kept his word Santi was his one his only Neil was jolted back to

The present by Paloma sticking her finger in his eye this was one of her Main Hobbies ow he held her hand kissed its Palm said I have 1 hour to slow cook a lamb is there a patron saint of frazzled dads I can pray to dinky looked

Out of the window hey Missy Piper Sheba clicked her fingers I’m talking to you dinky remained silent a tear trickled Through The Ridges of her cheeks and dropped onto Grandpa’s sepia face please she whispered leave me alone Sheba sat heavily crossed her legs d bowed her head Anna dozed on and off her

Head Ling as Santi stopped and started the car in the Sunday traffic jams where are they all going she asked sleepily Anna was glad to be out of her house working from home meant that she was never far from the letter box never far from its distinctive clang when a

Leaflet or a circular fell through it or a letter waiting for number three if there was a number three kept Anna on edge the necessity of keeping her anxiety from Luca and Sam only added to the stress worse however was the thought that there would be no more letters that

Carly would reced the two women were locked into something Carly had set in motion a set of cogs and wheels that must grind onto a conclusion Anna felt an oil and water mix of Terror and relief at such a day numont everyone would know but she could

Sto pretending she could own what she’d done and what had been done to her car had shown Anna that she saw her clearly that she knew her better than her nearest her dearest but to what end Anna was too ens snared in the whole sorry story to discern what Carly wanted what

Carly was capable of doing the car jerked forward Anna sat up straight it’s not advisable to doze when bad dreams are circling Sam Anna trotted to catch up with him the bulk around her middle was beginning to slow her down wait up turning on the path to Neil’s house Sam

Showed her and Santi a face so pale that it was as if somebody had drawn the real Sam badly and forgotten to color him in Christ Sam did you just get out of bed yes Santi took samk face in his hands my friend you drank a lot last night no I

Drank a lot last night yes Sam batted away San’s long brown fingers Anna wanted to put her arm through his pull him close but Sam had retreated from her in the shed as they toiled at the coal face of artum accessories they spoke only about the work in hand she’d

Stopped asking him if he was okay when he stared into the middle distance the answer was always yes leave me alone ironic that I worried Isabelle might spoil my friendship with Sam Anna could now face the truth of that she’d given Isabelle a cool reception because of her own lingering possessiveness about her

Ex in the rear view mirror it was clear and shameful where’s Luca asked Sam he had developed a dependency on the man perhaps it was because Luca was a professional therapist Sam tended to drag him into corners and bleed at him coming later I might shoot off early

Said Sam no not allowed Santi put his key in the door and shouted hi honey I’m home a trail of wet wipes and baby clothes LED them through the hall to the large main room where lay on a white leather and Chrome recliner fast asleep with Paloma snoring on the soft cushion

Of his tummy dinky stared down at the face of her dead husband as Sheba prowled the room she lifted her hand and threw the frame over arm with surprising Force across the room hey now sha bent immediately to gather the pieces not this again now I’ll have to buy another

Frame before your family visit ouch Sheba sucked her finger the blood oozing where she’d cut it on the broken glass what did you tell your granddaughter Sheba seemed nodded up with anxiety when will you tell them the truth her accent pulled the words into emphatic syllables tell them you hate it

Here tell them you want to go home that kind lady Anna will give you her spare room you are lucky lucky I tell you to have family so close oh Sheba dinky seemed to sense what was coming next and held out her hand Sheba turned away wiping furiously at

Her face before turning back I would give blood I tell you to be close to my dear Mother I know I know said dinky soothingly I do my best to take her place I know old woman said Sheba her smile pushing her eyes into dark commas

You do you do but Sheba looked Fierce again do not ever make me lie to your family again if they ask me next time I am telling the truth I will say your grandmother cries at night I will say your grandmother doesn’t eat some days I will say your grandmother refuses to

Move from her chair for hours at a time Sheba mellowed shook herself right aquasize yes said dinky struggling to stand I know I know Aqua fken SC Kentucky Fried Chicken Neil put his head in his hands you’re desecrating my kitchen this was handbuilt the marbles

From Italy and you fiends eat KFC in it it was that or burnt oberen said Anna she leaned happily on Luca who was on the next high stool along at the kitchen island making noises of bliss Luca had been reluctant to pitch into the plastic cartons but now he was a convert it

Really is fingerlicking good he admitted the champagne said Neil makes it bearable he hadn’t the energy to be angry with Santi over his prank over and over Neil had apologized for the state of the house but nobody had listened they’d been too busy ordering fast food and blowing raspberries on paloma’s

Tummy mave had cast off her vegetarian beliefs for the time being Sam was dipping hot wings in his wine hey said Anna as she sat Neel down with a rustling paper bag full of delicious saturated fats you did great look at your daughter she’s clean she’s fed and

She’s happy as dink’s not here I can say this the fancy food and the Oho witty table setting we’re together and that’s the main thing is it Neil wasn’t quite convinced yes Grinch nickers it is Anna developing another Piper inside her like one of Josh’s Polaroids saw the Sunday

Lunch Club Swim into focus in much the same way it’s you we’ve come to see not your cuttingedge kitchen or the chair designed by somebody I’ve never heard of she hesitated before kissing him swiftly on on the cheek you do your best for us Neil it needed saying behind the

Pomposity and the belief that his wallet could cure all ills her brother consciously or not did his best to step into the shoes their father had relinquished he fled as if she’d slapped him Neil bolted to the utility room Josh arrived Anna sensed the Mexican wave of

Relief travel through the room all of them lived with the expectation that one day they’d get a phone call about Josh the sort nobody wants but for now he was here and healthy pale of course shy obviously but her little brother was in the fold being bare hugged by Luca and

Led to the Nuggets by mave time to tend to her other brother the utility room held memories last time I was here she told her child I did something enormously enjoyable that Set You In Motion it was an innocent room once more devoid of sexual connotations and smelling pleasantly of washing

Powder hey she said her voice gentle it was the voice she used when Yeti trembled during a storm don’t look at me Neil was hunched over the tiled worktop sobbing what’s this about Anna moved closer careful not to touch him all right if you’re so keen on looking at me

Look at this Neil wheeled around and pointed to the front of his patterned shirt look the button strained gamely doing their best to reach across his Ponch and look at this he pulled back his Fringe revealing the angry red dots where his hair plugs hadn’t quite settled down and how about this he

Pointed to his left eyebrow which was now higher than his right thanks to a clumsy botox injection the tan my dear is fake the teeth are veneers all this effort and I still look like a a fat 44-year-old with rece receding hair yes but you’re my fat 44-year-old with

Receding hair she judged it perfectly and appeal to Neil’s Funny Bone usually worked he snorted wiped his eyes Jesus I’m a drama queen he sighed I’d normally agree but this sounds like something that had to come out Neil folded his arms leaned against the fridge he contemplated his sister’s

Concerned face and seemed to make a decision breathing out he said what does Santiago see in me really he sees his husband Anna was blindsided Neil having a crisis of confidence you’re well you’re you he was singular he took charge except where palom is concerned that puzzled her I can’t help feeling

That Santi wouldn’t have chosen me if if what if I wasn’t Rich there I said it Neil threw up his hands Santi would live in a tent with you adult and gabana tent maybe he loves you Anna was miffed on her brother-in-law’s behalf you remember Love Don’t You unwilling to indulge Neil

In this fantasy about Santi being a gold digger she said one good way of showing you love somebody is by doing your share of the child care I pay the bills don’t I spluttered Neil you sound like an archetypal straight Macho male said Anna you know the ones you poke fun at not

The same thing Neil was adamant not the same thing at all deep down you’re straight Anna enjoyed his horror as she left the room to rejoin the others she didn’t see him slump nor hear what he whispered to himself but I didn’t want all this I didn’t want Domesticity and Parenthood I wanted

Santi a riot of emotion the kind that follows a long buried truth overwhelmed him in the kitchen Luca raised a nugget at Anna behind him she saw a woman come in uncertain looking for an eye to catch she was overg groomed for the Sunday lunch Club in full wag armor of bandaged

Dress and absurd heels um the door was like open said the stranger Tilly Santi welcomed her enthusiastically Anna discerned something beneath the surface as if he was acting come K we have he waved an apologetic hand at the buffet refreshed hair combed NE dashed to the Newcomer’s side Tilly darling say hello

To everybody Tilly he explained is new at my agency he named everybody and they all raised a hand or glass in welcome except Sam who half turned his back staring morosely out at the Garden through the glass expanse at the back of the house Sam somebody here I want you to

Meet a penny dropped Anna closed her eyes briefly Neil was getting this very very very wrong this Tilly was a sacrificial lamb about to be burned on the altar you won’t help Sam get over losing Isabelle like this Sam Preferred Quality to quantity his grief for Isabelle paid respect to the feelings

He’d had for her it panned out as she expected Sam gave Tilly the mest of welcomes he didn’t notice the freshly washed hair the hopefully applied makeup he talked to her as much as he talked to anybody else hardly at all to make for it Anna took Tilly in hand asking her

About herself complimenting her earrings guiding her to the choicest chicken wings the woman was polite enough not to comment on the unusual menu and to ignore the slag heap of ruined and abandoned ingredients Anna guessed Neil had built up her hopes I’ve got the perfect guy

For you and she tried to make the landing as Tilly came down to earth as soft as possible storm loves KFC said mave pushing klaw around around her plate although he reckons his dad’s barbecue is better I can vouch for that said Anna I looked up the weather for

Boston the other day when the rain was drumming a heavy metal song on the shed roof September had turned its back on the summer sending the UK scurrying for Macs and umbrellas and stiff upper lips it was 70° she remembered the kiss of Summer like a mourned lover was it the only

Summer Luca and I will have together avoiding poignant thoughts such as that was a full-time job occasionally one slipped through as a pregnant woman Anna was contractually obliged to look forward her very shape signaled hope and optimism she rallied September always makes me think of going back to school

She looked at mave remember mom taking us round Wess Smiths buying up calculators and set squares and pencil cases at the same time ma like like to underline the seven-year age difference as if Anna had been brought up in Victorian times the Autumn terms already started in Boston or should that be fall

Term storm would know she raised her voice storm he trailed in from the den where he’d been sprawled in front of the home cinema screen oh said storm when he saw the spread proper food Ace he grazed answering his mother’s question about fall term with a disinterested Doo

Luca effortlessly picked him up and turned him upside down for no reason because Anna assumed boys are like that Luca’s relationship with storm had been transformed deepened by the trip to the states they had an easy camaraderie nothing like the wey distant storm kept from Josh or the bored nephew pose he

Maintained with Neil and Santi it gave her hope well not exactly hope because Anna hastily reminded herself she didn’t need hope this was not a love affair with legs Luca’s attitude towards children was Irrelevant in the long run this baby isn’t his it felt as if the

Baby was hers and hers alone most of the time there was the odd call from Dylan she’d sent him copies of the scans Anna had always had respect for single mothers and it would be untrue to say she would have planned for her life to pan out this way but her growing

Outline brought with it a growing acceptance she sensed her child’s limbs firming up its wrinkly skin firming out as it grew Bonnie inside her I’m firming up too she felt strength flow both ways this baby would be the making of Anna not the breaking of her even if the baby

Chased Luca away simply by existing stormy said mave pulling him to her planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek give your mommy a hug this Behavior forbidden in the small print of every teenager’s invisible contract with their parents chased him out of the room again Josh said as he

Nibbled a fry he hates mushy stuff mave give him space I can’t help it laughed mave she lunged for Josh and threw her arms tight about him despite the difference in their heights I’ll have to get mushy with you instead bundling him onto the white expansive modern uncomfortable sofa why thought Anna

Doesn’t it have arms ma subjected Josh to a comprehensive tickling that had him howling it’s not always like this Tilly said Neil yes it is said Luca he winked at Anna she marveled at the effect a wink can have her heart beat faster her skin tingled she felt faint being in

Love is like a cardiac arrest but more fun she conceded Luca ambled over to her bumped shoulders do you think storm made the right decision coming home with us yes Anna thought and no maybe it’s a question that doesn’t have a right or wrong answer most questions are like

That so if I ask you if you’d like to spend the night at mine there’s no right yes said Anna good that’s something to look forward to Luca slipped his hand over her bottom gently as if reading a message there in Braille after Mama Anna winced as if he’

Trailed his fingers over a bruise Luka and his mother were close why doesn’t he introduce us he’d met all Anna’s VIPs did you believe Storm’s reasons for coming back with us she asked no Luca’s chin was stubbly Anna noticed she imagined it grazing her face and almost

Didn’t listen when he carried on he said he’d miss mave and that’s true any 13-year-old would miss his mom but storm came alive in Boston he loved it Anna wrenched her mind from his lips he flowers around Alva the structure and the boundaries help storm didn’t come home for

Storm he came home for mave the boy hadn’t said so there’d been much waffle about being settled at school and not wanting to miss watching Brighton and hve Al in play but Anna sensed his motives with storm around mave had to stick to the almost straight and narrow

Standards had to be kept up there had to be food in the fridge she had to get out of bed on time she couldn’t party too much storm will grow up into an amazing man Anna valued compassion more than exams probably he’ll ace those too no

Paul I notice not all boyfriends are as obedient as me Luca pulled at her nose stop thinking bad thoughts let your sister make her own choices I’ll try it didn’t come easy to Anna Tilly was dispatched in an Uber with a bottle of champagne as consolation prize and

Lunch was done for another Sunday the afternoon was on its last legs the evening sidling in across the lawn Anna helped Sam into his jacket he wouldn’t accept a hug she knew so this was the closest she could manage see you tomorrow did I behave badly with that

What’s her name Tilly not really Neil shouldn’t have tried to set you up so soon after she didn’t know how to describe Isabelle’s sudden abdication you’re still smarting that doesn’t give me permission to be an ARS like you said you’re not used to heartbreak they didn’t reference

Their own heartache she could hear him not mentioning it she knew he could hear her doing the same I promise you you’ll survive you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep Sam smiled I’ll be slightly less of a sod this week that I can promise I’d rather you promised you drink a bit

Less he stepped away the barrier clanged down again Christ a few months of enforced sobriety and you’re The High Priestess of AA Anna needed to get back to Yeti did I really just think that the dog was useless he was scared of thunder he hid her shoes when she was about to leave

The house he burrowed between her and Luca at night responsibility had bred something else not love surely for the monster Shaggy animal that got in her way and shed hair on her furniture she watched the others make their elaborate farewells storm stood sulkily by the door looking at the

Enormous watch his dad had given him Josh withstood kisses and hugs and concerned looks everybody in turn told him to take care of yourself yeah with a special emphasis to show that they meant it they looked him in the eye they shook him slightly by the shoulders Anna

Wondered if years and years of being the family lame duck made his lame duckery worse it had never never occurred to her before fretting about Josh expecting a phone call one day saying something tragic had happened was second nature to her quite a prophecy to lay on a young

Man around her lights came on the house was wired to react to the shifting moods of the day the interior glowed its white edges blurred clouds gathered beyond the glass the garden was moody in comparison to the warm room the front door closed Ed she heard Neil say a hearty well

Thank God they’re gone which she knew was for her benefit as Santi took Paloma up the winding blonde wood stairway he was back in charge Neil scuttled over to his sister this is the point where we used to break out the Brandy and have a good about them all he said but

Thanks to you he bent to address her tum poor mummy Stone Cold Sober where’s Luca Anna looked around as if she’d mislaid a glove last scene heading for The Powder Room listen Neil lowered his voice moved nearer I want to say something go on I’m

Sorry what for not the KFC I told you no you daed cow about Dinky about forcing you to have her in theory oh that I was the obvious choice perhaps it was years of habit that made Anna let him off so lightly secretly she believed he’d been

Sexist I was IST said Neil making her jump with his telepathy you explained I understood now that dinky was content to stay on at sunville Anna could afford to be magnanimous you worried about Dinky being uncomfortable living here that she might be old-fashioned about gay marriage that’s not really true I’d say

It’s the opposite of the truth somewhere in the cavernous house Alou flushed Neil sped up I wasn’t protecting dinky from my lifestyle I was protecting my lifestyle from dinky I couldn’t cope if she tutted at me and Santi living together bringing up Poma she wouldn’t Neil oh wouldn’t she Neil looked at his

Feet you don’t want to believe that she’s ignoring Paloma Anna but she is she is not Luca appeared rubbing his hands together making let’s go noises this wasn’t the time to discuss Neil’s paranoia she thanked him for lunch for saying sorry for being an idiot he

Laughed and she and Luca were out on the drive alone again at last said LCA oh no you were bored Anna looked stricken no I wanted you to myself he put an arm around her she snuggled into him the arm seemed to be made of cozy titanium do

You want to come to my moms with me her house isn’t on the temps Luca it’s in the temps the turreted Edwardian Mansion was on a Suburban Toe Path its window window s reflecting the Dark Water of the ancient river mama lives at the top Luca pointed to wide flat expanses of

Glass in the converted attic the views are incredible hang on as they climbed the stairs towards Mama’s iie Anna patted her hair and for some reason patted her blouse as if that would achieve anything if she’d had three wishes number one would have been a comb

Do you think she’ll like me she’ll love you Luca was blly I like you so they both noticed the last minute Switcheroo of verb Luca mama was waiting at the top of the stairs marching on the spot egging him on me Angelo about the same age as Anna’s own

Mother this lady had embraced her age with open arms her shapeless trousers and wider fit shoes were in stark contrast to the bikinis that featured heavily in Mama Piper’s Facebook updates whereas an an’s mom was Cano holding back the tide with stringent diets and Artful haircuts Luca’s mother

Was a typical Italian widow black clothes white hair chubby be- ringed hands a smile that split her face at the sight of her son running the last flight to throw his arms around her English mama he said as he kissed the top of her head we have a visitor

Mama looked around the bulk of her son the smile remained it didn’t have such conviction however welcome welcome she shot a look at Luca that Anna needed no knowledge of Italian to translate you could have warned me son Anna reminded herself she was 40 not 14 as she sat

Nervously on a sofa awaiting Mama’s return from the tiny kitchenette she was alone in a knick-knack filled sitting room where photographs of dark-haired people who seemed to share a chin jostled on every surface the furniture was ornate old cared for she wanted to make a good impression she rearranged her collar

Checked her nails hated herself for being so obvious mothers didn’t get to vet their sons girlfriends when the said Sons were adults but he loves his mama Argo mama had to be impressed the sofa was opposite the large window the flat itself was Tiny carved out of the servants quarters but

The view of the river was mind expanding the water stippled with the colors of dusk I hope you like cake Mama set down plates and forks and napkins Lucas set down a rather flat and modest yellow cake there was nothing modest about the taste the recipe was a

Family one I use palenta not flow explained Mama hands in her lap watching Anna eat the lemons are only English but she waggled her head as if to say that English lemons would do call me Elena she said the accent on the first dat I wish Luca had told me he was

Seeing somebody why she said turning to him would you keep a lovely girl like this secret because you’re nosy Mama enjoying being thought of as a girl Anna relaxed she told Elena about artam about her house her family the information Charmed out of her on a tide of cake and

Softly whipped cream when is he going to get married Elena asked suddenly throwing up her napkin in despair hey Anna don’t you think it’s strange that a man his age has never married well Anna didn’t dare catch Luca’s eye she bit her lip went for it yes actually she nodded earnestly he

Really should be settled down by now all this enjoying himself it’s not natural out of the corner of her vision she saw Luca’s shoulder Shake silently Elena took her at her word exactly she roared when is he going to make me a grandmother eh mama Luca stopped

Laughing you go too far Fai La Brava Raga he tells me to be a good girl Elena leaned towards Anna colluding two girls together if he is naughty you tell me yes I bash him good for you before they went Anna excused herself and slipped into the bathroom it had all the

Expected elements crocheted poodle toilet Roll Cover popery tumble twist rug it was a reassuring room in a reassuring flat Elena was having a good old age allora said Elena as Anna emerged she was looking down at Anna’s body whoops Anna had bundled up her silky shirt caught it on her waistband

Her stomach proudly convex was visible not only visible it was hard to ignore a baby whispered Elena her hand to her mouth she looked to Luca why would you keep this from me no it’s began Anna Mama the began Luca in unison they ran out of steam I’m not the father of

Anna’s child Mama Luca pushed out the words it was the first time Anna had seen him truly uncomfortable since they’d met I don’t understand Elena was Twitchy why are you together she turned to Anna where is this child’s father did he abandon you nothing as dramatic as

That Anna tried to keep it light be careful Luca said Elena her tone midnight dark a volley of Italian a wagged finger can we Anna made for the door yes letun get out of here mama said Luca as Anna hurried ahead of him to the stairs that was rude I’m sorry called

The elderly lady as Anna’s shoes clattered down through the house she was warning you said Anna a breeze from the river laid a clammy hand on her cheek yes you might trap me that was the gist of it Lucas slumped I’m so sorry you had to shush Anna had forgiven Elena already

Shek traditional I understand she did she understood perfectly but it hurt Elena had underlined Anna’s isolation her apartness from Luca the baby didn’t unite them the baby would divide them they were quiet on the drive back to Anna’s Luca kept flicking his eyes towards Anna she knew he was taking her

Emotional temperature but lacked the energy to reassure him they stopped on her street would you mind if we didn’t she said if that’s what you want Luca watched her get out then leaned across to say out of the open door are you sure yeah is something up he was treading

Carefully I’m tired she read the question between the lines are we okay but that’s all everything’s fine she laid a hand on his arm felt its strength don’t give your lovely Mama a hard time the gate made its familiar as Luca drove away Anna hoped she’d been telling

The truth are we okay from the double glazed porch on the house next door emerged an energetic middle-aged woman glad I caught you no please no said Anna inwardly as her mouth smiled and said hi Geraldine her neighbor was a mistress of minutia a woman who could spin a simple

Comment about the weather into an hour-long monologue in a bit of a hurry so I can’t talk I’ve got a chicken on said Geraldine but I said to Leonard I said I must pop out and catch lovely Anna from 43 he said oh yes do love so here I am

She brandished an envelope this was put through our door by mistake the third letter the usual handwriting but posted this time Anna took it over the sickly privet thank you she said automat atically what do you make of that new couple on the end Geraldine narrowed her

Eyes bit stuck up if you ask me Geraldine said Anna your Chicken ooh the chicken what am I like Geraldine dashed indoors Yeti was throwing himself against Anna’s front door she let him lick her face as she stared at the envelope later yeti off boy Anna groped

For her phone in her bag Luca could you come back there’s something I need to tell you chapter nine lunched anas nibbly bits roast beef with all the trimmings nut roast ice cream strawberries dear Anna me again like a bad Penny the pathetic note you wrote

Years ago holds no power over me you have no right to tell tell me how to feel about you I’m not just the evidence of a mistake you made I’m a real person I exist Carly the menu was the same as every other Sunday lunch Club she hosted it

Was expected of Anna she hadn’t eaten much of the beef after spending all morning tending to its needs she was sick of the sight of it the kitchen was hot her forehead was hot she reached into the fridge for a carton of cream and lingered there grateful for the

Chill almost tripped her up the sucky sound of the fridge door opening was the most enchanting noise in his universe and he always raced to the scene hopeful Sho Yeti hadn’t stopped growing perhaps he never will thought Anna as she searched out a jug he already looked

Like a man dressed up as a dog he’d take up more space than the baby oof she’d heard her mother make that exact noise when pregnant with the younger ones now she knew it was an involuntary AR expression one forced out of an expanding woman who still can’t quite

Believe what’s happening to her Anna had expanded since the last lunch just 7 days ago Luca was entranced by the tautness of her bump like a drum with over 3 months still to go she was slowing down she found herself guarding her energy much as she imagined dinky

Had to do she glanced at dinky content to see her in her rightful place at the head of the table somehow that tiny woman had managed to fill the Gap her parents had left dinky had never admonished her son and her daughter-in-law perhaps like Anna she sensed that they didn’t realize what

They were doing at dinky’s right hand sat Sheba silent watchful giving nothing away a thread was pulled tight between Sheba and dinki something covert that made dinky twitch there was no way to probe Sheba stuck to dinky like Yeti did to Anna I used to enjoy helping dinky

Make her stately progress upstairs to the L that was sheba’s job now as Anna set out the strawberries on the table yes Ma they’re imported shut up the baby began to Rumba the Sunday lunchers queued impatiently for a feel I’m public property thought Anna amused glued together Ma and Paul put out their

Hands in unison Paul seemed moved which in turn moved Anna Sam his personal raincloud almost visible above his head reached out and frowned blim me he said it was the most he’d said all afternoon Anna had caught him checking his phone had wanted to scream shek not coming back Sheba

Declined eyes down expression inscrutable Neil predictably didn’t want to touch Anna’s tum God no it’s like that scen in Alien he shuddered and went back to sipping the dessert wine he’d brought and an eyeballing dinky Anna knew he was on the lookout for signs of anti Paloma bias she’d warned him that

If he looked that hard and with that much animosity he would find evidence maywe Santi held out paloma’s hand gentle gentle palomita he murmured this is your new cousin everybody laughed when the baby with admirable 9-month-old eloquence shouted love you at Anna’s jumper Paloma bobbed reving in the

Attention and shouted again love you Poppy still not saying Daddy queried Anna Santi closed her down with a look evidently that was a sore subject let the poor girl sit down said dinky I’m fine said Anna she had started to enjoy the fussing being public property had

Its upside Josh want to feel your niece or nephew kick long poet’s fingers sped over her stomach Josh said hello in there whoever you are his eyes met Anna’s he understands she thought Josh saw the Magic in the biology she almost almost blurted out Bring Thea next time

She held back Josh took things slowly that was wise he had no obligation to speed up so Anna could relax about him furthermore this Thea was just a woman Anna couldn’t expect her to fix Josh my go Luca put both strong Palms on her bump he grinned he and the bump had a

Great relationship it always made him smile I think it’s a girl Annie he said low and rumbling so only she could hear she’s like you poor sod said Neil who had heard takes two to make a baby said ma she was looking at Paul provocatively

And Anna felt an oh no form in her mind true she said even though her baby felt like a miraculous conception she’d called Dylan last night but he’ yawned throughout the conversation newly back from iisa he explained he’d gone on Overland in a jeep with the gang when

Anna put the phone down she’d felt 100 years old you can stop now she smiled and Luca removed his hands I like the kicks they’re like Morse code he said holding out his arm as he sat so that she sank into it probably saying let me out said Paul

Mave laughed very very hard storm almost went inside out with disgust you don’t know what it’s saying Anna said but I do the baby and she spoke the same language no words just love and dependency and expectation it was a pagan dialect raw glorious Josh twinkled at her from

Across the table he was fully engaged today getting the conversation instead of sitting back and letting it flow past it was Anna’s turn to sit back to pop a strawberry into her mouth and draw a parallel between herself and her mother she carried me inside her all those

Months Anna knew now the intensity of the long slow Journey towards birth she knew that each Kick spilled open a new hidden casket of love yet mom distanced herself from me from all of them Anna eyed her siblings around her table they’d all grown up with good schools

And new shoes and weekends on the boat but their parents had been aloof more committed to their marriage than their children Anna didn’t want to play the poor me card but her mother had let her down more than the others she pushed me into a mistake that could have been

Avoided all because of a man it didn’t make it any simpler that the man was Anna’s own father she pushed into Luca’s side he reciprocated with a wiggle they were in tune this was good he was a bonus other men might have fled when she’d laid her

Ugly Truth at their feet but Luca had stayed they’d sat in the dark only the moonlight saving the room from bleakness Anna had pulled a cardigan around her as she talked Luca had sat forward head down hands clasped between his knees listening listening with every cell of

His body it had been a stop start tale never aired before Anna didn’t know where to begin with with the third letter on her lap and fresh tears on her face she said this letter is from my daughter he didn’t recoil she carried on she hates me she signs herself Carly but

To me she’s Bonnie I named her Bonnie you see secretly she touched her chest where her heart was here anna was glad of Yeti’s bulk beside her as she said I was 16 she had green eyes sorry I’m not making much sense I was ashamed and excited I didn’t dare do a pregnancy

Test mom took me straight to the doctor and he confirmed it she’d been in school uniform when she heard she was going to be a mother mom cried I mean wept she kept saying she didn’t know what would happen when my dad found out but she did

Know we both knew her father had erupted the younger children bundled off to a neighbor Neil already living on his own there was no need for Anna’s dad to hold back he told me I disgusted him that I brought shame on the family as if we were royalty or something nobody

Mentioned abortion we were too Catholic for that but nobody mentioned a future with the baby either it was a problem to solve I had no say Anna’s voice stretched to nothing the memory of her powerlessness swarmed through her she’d been mute ignored a thing not a girl dad

Calmed down and he wasn’t quite so Hellfire about it I could tell he wanted to reach out to me Anna paused was that true or had she retrofitted that detail in order to make the memory bearable they talked to me endlessly about it always in hushed voices behind

Closed doors so mave and Josh wouldn’t find out so that I wouldn’t infect my little brother and sister over and over they said it was the right thing to do adoption the only way best for me best for the child but Anna gritted her teeth the anger had arrived RedHot and taking

No prisoners but Luca what they meant was it was the best thing for them that she knew was why they’d pressurized her softly harshly with words of love with reason until she’d stood her ground I said I wanted to keep the baby I was optimistic the way you

Are at 16 I was so naive about what it would entail I mean I couldn’t even keep my room tidy but I said dinky would help and Dad shouted that his mother must never ever hear about this or it would kill her a small sigh heavy with empathy escaped luk

It felt that nobody loved me anymore the real me they would only love the version of me who wasn’t pregnant who hadn’t had sex the baby was a complication to be tidied away dad took over I signed papers but he had to sign them too as my guardian she didn’t describe the birth

She never thought about it she deficiently locked it away but she remembered how proud she’d been of herself for coming through it and pushing out a perfect human with green eyes Bonnie arrived on November 11th I had her for a week in a nursing home nice and Far Away Maven Josh thought I

Was on a school trip she paused said again I had her for a week that’s a very short time said Luca in a heavy voice and a very long time too yes being understood almost made Anna cry again I knew every inch of her I could draw you

A map of her tiny pink body the the way she cried Anna heard it echoed sometimes in bird song she knew I was her mother Luca she knew me and they took her that memory was one she’d have loved to lock away along with the birth but it was too

Bright too vile they had to physically pull her away from me I would have killed them all if I’d had a weapon she was crying Anna put her hands to her face oh God Luca she was crying so hard Luca let her SOB Anna was grateful to

Him for not leaving his post to sit beside her she needed his calm demeanor to get through it I dressed her in a romper thing I’d saved up for I brushed her hair I’d washed it silly little fluff that it was with this baby shampoo the nursing home supplied she smelted so

Wonderful of vanilla yes Anna smiled sad want that’s why the perfume anyway I told Dad I wanted to give Bon a note for her to read when she was older he told me that was irresponsible selfish the baby he never used her name needed a

Fresh start he forbade it but I wrote it anyway the glow of Triumph still burned a small but very important Victory had been won when she tucked the handwritten page into the embroidered pocket on the front of Bonnie’s outfit I wrote Anna leaned back closed her eyes

Dear Bonnie I I want you to know that you are loved and you’ll be loved as long as I live I’ll think of you every day and never stop hoping that you are appreciated and happy and growing up just fine you are special you’re beautiful you are my one and only Bonnie

We must live apart but we’ll be okay won’t we because we love each other your first mummy Anna Piper none of that had ever been said out loud I regretted for years and years that I didn’t put our address a clue to find me you know but I didn’t feel I had

The right to expect that my head was all over the place and now Luca she has come back Anna leaned forward handed him the letters and she hates me Paul insisted on washing up in great cheaped mave leaning against Anna almost toppling her he is Anna itched to take the plates away

From him and put them in the dishwasher the clue to its job was in its title she turned away rather than watch Paul put things away in the wrong places she appreciated any and all help but Paul’s Good Deed was a performance of sorts from the untidy post lunch table storm

Watched Paul too Anna put her arms around Storm from behind laid her cheek on the top of his head I know you’re thinking about everything you gave up for your mom she whispered breathing in that familiar storm smell of hair goo pencils boy you don’t have to like Paul

That’s okay I know he’s good to mave Anna forgave the showing off when she balanced it against the affection the security the honesty this guy was going to be around for a long while it was her aunt duty to help Storm come to terms with the situation you’re

Strangling me storm shook her off turning from sweet jaal to hormonal hide unwi to fall apart the party moved to the small sitting room dinky walked through on Luca’s arm like a duchess Sheba her Shadow as ever the others dribbled through taking glasses and cups chatting arguing Paloma crawled after

Yeti the dog was terrified of the baby Sam peeled off made for his coat hanging in the hall you off Anna was disappointed yeah not in the mood don’t you feel any better you make Isabelle sound like a cold I’ve got to get over there truly was no way for Anna to

Mention Isabelle that Sam would accept I only meant can we not Sam kept his gaze pinned on the front door as he wound a scarf around his neck he took absurd care of himself the slightest Breeze sent him into Arctic clothing okay but when can we be normal again that was rushed garbled

When Anna rehearsed it had sounded smooth sane warm we are normal huffed Sam and he was gone Yeti skitted to a stop at Anna’s legs as she watched samk shape fade Bey the leted lights of the front door I know I know she tickled his ears Paloma is scary isn’t she the full-

Length Hall mirror showed Anna herself and Yeti no doubts about the condition of the woman in the Navy dress and the flat pumps she was in full sale and still Luca stuck around she was beginning to Hope Luca been the perfect person to talk to about Bonnie Cari she corrected

Herself your daughter doesn’t hate you he’ said clearly firmly Luca had reached out to take both her hands as they sat on opposite sofas she’s confused hurt but she’s come looking for you no she hasn’t suggested a meeting there’s no address no phone number only accusations somehow said Luca your

Lovely note seems to have done more harm than good it’s as if she thinks I was mocking her Anna had almost wretched at that all I wanted was to to I can hear pain in Carly’s letters not hate Anna couldn’t quite believe that but it had sounded

Wonderful to her ears then Luca had said very grave please don’t call this a confession there’s nothing to confess you were young and Powerless you’re a victim of this terrible situation I don’t like being a victim nobody does it’s just a word Luca had taken her fingers kissed them maybe Carly’s

Handing you a second chance so far this second chance hadn’t come about telling Luca had changed nothing except it brought us closer together Anna hugged herself as Neil hurdled out of the room holding Paloma over his shoulder he shouted I’m doing it aren’t I taking in Anna he narrowed his eyes honestly I

Thought he was keeping an eye on her Pala had teed all over her white dress how do I he held the baby out Anna refused the queue it’ll come out with cold water I’m sure you’ve got an alternative Couture ensemble in one of the four bags you brought with you she

Leaned into the sitting room whistled at mave want to look at those clothes I’m chucking ooh yes mave hopped over outstretched feet she love to rummage through Anna’s jumble sail bags upstairs in the bedroom Anna gratefully stretched out on the bed as mave critiqued her

Castoffs M no Naf too big for me too big for me jumpers jeans Cals flew over her shoulder hang on that’s nice she stood up held a short tarten dress against her in the mirror maybe Anna closed her eyes this was like when she and mave had shared a room back

Home a 17 and a 10-year-old is an uneasy mix but many nights she’d fallen asleep to Ma’s chatter it was relaxing the conversation with Luca was near the surface of her mind she’d cried she’d shared her darkest thoughts did Carly have a terrible childhood were they cruel to her is she living in

Squalor maybe she’s a drug addict you’re joining dots that aren’t there Luca had said you’ll drive yourself nuts if you carry on like this I’ve been like this ever since I gave up Bonnie it wasn’t heartburn that kept Anna awake at night the feelings came and went but never

Stayed away for long the little baby with the note tucked in her clothes was always in her sight line she’d even shown him the newspapers Luca had followed her to the attic Stood Beside her as she opened the trunk I don’t want to put another paper in this year Anna

Had turned slammed herself against Luca’s chest knowing his arms would close around her I want to find her she’d whispered that had galvanized Luca no not a good idea he’d held her at arms length so he could look into her eyes proceed carefully let Carly be in charge

Go slow if I went slow she’ said stroking his face we wouldn’t be together so ma was saying I’ll take this black dress The Tartan one and the shorts Paul Loves Me In Black how long have you been going out with him now asked Anna idly straightening the bed 3

Months Anna was was eyeing her in the mirror on the Wardrobe M Anna made a non-committal noise she wasn’t concentrating the small of her back hurt she kicked the discarded clothes into a pile what does that mean mave was bullish her pointy chin stuck out M

That’s not long or H it’ll never last it’s neither you idiot Anna’s smile evaporated as she turned and saw mave was mad at her I know what you’re thinking Anna no you don’t you’re thinking that gone off at the deep end again made a fool of myself but Paul’s

Different hey hey I know that anybody with eyes to see you can’t disapprove of me forever Ma’s eyes were wet her voice was cracked around the edges at some point you’ll have to say Well done mave I’d even settle for you tried your best she lashed out at the hug Anna offered

Get off me I see you and Neil in your little looks she affected a hoyy toyy voice what’s ma gone and done now eh her face crumpled with the effort not to cry it’s not easy Anna she thumped the bed it’s not easy you don’t know what it’s like to have a

Baby I do Anna could have replied with equal heat she could have yelled you don’t know what it’s like to give one away she could tell ma the truth spill her secret maybe it would help the moment passed she couldn’t admit it she couldn’t offer pressure from Mom and

Dad as an excuse because she didn’t believe it was an excuse I’m on my own trying to bring up Storm and I get it all wrong most of the time and you all think I don’t care but I do Bloody care mave was balling now fists in her eyes

It’s so lonely Anna it’s so so lonely that’s why I grab it love you’ll do it too Ma shocked herself out of her tantrum oh God I don’t mean you and Luca will split up he’s great great you’re great together yes everything’s great laughed Anna taking advantage of Ma’s

Change and demeanor to lighten the mood come here you fool she folded her up chased away the demons like she had when they shared a room and mave had illicitly watched a hammer film come here this time it was Luca saying it they were alone again unless you counted

Yeti and the small Piper coming together inside Anna oi he laughed good-naturedly as she ignored him leaning on the sink staring out at the Garden sorry sorry Anna turned around her head hurt she rubbed her temples I was thinking about storm he gave me an extra hard cuddle when he

Left whispered sorry because he snapped at me earlier HEK a good kid said Luca only half listening as he took up the Sunday Times magazine from the morass of newsprint on the table so there is such a thing as as a good kid the vment of her inner voice startled Anna she often

Recalled that comment Luca had made before they got together children annoy me but never with such Venom she looked at him all the usual Luca bits and pieces were present and correct his strong forearms his adamant chin his long lashes the bump on his nose that she adored and yet irritation prickled

On her skin you have no idea she found herself thinking there he was happy and relaxed looking forward to an evening of Telly and then an hour of naughtiness in bed before falling asleep secure in the knowledge that she’d be up before him and have his porridge ready just the way

He liked it and there Anna was tired overheated beset by her past unsure of the future growing an inch a day trying not to be too pregnant in case he fled somewhere a small voice reminded Anna that none of this was his fault that Luca was relaxed about her

Pregnancy she strained to hear that voice and said flopping down on the opposite sofa ma let rip at me earlier yeah still not really listening Anna carried on as if she was laying a trap for him why a woman would lay a trap for the man she loved wasn’t quite

Clear but nothing was clear her head was Fuzzy her judgment had gone for a post lunch lie down hormones rampaged through her body holding everything to R she said I looked down on her I don’t do I she threw the sports section at him Luca I’m talking to you he sorry darling

I’m a bit he held up his brimming wine glass no you don’t look down on mave good although Luca closed the magazine looked at the ceiling you do this big sister number on her well I am her big sister it’s a bit what’s the word Anna waited for the word word a bit

Condescending Luca nodded pleased with the word rubbish no you are laughed Luca he didn’t see the Trap didn’t realize that whatever he said would annoy her you talk down to her especially about men but then but then you do the same with Josh Anna goggled at him thanks she

Snapped you know you do I protect him I worry about him he’s a grown ass man Anna I think I know him better than you do Lucas stared at her he sobered up slightly okay I take it back good Anna was disappointed that Small Voice still shouted beware but her hormones shouted

Tell him to or get off the pot are you Luca paused perhaps he saw the mouth of the Trap after all are you okay Anna depends on doesn’t matter when women say that it not only women say it if you’re going to bite my head off I won’t bother

Talking Luca went back to the magazine one brown eye regarded her over a cover picture of a Hollywood actress half Anna’s age and half her current dress size is it safe to come out yet did you mean it when you said you didn’t like children Anna blurted it out she felt as

Surprised as Luca looked when did I say that did I say that he looked perplexed the very first time we met you haven’t said it since Anna looked Rye for obvious reasons Luca looked at her a long moment passed his face was set all his playfulness drained away what is this he

Said eventually we having a row said Anna you should be good at it you being a therapist I’m hopeless at them said Luca was that a warning he’ certainly become very somber very quickly what do you want Luca that’s a big question and that’s an evasive answer Anna was tired

With the nebulous nature of their future was he in or out you do realize I’ll have a baby in my arms by the end of December well I knew it wasn’t wind said Luca his face had closed down his arms were folded his shoulders raised you said you didn’t like children Luca are

You noting down everything I say are you the secret police Jesus Anna why are you asking me what I want from Life at halfast 6 on a Sunday I’m working it out like everybody else what do you want from me from us Anna would soon be a buy

One get one free offer I want this luuka raised his arms looked around you me the dog the papers nothing fancy he didn’t mention the baby Luca was too intelligent to leave out the B- word by mistake and if that’s not what I want Anna swallowed the words even as she

Said them they didn’t illustrate how she felt too late she remembered that bitter sentences coined mid argument rarely do that’s up to you Luca was Curt clipped they were on a precipice Anna didn’t dare looked down I have something for you she said turning away from the brink

Is it a punch in the face asked Luca he’ lightened up recognized the change of tone Anna brought him a small package wrapped up in palis pink tissue stamped with artom for you she was sorry she’d let daylight in on Magic she didn’t want to lose him to lose this the scene he

Described her him the dog the papers it’s time you had an em accessories wallet don’t you think it was deep blue leather sensually pliable it’s so cleverly designed said Luca exploring the pockets and slits I wonder who did that he wanted peace too when she sat beside

Him he put his arm around her kissed her I don’t know what happened there he whispered maybe it’s your don’t say hormones hormones I’m not a walking womb Luca maybe I was genuinely upset about something Anna heard herself heard her tone felt Luca shrink away she put her

Hands up letun pretend I didn’t say that letun get on with enjoying our evening if there’s something you need to talk about Luca didn’t sound Keen it’ll keep she slapped her lap letun fill your new wallet I put a tenor in it already for luck dinky had taught her that

Superstition it was bad luck to give somebody a purse without money in it so you’ll never be poor you Looney said Luca affectionately he pulled out his old wallet opened it like a fan notes coins debit cards rained onto the coffee table along with a polaroid she saw his face change saw

Panic Scamper across it what’s that she said her hand reaching it before his the snap was clear colorful it was a happy picture of a happy couple they posed on A chichy Street West London probably relaxed leaning into each other the woman wore a floppy hat Luca had a

Protective arm around the woman’s shoulders their faces grinning cheesily their heads inclined towards each other an old girlfriend nothing Luca put out his hand but again Anna was faster she held it to her chest you’re wearing the shirt I bought for you Anna paused she didn’t want to be

The one to strike the killer blow but he’d given her no choice two weeks ago Luca chewed his lips he held her gaze give it back please he said there was a handwritten message on the white rectangle beneath the image Anna read it out for Luca you made me the woman I am

She read out each X kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss Luca made no attempt to downplay it the wording could be explained away possibly but he didn’t try he put his hands over his face don’t do this he said do what ask you who you’re as well as me Anna Luca put his head

Back closed his eyes as if she thought fear iously I’m the problem I remember the day you wore that shirt and those linen trousers you came from her to me Luca jumped up he was mute as if his lips had been sewn shut he searched out

His wine downed in one he was seething as if holding back a great flood of anger say something roared Anna waving the Polaroid are you still seeing her thank you so much said Luca for the benefit of the doubt I’m allowed to have friends Anna that’s not a friendly pose

That’s not a friendly comment those kisses aren’t friendly she and I are close yes but you said this was an old picture an ex-girlfriend if it’s innocent why lie this isn’t a courtroom Luca’s eyes blazed I refused to be cross-examined and I refus to be made a fool of Anna

Couldn’t sit down she couldn’t stand up she crossed to the kitchen window pressed her fist against her forehead what is this am I one of many are you kinky for pregnant women or something kinky Luca took a step back as if repulsed how can you say that to me Anna

Held the photo aoft like a flag how can I say this to you what’s going on I suppose you needed somebody lined up for after the birth I didn’t realize you had a cut off point thanks for telling me stop thanking me Luca you sound like a

Sarcastic school girl and you sound like a madw woman men always say women are crazy when in fact the woman is furious the volume of that last word startled them both look said Luca into the silence that followed I’ve been taking this as it comes building one day on top

Of another with me and this woman spat Anna he ignored her my patients talk to me every day about their lives it’s easy to go wrong so easy pain Falls like rain I don’t make assumptions I don’t even make plans and I can’t be around chaos

Anna I live in the moment I don’t believe you Anna said it defiantly you do make plans you plan to two time me Luca looked at the floor anything else you’d like to accuse me of while we’re at it defend yourself then Anna wanted him to more than anything she wanted to

See Luca half smile and explain it all away he didn’t do that he said quietly still not not looking at her Where Do We Go From Here let me help you with that said Anna we don’t go anywhere I’m in a completely different place to you Luca I

Should have never let you in Luca’s head snapped up you’re not the only one who let somebody in he added through gritted teeth and then regretted it they were in a culdesac it wasn’t just that Anna wasn’t prepared to share Luca she didn’t want him anymore he was a cheat he was a

Liar she’d idolized his strength of character congratulated herself on finding a decent man they snorted like horses after a race both of them blinked astonished to find themselves at this place it wasn’t a kiss and makeup moment Anna couldn’t kiss a man who kissed another woman the moment her back was

Turned look she said dragging the words up from the bottom of her letun not do this no explanations no excuses no block blah blah blah we made a mistake it’s done goodbye Anna didn’t know how Luca took that because by the time she’d finished she turned away closing her eyes and

Letting tears roll from under her lashes you really are something else Anna Piper she heard a door slam chapter 10 chapter 10 lunch at Sam’s twiglets corn spag Bowl after eights Anna’s premonition that a big love was heading her way turned out to be right after all just not in the way

She’d expected the big love was her baby Luca had written himself out of her life story presumably he had sloped back to the other woman or was I The Other Woman whatever the floppy hat tart was welcomed to to him Yeti knew better he crept to her when she cried on the sofa

In front of a movie laying his long snout on her lap he joined her on the bed when she woke up in the middle of the night the dog knew that Anna had made a terrible Discovery I held nothing back the plan to withhold the last portion of her heart had failed like

Napoleon Luca had conquered all he saw now 4 Weeks Later the tears scarcely dry on her face it was Another Sunday lunch Club dinky looked confused aren’t you meant to be at Sam’s today darling you’re on my way no I’m not no you’re not admitted Anna there’s something I

Want to ask you dinky she turned to face Sheba something private I Sheba opened her mouth her expression was fierce it lasted only a second before she decided against speaking and backed out of the door of dinky’s room shek peculiar said said Anna never mind Sheba sit Anna did

As she was told pulling a low upholstered chair over to dinky’s side tranquil knitting dinky’s voice was sharp as she said so what’s up young lady dinky said Anna the word hung there she couldn’t find a way in her grandmother let the silence swell broken only by the clacking of knitting needles

Dinky did you know about Anna’s mouth dried up your first baby Anna felt her vision swim oh was her underpowered overwhelmed response I wanted to have her live with me I wanted to bring her up Anna struggled to process this alternative reality your father wouldn’t hear of it didn’t want

Her to be part of the family dinky stopped cleared her throat I wondered when you’d come and ask me about this has the pregnancy stir it all up yeah Anna was scooped clean she was was glad that dinky wanted to talk because she was unable to say

Anything I told your father that you’d never forgive him for giving away that poor little chick I told him he was cutting a scar into the family I never forgave him either dinky patted Anna’s hand I know what it’s like having a child when you’re not much more than a

Child yourself I knew you couldn’t manage on your own but you could have managed with our help I said sure isn’t that what we’re for to look after each other but well you know better than I do how your dad felt would you really have brought up Bonnie is that what you

Called her a Now isn’t that a grand name yes chick of course I would she was the image of you you know was she Anna felt absurdly happy with that poultry nugget why ask now Musha why today I’ll tell you another time no need to burden dinky

You had a baby at 16 didn’t you indeed I did but my situation was different you had a husband Anna rallied thank heavens for Grandpa e she crossed to the photograph looked at it and said sadly Grandpa wouldn’t have made me give up my oh wished Anna said dinky passionately that

Man was a pig she put her hands to her face God forgive me I tried to bring your father up differently but no like father like son dinky I don’t that train journey said dinky a pleading look on her face the one I always tell you about

That storm loves so much yes yes Anna sank to the floor in front of her grandmother he forced himself on me dinky looked up at the ceiling Anna felt sick Grandpa all the charm was for one reason only he liked fear you see I wasn’t just a virgin Anna there’s no

Word for how naive I was my ma never taught me about sex all I knew was that it was a sin no it wasn’t said Anna yearning to comfort dinky I didn’t even tell anybody I was too ashamed he kept sniffing around me I even went for a bit

Of lunch with him now and then but I was never alone with him it was like he was a snake and I was a mouse dinky balled her tiny fists in her lap I wish I could get a hold of me younger self and tell me to kick him in

His you know whats don’t be angry with yourself said Anna be angry with him I didn’t even realize I was pregnant that’s how green I was me bump was out here before I coton on so I wrote to Mida and he came over on the first boat

And he sought out your grandpa and he told him to marry me what why would your own father want you to marry she couldn’t say the word rapist in front of her grandmother no longer a cherished Widow dinky was a Survivor that’s how it was then chick da

Thought he was doing right by me he sobbed all through the service don’t judge him Darlin religion had Ireland by the throat back then appearances meant everything ma ma just wanted me home in her warm kitchen safe again but women didn’t have voices then the way they do

Now the way you do always use that voice of yours Anna never be quiet because a man says so not my style dinky smiled Anna was Grandpa a good husband the question was ridiculous he beat seven shades of shite out of me pardon my friend dinky pointed to her face I wasn’t born

With this queer nose Anna that was a punch for not having his breakfast on the table that was why dinky had looked subtly different in her wedding photograph Anna wanted to crawl back through time and save her grandmother he never stopped resenting me for getting

Me pregnant as he put it some days he wouldn’t use me name called me peasant thought he’d married beneath him but truth be told there was nobody beneath him Souls never change Anna he was as bad a father as he was a husband the only favor that man did me was dying the

Stories I made them up because I wanted to nourish you all I wanted my little boy to be proud of where he came from dinky frowned as if yearning to get this point across when your Grandpa died it was as if God had given me a break at

Last he’ taken away this horrible role model there was a chance for little Allan he didn’t have to grow up tough and hard and arrogant so I made up an alternative father for him one who was kind and showed love dinky bowed her head suddenly I

Kind of fell for him myself to be honest with you oh dinky Anna said it again oh Dinky Dinky Dinky there weren’t any words to do the situation Justice well maybe just three I love you I know you do darling I love you right back don’t

Go feeling sorry for for me she was fierce dinky in Warrior mode I’ve made a grand life out of what I was given sure don’t I have you she reached out and stroked the curve of Anna’s cheek you’ll always have me sometimes I wonder if your father is

The way he is because of Grandpa’s jeans the way he is Anna had never heard dinky openly criticize dad before domineering hard always in the right he silent your voice didn’t he when he cut Bonnie a drift dinky’s small face puckered Jesus I hope that scrap

Knows how much she was wanted I hope her new people were good to her me too Anna couldn’t tell dinky about Bonnie’s bitterness couldn’t even tell her Bonnie was now called Carly as dinky waved Anna off having insisted on coming to the front entrance on sheba’s arm she called

Out only 5 weeks to the 11th of November I’ll light a candle at St judee’s as usual all that love bottled up for Bonnie surely it had to mean something is it possible said Sam taking the bottle from Anna kissing her cheek that you’ve expanded since the day before yesterday

I think it might be quintuplets Anna was wearing maternity jeans with an expandable insert at the front they were the exact opposite of sexy you look odd she stood back not easy in samk boxy hallway haircut she followed him into the sitting room new jumper it’s time said Sam with a

Sigh as he threw knives and forks in the general direction of the table Isabelle had made him buy I have to face facts rejoin the human race shek not coming back he’d stopped texting Isabelle stopped drunk dialing her at 2 a.m. whatever happens it’s nice to see you

Looking after yourself again I’ve been a bit Sam looked ashamed I was mean to you wasn’t I nothing I didn’t deserve Anna had confronted her own behavior about Isabelle look at the pair of us Sam plonked a kitchen roll on the table fancy thought Anna sad Singletons again

But he smiled a poignant last Walts of a smile I still have you Youk always have me that was the second such promise Anna had made that day she looked down at her tum I’m going to need you soon what will the baby call me I’m not an uncle

There’s no official title for the man who used to be married to your mother you’re an uncle and that’s that the baby needed as many uncles and aunts as it could muster Anna gravitated towards the sofa soft Furnishings had begun to exert an irresistible pull Caruso leapt onto

Her lap with a happy yowl raking through her sadness for a silver lining to Luca’s defection she had realized that she could now act as pregnant as she wanted to I can let out a loud o when I sit down I can wear slippers all day I

Can KN off in the middle of sentences we’re in the right place now I think unaccustomed to talking about emotions Sam felt his way along friends I mean we good at that he looked at her for the longest time before saying you’re essential to me Anna happy crying

Was another pregnancy side effect Anna could give into with Paul in charge mave was bang on time with no tail of train wo she showed off a new necklace a looped rose gold Affair and instructed storm to walk up and down in his new trainers storm refused and took to the

Sofa with his phone no no Paul shushed mave let him darling he didn’t even say thank you properly said mave who rarely used those important words herself she raised her voice so storm could hear heun’s being very childish his dad won’t be impressed your hair wondered Anna as Paul and Sam

Had one of those conversations about Motorway traffic that seemed to turn men on do you like it Ma did a twirl it’s very neat said Anna no I don’t like it Ma had never before succumbed to a hair dryer new dress I’ve gone all Posh laughed mave she’d been tamed by a Navy

Wool sheath you look like somebody playing you in a movie Paul treated me to a few bits in pieces ma stuck out a glossy qut shoe she looks horrible said storm ma groaned but Anna saw the sadness in Paul’s eyes as he took in his girlfriend’s immovable son all the other

Guests arrived at once a jobot of Neil Santi Paloma and Josh in the hubub of Hells Anna hung back beside ma one of the benefits of being an older mother she said is that by the time this kid is Storm’s age I’ll be too D to care

About it being rude to me mave didn’t laugh instead she looked Savage an older mom shut the up sis there’s no such thing there’s just moms she prodded Anna in the arm every baby comes in its own time there are no rules so don’t go looking at any of those crappy websites

Every mother is the best mother for their baby oh okay said Anna slowly mave didn’t usually give or take advice you hear me you’re going to be in amazing mummy touched inspired even Anna hugged mave who was still going sexist don’t let it into your head Neil led the charge in from the

Hallway come on what have you done with my little sister he demanded this woman is obviously a politician’s wife he held mave at arms length you’re clean he said disbelievingly Santi struggled along behind him teething red in the face Paloma bounced in his arms like a bad-tempered grasshopper ladies hola he said as

Politely as he was able while setting Paloma down on her Playmate she sped off immediately Neil dodged out of her way as Santi scampered after her on all fours that’ll be you this time next year said Neil to Anna you won’t know what’s hit you we managed 3 hours sleep last

Night don’t scare her said Santi Paloma now tucked under his arm it’s all worth it my love but shek be doing it on her own said Neil accepting a twiglet from Sam families don’t sugarcoat the truth Anna took a twiglet and watched Paloma crawl under the table her niece’s fate

Had given Anna hope about Bonnie’s adoption Carly she corrected herself that was before the letters had told her the real story that her daughter was resentful angry manipulative no wonder I hate it when Neil expresses ambivalence about adopting Paloma where’s Luca ask son a as Paloma repeated poppy poy poppy in his arms

Coming later um no Anna kept it brief when they broke into Muse of sympathy she put her hand up like a traffic cop don’t be nice I’ll cry HEK come crawling back said Neil the photograph wasn’t mentioned we had a row was as far as Anna was prepared to go you knew I

Suppose she murmured to Josh yeah he didn’t say much he seemed pretty cut up this both pleased and dismayed Anna she chided herself for caring Luca had cheated on her I’m not taking sides said Josh but are you okay Luca didn’t go into detail but I said my sister’s

Perfect Luca so you must have done something really bad for her to give up on you Anna leaned against Josh’s narrow chest she forgot that he was tall he was an eternal seven-year-old to her that’s sweet she whispered glad of him and his characteristic smell of books and gum a

Memory darted past like an eel Josh did I see a floppy hat at your flat yeah it belongs to Thea Josh smiled the thought of her made him happy it would seem she’s a sucker for floaty scarves and daed hats and accessories in general bit like mave or the old mave at any

Rate Anna didn’t listen her thoughts raced around a rut Luca is seeing Thea behind ‘s back he’d managed to betray a brother and a sister at the same time e what she said when Josh shook her I said I’m worried you won’t like Thea Josh was deadly serious as if Anna

Not liking his girlfriend would be the end of the world I’ll like anybody who treats you the way you deserve to be treated like a piece of Crystal you mean Josh’s tone was still mild but the words had sharp edges or like a human being get the door someone yelled Sam from

Upstairs glad of the opportunity to walk away Anna took a moment to herself today was simply too much the letters dinky’s Revelations missing Luca and hating him for a new Abomination and now my brother is scolding me for loving him her hand on the latch Anna knew who

Was on the other side of the front door somebody she’d last seen 6 days ago in a cocktail bar carved out of a Soho basement walking into the glittering Cube Anna had seen herself reflected in the mirrors that lined every surface a woman in pregnancy jeans and flats red

In the face flat of hair she’d held her bag before her like a shield as she spotted her guest at the bar there had been no air kissing from Isabelle I don’t have long I’m meeting a date in an hour that could have been bravado but

Anna met it head on as she negotiated the bar stool cancel it go back to Sam whoever this new guy is he couldn’t love you half as much as Sam still does she’d puffed then slightly out of breath but safe on the seat and with all her cards

On the table Isabelle’s Sullen mask slipped how is he good sign thought Anna calm at last heun’s finally stopped self-medicating with Jack Daniels he said he stopped texting you at all hours a curtain no I told him the messages were probably freaking you out did you did you tell him that Anna

Isabelle was Arch I deserve that it was time to put things right with only 11 weeks before her baby arrived Anna needed to tie up Loose Ends she had no control over the loose end she’d been living with since she was 16 but maybe she could help Sam and Isabelle like her

Plan to paint the spare room white for the baby it was a fresh start honest Immaculate is Isabelle listen I encouraged you to think that Sam well belongs to me that I had first dibs on him the truth is he belongs to himself and he wants you do you love him why

Should I answer that no reason at all you don’t owe me a thing she waited and eventually it came of course I love Sam said Isabelle in a tiny voice she shook her hair defiant but there’s unfinished business between you and him your marriage loomed over us and nothing grows in the shade

Anna I’ve been second best before and it’s humiliating we all have deal breakers and that’s mine if you talk to him about it he’ll you should hear the way Sam talks about you Isabelle rattled the ice in her glass as if you’re the perfect woman he does when we’re in the

Shed he ridicules my every move tells me I’m too old for Top Shop your opinion is the only one that matters to Sam before I met you he built it up as if he was introducing me to the queen I was so nervous of me why would anybody be nervous of this

Hot mess an accidental mother twice over then I met you in your face you looked horrified Anna remembered let me explain I’d geared myself up to announce the baby I was in a terrible State and Sam didn’t prepare me he hadn’t said a word about you and

He tells you everything yes we know we get it Anna had to slap down her instinct to fight back I was threatened by you telling the truth gets easier the more you do it once Anna had that morsel out in the open she sped up not because

I’m in love with Sam but because he’s part of my daily life he’s always been there unchanging he’s been so single for so long that I’ve stopped thinking of him as a sensual man but it’s obvious isn’t it Sam needs love as much as the rest of

Us do Anna paused eyeing Isabelle to see how this was going down impossible to tell I really was glad that Sam Found You That Somebody appreciated his kindness his honesty his sense of humor and fancied the pants off him honestly I liked you Isabelle but that was buried

Under layers of rubble she might as well use the right word I was jealous it wasn’t easy owning up to that it made Anna feel vulnerable as if she just bared her throat to a knife Isabelle had no intention of using a knife she softened I’m so confused I mean you two

Don’t even know why you divorced what does that tell you Grand passions blow apart Sam and I wound down until our relationship consisted of rows about the gas bill she took a deep breath to prepare for foolish disclosure even on our wedding day I knew I wasn’t the love of Sam’s life

There are things you may not know about me Isabelle I I’d been through a lot and Sam well he took care of me because that’s what he’s like he was dutiful helping me escape My Demons that’s not enough to sustain a marriage I always knew Sam was special but I also knew he

Wasn’t mine Isabelle stared I don’t know what to do she said miserably can I be bossy for a moment give Sam a chance it might be true love it might not but for God’s sake don’t pass up a chance like this because of me they parted without

Any promises from is Bell but now as Anna opened the front door she saw her on Sam’s step Anna put a finger to her own lips as Sam emerged from the upstairs bathroom and crept back to the Sunday lunch Club leaving them to it Paloma stood on her Uncle Josh’s lap her

Fingers were in his eyes and up his nose ooh ow he said shek very ouch Lively today easing open the sticky sliding door to Sam’s neglected patio Anna put her her phone to her ear watching the Tableau inside she heard Luca say a cautious hello one question is that Thea

In the photograph with you are you serious I don’t hear from you for a month and then you is it Thea yes yes it is there satisfied oh and I strangle kittens as well the line went dead Anna watched Josh he was loose happy confident enough to reprimand his older

Sister I can’t tell him not yet not today all the worst jobs seemed to land in Anna’s lap in the sitting room Isabelle’s arrival was going down well thank God you’re back said Neil samk been bloody unbearable without you we missed you said Josh it’s so so lovely

To be here Isabelle had tears in her eyes I’ve promised to take things slowly said Sam who fidgeted beside her as if he wanted to burst out of his skin with joy no more Wild Talk of moving in together let’s see where it goes the afternoon had been dusted with

Glitter the sparkle of a new beginning Anna in the Twilight of her relationship’s aftermath wished them well she was still processing what had happened with Luca a month she knew was a drop in the ocean of getting over something she was suspicious of the concept she’d never got over giving

Bonnie away I’ll process it nice and slow she’d already accepted it she had noice choice I can’t take back a cheater processing the knowledge that Luca had looked into her eyes made love to her while seeing somebody else was like trying to swallow a brick she pulled Isabelle to one side

Were you really off on a date that night Isabelle winked I was meeting my mom she put her hand over her mouth it gets worse she took me to bingo Anna had been eating Sam’s spag ball for years it had yet to taste of anything the conversation was rockus she was glad

Of it after her time spent Naval gazing she leaned into storm and said undercover of the noise around them cheer up stormy your mom looks happy surely that’s a good thing won’t last never does you’re too young to be that cynical I’ve heard her screaming and

Crying at Bloks they turn up drunk and she’s drunk too and they have a big row or they don’t turn up and she’s drunk she calls and calls them and until she throws her phone across the room it’s not romantic like in films it’s more like a

War Anna looked across at mave who was happily arguing with Neil about what David Bowie’s real name had been mave believed she kept her dramas away from Storm but that Cottage they shared was too small for storm to be oblivious and here was the proof that’s why you came

Back from Boston to keep an eye on her nah Boston was boring Anna remember remembered storm regressing to kidhar around on a bike as the sun bounced off the sea yeah so boring suspicious suddenly Anna said Paul doesn’t do any of those things though Paulk perfect said storm wearily

A weary teenager is the weariest thing in the world it’s all like Posh restaurants and presents and new clothes he makes her feel secure storm when you’re older you’ll understand why that’s so vital I hate him said storm I really really hate him the after eights went down so well with the Sunday

Lunch club that Anna wondered why she ever bothered whipping up fancy desserts we all have secrets Isabelle was saying after being gently ridiculed for a childhood obsession with Cliff Richard Amen to that said Anna who felt stuffed full of them you especially said Sam pointing his after a at her what no Anna

Frowned he was Tipsy don’t she thinks I don’t know said Sam but I’ve seen her putting scarves on Yeti he likes it relieved Anna defended herself as the others laughed Storm’s secret said Paul is that underneath all that silence heun’s a great kid true said

Neil he won’t tell you but I will Paul was boasting as if storm was his own child HEK been chosen to represent the school at a languages Symposium at Oxford University my little genius said Ma whose hairdo was unraveling shut up pleaded storm he hates praise but HEK

Have to get used to it said Paul a squeal in Paloma pushed over San’s glass take her Neil he said as hands reached out to mop up Anna was glad that Neil took the baby without demure even if he did hold her awkwardly some progress had been made since she and Santi had

Pranked him into babysitting a few Sunday lunch clubs ago Paul said his arm around mave it’s not often you meet an amazing woman and it’s even rarer to find she has an equally amazing son a said Isabelle and Sam together then they laughed because they’d said it together then they laughed again because

They laughed together if my two little Lads said Paul grow up anything like storm I’ll feel their mother and I have done a good job ma rubbed the back of her neck a gesture she’d been making since childhood Anna deciphered it she doesn’t like him mentioning the ex it

Was healthy in Anna’s opinion for Paul to be so straightforward relationships break up but parents remained parents for the rest of their lives inevitably she thought of Dylan her own co-parent the urge to roll her eyes was strong but unfair when she’d called him after her latest Hospital appointment he’d been

Full of his new girlfriend a model he texted Anna 23 pictures of this girl in a bikini which is not what what you want when you’ve spotted your first varicose vein hey palamita said Josh borrowing San’s pet name for the baby you’re getting after eight all over your

Daddy’s shirt oh no whined Neil pulling a face at his side Santi used his freedom to Wolf down his wine and finish off the pasta he’d barely touched he knew he was on borrowed time Neil never held Paloma for long she’s got chocolate all over her face laughed Anna always

Ready to enjoy herself chuckled setting them all off slapping the table Josh GAA Anna noticed how ready he was to laugh these days she noticed everything about him from the tips of his long pale fingers to the top of his head where his chestnut hair world to his toes that

Tapped Out music nobody else could hear am I about to break his heart so many deadlines reared up at Anna the 11th of November the baby’s due date tell telling Josh that his girlfriend and his therapist were making the Beast with two backs Santi darling Neil thrust Paloma towards him shek wriggling

Paloma’s feet Whirled as if she was cycling Santi folded his arms no he stuck his chin out his silk shirt was dotted with teething drool and scabs of Rusk no Neil it’s your go yes yes very droll just take her Santi ignored him poured himself more wine addressing the

Others Neil said Riley I thought he knew the deal I bring in the big bucks while he looks pretty and wipes the baby’s ARS there was muted laughter a don’t say that from Josh and Santi stood up knocking over his chair throwing down his Fork he stroe away an embarrassed

Silence broke out as he battled with the sliding doors everybody looked down at the table as Santi gave up with the doors and turned around his nose in the air to stalk past them and make his Escape through the front of the house Paloma burst into tears possibly because

She wasn’t accustomed to her poppy showing such anger Neil looked dumbfounded go after him said Josh yeah Neil go ma widened her eyes horrified by his inaction I’ll take Paloma Anna held out her arms Neil stood saying sorry about him folks Josh said maybe you should apologize to him not for him head

Swiveled at Josh’s unusual outspokenness the front door was left open they could hear Neil’s feet on the path paloma’s cries redoubled shush sweetheart shush pleaded Anna feeling helpless I need to get good at this before December she likes her blankie when she’s distraught said Josh he’d noticed he noticed small things other

People overlooked thanks Anna crept out to the hall where the three overflowing bags of gear stood beneath the coat stand finding The Grubby checkered blanket she swathed Paloma in it and sat on the bottom stair rocking her gently blankie was the only dirty thing in the

Baby’s life she screamed for days if her parents dared to wash it the hows subsided into sleepy hiccups Anna savored the warm weight of the little girl she’d missed out on countless moments like this with her own first child but she’d been given a second chance there were thousands of these

Moments ahead of her the baby inside her became startlingly real it would draw breath on its own have likes and dislikes look like Anna or look nothing like her a ferocious sense of responsibility made Anna shake they would be as close as the Petals of a rose bud Neil and Santi

Brought their quarrel to the doorstep Anna shrank back out of sight covering paloma’s ears Santi was Angry Anna had never known him to raise his voice before his anger was volcanic molten look me in the eye and tell me you think I with you for this lifestyle of yours

It was a joke darling a joke Neil sounded nervous as well he might standing on the rim of a volcano thought Anna a joke Santi let out a short irritated Spanish word Anna couldn’t catch jokes are funny because they are true no no talking Neil I am talking for

Once and I do not stop until I say what I need to say deep down you believe that if you were not rich and if you didn’t flash your platinum credit card I would not have agreed to go out with you back then the money doesn’t hurt Santi Veta

Lera you enjoy spending it I warn you Neil do not insult a Spaniard we are proud men I am not a stereotype I had a job when we met I paid my rent I held up my head I was not some pretty boy on the lookout for a sugar daddy you were a

Very pretty boy actually I stop it Anna heard a slap I am not a type I am me Santiago Cortez kintana I am flesh and blood and all of My Flesh and Blood loves you you stupid stupid man Santi that was not the Neil Anna knew this Neil was crying Anna wanted to

Creep away this wasn’t for her ears instead she curled up even smaller around Paloma standing up would mean shattering The Fragile moment Santi I thought we had a deal I earned the money and you look after Paloma like a macho straight man you may

Not have noticed but I am not a lady and this is not a traditional marriage we build the future you and me I don’t want to be Doris Day a 1950s housewife in a penny I am your partner life’s better when we play to our strengths I’m good

At business and you’re nobody waved a magic wand over me and gave me the gift gift of being good with babies I learned because I had to there was a pause Anna could sense santi’s Spirit sag I learned because I wanted to this is not about chores Neil

This is about feelings why can’t you see that Neil said nothing he sniffled instead Santi whispered there is a reason why Paloma doesn’t call you Daddy when Neil spoke it was with a heavy voice as if he’d aged on the doorstep I never thought I’d

Be a father I never let the thought in Anna closed her eyes so much in common and they’d never discussed it I hid my homosexuality I didn’t grow up like you I grew up terrified that somebody would guess that I’d get called a get beaten up thrown out of home so I split

In two there was straight Neil working hard making a name for himself then there was gay Neal clubbing drinking having one night stands yes some gay men were having children but it was complicated unusual on the whole we were uncles and Godfathers it felt unfair it

Felt like a tragedy to be honest but I cauterized those feelings it wasn’t going to happen for me then you Anna heard San’s muted awe the man was a softy inside that Jim bunny bod I thought we’d have a wild night or two then you’d go back to your own kind the

Slim kind the good-look kind but something happened we talked you cared remember that morning when you ran after me with an umbrella so I wouldn’t get wet on my way into the office that’s when I fell for you Santi not in bed not in a bar under an umbrella I was already

In love with you by then I know that now but Neil couldn’t seem to spit it out look this is hard to say none of this this couple with a child thing comes easily to me secretly God I hate saying this deep down part of me thinks it’s wrong Anna’s gasp was

Cloaked by santi’s gasp I know I know but you want the truth it’s conditioning Santi if you grew up in a house with my dad you’d struggle with the concept too he was Hardline he thought men living together as lovers was unnatural I can hear dinky thinking how

Can a baby have two fathers but no Mom I don’t agree with my dad goes without saying I married you in front of a hundred people but you have to allow me time to catch up these are the basics of our life together Neil I know but I didn’t sign

Up for this fatherhood thing you told me you’d always long to be a father that one day you knew it would happen it was you who wanted to adopt wasn’t it you agreed I gave in no no no that is not true it’s more true than you want it to be

Santi Anna looked down at Paloma now asleep with her mouth open thank goodness she doesn’t understand language yet chapter 11 lunch at Neil and Santiago’s croas Cordo ass the shed was quiet after a productive day in the light of her desk lamp Anna surfed the internet shoes then

Dogs then that day’s New Yorker cartoon a few feet away yeti in a Paisley headscarf snored in the size L dog bed that he’d already outgrown Sam had left some time ago to collect Isabelle they were going to a new restaurant or maybe a movie Somewhere sparkly and sexy thought

Anna knowing her own evening would involve rubbing salv into her aching back and staring at her feet wondering if they’d ever deflate and waiting waiting for the baby waiting for the right moment to tell Josh about Luca and Thea he’d been elusive is he ignoring my text because he knows something is up

Waiting for a letter that might or might not arrive was worst of all she’d taken matters into her own hands she’d written to Cari and was now waiting for a reply she wouldn’t have done it if Luca was still around he hadn’t been around for 2

Months now ample time for her to pick holes in his professional advice in her defense Anna argued feebly that by posting the third letter rather than hand delivering it Carly had left a trail of crumbs come find me the internet made sleuthing easy sitting across from Sam in the shed

She’d searched furtively for a Carly in the postcode on the last envelope she’d wondered if Carly was a nickname or short for something but no it was a name in its own right luckily it wasn’t overused there were only five women named Carly in roughly the right area

One of these Carly’s remained a mystery two of them judging by their Facebook photos were at least 10 years too old one was 3 years old and was the proud owner of a new prosthetic leg according to the local news site the fifth and final Carly was in the right age bracket

According to the Electoral role she’d stared at the address until it blurred and even as she’ thought no I mustn’t Anna had fered out decent writing paper and her favorite pen she’d written in haste and dashed out with Yeti to post it ignoring the October drizzle forgetting even to pull on a

Cardigan now a fortnite later she had to assume that Carly Bonnie Carly my daughter had read the letter dear Cari I have tracked you down I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear from me but I dearly want to communicate if we we could meet we could talk and maybe we could heal

Some of our wounds it’s entirely up to you I won’t use your address again you have my word on that I send you only love Anna Yeti turned over in his sleep legs twitching as he chased a dream rabbit Down a Dream hole out in the garden a

Pale bird flexed its wings in a bush Anna leaned forward glad of a speck of Beauty in her evening it was a little carrier bag like gluca she thought leaping on the unlikely metaphor it seemed to be a treasure but when I looked closer it was just a piece of

Rubbish peering into pots stirring tasting Josh was in San’s way when Anna arrived for lunch stop off Santi wearing an apron as if it was hot Couture smacked Josh away from the cooker everything must be perfect the Spanish Feast was in honor of his parents who were expected any minute Anna helped

Herself to to a cold drink and gave herself an afternoon off from worrying waiting wondering can’t wait to see your mom again Santi Mari Carmen Noble looking conservatively well-dressed had made an impression on Anna she was the sort of contained elegant but warm woman that Anna would like to be Santi wrapped

His arms around himself swooning oh my Mama she’s a goddess he pushed Josh out of the way backing him onto a high stool stay you should have brought Thea today I don’t cook on this scale very often she’s busy said Josh I bet she is Anna saidou letting your hair grow Josh yeah

He pushed a lock behind his ear self-consciously do you like it suits you they’re late Santi scalled at the kitchen clock they’re going to Oxfordshire after lunch is that how you say it yes why Oxfordshire asked Anna lering by the Tapas to visit my Uncle Juan Jose Neil putting out wine glasses

Said said how come this Uncle wasn’t at the wedding darling Anna was glad they’d patched up their Rapport because he is a priest more Catholic than the pope he would not approve of us so said Neil setting out bottles of a good red there’s at least one member of your

Family who doesn’t know about your sexuality perhaps the Rapport was still under strain that comment sounded pointed to Anna the of glasses brought Sam in from the high ceilinged living room where he’d been buried beneath the Sunday supplements with Isabelle I’ve had a funny pain in my leg

All day he said in future said Neil how about you tell us what doesn’t hurt Charming laughed Sam is that a car STI was jumpy he ran out to the hallway wooden spoon in hand and peered out through the dimpled glass of the front door Yoda no how father

Juan Jose is here with my parents calm down said Neil strolling out it doesn’t matter he cannot know heun make a scene Santi jumped from foot to foot he seemed on the verge of tears if he does I’ll throw him out said Neil almost screaming Santi said HEK a priest both my

Grandmothers would rise out of their graves and kill me with their bare hands if I upset the priest of the family Neil was grim-faced we are what we are Santi you of all people don’t need to be told that he pulled open the door Mari k was first in her eyes pleading for

Forgiveness I called you many times she said in machine gun Spanish as Santi kissed her then in educated English father Juan Jose surprised us at the airport I did I did Father Juan Jose disconcertingly attractive in his Inky black cassic stood beaming on the doorm

You can fit one more at the table can’t you Santiago he had the air of a man who expected A baroque welcome Santi did his Duty fawning bowing holding up Paloma to be blessed I was so sorry to miss your wedding father Juan Jose was holding Court beaming at everybody it’s time I

Met your wife yes Santi pushed Anna forward this is Anna he said his voice a squeak Uncle Juan Jose took Anna’s hands in his it is such a pleasure to welcome you to the family Anna the baby looks just like you he stood back and looked

Down at her stomach another one so soon um yes said Anna stunned trying to think quickly we like to keep busy I see father Juan Jose’s smile reasserted itself congratulations introductions were made as father Juan Jose was given a tour of the showstopping house Santi took Anna’s hand and demoted Neil to brother-in-law

As they passed through room after Exquisite room precioso precioso murmured the priest appreciating the artworks and the finishes and the come sit on me soft furnishings oh he said surprised in the master bedroom a cavernous Loft painted Dove gry they all followed his line of sight Sam sniggered Isabelle gulped Josh Slipped Away

Shoulder shaking ah yes the painting said Santi swallowing hard opposite the bed was a life-sized lifelike portrait of Santi looking over his naked shoulder arching his naked back showing off his naked buttocks it was one of the most homo erotic images imaginable I painted it said Anna yes

She painted it garbled Santi the male nude she said to Father Juan Jose whose mouth hung open is a classical subject I was thinking of Michelangelo she swept her mind for other artists and um Leonardo da Vinci yes Michelangelo painted lots of Angels in their socks murmured Neil very

Nice brush work father Juan Jose put his nose almost to santi’s watercolor bum it is an arresting piece they all needed the pre-lunch apparao santi’s father kept mopping his brow and Mary Carmen couldn’t meet her son’s eye in the kitchen Neil gave Anna a tray of delicious bites this is your

Job darling he said you’re the hostess I’m only the bloody brother-in-law Santi kept Whispering apologies with one eye on the vaulted sitting room what else could I do he asked desperately tell the truth Neil was starchy he retreated into his shell when hurt look I came to

London to be free but father Juan Jose represents centuries of conditioning I can’t come out to him perhaps now you know how I felt telling my father perhaps said Santi stirring the monkfish stew I do Isabelle was an asset over lunch she knew father Juan Jose’s part

Of the country well and she diverted him with talk of places and people they had in common poppy yelled Paloma having had enough of her strangely attentive Auntie Anna just as well said Santi to Neil under his breath that Paloma doesn’t call you Daddy yet Anna saw how Neil’s

Face clouded yes thank God he snapped ah a wedding picture father stood up glass in hand to examine a framed photograph on the white grand piano that nobody could play Anna leapt up from a the snap was recognizably of a happy couple their heads close together as confetti rained

Down closer up it was a happy kiss between Santi and Neil she took in Father’s this doesn’t compute expression as Mary Carmen crossed herself back at the lunch table Santi and my brother are very close said Anna as Neil covered his face with his hand very said father it’s

Sir nice to see family getting along ah here you are he leaned over and picked picked up a picture of Anna in a slightly less ornate frame what a lovely simple gown Anna had apparently walked down the aisle in a slip dress from next she had also got visibly pie-eyed at her own

Wedding reception Neil had framed the photograph to tease her her mascara was halfway down her cheeks and her hair was inexplicable the only person truly enjoying the elaborate Spanish banquet was the priest everybody else was tense wondering what gay Time Bomb might detonate next Josh sat folded into

Himself alongside Sam who no longer saw the funny side seeing Santi so anxious affected them all when father excused himself to use the L panic-stricken twittering broke out why didn’t you pick up the phone hissed Mari Carmen I left it upstairs said Santi how could you do

This to me Mama santi’s father spoke for the first time if I pretend to have a heart attack he began before Santi shushed him is there anything incriminating in the downstairs Lou asked Josh like what snapped Neil do you think we keep a giant dildo by the molten Brown

Handh Anna rubbed Josh’s hand under the table he smiled at her he was buoyant these days not so easily knocked down if that’s Thea’s doing maybe it’s wrong to tell him about her and Luca father was back a secretive smile on his face holding something behind his back Santi

And Anna he said as if addressing two silly children in his Sunday school you should be more careful people might get the wrong idea he held up two monogrammed hand towels his and his read the lunch guests laughter too hard manic even ensued my grandmother will be so

Sad to have missed you said Anna handing out coffee like a good esposa she’s Catholic very devout dinky was indeed nuts about priests they could do no wrong in her biased eyes maybe I can call the dear lady father Juan Jose didn’t seem the sort to miss a chance to

Impress a phone was found dinky’s lined little face appeared confused on the screen when father said a sve hola dinky she screamed would you ever say a quick Hail Mary with me Father she asked as Star Struck as a Believer mercifully was time to disperse marriage is exhausting

Thought Anna her arms around santti as they all gathered to pay homage to Father Juan Jose he was making the rounds clasping each of their hands looking them in the eye just go whispered Santi as he and his wife awaited their turn Mary Carmen held Paloma smiling at

The baby’s musical burps and coughs the noises changed a horrible wheezing Mari Carmen’s face cracked act with concern the air in the room changed Paloma was silent her cherub mouth opened and closed but made no sound her face is bright red said Isabelle Paloma said Josh as the baby’s arms flailed they all

Moved towards her but all were irresolute nobody knew what to do other than Panic here Neil took the child from Mari Carmen he sank into a low upholstered chair and laid Paloma along his arm his fingers around her chin keeping her mouth open face down she struggled for breath as Neil tipped her

Gently her head was now lower than her bottom please said Santi to nobody in particular as Neil delivered one two three distinct blows between the little girl’s shoulders with the heel of his hand it’s not working snapped Josh one more then CPR Neil hit the baby again a

Tiny damp nugget shot out of paloma’s mouth her whales were welcome and anah had been holding her breath now she began to sob as did Santi falling on his mother Neil that was Sam was lost for words my agency’s producing a short health and safety training film for

British Airways said Neil he was calm but he spoke robotically it covers this I literally watched it on my laptop before you all arrived he seemed to wonder at that at the random nature of Life at the fine line between it and death he stared at Paloma who was recovering

With the speed of a healthy child already looking around her her face returning to its habitual strawberries and cream excuse me he said and hurried with her from the room the grown-ups took longer to recover they migrated back to the seats shocked mulling it over praising Neil thank God her Uncle

Neil was here said father Juan Jose shaking his head Santi flinched in the utility room room the soft hum of the dryer sang beneath Neil’s words as he laid Paloma on a bale of fresh white towels she wriggled and reached for him he stared as if he just found her as if

She was new to him Paloma wanted to stand she always wanted to stand these days the little showof Neil helped her to her feet and held her by her hands she stared at his tears neither of them noticed Anna through a slit in the door I promise he said to the baby I’ll

Always look after you I’ll always be here I’ll always put you first I’m your protector your guide your critic your biggest fan I’m your daddy Neil pulled Paloma to him she gave a Yelp of surprise then snuggled into him he saw a stripe of his sister through the door

And held out one hand to draw her in why did this take me so long asked Neil through his tears what’s wrong with me Anna you got there in the end there was nothing really wrong with her bombastic generous bossy Big Brother you’ve had to hide your feelings for much of your

Life an early love affair went catastrophically wrong but Neil had simply kept to himself it couldn’t be talked about at home Paloma is teaching you how to love no matter who’s watching she is blobbed Neil his face pink you are darling you are he said to the child

Shek my daughter he said as if surprised she’s mine and I’m hers I’d give my life for her and I mean that literally Anna all the cliche new Parenthood emotions had hit him a few months late and very very hard how did she creep into my heart when all she

Does is cry and poo because your heart is where she belongs said Anna feeling Rose in her throat for Neil for Bonnie for the unnamed baby inside her Paloma I’m sorry it took me so long Neil held her at arms length talking seriously to her I’m an old slow coach but from now

On I’ll be here to punch the baddies and throw your homework on the fire if it gets you down Paloma laid a hand on each of Neil’s damp cheeks ah she trilled daada Neil scooped her up and pushed past Anna the group in the sitting room got to their feet when

He appeared is she okay asked Isabelle she gave us a hell of a fright said samou were amazing Neil said Josh God bless you Neil said Mari Carmen father Juan Jose said Neil as Anna caught up with him this lady isn’t santi’s wife shek my sister yes but

Santi and I are married and Paloma is our daughter the priest frowned Mari Carmen pressed a handkerchief to her mouth Santi bounded across the room to kiss Neil on the mouth I married Santi Neil went on staggering slightly when Santi kissed you you stayed kissed

Because I love him and respect him and I wanted to make a home with him he turned to Santi and a family but father spread his hands in an appeal how Mari Carmen is this all true yes nodded santi’s mother I’m sorry Juan Jose I’m shocked truly shocked so young Santiago is a

Homosexual father threw out his arms we must start again why don’t I bless your union as I wasn’t at the wedding there was no fire no Brimstone father Juan Jose Shrugged later as he was leaving look I am a priest in the modern world for all people how can I love only some

Of them you live your lives boys and be good to each other and to Paloma that’s all I ask done beamed Neil as the door closed he said I feel different now I’ve been blessed oh shut up about it Santi who’d been blessed countless times was amused by his husband’s Newfound pension

For the the Catholic Church St Neil said Josh Anna snorted with laughter can I give you a lift Joshy yeah he looked at his watch I need to get a move on hot date with Thea asked Sam as he wound a scarf around Isabelle Yes actually Josh

Stuck his nose in the air as if deciding to be frank about it Anna caught his eye something about the Defiance made her stare like a memory no not a memory next door to a memory she had to be nudged by Neil before she came too like a zombie

She walked to the front door then suddenly she was all haste tooting the horn for Josh to hurry up she had to dash home she had to double check as he tore down the path laughing saying all right all right keep your hair on a text arrived okay let’s meet Sunday lunch 2

P.m. the Intrepid Fox sw68 QA don’t expect too much I just want to look you in the eye Carly you okay Josh paused as he did up his seat belt you look spooked yes no Anna fumbled dropped the car keys we can take a minute that was pretty

Hardcore said Josh you don’t know the half of it letun get you home Anna checked her blind spot mustn’t keep Thea waiting Yeti barked as if Anna had been away for a month he danced about her legs as she sprinted to the kitchen drawer where she’d stash the hated

Polaroid she swept it up brought it close to her eyes she switched on the overhead light and studied it again she was right chapter 12 lunch at the Intrepid Fox roast pork SL crackling SL roast potatoes seasonal veg the 11th of November is Armistice Day Anna kept the two-minute silence

Along with thousands of others standing in her garden looking up at a squally Sky it was an anniversary of Peace a memorial to sacrifice and her daughter’s birthday today she’d be reunited with that baby after a gap of 24 years inside Anna baby number two cartwheel the third trimester was fulfilling all the

Pregnancy cliches Anna was a weary aching egg on legs nothing fitted getting out of the bath was a White Knuckle Affair all day she couldn’t wait to D herself up the stairs to bed only to spend half the night staring at the ceiling Yeti she broke the silence when

She turned to go back in and the dog almost tripped her up bad dog Anna imagined falling and lying there like a turtle Yeti got the brunt of her unease in she pointed at the kennel Luca had built it was warm dry but it wasn’t a

Rug in front of the fire and was therefore spurned by the hedonis yeti in he slunk fixing doleful eyes on his mistress as he folded himself up on the kennel floor stay what to wear to meet the woman you gave away as a baby isn’t covered in the style columns Anna had

Bought two maternity dresses in sludgy colors she hated them both the doorbell interrupted her as she flailed at the zip of the greeny gay one he’s early she took the stairs sideways on slowly carefully Josh hi her brother kept his head down waited until he had a mug in

His hand leaning against the sink he said what’s so urgent the urgency of her call to Josh had come after a month of cowardly Fring Anna didn’t know where to start so I might as well jump in feet first something’s on my mind yeah he knows

What I’m going to say this picture she held up the Polaroid of Thea and Luca yeah Josh’s voice voice crawled to a halt that’s you with Luca isn’t it Anna plowed on even though it sounded insane when she said it aloud Josh you’re Thea Josh shifted coughed kept his gaze

Resolutely on his feet yep that’s me Anna floundered to hear it confirmed from Josh’s own lips made it all real she sensed that what she said next would have repercussions in their relationship forever more but clever psychological insight was beyond her Josh I don’t you’re dressed as a as a woman he nodded

Vehemently I’m transgender Anna your what the word was one of a slew of terms Anna had never picked apart transgender transvestite transexual what does that mean are you like a drag queen or something are you gay Josh of course I’m not a bloody drag queen Josh sounded exasperated be

Patient this is all new to me Anna had to sit down she crossed to the sofam my back’s an uproar she said Josh put a cushion behind her that better he asked yes Anna was ludicrously grateful days went past without anybody touching her he was such a good guy her brother my

Sister transgender means that my gender and my sense of personal identity don’t correspond with my birth sex and again in English sorry Josh almost smiled then seemed to collect himself and sigh I looked it up before I left the house because it’s hard to explain I’ve never

Seen myself as a boy Anna I was born in the wrong body when did you Anna wasn’t even sure which questions to ask I always felt different in a bad way there entire childhood reassessed you are different Josh you’re spit don’t please Josh winced I don’t want to be special I

Want to be ordinary I want to walk about and feel like I’m simply another person nothing to see here but I’ve always felt like a freak and now you think I’m weird you do be honest I’m always honest with you I could never think of you as weird

That’s nice but no hang on no but you’re being frank with me and I’m doing the same accept it before we go any further to me you are just my beloved Josh even if you grow an extra head it all came out it was as if there had been some

Terrible mistake made as if God played a trick on me me Josh had fought it and fought it imagine dad knowing the understatement said it all you could have told me no you’d have looked at me differently that was my worst fear still is that people won’t accept me as a

Person but see me as a problem Anna said nothing to some extent she’d always treated Josh that way Luca had tried to tell her so I didn’t listen I don’t want sympathy Josh was almost angry I don’t want to be the pathetic baby brother I

Want to be he gathered himself I want to be a woman a strong woman a woman who stands on her own two feet on her own two stilettos exactly Josh laughed but it’s not about makeup and high heels you know that right is it more about here anna laid a hand over her

Heart and here Josh tapped his head the real me the one that lives inside my head is female that’s that not a fad not a fade it’s the truth about me I believe you Josh burst into tears hot noisy sobs like he used to when he was little sorry

I don’t know why sorry shush Anna beckoned him to sit beside her and they sat their heads together her arm around him as Josh cried it out you never cry she whispered perhaps you should do it more often it’s relief more than anything you believe me you’re

Touching me of course I’m touching you Anna was close to tears herself your soul never changes isn’t that what our clever old dinky says your soul Josh Patrick Piper is exquisite tea was made cake was found after years of Silence Josh couldn’t stop talking he mapped out the process to changing

Gender first you have to live as a woman you have therapy loads and loads of therapy then you begin hormone replacement therapy then you legally change all your personal documents so you’re a woman and then surgery ouch where are you up to in this process I forgot to say that it all

Starts with years of being too afraid to do anything about it at least it did with me then I got a therapist several of them after a while you know what they expect to hear that’s how I was able to fool them that I was on step two going

Out as a woman but you weren’t to too scared it’s terrifying to go out dressed as a woman it’s not like when Bloks do it for a laugh in the pub I want to genuinely pass to be accepted as female I couldn’t bring myself to do it but I

Had to lie or they would have stopped my medication after waiting so long I couldn’t bear another setback but then Luca started at my clinic he saw Right Through Me did he take you off the medication he made a deal with me I could continue if I joined a self-help

Group he’d set up and if I promise to try to live as a woman parttime Josh digressed for a moment it’s really hard setting up those groups but Luca pulled it all together he got funding and premises and volunteers HEK an amazing guy Anna I know said Anna so

Why did you Josh sat back held up his hands sorry your business Luca wouldn’t tell me and he was right Luca could have blamed Josh could have outed him to Anna but he chose not to so are you Josh trying I mean I’m taking it slowly my heart thuds

Just popping out to the shops I haven’t turned up to see anybody I know yet but then Josh looked shamefaced I don’t know many people I’ve let my hair grow when I’m Thea I usually put a clip in the side like this Josh pushed back a lock of hair that suits

You Anna was careful to stifle her discomfort she accepted him utterly with without question but it would take a while for her reactions to catch up what does hormone replacement therapy do she was fearful of the answer it helps me be more womanly Josh eyed her as if wondering

How Frank to be haven’t you noticed I don’t have stubble anymore Anna raised her eyebrows she hadn’t so much I didn’t notice too busy worrying about him to really see him she’d spotted the makeup in his flat but not the medicine and um well under here Josh motioned to his

Loose shirt boobs blurted Anna I love that word grinned Josh just the beginnings of them don’t worry I’m not going to come over all Katie Price she laughed guiltily as if at some Blasphemous joke Josh was vaulting over taboos as if they weren’t there it was

Liberating I like this Josh there was a shake up at the clinic and Luca wasn’t my therapist anymore I was devastated but it freed us up to be friends HEK one in a million that guy I don’t know whether I’d have come this far without him you would Josh picked up the

Polaroid from the coffee table do I pass Anna he said quietly it was a look in the eyes that told me it was you that was a great afternoon Josh looked at the snap as if it was from a dim and distant past nothing Earth shattering lunch and

A stroll we mooched round in antiques Place Luca gave me courage by being there he accepted me it matters you know Anna nodded what the next step he said the word she dreaded are you sure Josh surgery it’s a such a massive step exactly you’ve only had today to get

Used to the idea but I’ve been turning it over in my mind since primary school I’m ready this is happening right Anna slapped her knees we have to tell the family Josh groaned do we have to I don’t want Neil’s advice or Ma’s pity or dinky’s prayers yes you do because the only

Reason they bother to give you advice or cry over you or light a candle at mass for you is because they love you Josh they love you so much they don’t even know they love you it flows naturally like a river through your life if you’re

Going to pass then you have to pass with the Pipers first the Intrepid Fox was full early and alone at a corner table laid for two Anna watched the door she sipped a Coke she couldn’t taste she thought suddenly of Yeti and regretted her bad temper today was a day of

Inclusiveness hopefully she shouldn’t have left the big daff thing outside I’ll make it up to him every time the door opened Anna sat up an elderly woman came in then a cocky young man a couple with a push chair a guy in a turban each time she sat back disappointed until 10

To 2 when the door opened and she stood up almost knocking over the table you came where else would I be Sam put down a bouquet of garage flowers I’m sorry Anna I can be a right silly s at times true D when Anna had faced him across

Their artum desks and told him about the letters Sam had gaped at her he’d made her repeat it he’d stood up and paced before sitting down and tapping his fingers on the wood until Anna begged him to stop I can’t how it was some time before he managed a

Sentence Sam had pushed the baby he’d never referred to the child as Bonnie into a corner of his mind so dusty and so rarely visited that being forced to confront the memory had unhinged him I’m only telling you Anna had said her head in her hands at his reaction because I

Meeting her on Sunday and I’d like you as her biological father to be there too this is a hornet’s nest Sam had found his tongue it’s Madness what’s the point after all these years 24 to the day Sam knew about Anna’s ritual with the newspapers each year but he had never

Joined in except she’d realized for the very first one Sam had brought in a copy of that day’s newspaper when Anna gave birth and folded it carefully into her hospital bag the physical pain of that day the long stretches of suffering dipping down into reserves she didn’t know she had time bending unimportant

The endless bloody now of childbirth plus secrecy plus shame teenaged Anna had wondered what the nurses thought of her adult Anna knew they were probably sympathetic I don’t know this woman Sam had said his face distraught Carly her name is Carly Anna remembered their marriage the scrupulous use of

Contraception the erted effort to let sleeping dogs lie their first baby had overwhelmed them another would remind them of the first I didn’t forget her you know Sam had slumped at his desk trying not to remember is a strenuous thing I couldn’t forget her but I did my

Best not to remember because she’s not ours Anna the baby went on to have a new life we’re not part of it this is dangerous Carly’s are Flesh and Blood Anna could remember how her own flesh tore and her blood flowed what if she’s been mistreated the letters don’t read

Like they’re from a happy woman Sam had made a small noise a meow of Anguish no she’s been fine we did the right thing and what are you basing that on Anna had been incredulous nothing Sam had admitted hope maybe no matter how they tried to whitewash the space she’d Left

Behind Carly had been in every corner of their lives they would never have married Anna knew that now if they hadn’t been bound together by their tragic backstory we got married in order to heal each other now sitting opposite each other in the Intrepid fox Sam said

I’m sorry Anna what sort of man refuses to meet his own daughter they’d never used that word too combustible sh it’s fine Sam I had time to get used to the letters the first one freaked me out too you’re here now it’s fine what I said about Isabelle Sam swallowed that was so

Selfish he had wondered aloud what Isabelle would make of a child he had never mentioned that wasn’t your problem and it certainly wasn’t he smiled I can’t keep calling her the baby she’s 24 years old it wasn’t Carly’s problem it was a knee-jerk response have you told Isabelle yeah and

And she had a little cry she’s dying to know how today goes see Anna saw the land lady come out from behind the bar notepad in hand and head for their table what can I get you she said the beef’s very good today hello Carly said Anna

The tall woman had green eyes and freckles and a Sleek head of dark hair she’d pulled back into a stubby ponytail what Sam took a moment to catch up I googled this Pub and there you were on the about us page said Anna gently she’d been surprised Carly’s home

Address was a couple of streets away they evidently didn’t live over the business that’s your husband isn’t it the man at the bar older than Cari and bulky in an Argyle Sweater was keeping an eye on them Sam stood gazing at Carly as if she was an apparition oh my God he

Said and opened his arms Carly sat down abruptly Anna wanted to shout you’re gorgeous she said nothing at last she took Luca’s advice and let Carly lead Sam filled the silence that ensued so I’m Sam and this is Anna we got married you know after Cari hung her

Head Anna flashed a look at Sam too much she could practically read the young woman’s thoughts so they could have kept me we wanted to salvage something from what happened this was not panning out as she’d imagined from what happened Carly mimicked her she was strongl looking with with solid Limbs and clear

Features her clothes were plain she had taste restraint and she was Furious I’m what happened Anna Piper it’s hard for us to talk about this it’s always been too painful to whereas for me it’s been lovely Cari pushed the edges of her mouth up with two forefingers thank you

So much Mommy and Daddy for giving me away her mouth dropped is that what you want to hear I don’t want to hear anything in particular said Anna I just want to see you at last something in her snapped I’m sitting here with my Bonnie tears rolled of their own accord down

Anna’s face I’m sorry she said wiping at them with the back of her hand Carly said nothing Sam tried again I wouldn’t call it giving you away it was more I would said Carly it happened to me so I get to name it there was terrible

Pressure said Sam we didn’t want to we couldn I have a baby said Carly abruptly she battled for a moment to take charge of her emotions as Anna stared Gob smacked she’s to yeah you’re a grandma she sneered I would never ever let somebody take her away so she Shrugged

Wobbled her head I’m sorry said Anna I’m sorry said Sam Carly laughed oh that’s all okay then your new family began Sam they’re not new snapped sorry yes I didn’t mean were you happy with them I love my mom and my dad they’ve given me everything spoiled me even most

Of all they were honest with me from the start told me I wasn’t their natural child but that never made a bit of difference they’re my heroes funny how Anna could feel intense relief and disabling jealousy at the same time that’s all I’ve ever wanted to know she

Turned to Sam smiling crying you were right she turned back to Cari he said you’d be loved and you are did you to have more kids God no said Sam isn’t that his Carly nodded at Anna’s bump no it’s well it’s complicated that comment about honesty had hit home Anna wasn’t up to

Confessing about Dylan but she didn’t want to fudge either keeping this one are you Carly’s face was Stone when she got her breath back Anna asked would you like us to explain about how it was when I was pregnant with you about why we gave you up for adoption Carly’s Poise

Was crumbling your note told me everything I needed to know that note took me a long time to write Anna risked a smile all I wanted from you said Carly ignoring the smile was a hug I wanted the man and woman who brought me into this world to give me a

Hug and tell me she she was crying now her words too damp to comprehend The Man Behind the Bar abandoned his customers and hurried over Carly love he began and she turned to him burying her face in his jumper have all the hugs you want Anna put her hand on Carly’s shoulder

But was shaken off we here and we so want to hold you Carly Carly’s husband mustachioed balding an odd match for the vibrant young woman whispered I knew they’d upset you love he snarled at Anna why’ you have to come here and on her birthday too Forks were paused halfway to mouths

All around the room Anna reached out for samk hand and he took hers gratefully best go a said the husband if you say so Anna’s feet were LED so much had been left unsaid it was delicate and now it was ruined Cari she said trying one last

Time here Carly rummaged in her sleeve and produced what Anna thought at first was a tissue take it it’s my note to you Anna recognized the pale pink note paper from the writing set she’d had as a teenager but take it I said Cari broke away from her

Husband and hurdled towards the bar disappearing through the back Anna felt more pregnant than ever more pregnant than any woman had ever been Sam had to help her to the car she was Heavy ungainly a dense Planet balanced on insufficient legs she cried all the way

Home yes Carly hated them but that was the least of it she’s so bitter Anna and Sam had messed up their own child you never told me about a note said Sam when they’d been parked at the end of Anna’s Road for 10 minutes and the tears had

Ebbed Anna held the bald paper in her hand it said dear Bonnie I want you to know that you are loved and you’ll be loved as long as I live I’ll think of you every day and never stop hoping that you are appreciated and happy and

Growing up just fine you are special you are beautiful you are my one and only Bonnie we must live apart but we’ll be okay won’t we because we love each other your first mummy Anna Piper Jesus Anna whispered Sam I put my heart into that note and she gave it back whatever Cari

Did Anna would defend her to the end but it hurts no Yeti at the door Anna sick and tired of her body and wishing she could take it off as easily as she peeled off her coat patted out to the Garden unlocked the door calling his

Name time to make it up to him she dragged herself upstairs and pulled on her oldest old lady as night dress she needed Comfort toast blanket Yeti Crossing to the tin where she kept his treats Anna noticed the absence of noise no PAW scrabbling on floorboard words S

No Gruff barks no dirty phone call panting Yeti she poked her head out of the back door she knew he was gone just as Yeti could be emphatically there he was now emphatically absent she checked the kennel her bare feet slithering on The Damp slabs empty she looked wildly

About her could he have jumped the fence a soft bang made her turn the narrow passage that ran between Anna’s house and her neighbors was an unusual detail a sort of tunnel cut through the ground floors only it was dank the bins lived there the door at the street end was

Always locked except for today it shivered open again Anna ran through the Mucky slime of the neglected passage Yeti she yelled bursting into her front garden through the front gate her bump slowed her down Anna bent over panting by a neighbor’s wall is everything all right asked a voice from a doorway my

Dog gulped Anna setting off again my dog three streets away there was a shape against a skip a dark Mound stained orange by the Street Lamp it’s not him thought Anna but she knew it was him Yeti she fell to her knees feeling her pelvis Lurch I’m sorry chapter 133 lunch at

Maves crudites with homemade garlic dip Ratatouille Chocolate Moose Ma’s house had been tidied the floor was visible the windows were transparent Anna wasn’t sure she liked it oh Christ you’re enormous laughed mave with only 5 weeks to go Anna looked ready to pop she pulled up a hard chair

If I lower myself onto Ma’s cookie bean bag sofa I may have to stay there until I give birth terrible about poor Yeti said ma Anna was not at home to Mr melodrama yes yes all very sad Etc she looked down at Yeti lying in his XXL dog

Bed one front leg stiff in a grubby cast heun’s doing fine more than fine the dog lived like a medieval Monarch traveling everywhere on a velvet litter Yeti was never left at home he was fed a steady stream of dog treats his poor poor sore paw was kissed often Anna blamed herself

For his broken leg and had vowed to spoil him for the rest of his days armchair psychologists the world over would recognize this as a pitiful attempt to try and make good all her mistakes to assuage Carly to win back Luca have you called him ma was half her

Old self half the new model the hair was tamed but the dress was vintage AKA jumbl sale and a tad to low cut who asked Anna innocently oh shut up said mave using the special permission that all sisters have to be just this side of Horrid to their

Siblings Luca she held out her mobile do it call him tell him you want him back quick she added with a glance at Anna’s stomach before the big day he’ll hardly want a woman who needs to be winched out of bed every morning Luca was Bang into

You you silly cow such poetry Tre smiled Anna ma was a dreamer Luca Knows by now that Josh has told me all if he wanted to rekindle the affair he’d have been in touch Anna allowed him the latitude he’d advocated for Carly she was letting him take the lead some nights it was

Tempting his number was still in her favorites but then she thought of the disgust on his face as he left of the limited time they would have together even if he did crazily come back my focus is on the baby now now she said to mave you pompous ma knelt to kiss

Yeti’s nose what’s good for you is good for the baby Anna wanted to tell mave everything about her first baby the lost baby the baby who’d grown up to hate her she wanted to read her the note and yell look how could she loathe me when I

Wrote this but mave was still her little sis and must be protected do you miss him asked mave all the time I’m hoping it’s my hormones you can’t blame everything said mave on your hormones she left woman and dog together as she went to stir things and chop

Things in the kitchen I’ll read the note to you Yeti said Anna groping for the pink Note Paper in her bag are you listening Anna unfolded the wadded paper the handwriting was wrong she’d expected her own Teenage careful Loops this handwriting was Tiny constipated she read out the words to Yeti do not

Contact us you are nothing to do with this family now you were a sin and a mistake but I don’t blame you for that I sincerely hope you have a happy life I wish you the best but we are going to forget you and I suggest you do the same

For us a piper the handwriting was recognizably Alan Pipers as was the sentiment Anna was too stunned to react she went numb all over even her precious taut bump it was difficult to believe even with the evidence in her hand her own father had found her note destroyed it and substituted this cruel

And sanctimonious message at some point but not just yet Anna would allow herself to imagine how an adopted child would feel when they read those words she coughed straightened her shoulders mave mustn’t find her too changed when she emerged from the kitchen I’m popping out for a

Sec Anna was on the street before mave could quibble at the corner of the short Narrow Street she put her phone to her ear she could hear her own pulse hello Luca was wary level giving nothing away until she revealed her motives Luca hi this is um this is strange but well

Hello she gathered herself I need some advice about Josh listen I don’t want to nope about Carly okay he remembered of course he did he was that sort of man we met up how did that go she told him ah he said sorry sounds like an ordeal it

Was but now there’s something else Luca was shocked out of his therapeutic tone by the enormity of her father’s crime what a monster he said without thinking I want to ring him and tell him to go to hell Anna don’t you need to reflect on this your relationship with your father

Is pretty distant and it suits you that way why start a war you can’t win he won’t apologize he’ll make you feel worse if anything Anna was melting with her need for Luca his solidity his wisdom I suppose she said like a petulant child as for Cari be careful she’s

Vulnerable she’s been through the mill emotionally I want to apologize did she want to hear your apology last time no but that was different this time I know where she’s coming from this is such a tender subject for her possibly she’s the only other person in the world as

Damaged by it as you are give her some space okay said Anna reluctantly she wanted it to be like the movies all tied up neatly in an artfully lit final reel how have you been she asked awkwardly fine the word cut into Anna’s skin good good busy you know about Josh

And that picture doesn’t matter Luca was Curt no it does I jumped to conclusions just a bit I’m sorry she said the word Gravely underlining it I really am I should have trusted you yeah you should have she was leaving him an opening an open goal all he had to do

Was crook his little finger Anna held her breath anyway I’ve got to be somewhere nice to hear from you she closed her eyes as he said goodbye crudites Josh picked up a carrot baton aren’t they carrots not if you cut them up all posh said mave I made the hummus

I can tell said Neil Darkly before adding it’s delicious darling he held Paloma casually instead of flaunting her like a trophy she was sleepy cranky congratulations you two Santi held up his glass at Sam and Isabelle who stood like siamese twins why ma looked around

At the others what did I miss we moved in together said Sam beaming at Isabelle who beamed back it’s a good job I love them thought Anna because they can be sickening so much said Neil for taking it slow e Isabelle caught Anna’s eye she often did that now no Paul asked

Santi he’s joining us for dessert said ma it’s his turn to have his boys today they’re having a blowout at some Cafe I haven’t met them yet Paul thinks they’re too young it would confuse them when they’re a bit older I’ll get to know them gradually sensitive guy said Josh

Approvingly here comes my favorite nephew said Anna as storm slouched into the room come for a walk with me she cut through his protest propelling him in front of her come on I need some fresh air before lunch and if I don’t do this now I might lose my nerve Storm’s scowl

Was for show he was chuffed Anna could tell at being singled out where’ you want to go the front the narrow Lanes of Ma’s patch of Brighton gave way to the broad Main Road Less Charming more Brash it carried them to the Sea which began as a gray stripe growing as they walked

Downhill it’s so gray said storm not like he stopped not like Boston Anna took an envelope from her pocket storm use your young strong legs to run over to that post box and post this for me Anna watched him her calves aching the baby was making its presence felt

That day as storm let go of the letter into the post Box’s mouth she had a sudden failure of confidence too late trudging back upwards with storm slower M your Auntie’s got a bowling ball in her tummy Anna refused to rethink her actions yes it wasn’t Luca’s way of

Doing things but Luca wasn’t here she couldn’t let Cari go from day to day believing those callous words her father had misrepresented Anna and done Grievous damage to his granddaughter’s emotional welfare she’d scribbled while ma faffed in the kitchen on a found scrap of lined paper dear

Carly please bear with me I know you don’t want to hear from me anymore but this needs to be said the note that you kept all these years wasn’t from me my father wrote it without my knowledge and swapped it for the one I’d composed I remember every word and please allow me

To reproduce it for you this is what was feeling the day I let you go from my arms this is what I have felt every single day since if you would like to try again I will meet you anywhere anytime if you choose not to get in

Touch I’ll understand but please do know that I love you that can’t change Anna she’d controlled herself there’ been no begging no flowery language Anna realized storm was talking something about school she nodded laughed oh look she caught him by the arm outside a seafront ice cream parlor

Inside amongst the fondant colors and retro styling she saw a familiar face isn’t that come on storm stroe on pulling her with him you said you were tired letun get home but Anna realized that storm knew best meekly she followed him the Ratatouille was intriguing mave didn’t like that compliment it’s

Intriguing like the occult is intriguing elucidated Neil it draws you in but becomes quite scary bastard laughed mave Josh’s mood had changed he avoided making eye contact with Anna she didn’t blame him she was anxious too they’d agreed that the Sunday lunch Club was the perfect

Time to tell everybody his news but now that the hour was almost upon them it felt as if time had sped up hurrying them towards dessert and Josh’s big moment the main course was cleared away slowly bit by bit as was Ma’s way she kept stopping to chat or kiss Paloma or

Ask Isabelle where she got her hair done with one hand on her hip and the other waving a dirty plate Anna winked at her little brother Neil who had the Beady eye of a dowager Duchess intercepted the wink what’s going on he asked in a comedy voice like a supercilious

Policeman a mobile phone propped against the flowers in the middle of the table let out a beep that’ll be my Paul ma snatched it up heun on his way she said as if being on his way was a major achievement he treated the boys to an ice cream Sunday at Del

Monaco’s what a nice daddy said Isabel High on the hair compliment and the proximity of Sam mom we saw him said storm he was loud abrupt as if he’d had to steal himself to say it he turned to Anna didn’t we ye yes Anna Drew out the word as long as it

Would go she locked eyes with mave you know she thought mave I you’re happy now aren’t you mave slammed down the plate everybody jumped Paloma stopped mid hiccup shocked Yeah Anna she yelled leaning forward Knuckles on the table you’re proved right yet again M’s a thicko M’s the fool of the family

Congratulations on being so right Neil half stood mave what the hell’s oh shut up Neil shrieked mave she took the stairs two at a time they all heard her stumble on the top one curse and stagger on her bedroom door slammed all eyes turned to Anna she felt the baby Lurch

As she opened her mouth the doorbell rang go away yelled ma from upstairs Santi stood up but Anna said let me get this she lumbered out to the hallway shutting the sitting room door carefully behind her Paul didn’t say hello he said you saw us didn’t you I’m not sure what

I saw you were in Del Monaco with a woman about your age you had your arm around her her head was on your shoulder you didn’t look divorced Paul well look I can and were they your sons Paul’s nostrils flared yes the strapping young men opposite Paul were

Not too young to meet dad’s new girlfriend Ma’s upstairs she’s in a bad way Paul’s face fell I was hoping to get here before you said anything I didn’t look Paul Anna spread her hands can you listen give me a chance Anna had asked Cari for exactly that of course she

Folded her arms all the same right Paul swallowed my wife Pat has chronic fatigue syndrome or CFS as we call it I’ve heard of it sometimes people say me it all means the same thing your life changes Pat’s always tired tired exhausted her joints ache some days

There are headaches other days she has problems concentrating she had to give up work before all this she was a teacher a good one he sounds proud of her she rarely leaves the house actually she rarely leaves her room you might not have seen

It but today we took her out in a new wheelchair poor woman said Anna shek doing well Paul was uneasy with the sympathy Pat’s a fighter but I thought I sensed a but cing we were Rocky before this happened talking about separating then she fell ill I couldn’t leave she

Needed me Paul’s eyes appealed for understanding but still those arms were crossed we have help but much of the time it’s just me I bathe her I dress her I take care of her medication she gets very depressed which can be difficult Anna put her arms by her side

This wasn’t black and white this was the smudged gray she was familiar with most of life is that color Paul sensing perhaps that she was open to listening unclenched I need a life outside the sick room something to cling to that’s your sister I love mave I want to take

Care of her she’s been dealt a poor hand not that poor Anna didn’t enjoy hearing her sister stigmatized yes ma made crummy choices but she had family around her and a son who loved her and a roof over her head DA’s always known about the situation with Pat and she accepts it

It’s not perfect Anna but is it wrong is it wrong to want love in my life again always known Anna drilled down into that statement when did you tell her ma stood at the top of the stairs shoulders rounded dry-eyed but wildl looking he told me the day of Sunday lunch Club at

Lucas I told him not to come with me let me think about the situation she took the steps one by one plotting you were suspicious Anna ma half laughed but then you always are ma please Paul was on the back foot beseeching no longer sve his crisp shirt

Looked out of place among Ma’s mish mash of wall hangings and fairy lights and books we’d made Love by then that’s a contract in a way isn’t it I thought you might be mave looked tired suddenly her bloom had fallen away I thought you might be the real

Deal Paul I thought you might rescue me she turned abruptly and fled back upstairs should I Paul dithered distraught one foot on the bottom step give her a minute Anna leaned on the banister ma hates my meddling but it’s in my job description my sister she began is fearless funny

Forgiving as Anna spoke she thought of more and more positive things to say about mave things she rarely thought she lets people be themselves she doesn’t judge she thinks animals shouldn’t be eaten she thinks everybody deserves to be happy and do what they want Anna put up an imperative hand when

Paul tried to interrupt you don’t get to talk right now you get to listen Paul shrank against the wall as if Anna’s words were actual weapons yes maves made mistakes we all have Anna paused repeating herself heartfelt we all have you saw the in her armor you saw

That beneath the facade she was anxious about the future that she was tired of keeping the show on the road all by herself you knew because she talks about it so freely that the men in her life have been wasters you wormed your way in

By posing as a good guy but if you were a good guy Paul you’d have told her straight away before she gave herself to you before she got In Too Deep you played this very carefully Anna took a step towards him I see right through you Paul chewed the

Inside of his cheek put yourself in my shoes for a minute he said why should I I’m putting myself in my sister’s shoes if you can only get something you want by lying and cheating Paul then don’t expect any sympathy when you’re rumbled she thought of his wife

Oblivious in pain the truth is you’re not good enough for my sister she doesn’t just deserve presents Anna said it contemptuously suddenly disgusted by this nauseating man she deserves love honest and flawed and wonderful nice speech paulk’s backbone had rebuilt itself I think it’s up to mave don’t you

His confidence sickened Anna what example are you to your sons have they grown up watching you move women around like chess pieces mave bobbed over the banisters she’d been listening grown up you showed me photographs Paul two blonde mop puppets said mave you said they’d be devastated if mommy and daddy

Broke up they would said Paul how old are they the truth now Paul sighed blowing out his cheeks as if he was tired of being harried I don’t see how it matters but they’re 21 and 23 out yelled mave thundering down the stairs Paul backed against the hall door

Mave just because your family’s found out we don’t have to out out mave pushed at his chest out she was beyond words pummeling violent the sitting room door opened the hall was suddenly full of bodies Neil shouldering to the front was red in the face time you left Paul Santi

Tenderly smothered mave with his long arms drawing her away from Paul who was scrabbling for the handle come karita come away you’ve got this all wrong Paul made a Last Stand in the open doorway tell them mave tell them how we feel about each other mave kicked the door

Shut storm knew didn’t you Neil ruffled his hair as they all sat shellshocked around the table he didn’t said mave then reflectively did you storm I didn’t know about all that storm fidgeted uncomfortable that the adults were staring at him I only knew he was like horrible ma rubbed her already red eyes

I know what you’re all thinking I should have with respect said Sam laying a hand over hers you don’t know what we’re all thinking for example I’m thinking that you were played by a player who’s very good at the game somebody who lied to get close to you and who only told you

The truth when you’d come to rely on him mave looked grateful enough to cry again it’s ironic she said you know what I liked best about Paul when we met the sincerity the honesty she looked at the ceiling do you think he ever loved me

Even an iny winsy bit he’d be a fool not to said Neil Anna’s eyes widened so this is what it takes to get a compliment out of you evening fell creeping around the house nobody left ma needed propping up and ears to listen to her rambling confessions about what had really been

Going on she’d consciously overlooked the fact that Paul had waited until they’d slept together to be frank with her she’d bad away the suspicion that the gifts and the dinners were consolation prizes if I’d known that he was lying about his children his poor wife said Isabelle with feeling don’t ma

Was agonized he painted our relationship as a good thing for their marriage an escape valve at the same time Neil pointed out as he was dangling a future in front of you the man’s a git Yeti stirred in his bed let out a yawning Huff storm bent and tickled L him the

Boy could be forgiven for saying I told you so but he’ said nothing his wife said Anna deserves some honesty too he’s treating her like an ailment not a person did you mean what you said mave looked quizzically at Anna about me of course Anna could tell that Ma doubted

Her every word ma cross my heart ma nodded chalk full of emotion Anna was urbed doesn’t she know how much I worry about her the trouble with worry is it can manifest as disapproval she closed her eyes for a moment life had held up a mirror to her most unflattering angles lately she

Heard Josh say guys and Anna sat up alert he was doing it he faltered all eyes were turned his way words stuck in his throat Josh has something to tell you said Anna it’s important should I open another bottle of wine mave stood up yes said Josh and bring me an extra- large

Glass chapter 14 lunch at Josh’s sausage and mash vienetta the park was wintry bare Yeti a connoisseur of bins stopped to savor one Anna stood and waited her tummy a hilic beneath a fake fur which no longer buttoned up mid December already Christmas on the tip of everybody’s

Tongue the weeks marched relentlessly on dragging Anna through the calendar towards her due date at first she hadn’t registered that the 25th of December was Christmas day a day of turkey and Arguments for most people but a new beginning for Anna there had been nothing from Cari it was over their

Brief reunion but it can never be over love doesn’t work like that Yeti stuck close to his mistress he’d lost confidence since his accident but his need for Anna had escalated she indulged him perhaps it was guilt at leaving him home alone with the side gate open or

Perhaps it was maternal juices flooding her body whatever it was the end result pleased both dog and woman enormously loyal faithful always pleased to see her he greeted her like a returning Soldier every time she went to the L Yeti would sit up with her during night feeds the

Woman Anna visualized giving these night feeds or bathing the baby or pushing a buggy didn’t look anything like her when she imagined the baby out of her womb and in the real world Anna imagined a self- assembly shelf unit with no manual ankles puffy legs begging for mercy Anna

Turned for home the sexy Bloom of her first trimester had given way to a Soviet housewife look Yeti she said to her companion don’t let me check my phone right away okay she always checked it and he’d never called after Anna had apologized to Luca she’d entertained a

Timid hope that she might have rattled his cage that he might miss her that he’d think what the heck might as well and turn up at her door that hadn’t happened she checked her phone swore at it and plotted upstairs with a bag of diminutive clothes taking care conscious that it felt like

Play acting Anna folded each tiny baby grow and placed it neatly in the new mint green chest of drawers in the spare room it was time to accept and move on Luca wasn’t a big love he was a fling delicious fleeting like summer time to focus on the birth it’s thee and me

Partner she said to her bump closing a drawer with her hip drawing on a socially accept cable face with the help of mac and Bobby Brown Anna recalled a time when Luca had opened up about his work he saw so much disruption and angst there have been deaths he’d said

Gravely he told her he was fiercely protective of his own clean page it’s so easy to mess up to invite unhappiness in he wanted to live cleanly a super pregnant woman amounted to a scribble on that page she was the last to arrive a bombardment of hellos and at lasts

Almost knocked her off her feet Paloma was walking more of a totter but she did a highspeed circuit of the room in soft new gold boots there was Applause for the baby’s virtuosity Paloma fell over everybody applauded again it was exactly what Anna needed I’ve mastered sausage and mash Josh was

Very proud of his new accomplishment a sausage said Neil poker-faced is man’s best friend if dinky got the joke she didn’t let on no darling no she refused to take Paloma she’s too wriggly today see Neil’s glare at Anna was eloquent he retired to the other end of the studio flat which

Wasn’t very far Sam searched out condiments mave was on Mash Duty Isabelle rummaged for glasses Santi went out to buy something to pour into the glasses the Sunday lunch Club was ticking over nicely but something had changed they all knew about Josh Neil had been the most shocked he’d kept

Repeating bloody hell in a contemplative way while the others leaned in and asked questions Josh you’re my little brother mave had whimpered not my little sister HEK still be him mom storm hadn’t understood the consternation or her I mean still the same person God you old people you’re so Prejudice there’s a

Transgender boy in my class he was a girl and now heun’s not he rubbed his nose still a though I’m trying to get my head around it Ma appealed to Josh for understanding knowing she’d receive it it’s taken me my whole life to get my head around it Josh had

Absolved her he’d absolved all of them freeing them up to say countless inappropriate things by the time the twittering ceased they decided on three Basics firstly it didn’t matter well it did matter but it made no difference ref to how they felt about Josh secondly they’d support him and find out all

About transgender issues Josh had done his best to look pleased at that but Anna could tell he foresaw an awful lot of explaining in his future lastly dinky must never know Ma surprisingly had started that particular ball rolling dinky’s too old to handle this she’ said and too

Catholic Santi had added look at how she treats poor Paloma Anna had interrupted Neil to say there was nothing remotely poor about Paloma shut up Anna dinky can’t accept an adopted child of two men so we can’t expect her to get her head around Josh turning into a woman taken

To its logical conclusion this meant that after the surgery which Neil insisted on paying for Josh would have to stay away from his grandmother nobody wanted that it’s Unthinkable Anna had said firmly she assumed that dinky would accept Josh with some soul searching possibly and certainly with a great deal

Of anxiety for her grandson’s chances of getting into heaven she couldn’t agree that the news would blight dinky’s remaining years you make it sound as if she’s about to Keel over that thought frightened Anna too much for her to allow it house room so you brought Sheba

Said Anna to her grandmother as they sat watching the others pull sausage and mash together Sheba was setting out chairs her face closed as everes dinky scrutinized Anna’s expression you don’t like her I don’t trust her there’s something going on between you two Anna put her mouth close to dinky’s

Ear I can get you out of sunville just wink at me and I’ll take you home right now Sheba stood over them come she held out her hand to dinky let me seat you at the table Mrs Piper the woman had impeccable timing vienetta unites people in a way that

Nothing else can storm had thirds Anna watching his elbow work as he cleared his plate knew that soon he would stop attending Sunday lunch clubs he’d be independent making his own plans for Sundays with girls Anna gulped she hoped life would be kind to him that his heart would

Remain in one piece although her own battle scarred heart wouldn’t be half as useful if she’d led a sheltered calm life Josh leaned over her collecting dishes Anna scrutinized his face not a hint of stubble he was morphing transforming into what he saw as his true self she

Wondered what would be left of the old Josh he can’t wait to leave Josh behind but I’ve always loved him just as he is I invited Luca he said did you Anna kept her expression ambiguous her heart hadn’t got the memo however and began to Sprint he refused said it was too

Complicated I kept on at him but no dice safine Anna had to say something and that was what she came up with a hand on her arm took her attention I hear dad called you said Neil in an undertone with the others engrossed in noisy cross talk he and Anna could discuss their

Father without being overheard he was ranting what a surprise it was terrible Neil Anna recalled it for btim first Neil’s a Nancy boy and now this what’s wrong with the men in this family I don’t know Dad Anna had answered what is wrong with you there’ been no answer

Alan Piper wasn’t accustomed to being challenged don’t forget Anna had added conversationally that the girls let you down too we such a disappointment I don’t like your tone young lady I’m not young Dad I’m 40 I have a child of 24 and another on the way I don’t need your

Approval which is just as well as I’d never get it into the shocked silence Anna had said you had no right to change my note to Bonnie Dad no right whatsoever she sent a heartfelt plea across the ocean apologize dad if he said sorry it could Kickstart the

Healing the line had gone dead he rang me right after said Neil some Choice vocabulary came out I’m bent apparently queer oh and no son of his which as you can imagine comes as a relief they laughed wearily but they managed to laugh how did you leave things with him

Asked Anna I told him goodbye Neil seemed at a loss I’ve had enough now that I’m a dad myself I know how hard you have to work to make children feel wanted and appreciated dad set standards for us that had nothing to do with our happiness or our fulfillment he wanted

Us to live a life that wouldn’t upset the neighbors it’s time I cut ties they held hands like they used to do when they were tiny it was a Bittersweet moment in the midst of an ordinary Sunday lunch it wasn’t the last one that day I have an announcement dinky had to

Say it twice before the lunchers quietened down will you wished I have a fcking announcement she looked to Sheba who nodded and Dinky said I’m leaving sunville but you said began Ma I know what I said but the truth is I hate that place full of old people I’ve never

Acesiz in me life and I don’t intend to start don’t get me started on the breakfasts Sheba here is me only consolation she held out her hand and sheba jumped up took it she comes in when she’s supposed to be off duty to make sure I’m okay she reads the paper

To me when I lose me glasses she’s the best friend a person could hope to have sheba’s impassive face cracked and she smiled it was a neon slice transforming her face she even spoke it is my pleasure she said in her ripe accent so said dinky silencing the mouths that

Opened ready to question and gasp and add their two Penner I’m moving in with Josh I’m spending the money I would have wasted on sunville on a nice two-bedroom flat for the two of us but Ma made an urgent face at Josh dinky knows all about my gender reassignment said Josh

He had a look of cheeky Triumph he trusted dinky and been proved right sure I don’t understand it said dinky mildly but chopping off his bits is his business if that’s what it takes to make my grandson happy then so be it his soul won’t change will it that has no

Gender there was a stupified hush broken by Neil’s best head of the family voice listen letun not rush into too late sit down dinky was imperious Josh will need somebody to look after him while he recovers from surgery who better than his grandmother and sheba has agreed to

Help out she’s leaving sunville and working for me she’ll pop in do her magic but from now on she won’t have to wear a horrible tunic I hate that tunic growled Sheba they all laughed relieved puzzled but aware that something wonderful had happened they know it’s a

Fairy story right Neil stood by Anna’s car leaning in to say goodbye it’s dinky who needs looking after not Josh dinky won’t admit to aging but by pretending this move is for Josh ‘s sake she gets to escape sunville and Josh gets a permanent home win-win except an old

Lady is now in the care of a Manchild who forgets to pay his electricity bill it’s time Josh had responsibility I can tell he’s looking forward to it he’s not a child he’s a man soon he’ll be a woman we have to allow our baby brother to grow up we

Have to believe in him I sound like Dad don’t I you sound like you Neil but on a bad day we haven’t sorted out Christmas yet all I know said Anna buckling in is that no way are we having lunch at my place giving birth is the perfect excuse

To duck out of festive duties chapter 15 lunch at Anna’s smoked salmon toas roast turkey with roast potatoes bacon wrapped chipil ladas stuffing carrots peas mushroom and Tagan strudles with madira sauce Christmas pudding with Brandy butter to was the season of glitter and snow and enormous fowl the turkey was

Resting the quaint term always made Anna imagine it with a cocktail and a Jackie Collins novel and the hostess was wilting she couldn’t even blame anybody else it had been her decision to host Christmas Anna knew just knew that the baby wasn’t ready to show its face due

Date or no due date sitting around waiting made the minutes tick by like sludge so one group email later and she’d been kneee in red napkins and paper hats it was a reaffirmation of Piper togetherness in the face of her father’s frostiness he turned away from his grown

Children and her mother loyal as ever stood shoulder to Petty shoulder with him one day Anna hope hoped her mom would challenge the Tyrant and be frank with them all about what her blind Allegiance had cost her but Christmas day was not that day somewhere among the

Cards hanging like bunting was a cartoon of Santa getting stuck in a chimney with the message from Mom and Dad neatly written inside no kisses no asking after the baby thanks to storm there was a card from yeti with an Inky paw print but nothing from Carly I should have

Sent a card to Cari Anna flip-flopped on this Thrice a day Luca would approve of her original decision not to reach out it was scant Comfort here she was on Christmas day with neither of them near it was felt Anna her duty to respect Carly’s silence robbed of the chance to

Show maternal love in more usual ways she did her best with this opportunity it wasn’t easy but then it wasn’t supposed to be potatoes ticked over in the oven peas and carrots waited their turn on the worktop yeti prowled now the size of a deer and with a distinctive mint since his

Accident Anna lumbered around the table tweaking the crackers and rotating the mini poinsettia at each chair her physicality seeped into everything she did her size had altered the way she walked sat thought and oversized Teddy the size of a toddler stood drunkenly against the fridge Dylan had delivered

Yesterday on route to the airport Peru this time so you won’t be here for the birth is that a problem Dylan looked apologetic the level of apology more suited to forgetting to return a borrowed book I mean it’s not like I could do anything he’ assumed a look of

Horror unless you want me to be with you when it comes out Anna had valiantly managed not to laugh Dylan in the delivery room my sister’s my birth partner we’ve been practicing the breathing and stuff I just thought you might well I’ll email you afterwards

Tell me if it’s a dude or a girl ER yeah beyond the kitchen window the shed was wreathed in fairy lights they flickered disco fast which might induce a fit in one of her guests but it was too drizzly and Grim for Anna to venture out and change them no cleansing festive snow

Had fallen on Anna’s suburb only persistent chilly rain the to-do list stuck to the fridge accused her Anna wouldn’t admit she’d taken on too much instead she plowed through her chores an apron over her best maternity dress feeling like a spangly marquee usually she pranced around in high heels on

Christmas Day relying on the anesthetic qualities of prco to see her through but today her feet were in slippers not long to go before she met the baby Anna already knew the child intimately the togetherness is absolute when you share a body I can’t wait to see what you look like

She told her bump as she reached for the platter with the ivy pattern almost there the house was warm the table was laid Yeti was wearing a red rough edged with white fake fur presents sat wrapped beneath the tree Sam had put up for her

All was as it should be almost there was a lull in the action so much turkey had been eaten that storm had burst into tears at the word Afters the visitors were dispersed around the house all recovering from the Christmas lunch club now you all know how I feel every

Day Anna stepped over outstretched legs carrying a tray of empties from the sitting room back to the kitchen Sheba popped out to the hall she wore a traditional headdress a Twisted Affair of printed cotton that made her neck look slender and long let me she said reaching for the tray absolutely not

You’re a guest Sheba and it’s my turn to look after you a week ago joshh and Dinky had moved into a halfway house a small rented mazanet a cat had been procured Sheba working her notice at sunville had appeared most evenings helping dinky settle in sheba’s amazing Josh had told Anna

She and Dinky have a telepathic thing going on they like love each other I was wrong about Sheba Anna was happy to make it up to the woman pamper her she wasn’t easy to pamper seriously she sit down had been heard a dozen times that afternoon perhaps it was because Anna

Was so very tired or because being Hostess strips away the glamour of an occasion but there seemed to be very little that was magical about Christmas this year even with Paloma to spoil and cuddle even with Neil and Santi sharing the load with mave brigh eyed again

After morning Paul with dinky and sheba and Josh there were still Personnel to miss Sam had taken Isabelle skiing Rosie cheeked in the snow goggles pushed back they’d woken her with a body Carol via Skype how’s your sore throat Anna had indulgently expected a barrage of symptoms but Sam had answered what sore

Throat the love of a good woman had cured his hypochondria they were all moving on all being pulled into their Futures distances were opening up and in a couple of cases doors had slammed if Carly was ever going to get in touch then the season of Goodwill was the

Ideal opportunity and Luca I asked him to come Josh had been shamefaced confessing over the gravy oh and Anna attempted coolness I can blame my pink face on the steam from the carrots he’s spending the day with his mom I see I told him you want him back you did what

Josh Anna thought she’d been enigmatic apparently she’ been transparent why what good can that do other than to make me look like a schmuck you can’t look like a schmuck to the people who love you exactly if Luca loved me he’d be here and heun’s not therefore Anna

Didn’t like to dwell on whether or not Lua had been serious about her before she stomped her feet and pulled down their Wendy house we could hardly rekindle an affair with me like this she pointed down at the vast region south of her head if he was the father it’ be different

I think he should be here Josh’s eyes had missed it over love doesn’t happen every day we should take care of it when it shows its face I know about dinky’s fall Anna had chosen that moment to Mark her brother’s card don’t keep that sort of thing from me Josh who told Josh

Realized Sheba she did the right thing Sheba doesn’t want to be stuck in the middle of family fibs Josh had nodded I didn’t want you to worry worry it wasn’t a bad fall worry is my middle name every fall is potentially dangerous at dinky’s time of life look I know I’ve been

Overprotective of you in the past I get it you’re not a kid anymore but don’t shut me out now the revelers came back to life one by one like a festive zombie apocalypse they staggered to their feet appetites magically renewed waving away offers of help Anna found a sprig of

Holly for the Christmas pudding as she put the kettle on to boil as she looked out the Brandy butter as she fetched plates as she suddenly felt a lightning bolt zip through her core shocked she clutched the edge of the sink storm jumped back oh you’ve wet yourself aunti

Anna he was disgusted Anna was disoriented is that my Waters breaking she harbored a hope that somebody would explain it away nobody did Jesus right bloody hell mave went in all directions at once where’s your hospital bag it’s not packed Anna clung onto the sink she’d been so sure not now

This can’t be happening now her body disagreed it knew something was coming and wouldn’t let her move as Yeti sensitive to Anna’s feelings began to whine Neil and Santi put their arms around Anna mave opened and shut kitchen drawers car keys car keys she muttered you can’t drive mave said Josh you’ve

Had tons of wine I’m her part birth nurse I mean her birth partner ma scratched her head maybe you’re right she said and dropped like a Fed Oak to the sofa we came by Uber so we could drink said Neil and we did drink said

Santi I’ll take you if you want me to Sis Josh looked so scared that Anna almost laughed no darling this isn’t a job for you something ripped through her then left her knees buckled and she was helped to a chair Sheba offered to take her but she could only only drive manual

Cars and Anna’s was automatic I know Neil plucked Paloma off the floor I’ll call an Uber minius and we’ll all come with you no please stay and enjoy the ooh Anna was hot with pain she didn’t know if she was up to this Panic swarmed through her sweat stood out on her

Forehead I’m scared she said we all with you said Santi as behind them Neil could be heard yelling into a phone for minutes waiting time Christmas day isn’t the best time to call a cab I don’t want a Anna was crushed again white lights behind her

Eyes she didn’t want them all to go to hospital with her she didn’t want to go to hospital at all she wanted to rewind the past 40 weeks and ignore Dylan she wanted life to be dull again this Technicolor suffering was too much shuffling together the entire family

Moved as one towards the front door Anna at their Center was a bulky queen bee her Fringe plastered to her forehead her feet ringing wet she felt both untethered and claustrophobic hot and cold and heading for something that promised to get much worse before it got better the doorbell rang the cab said

Many voices at once the shuffling sped up the door was flung open Luca stood on the step it’s happening Neil shouted in his face the baby shouted Josh Anna crucified on her family her enormous stomach leading the way locked eyes with Luca he was the only calm person present

A Still Point in the whirling chaos of her house rescue me she begged mutely he rescued her Luca reached out and extricated her from her gaggle of helpers my cars here he said his voice was soothing as if he chauffeured women in labor all the time I’ve got you Anna

Nobody else she managed to whisper folks my back seat’s full of stuff I’ll take her to hospital and call you okay dinky emerged from the scrum look after her I promise Luca lowered Anna into the passenger seat the belt wouldn’t reach over her tummy does it hurt only when

The contractions come Anna lived in fear of them she was breathless with it Luca drove steadily through empty streets your hair’s grown said Anna in one of the lovely valleys between crests of Agony Youk put on weight don’t make me laugh smiled Anna she crawled

Backwards up the seat as a wave hit I’m so frightened she whispered no need happens every day Luca put his foot down the car sped up nearly there why are you here Luca I was invited you were going to your mother’s I heard I ate lunch

With her family turned up I can’t quite believe this is happening you’re not the the only one Anna I only came round to give you a Christmas card her laugh segued into a howl Delirious she wondered if she was hallucinating maybe I’m flirting with an elderly ambulance driver I’m glad she

Panted you’re here she leaned over and clutched his arm she held on until he pulled up like a bank robber outside the hospital Luca dealt with the reception staff smiled encouragingly as she was folded into a wheelchair stood waving as a hospital Porter turned her expertly and began to roll her away

Down a long dishwater colored Corridor the nurse walking beside her turned aren’t you coming with us daddy oh I’m not Anna turned her face was hot red and helpless yes I’m coming Luca caught up with them and took Anna’s hand life looks different flat on your back Anna

Saw circular lights as if this was an elaborate photo shoot she saw masked faces the midwife’s clever gaze the anesthetists glasses Luca’s anxious eyes okay Anna this is your first oh hang on no the Midwife scanned her clipboard your second baby bit of a gap eh Anna

Nodded words had Slipped Away along with her sense of time or place she held Luca’s eyes him she recognized he made sense in a world gone mad with pain hold on am MO the Midwife disappeared Anna entertained daylow fantasies of twins breach births record-breaking birth weight it’s all okay said Luca manfully

Allowing her to grip his hand as another contraction rolled over her like a Lori A man also masked bent over her most private parts yes absolutely he said and began to give orders the room went up a gear professionals doing their thing Anna found another level of panic to

Descend to is something wrong please is something wrong we need to get baby out said the Midwife busy amassing mysterious items on a steel tray why Anna rung Luca’s hand she was the focus of the room yet nobody made eye contact Luca why why why a C-section he repeated her question but

Louder with Force an explanation didn’t help Anna had suffered a prolapse of the umbilical cord is that dangerous she squeaked it means the cord has popped out ahead of baby the Midwife scribbled something on a clipboard the chord is how baby gets oxygen so we have to act

Fast oh no oh no Anna heard somebody me apparently mouthed those words over and over memories she’d held at Bay of being in strangers hands of losing control of her body of white hot suffering crashed over her don’t you worry said the Midwife with the calm of an expert in her

Element Mr douly here has delivered more babies by cesarian than you or I have had hot dinners Bonnie’s birth had been slow arduous with troughs and highs this was a Sprint Anna was rolled onto her side and a cold hard sensation began in her lower back as if somebody was pressing

With all their might epidural said the Midwife briskly man the size of that needle gasped Luca Anna held his hand in her fist he seemed to be urging strength into her even though his face kept changing color behind the mask as blood ran into then rushed out of it a couple

Of times he swayed his blinks became a language she chose to believe they were saying this would all be over soon there’d be no oxygen deprivation she’d have a healthy baby in her arms a small curtain was strung across Anna’s middle turning her body into a puppet theater a

Particularly gory Puppet Theater she had no desire to see what was going on beyond the green cotton neither did Luca if his posture was anything to go by he cold shouldered the action leaning over Anna I feel cold said Anna that’s good said the Midwife can you feel this Anna

Could indeed feel the touch on her toes a minute ticked by all the medical staff in the room were powered down on standby how about now I can feel it that was the wrong answer twice more Anna was rolled like a rug twice more she felt the bite

Of the needle Luca seemed to be suffering with her she had time to feel for him one second you’re knocking on my front door with a Christmas card gulped Anna wondering how awful she must look with her hair smed back and her mascara sweat it off the next you’re in a

Delivery room witnessing the miracle of birth usually at this time on Christmas Day I’m watching an old movie with a Bailey in my hand Anna realized that the pain was absent she didn’t own her body anymore but at least it wasn’t hurting I can’t imagine you with a

Bailey that bit wasn’t true really though I’m sorry Anna was woozy she had to remind herself where she was Luca’s presence didn’t stop being surprising she’ trapped him into this high drama event he was not immune it seemed to the emotion of the moment Luca’s eyes crinkled above the white of the Mask

Anna you’re making a new life you clever clever girl it was easy smiled Anna God I love you she thought maybe after all he could be an uncle for the little Piper about to make an entrance that wasn’t quite enough but it would keep him near how’s

It going Luca asked over the curtain the ox oygen situation we’re waiting for M Piper to numb up the consultant implied the delay was Anna’s fault can you feel that asked the Midwife Anna was no longer a whole person from the chest down she was Vapor no she was triumphant

This was all she could do for her baby right now be numb but I did it everybody powered up purposeful bustling keep mommy amused it was an order the way the Midwife said it Luca bent down this is it he said Anna felt him tremble a woring noise suggested a blade of some

Sort Anna hung on harder amuse me you bastard amuse me I love you said Luca that’s why I’m here am I hallucinating asked Anna Josh invited me to Christmas lunch said you missed me and I thought no way I didn’t want the fuss the trouble the complication but I woke up

This morning and realized All I Want for Christmas Is fuss and trouble and complication Luca you don’t have to say this stuff the bottom half of Anna if it still existed was being sa open the top half was hearing the man she loved read from a script her heart wouldn’t dare to

Write there were clattering noises Mr douly said this may feel a little odd as if I’m doing the washing up in your uterus is how some ladies describe it not this lady Anna couldn’t feel a thing she heard squelching muffled slops luk she said salty tears sliding down her

Face and into her mouth I love you and I’m sorry and I love you I’m sorry it’s me who’s sorry Luca the cool Luca the self-possessed was no more this was Luca the gibbering mess the delivery room had broken him wide open I’ve tried but I

Can’t seem to miss you any less Annie you have a daughter Mr douly held up a tiny person jazz hands waggling scrawny legs cycling this daughter was a pinky blue color and she’s perfect she’s Perfect Anna was sobbing did you hear Luca I heard I heard Luca’s mask was wet would daddy

Like to cut the cord asked Mr douly heun not said Anna I’d love to said Luca the small hospital room although decorated like a midlevel b andb was Blissful after the theater it was the center of the universe Anna and her new baby were on a complicated bed with a guard rail and

Levers and an alarm pull cord dangling beside it the baby was across Anna’s still numb chest keeping her arms around the child was exhausting but it would have taken the proverbial Wild Horses to persuade her to let go it was evening the lamp light lit them like an old

Master despite the ugly functional Furniture Luca Sat by the bed slumped on a padded chair staring at the ceiling have you thought of a name I thought of loads but none of them seem right now she’s here anna snorted she she’s a she she leaned into the swaddled baby you’re

A she her daughter looked slightly annoyed her eyes barely opened but when they did they were a muddy blue she was disgruntled her movements underwater slow she was fascinating whether she was ugly or pretty Anna couldn’t tell she was emphatically herself my second daughter said Anna your second

Chance suggested Luca no nothing can be that Bonnie or Carly was firmly in her own special niche in Anna’s mind this girl has no job to do other than be herself thinking of Carly turned all the fuzzy feelings on their heads Luca you should get home you look

Shattered do you want me to go he sat up with a hurt look on his face Luca was vulnerable as if he’d opened opened up another layer of himself in the quiet room I want you to do what you want to do this was double talk Anna carried on

She had a PIN to prick her own bubble it was very emotional in there I won’t hold you to anything you said she controlled her voice sacrifice was nothing new it’s not just me now Luca it’s me and my baby I can’t do casual so thank you a million

Times over for getting me across the finishing line but I don’t expect anything more from you FW said Luca he stood up leaned over the bed spoke slowly and clearly that by the way was sarcasm Mama Bear when have you ever heard me say anything I didn’t mean I love you and

How could I not love this little one he sped up Annie don’t answer now it’s Madness talking like this right after you’ve given birth but why don’t we give it a try you me and what’s her name I know I’m not her biological father but who cares let’s write our own story

Let’s plunk a happy ending on it you don’t like children said Anna she had more than one pin I know Luca threw up his hands giggling except for this one this one I love Anna gave herself permission to believe him to lie back on the pillows

His love provided it was too much she was crying again you came back she said and then she said it again because she liked the sound of it so much you came back sleep came Softly on tiptoes it spirited Anna away time receded night and day didn’t matter they were Silly

Affectations it was constant dusk in the room she slept soundly only beckoned out of her Dreams by A peculiar noise was it a dog snuffling was it Yeti it was her daughter wriggling and rolling in her transparent plastic crib Anna surfaced the room took shape Luca looking decidedly secondhand reached in and

Picked up the baby in its white waffled blanket ouch she sat up too quickly forgetting the neat embroidery on her pubic line careful said a voice Anna looked to the other side of the bed as she stretched out her arms for the baby I had a cesarian and you have to take it

Easy for a while Carly sat on another of those uncomfortable plastic chairs Anna stared she felt a weight in her hands and took the child to her she looked at Luca who beamed back I went to the house said Carly they told me your sister I

Think it was your aunt Anna said it without thinking I mean sorry and this said Carly jiggling her knees so that the small sleepy girl on her lap laughed is Holly shek my daughter Carly wavered then as if stepping off a high ledge she took a deep breath and said your granddaughter

It was a magical Christmas Day after all chapter 16 lunch at theas Volo vant Cod baked in foil sticky toffee pudding everything but everything had changed the cutlery Thea laid out was old and well- handled mellowed by years of lunches and dinners it enhanced the Flat’s eccentric blend of old-fashioned

Coziness and hipster style she picked up a dessert spoon felt its weight as it balanced on her finger then set it down again just so the table looked perfect even if she did say so herself not showy not styled yet welcoming and beautiful and thought about she thought deeply

About things this Slender Woman with the carefully done nails and the well-cut dress in cornflower blue she bent down to tweak the clean blanket she’d laid over the cat bed amused at herself for such Mad Housewife attention to detail this was not her usual style the doorbell rang Thea froze had she bitten

Off more than she could chew inside these walls she was safe when that door opened the world would flood in dabbing its fingerprints all over her safe place an old fear was exuded she could lose everything Thea looked at the door to the Garden she could open it race out

Hurdle the low fence leave the bell ringing and the cod in the fridge and the wine unopened each guest was a friend but what would they make of her would they find her odd exotic alien or would they recognize her for what she was a quote

From a wise old woman popped into her head your soul never changes murmured Thea taking one last cast a praising look around as the doorbell repeated itself churlish this time if she’d forgotten anything it was too late to do a damn thing about it Thea pushed a

Strand of hair behind her ear cleared her throat gave herself a last searching look in the hall mirror and opened the door it was time Anna brushed her teeth her sleepy eyes still full of grit Ivy disagreed with the whole notion of sleeping through the night she forgave

Her readily but she also looked forward with an almost physical yearning to the days when Ivy would get with the program Ivy had her father’s nose small snub her mother’s eyes expressive greenish Yeti’s love of snacks Yeti regarded Ivy as his he sat with her occasionally on her he

Licked her cheeks clean he growled if a stranger dared to approach his Ward the size of a Shetland pony Yeti was hard on Anna’s soft furnishing but gentle with the baby a year of Sunday lunch clubs had passed since Ivy’s theatrical arrival Anna heard her chuckling to herself in her

Cot if anybody else had cut a crescent-shaped scar across my tummy I’d hate them forever Anna’s wound was a badge of love it was still numb feeling had never returned to that line on her body the rest of her however was overloaded with feeling having a baby

Had turned her skin inside out she cried at news bulletins felt for the whole world and wanted to heal it a year of Sunday lunch clubs had meant a total of 18 get togethers high points had included a renewal of Neil and santi’s vows on a yacht in the south of France

The lowest of low points had been a special meal for Anna’s parents in a local pub her mother had arrived alone mouthing an excuse about Dad’s ulcer flaring up again they all knew dad didn’t have an ulcer today’s New Year’s lunch Club was a a fresh start she

Thought of joshh preparing for them all to arrive she corrected herself Thea it would be her debut careful with my pronouns the surgery had been harrowing thank God for Sheba thought Anna for the h hundredth time she’d moved in temporarily with Josh no Thea and Dinky and had stayed her healing touch her

Solidity her High Good Humor once you got to know her had made Sheba the essential third member of the Trinity we going to be late Anna whisked into her bedroom and it’s all your fault she said to Ivy who had with the sarcastic timing of all babies Fallen fast asleep a

Bird’s eye view of the treelined roads around dinky’s new flat would show various cars trundling towards lunch Neil and Santi were in their new Mini buus apparently 2-year-old Paloma merited a mini buus listening to the wheels on the bus go round and round for the 13th time that morning they were

Ready to let down their hair and hand their daughter over to other less tired arms in the back of a cab mave dabbed on lipstick did you like him storm she asked heun all right storm headshaved had shot up in the past year he looked like a man but spoke like the

14-year-old he was the man mave had brought home the night before had not impressed him he’s a very very good kisser shut up Mother Sam was still running in the SOB Isabelle had picked out for them she rubbed at a smudge on the dashboard she asked Sam to remind

Her to buy two little mats to go under our feet life with his new wife involved a lot more cleaning and tidying than Sam had expected he said things like she keeps me on my toes and no such thing as downtime in our house all the while

Secretly wishing she’d relax and let him eat Pop-Tarts in his pajamas none of that really mattered Sam Sam loved Isabelle’s face he looked forward to watching it grow older he realized she was talking said sorry darling what and nodded agreeing that yes he really must unblock the waste disposal as soon as

They got home the camper van had seen better days it coughed belching out s exhaust as Dylan peered out at the street names directing his mate at the wheel he knew it was somewhere around here who he murmured has a lunch party the day after New Year’s Eve possibly he

Was still drunk tequila taste better drunk from the naval of an actress/model SL whatever but the hangover is the same Ivy would cheer him up Ivy always cheered him up if the Australia idea came together he’d miss the next few years of Ivy’s development but she wouldn’t mind he hoped nearly there sang

Carly over her shoulder Holly fidgeted in her car seat said that a four Carly smiled to herself yes I did but this time mommy means it Luca accepting the cup of excellent coffee his mother handed him was nowhere near the flat he was looking out at the River from the

Big wide window and wondering where Anna and Ivy were right now they were on Thea’s doorstep Anna was anxious of course she’d seen her brother my sister remember my sister since the surgeries but this first day of a new year was to be Thea’s real debut no more androgynous

Clothes hair no more Josh the door opened hi said Thea happy new thingy maab oh dear God you’re gorgeous said Anna without thinking she barged in stood close to Thea examining her so hard that Thea laughed your makeup is Anna was lost for words and your hair is

What were you expecting ringlets and clown lipstick no yes I don’t know Anna usually so careful to say the right sensitive thing was gabbling you look she found the word you look right Thea I feel right her big brown doll’s eyes wet Thea swallowed hard thanks for sticking

By me quite literally said Anna the least I could do Dylan’s friend was called Rizzo and he was staying for lunch Ivy was kidnapped and coed over dinky was hugged a glass of something a soft seat Anna breathed out the garden flat was roomy with good

Flow a term Anna had learned from the afternoon TV property programs she watched Ivy at her breast like that day’s menu the differing tastes of the flatmates met and mingled without ever clashing Josh supplied the ironic 20th Century Furniture and Dinky supplied the crocheted table mats Anna Let the

Spirited conversation Splash all around her she watched Josh Thea he she was elegant in the blue dress Anna had dreaded high heels or a decalage she saw that fear is silly now Thea had dressed for her core values they hadn’t changed whether male or female Thea’s preference was for the stylish the

Low-key the atmosphere was heightened sharpened Thea unsettled them all remembering that this was not simply Josh and address that their brother was now their sister had disrupted the status quo terrified of saying the wrong thing they elected to say very little about Thea’s appearance as as if people

Changing gender was neither here nor there there had been no deeply personal grilling no questions about exactly what the operation entailed ma had almost gone there but the others held her back Josh was a human being they said not public property it was newbie Rizzo who

Broke the spell she’s a dude he yelped to a whispered comment from Dylan conversation stopped abruptly Thea on the threshold of the room with a platter in her hands stood stock still she looked lost as if deciding whether to turn and run she was a dude said Neil

Stepping over to take a Volo Von from the platter now she’s a dudess no such word said Anna her tone playful Rizzo looked at the floor the conversation staggered back to its feet and Thea made a round of the room with the or derves dinky made them he said

Encouragingly you okay whispered Anna as she bent down to let her take a Volant Thea looked her straight in the eye I can handle it she said there had been a period of something close to mourning after Josh announced his plans to change gender as if they all

Separately grieved for the loss of their brother Neil had struggled with the concept admitting his confusion to Anna in late night calls she’d advised and encouraged that came easily to her taking her own advice had been harder particularly when Josh had dropped out of sight avoiding family ducking out of every Sunday lunch

Club it had been dinky’s job to give them updates she witnessed his anxiety before the operations the long hours in the bathroom staring at his reflection dinky had been brisk reminding everybody that to make an omelet you needed to break eggs that image of Josh as a fragile Cracked Egg

Had almost undone Anna she’ visited him as he recuperated in his new bedroom dinky had warned that he was in almost constant pain as nerve endings reconnected there were setbacks an infection exhaustion caused by the super strong medication but Thea had emerged as if from a chrysalis watching her now

As she made the rounds of the room Anna papered over memories of the Melancholia that had swamped Thea as she recovered the past was done with there were new battles to fight and today Thea was fighting them with humor and elegance and heart on the rug Dylan squatted to

Say all right to Ivy when she replied with Dada he sprang up as if scalded Don’t Panic laughed Anna she says that to all men and even some inanimate objects shek a crazy one isn’t she Dylan seemed wary of touching his offspring there’s time thought Anna to herself if

Dylan ever came back from Australia he had the rest of his life to bond with Ivy come here you said Anna as Holly dashed past the little girl a guarded child stopped and stuck her thumb in her mouth granna she said you sewed mommy’s handbag Cari bringing up the rear said

Clever grna made everybody’s handbag there had been an artum gift under the tree for everybody that year Carly’s bold fuchsia bag was slung across her body do you want me to bring you some nibbles Anna you’re an angel Anna settled back she wasn’t mom that title belonged to the mild canny woman

Who had adopted Bonnie renamed her Carly and brought her up with scant money but great tenderness a tentative friendship of sorts had been struck between Anna and Carly’s adoptive parents but it was flimsy Uncle Thea said Holly eliciting a GAA from Neil and nervous laughter from the others what demanded Holly fuming

She was a precocious child teasing her with dangerous Santi swept her up twirled her around until annoyance forgotten she began to cackle Holly was still entranced with her new uncles and aunts and cousins as Anna made room on the sofa for Carly to sit beside her they tended

To stick together at Sunday lunch clubs she covertly watched Uncle theia she hadn’t quite got the hang of standing like a woman there was something subtly male about her posture it’ll come thought Anna Thea found her eye and made her way over perching on the arm of the sofa she bent

Down to whisper Anna tell me do I pass as a woman yes you do closeup Thea was beautiful and much the same way Josh had been handsome ethereal fine we’re all a bit stunned it’s such a big change I’m still me and we’re still us we’ll catch up with

You a few months ago Anna had passed on an old swimsuit to Thea she changed her mind a dozen times then stuffed it into a carrier bag and handed it over the tears in response had astounded her it wasn’t just an M&S swimsuit it was acceptance Carly leaned over love the

Dress I couldn’t wear something like that but you carry it off Thea stuttered her thanks where’s your other half today Manning the bar he sends his best there had been in relief when Carly’s husband didn’t arrive he was a trifle Neanderthal about gender reassignment Anna wondered if Carly had

Engineered his absence shek a sensitive soul my daughter Anna still felt a swell around her heart when she described Carly in that way Pride poignancy a deep gratitude for Second Chances the pile of newspapers had been lugged over to the Intrepid Fox as a form of proof the

Front pages all 25 of them were framed and hung in formation in the main bar it was a new tradition Anna would continue to buy a newspaper on the 11th of November every year no more plotting up to the attic with them she’d put them into Carly’s hands her older daughter

Was no longer a stranger but there were aspects of Cari that felt foreign other they were building an emotional shorthand the best ways to navigate around each other their relationship was like no other it gave Anna intense joy to be near Carly and dis quiet when Cari

Said or did something that dismayed her it was complicated disappointing joyful it was beyond precious do you think whispered Cari as Thea moved away that shek ever have you know a relationship not sure Anna had given it a great deal of thought but she’s changed gender not personality and Josh never talked about

His sex life so Thea probably won’t either I’ll get it shouted Holly when the doorbell sounded no you don’t Sam hoisted her into his arms as he opened the door he didn’t look old enough to be the child’s grandfather he grew younger as he grew happier Luca in you come mate

He said I’m late I know I’m sorry Mom send her love Luca did the rounds double kissing everybody even storm who mimed throwing up for you your highness he said flourishing a bunch of white roses for dinky heun a charmer said dinky yes he is Anna watched him spread warmth

Bundled up in his chunky cardigan hair wild 3 days of stubble carpeting his chin he winked at her and she felt a tickle of lust dignified by the intimacy of co-parenting in every way that mattered Luca was father to Ivy the emergency C-section had kept Anna in

Hospital for 3 Days Luca had Lain on her bed like a labrador for most of that time holding Ivy feeding Ivy gazing at Ivy and seeing things in her face that delighted him Dylan had visited white as a sheet inspecting the baby from a safe distance as if she might explode Luca

Had shown off nonchalantly changing Ivy’s nappy and chatting knowingly about her birth weight he had been proprietorial about Ivy about Anna for that matter chiding her if she picked up anything heavier than a tray and when Anna and Ivy went home he went with them and kind of stayed thought Anna there

Had been no formal pow-wow about the future they didn’t need one it seemed obvious his lack of doubt about fatherhood had counterbalanced Anna’s misgivings about being a mother she hadn’t felt like a natural there had been panic when Ivy cried something like despair when the child didn’t take to

Her breast slowly she gained confidence she mimicked Carly’s inscience with Holly and Luca’s ease with Ivy eventually it clicked she felt at peace as if the last piece of her jigsaw was Ivy shaped so Rizzo Anna heard Ma say behind her what do you do exactly it was

Her flirting voice Anna saw Neil throw his hands in the air but she silently applauded her sister mave kept her choppy craft afloat Anna criticized less these days there was more to life than being sensible I learned so many lessons while Ivy was in my tummy come on

Everybody to the the table said theia she’d added an apron to her outfit a Stepford wife’s touch which amused Anna to the actual real proper dining table she added the mahogany table had been extended but still wasn’t quite big enough May helped out by sitting on

Rizzo’s lap is Ivy all right over on the sofa asked dinky utilizing her great grandmotherly right to poke her flat little nose in everywhere the baby slept against Yeti who not move a muscle until Ivy woke up he was too thick to understand the word dinner but he knew all about love and

Loyalty Anna wondered how she’d ever got along without him dinky’s cat had taken a short sabatical she’d reappear when Yeti went home as Cutlery was taken up and lips were smacked and appreciative noises made about the Cod dinky continued to gaze at Ivy would you look

At her hair the way it curls over her forehead that’s like m mine she gets that from me the little do takes after her great grandma she does bless her Anna smiled she does she agreed she saw Neil purse his lips and stab his fish with his Fork doesn’t she Sheba dinky

Turned to her doesn’t Ivy take after me she don’t talk as much said Sheba ha barked Luka Sheba had been absorbed into the family and now they loved her not only for the quiet kindness with which she cared for dinky but for her utter lack of patience with pretention she had

Famously told Josh to save his money and stuff socks down his bra Paloma no said Sheba as the 2-year-old raced around the table whooping sit down be a good girl Sheba was strict Pala was obstinate there was a faceof Pala has my stubbornness dinky pred herself I see a

Lot of me in her only the good good bits presumably said ma feeding Rizzo shek show you all one day dinky narrowed her eyes at the child Paloma has Spirit Anna checked on Neil his mouth hung open it opened even more when dinky told Dylan’s friend we a very Modern Family Rizzo oh

Yes sure one of me granddaughters used to be me grandson look at him doesn’t he make a pretty woman puts me in mind of Audrey heern and me other grandson is married to a fella I can imagine the nuns who educated me woring around in their graves but Pipers don’t follow the

Rules we’d rather be happy she squealed as Neil rushed around to her seat and bare hugged her Jesus Neil have you gone Dali tap love Neil’s own prejudices had been blown to Pieces dinky’s mind wasn’t closed it was as open as her heart over dessert after copious compliments for Thea’s cooking Neil

Asked storm that standard question adults ask children so storm you’re 14 now time to knuckle down and study what do you want to be when you grow up normal Carly hooded good luck with that in this family the Casual reference to this family thrilled Anna for the first

Time she understood the expression warm the cockles of your heart she didn’t know what cockles were but her own were glowing there had been so many potholes on Anna and Carly’s road to this special Sunday lunch Club the others didn’t yet know just how special it was if Cari

Hadn’t kept Alan Piper’s vile note if she hadn’t returned it to Anna if Anna hadn’t read it if Carly hadn’t found the courage to swallow her bitterness and sit quietly with Anna in the hospital room and hear the story of her conception and birth from the only woman

Qualified to tell it we got through it all thought Anna ivy on her lap and Carly and Holly opposite she fancied she saw similarities between the two little girls but there was no need for such proofs their bond was one of Love Not Mere blood Anna would never stop being

Grateful that Cari had believed her given her a chance and found The Bravery to step into a tight Circle such as this My Bonnie is home she thought Luca raised his glass to her he could still read her mind a commitment had been made in the hospital when Anna had become a

Mother and a grandmother all at once and Luca had declared that for some reason he found that incredibly sexy actually he had added everything you do is incredibly sexy he wasn’t to know that Anna like most brand new mothers was lying there aching vowing never to have sex again she jettisoned

That resolution they fought a lot this surprised them both during the pre- iy portion of their Affair they’d got along like the proverbial house on fire Luca suggested that their lack of experience in shouting insults at each other had helped them break up after their first

Real row Anna had asked him secure one night in his arms why he had stayed away your delivery date got nearer and nearer I couldn’t get involved with the pregnancy because you were so adamant about the baby being yours and yours alone that was because I didn’t want to

Scare you Anna had Twisted to see his face in the dark I didn’t want to burden you when we were still such a new thing so I didn’t get involved because I thought you didn’t want me to get involved and I didn’t involve you because I thought you wouldn’t want to be

Involved they had looked back at their slightly younger selves with affectionate pity all I wanted Luca said was to be as involved as possible roll up my sleeves get my hands dirty now at lunch they regard guarded each other across the table no words were needed they were in

Sync no matter how much Anna and Luca argued about who’d forgotten to buy tea bags or whose turn it was to get up in the middle of the night with Ivy storm had a question as he scraped the last of the sticky toffee pudding from his

Bowl Auntie Anna did you decide on Ivy as a name because she was born on Christmas day yes said Anna and because it goes so well with Holly oh yeah storm who aced his maths exams was slow on the uptake with family facts isn’t he frowned hang on Ivy is Holly’s aunt and

She’s Carly’s sister half sister it was Carly who corrected him she added but we don’t do anything by halves here do we all could agree on that Thea sank into her chair with such a huff of relief that they all turned to look at her many

Of them saw her still as a hymn Thea said you’ve all been polite nobody sniggered I know this isn’t easy for you to get your heads around but I have to ask do I make a halfway decent woman yes they all said it in unison it was true

Thea was no caricature although said mave yeah theia shrank in her skin lose the earrings babe Hoops are not you coffees were handed out bottoms moved from table to easy chairs Holly counted iy’s fingers over and over Sheba handed round chin chins a Nigerian cookie flavored with nutmeg don’t take them all

Anna was wise to Ma so many calories said Isabelle and every one of them is delicious Sam took two hearing praise for the food Sheba cooked from her mother’s recipes turned her luminous take another she said to Santi her most vocal fan I shouldn’t Santi took another

And wandered off to check on Paloma who was napping in Thea’s bedroom Neil nudged Anna my old man’s filled out a bit he said it was true Santi was heavier around the middle do you still love him despite that don’t be ridiculous Neil was insulted it doesn’t make a bit of

Difference now you know how it feels to be accused of that you needed convincing that Santi wasn’t with you for your money hoist by my own petard sounds painful me and Santi were in it for the long haul like you and Luca with some people you know they come together and

It works that’s that’s verging on mushy Neil Neil patted the cushion beside him as Sheba passed again with a fresh plate of chin chins sit darling he said tell us how things really are Sheba sat darting looks at the kitchen door Beyond which dinky could be heard overseeing Storm’s reluctant

Washing of the dishes a little better she said in her liquid accent she has been sleeping well the new medicine helps with with the nausea any more of those light-headed spells Anna was anxious dinky’s Health was a low-level constant like a car alarm going off in

Another Street at some point she knew it would become too loud to ignore the doctors had given her less than a year dinky was on borrowed time we all are thought Anna how’s her appetite Sheba whispered a pressus of the last few days she was tired after Christmas day with

The family of course but she has been in great spirits and she has no idea pressed Neil as far as your grandmother is concerned she will live to 120 said Sheba she sighed a throaty sound filled with sadness I wish to God she could the decision not to let dinky know had been

Unanimous it had been a mistake to keep her in the dark about Josh’s transition but this felt right they would act normal until it was no longer possible until then dinky would believe that the treatment had Zapped the misbehaving cells in her body Anna put her hand over sheba’s her

Gratitude to this unassuming Sterling woman was boundless I don’t know what we’d do without you she said wished Sheba had caught dinky’s Irish slang Josh Thea is doing as much as me she had such trouble remembering to use Josh’s new name that she had coined a hybrid he

Is strong made of iron we used to treat him like a delicate flower Anna had reappraised her brother just as he transformed into her sister there was no special treatment no excuses come on Luca slapped his thighs no long faces ladies or the old girl will guess Anna stretched her lips into a

Smile the notion of a dinky world was too enormous to grasp at once she kept catching sight of its bulk from different angles so much would change so so much would be lost but she’s still here anna reminded herself better to make the most of dinky in the here and

Now than to fret about the future Holly was yawning Carly began to make noises about getting back to her husband she was reluctant Anna smelled trouble there but would wait for Carly to bring it up she didn’t have the right to prod and pry not yet Anna winked at

Luca he returned the wink rather more skillfully Anna’s Winks were very lops Ed and bent to take Ivy from her nest against Yeti’s side are we all here he looked around yep it seems so we have an announcement to make you’re getting married shrieked mave no no laughed Luca

White doesn’t really suit Anna so that’s not happening I’ll let her tell you he reached out his hand to pull Anna up from the sofa they stood together a solid unit a happy Trio we waited until we were all together to let you know that Anna looked over at Dylan smiled at him

With the approval of Ivy’s biological father Luca has now formally adopted Ivy Anna gulped out her new favorite words we now officially mommy and daddy nobody wanted to leave it was the start of a new year 365 days for them all to ruin or enhance the dusk was a cocoon a Haven

For them all where problems were on hold I knew said ma smug Luca was going to adopt iy I knew for the last time you are not psychic darling said Neil or is she Anna recalled the day ma had seen a handwritten letter in a dream I’m a

Daddy Luca kept saying he jiggled ivy in the 100% acrylic hoodie dinky had knitted for her to be precise I’m your daddy best job in the world said Neil who seemed to have received all his backdated sentimentality at once give her here to me said dinky in that tone

That demanded immediate and complete obedience and Paloma I want a snap of me with the little ones she turned her head found Holly over by the window and called her over come here darling you’re the chick that was born outside the hen house but you’re here now and you’re

Safe like your mommy there Anna saw Carly’s secret smile a Polaroid was taken dinky showed it to the children who clung to her enjoying her smell of face powder and lily of the valley perfume a posy was formed to check out and comment on the paint colors that Sheba had tested out

On her bedroom wall dinky was left in her chair with the three small girls around her she craned her neck to see mave kissing Rizzo in the kitchen AEM she called and mave reached out to shut the door with a clunk good it’s just us girls Holly had fallen asleep across

Dinky’s lap her mouth hung open Paloma in the crook of her great grandmother’s arm stared up at her with guess eyes at her feet Ivy wiggled on the rug dinky’s voice was low The Voice she used for fairy tales none of you will take this

In but I want to tell you anyway I spoil you don’t I why do you think that is partly cuz I love you all obviously partly cuz I won’t always be here to spoil you the grown-ups can’t cope with me knowing they think I’m a frail old

Lady when I’m tough as old boots somebody has to look after that crew so I’m passing the Baton on to you ladies when you know the end is near you grab at everything good holding use like this or smelling Anna’s hair or hearing Jak Thea sing along to the radio first thing

In the morning you grab on and you try to keep hold of it cuz as you get nearer and nearer to the end it all happens too fast this moment is like a gold bar it’s a five course meal a trip to Venice you’re asleep Holly and you other two

Are too tiny to understand but you’ll remember what I’m saying without realizing it’s a seed that’ll grow inside you you know you’re loved girls and you can do anything when you’re loved no crying over me now leave that to the silly adults you and I know a soul isn’t perishable you can’t squash

It or hurt it or fold it up my soul will carry on loving you and as long as you three remember me I won’t die I’ll live for as long as I matter at the sitting room door having crept back to get her handbag Anna hung

Her head dinky knows Anna crept back to the stairs and stamped her feet giving dinky notice so the old lady was composed when she joined her the others tumbled in disagreeing about whether desert pey or Morning Sun was the better shade for sheba’s budoir Anna watched them settle fidget chatter

She saw mave coming out of the kitchen with her top on back to front she saw Luca drawn to Ivy as if the baby were a magnet my premonition was right about the big love in store for me Anna had been wrong that it was just about Luca

She’d been wrong that it was just for Ivy the Big Love had been under her nose all along around the table of the Sunday lunch Club