Pat and Dylan are back to break down salt, P Diddy being a relationship counselor, the need for Kristi Noem in production, tension and how thick it needs to be able to cut it and more from Bravo’s Below Deck.
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um I was going to say Puff Daddy’s got a better shot at becoming a relationship counselor than you two getting married yeah things that won’t happen that yeah they’re never getting married you sit down with Puff Daddy very expensive my wife and I have been having problems well have you tried beating the [ __ ] out of her it’s like can you believe we’re paying him $350 an hour I don’t want to go back to see him again yeah and the husband’s like well I don’t know let’s you know let’s try it out we’ve done one session I mean were you listening to anything he said cuz if you’re not going to put the work in then let’s not go back but if you want to try to save our marriage [Music] welcome aboard another brand back new episode of another below deck podcast my name is Dylan I’m settled up next to one Patrick hickey permission to come aboard granted um listen it’s tough to start these episodes off on this note because you know I mean we always talk about it we’re we’re what did you say aame a game yeah we always bring our we always bring our aame mhm but um I think think that this production team could use a little Christy gnome kind of energy oh really yeah I mean shake things up a littleit shake things up a little bit you know strong arms and a a merciless threshold for the life and death of a dog and the dog I’m referring to is below deck because this episode I mean ladies and germs what are we doing here with this okay what are we doing here with this okay before we even get to PSA two pots two pots two yeah I gotta tell you um at some point in the episode we got some searat history with Dylan you know what I mean uh it was so disappointing you can just there’s nothing left in the tank yeah I mean we had a seat story D I don’t know if you remember maybe you were like dozing off because it was so boring uh Dylan apparently when he was a little kid uh he didn’t get good grades his dad was pissed yeah I caught that uh you can go [ __ ] yourself with that se history okay that’s a non seat story don’t ever bring don’t ever do that again and for all future seats yeah okay uh this is how you do it uh you were at uh fourth grade spelling B and you learned your dad was killed by the Colombian cartel and listen it’s not on Dylan you know Dylan can only share the pain that he’s experienced right but what we need to do is start hiring people with a lot more pain I mean let’s do psyche vows on this on these people and let’s really sick sick on the guests that pay for this vacation I mean if we’re going to do it let’s go full boore I mean no half measures let’s get some people out of Institutions and have them um serve the people on this boat because they’re cleaning toilets anyways just pick the hottest people from the softest rooms and get them on these [ __ ] boats I felt like we were all on the same page and that’s what they were doing well anyway it wasn’t great episode I think I think we got one more left and then I get attacked by people on our Facebook group all the time and another below deck podcast Facebook group I apologize for not really going on there um yeah you don’t want to be there people say bad things about us okay they said old Patty was bitching about their uh being reunions and not being reunions and what do you want Patty I’ll tell you what I want entertainment okay if it’s going to be good and there’s questions that need to be answered then have a reunion if everything is just kind of like this season there’s feels like we have all our answers I don’t know Barbie are you and Kyle still together no they are okay good make it a five-minute reunion you know what I mean yeah yeah put it on put it on Tik Tok oh yeah there you go yeah uh anyway I agree with you Dylan uh this was a horrible episode zero pots okay uh I want to speak on you know the recipe for a good episode of below deck and and I don’t know I mean you know listen I I don’t think that there the social appetite is that ravenous for this show I don’t know how their ratings are doing but I as we limp to the Finish Line with our hamstrings just completely torn apart I don’t think that it was a very good season you know I think that it had a lot of Promise in the beginning but um yeah I mean I mean first things first hiring Chef Anthony too timid too well I mean you know his his uncle did bang his wife which was pretty hilarious yeah we made a lot of hay out of that we did and probably you know more hay than there was to be made out of it but what you need is a firecracker right out of the gate you know we we need to start getting more unstable people on these boats like I mentioned but that includes the charter guess too I don’t need raiki I need broken glass I like it okay yeah what are we doing asking for invitations of breath work and and and stretches you know we need punches to be thrown you know D and I’ve also so we’ve We’ve joked about this but not joked about it Captain Carrey is way too competent to be on uh on duty on this vessel yeah I mean he turned into a little bit of a time share tonight but we’ll get there I understand where he’s coming from right but the problem with competency is it doesn’t always make great television no okay so you know he’s a leader there so we we need more fuckups I think we’re both in agreement yeah so do better next season please you know like if Captain KY developed some kind of uh addiction that was over overwhelming and and you know made it challenging for him to to Captain The Vessel mhm but you know we’re dealing with real people and you know people have to live their healthy lives so all jokes all jokes but listen the episode is called salt in Chef’s wounds we kick off with some sweet b-roll of the fruit stands and feral dogs of Grenada that’s right do you say Grenada Granada I think there’s a preference feel horrible because it’s likely one of those lands that we either heavily colonized or heavily colonized and then caused some kind of CIA fueled kudah and here I am not even being able to pronounce it I think we invaded it in 1986 oh that’s right we invaded it so I don’t know though so the feral dogs of Granada Andor Grenada are walking all over the place they’re barking they’re biting each other I mean let’s keep a camera on that for a while you know but we go we go to Nick snoring and I have thoughts on this by the way yeah Dylan says your snoring is very loud and he says I’m not asleep okay the confidence you have to have to go from Slumber to instant defensiveness about the state of Slumber is quite quite insane a natural reflex to lie is the scary part though right right no no no I’m not even sleeping that right I mate you’re snoring I definitely didn’t have sex with your sister oh okay so what I said you were snoring yeah yeah yeah so it’s kind of like you remember in K Bill volume to when David kerine shot um Thurman with that Dart of the ultimate truth mhm so you’re saying you pra drunk out of uh sleep and you will get the truth you may get truth out of that but you didn’t get truth here because he clearly was sleeping I mean he was just lying I’m a little concerned over Nick now what’s that well just the reflex of uh your natural instinct is to be a liar oh got it we got I got to keep my eye on him for the last episode I uh I totally see where you’re coming from so I got really hopped up and all jacked up because we’ve got a primary who’s divorced and she’s celebrating her 50th birthday here I am thinking this is going to be lip because nobody can party like someone who’s Happily Divorced like a lady who’s Happily Divorced celebrating a milestone birthday that is all the trappings of a wicked great time I agree it’s not good when a man does it because men are just creepy about it I mean how many men have we seen Come Aboard these vessels with like young women who have no desire to [ __ ] them at all it’s just sad and disgusting but when women go they they turn the [ __ ] up well that’s why uh I think it’s uh back Channel Ben and uh Dylan when they hear the news we got some horny divorcees coming up they’re already trying to figure out who who they’re going to Pork yeah which I I would argue uh it’s not really up to you yeah yeah yeah no um I’m going to Pork that one you can pork that one hey hey he I think they have some say in the matter boys yeah and I’ve been saying that for years that these men think that um how do I say this delicately every hole is open to them it’s just ridiculous I mean you have to put in the work mhm you know mhm and I don’t mean to frame it like work you know cuz it’s not work it’s human connection so what happens next well we get that uh non seat sad story from Dylan you know his whole thing is he you know the only thing interesting about is that they keep cutting to that one picture they have of Dylan holding that puppy as a fatty yeah uh pu like help me I I can’t breathe he doesn’t like fatties cuz dogs can be judgy Dy right dogs can be judgy the dog doesn’t look happy so you think the dad was pissed at the bad grades that little dog does not want to be held by little fatty oh my God I mean think of the German Shepherds in Selma I mean how judgey were those [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ] you know what I mean exactly um not to take away any onus of the the racist whites who were uh at the other end of the leash but um you know we’re just joking around so um Kyle speaks on the Ricky raiki raiki yes how he’s done this before he has yeah wonder if he showed her his balls why do you say that why did you just say that well he likes showing his balls to everybody you know it’s fun it’s a Scottish thing yeah yeah yeah it is worth you know mentioning it’s a possibility is he Irish or Scottish Scottish okay so Dylan and Barbie talk about the merits of physical exercise and we find out that you yeah okay you covered it it doesn’t belong on the seat side scale it doesn’t even chart okay it doesn’t even chart it’s like a 2.1 earthquake in Los Angeles you know it’s it doesn’t even it’s not even real so Paris and fr have a little conversation she says that there’s no tension between her and Nick parison what world parison what world is there no tension between you and Nick you two hate each other yeah yeah I think he said that uh you should uh you should stick to cleaning pee off toilet seats the expression you could cut the tension with a knife refers to the kind of tension that you have the tension so palpable that it can turn from a cerebral Mass into a physical one that can be cut with a knife that’s the kind of tension that you guys have so we see a dead rat and sunny IDs that the rat is female how it’s a good question maybe she looked pregnant regardless it was just like this is this is what we’ve got on the show right now okay we’re we’re we’re pushing dead rats off of the uh off of the dock and um you know it’s it’s too close to home a metaphor and it’s too sad so I don’t I don’t know why we needed to see this no but they gave it to us now now D we get to an important edit here so very important edit did you catch this edit by Bravo I can’t figure out if they love Barbie or if they’re trying to make her look like a brat so they have her complaining to her friend Monica that she works so hard and then while they’re showing this they have co-workers working while she’s on the phone right and you picked up on it well well yeah yeah because Bravo Barbie is a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl she’s already owned this that she’s a brat you can’t you can’t do any more dirty to her yeah it’s like uh hey I heard uh Puff Daddy’s uh he’s not a good boyfriend heard Michael [ __ ] heard Michael Jackson was a bad Tipper yeah do you hear that he [ __ ] kisses little boys balls do you hear that it’s called bearing the lead you know Charles Manson kept a spawn just it was filthy okay interesting yeah it’s like Norm has that bit where Paton Oswalt says uh you know the hypocrisy surrounding the The Bill Cosby thing was the worst part and it wasn’t it was it was the drugging and the raping raping yeah yeah so Barbie’s not drugging and raping anybody she’s just working her tail off and vampyra is pissed because you know what you know I can say this lovingly vampire [ __ ] off okay where did you go what into the wallpaper okay I mean you you began the season a daywalking [ __ ] vampire and you ended it a pillowcase I mean what what even are you I have to tell you it just unlocked potential I I felt like vampy really got sidelined this season by herself like she did it to herself I had so much for her in in so many expectations for her to really you had a kindling that could always light for her no but none of it came uh came true she didn’t hook up with anybody she uh that that that that kindling was dowed with piss Captain Cary is pulling a captain time share on the last chart of this season and he’s doing a a Phil Jackson kind of thing where he’s trying to end the season on a high so that when we come back we know the standards that are expected of this organization right the problem is that um you’re trying to instill these lessons of work ethic to seats you know they’re thinking about heading to Miami sucking down a couple lines and popping they’re not focused on the standards of Excellency aboard this vessel they’ve made it close enough to the Finish Line where yeah kind of the work is done at this point the guests arrive and we have a conversation about how Dylan is losing muscle mass and Nick hasn’t lived up to his potential and this is where I’m like you know this is where you have to pull the trigger not like Christy gome did with that that puppy but for the show you know we we can’t be seeing conversation about how Dylan has lost muscle mass and that Nick is going to live up to his potential in the 15th episode of the show because that’s why you know the Twitter sphere is not talking nobody on x.com is is tweeting at Elon saying oh my gosh have you seen this you know elon’s not tweeting about it you know elon’s tweeting about summerhouse and um mainly just summerhouse I mean he’s obsessed with it um but this show is just not making the waves that it deserves to be making yeah and even that royalty free music isn’t helping anything out did you notice they uh played that uh music again uh when the guests arrived I forgot what the lyrics were and whatnot but uh I was thinking D if you and I ever get lucky enough to uh be invited on one of these vessels uh this will be our music uh got a sound effect uh no you and I walking down the deck [Music] okay oh yeah oh yeah okay um question do I have a say in the matter you absolutely do okay I was very confused about that song because it started off and I was pretty much at a g wedding and me and you were getting married then it turned into I don’t know I think like free time at an insane asylum and people were just writing songs about beach balls no no no it’s called my big gay balls oh okay got it mhm yeah I like to keep people on their toes still uhhuh man I I I can’t tell you how thrown I am right now that you just you just did that bit about that song about G big gay balls and it’s like where where are we even now well there’s a guy that in the middle he like has a rap breakdown can you can you pat you got to turn it off I can’t have this anymore okay I feel like if Dorothy was uprooted in that house and she landed in Afghanistan that’s what I feel like right now and that’s not a great simile but I’m struggling to put into words just how thrown I am I apologize so let’s get to an ad break okay listen you you’re not going to believe this next sponsor okay because we love this sponsor so much we go there all the time and I can’t believe that they’re now promoting their stuff on our show I’m honored it’s a badge of honor to let you know that this episode is brought to you by tropical smoothy Cafe which believes that you deserve a little vacay every day not just once a year and that’s why we go all the time you know we go hey uh you know the grind of podcasting let’s just take a little break let’s go to paradise and we go to Tropical Smoothie Cafe that’s right I feel like I’m at the beach every time we go there D yep um the fan fave summer mocktail smoothies just hit the pool deck at Tropical Smoothie Cafe summer mocktail smoothies are back and more refreshing than ever try the fan favorite island punch mango Berry Cosmo or watermelon mojito smoothies today what’s your favorite uh well I like the watermelon mojito uhhuh like I said d uh when I when I drink one of those drinks I’m like I feel like uh on a beach in like Mexico or something yeah I’m on vacation yeah so do us this favor okay visit one of tropical smoothie caf’s 1400 Plus locations or order online through their app and use promo code bad TV again visit one of tropical smoothie caf’s 1,400 Plus locations or order online or through their app with promo code bad TV all right back to the show yeah I think they uh this is the part of the show that uh gets a little stale they do it every time guests arrive the tour and I I rarely is there any entertainment uh derived from this I don’t know if this is racist to say but the primary has uh Cala Harris energy to me you think so yeah if Cala didn’t stupidly commit her life to politics like Kamala just go into the private sector and just [ __ ] the country over and you know I mean it’ll be so much more fun yeah what are you telling Guatemalans to not come to the country I mean who who has any fun doing that don’t come so Paris speaks on the nightmare of seven women going on the same trip uh Vampira is pissed off about the makeup request from Barbie again vampire where have you been you know you don’t get to just do nothing and then all of a sudden you know come out of your coffin and start telling people that they’re not working hard enough I mean miss me with the [ __ ] so um I want to see oh you you want to talk about the songs yeah please hear the lyrics okay I want to see where you’re made off let me take it again this is what this let me I’m going to do it again I want to see what you’re made of HP off and make it rain of Make It Rain On Break It Make It Rain On Me Love You know I want to apologize to you it’s okay and to everybody it’s not big gay balls no no this is about popping off and making it rain love okay which I guess that’s what good big gay balls is about too so um we move on to Sunny’s lats and the undocking we pull the ropes up and yell the distances and we get to the feuding between Captain Carrie and the exterior now I am confused about this so Carrie gave an order and Ben seems annoyed by the request yeah do you can you break down the game sure yeah Carrie wants uh three shackles to the water four shackles to the water they did four shackles to the deck or something like that now this is seat language I don’t care to understand but there’s a difference of 3 meters Ben seems to think it’s not a big deal this guy is so hot on the Muff of his own muff okay I mean it’s just you know I can’t wait to never see him again on TV because I don’t think he’s going to come back I don’t think so I think that he thinks he deserves an edit that he didn’t get he’s very upset about that and also he acted like a petulent little [ __ ] at the end of the episode you know Ben’s like uh oh what do I care what is he going to do fire mate no but you won’t be back on TV and your DM Powers will be you know your cryptonite is not being on television you can’t just send out [ __ ] flares when you’re not on television that’s right it’s not going to work the same so so four on Deck versus four on the water Ben wants to um yeah listen we’ve covered it Kyle and Barbie are in love seat love listen I’m happy for them but I mean what are we doing here we’re falling in love on boats and and Fraser and Zandy [ __ ] talk just like me and I feel icky about it now but them’s the rules okay you know these things just don’t last I mean never never once have we seen a seod baby that wasn’t ill-conceived we’ve seen one and it was one of the sadder things that’s ever happened on show oh yeah well a lovely Brazilian woman made love to a um mentally handicapped giant with an overbearing mother get the blood test yeah how about this don’t get the blood test have a tattoo artist take the back tattoo of the King James Bible off your skin how about that cuz it’s too big whatever is on your back that was a magical season though magical season so um Ben and sunny speaking of a couple that is going nowhere um the the way that Sunny talks about their future makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit well let’s first get to Ben’s side here so he says uh he thinks him him and sunny are going to see each other after the show he broke down the fourth wall and he says their relationship is uh back on track and he’s ready to rekindle their romance and it definitely has nothing to do with Camille telling him she doesn’t want anything to do with him yeah no I I agree and and I should drop the cynicism because I think that uh I think that you’re right I think that he’s in love with her so Carrie is dropping the umbrellas and the jacuzzi is cold and lunch is hummus we’ve also got scallop with Adam Mame puree and a corn foam one of the ladies says that she doesn’t like how salty the food is and because she doesn’t cook with it what kind of serial killer does not cook with salt okay this was some confusion on Patty’s part did she actually say or some of the guests say that it was unsalted and then it was a game of Telephone by frasure who is eased dropping to then tell Chef Nick that it wasn’t enough salt to add more salt I think that the the first piece of you know unreliable narration actually comes from Barbie I’m pretty sure okay but it does as every game of cat telephone you know plays out it gets back to Nick with the literal exact opposite um requirement right because this happens to me a lot so I kind of related to this on the show which is generally when I order my turkey sandwiches I say no mayonnaise right which normally results in a Peter North siiz load of mayo on my [ __ ] turkey sandwich right and what do you do then I scrape it off but it still has remnants of mayonnaise you strike me as such a mayonnaise person are you kidding me I will throw up I hate mayonnaise hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate so how do you eat it even if it’s SC even if you scrape it off I do my best I’ve taken business cards from losers that have I put in my wallet because I’m in my car I’m always eating on the go I’ll scrape the mayonnaise off with an old business card oh my God disgusting human being wow no mayonnaise is delicious you imagine I’ll spend $1,000 do at Disneyland but I’ll feed myself gas station sandwiches yeah it’s spoiled ham and wet brat I mean you eat those things the the gradient of color it goes from Gray to pale pink the cheese tastes like something you’ve never tasted before in your entire life the bread is it’s wet and dry at the same time it’s like it’s like a I cannot believe that you eat that stuff so we’ve got scallops with edamami purey corn foam um already brought that up and yeah so so it gets relayed back to him you’ve heard of uh more cowbell right oh yeah of course well they’re going to get more salt that’s right they’re going to get more salt they gather around um where they gather the Ricky healer and it looks like Barbie has overslept half an hour late to work who who gives a [ __ ] at this point I mean seriously um an 86-year-old Trinidadian Master granted our raiki shepher her into her vocation which is very cool but again I mentioned we don’t need raiki you know we need boozing we need screaming and little did we know how much we would miss Jill Zarin at this point yeah I agree I think uh uh below deck uh Bravo version needs to uh lower the rules a little bit we got to allow the seats to hook up with Charter guess yeah I mean they’ve already lowered the uh they’ve already broken down the realism of how this all works when you’re letting guests come on for five grand each right deeply discounted [ __ ] it throw all the rules out the window say you know what do what you want to do yeah make it entertaining do what you want to do so Sunny speaks on the merits of uh Ben as a mate oh she says that she wants a um hairy Dependable man who treats his woman with respect which you can leave I think every single one of those boxes um empty when it comes to Ben especially the hairy part is this when she’s talking to Dylan yeah oh yeah she uh she although she does admit that boat mances uh generally don’t work right so oh can we uh talk about Chef Nick for a second cuz there was a moment where I related to him yeah he’s depressed yeah uh he looks tired he looks worn down as we do in our 40s and uh he’s sitting there eating a goddamn ham sandwich in the galley he says I’m G to have another one you know what [ __ ] it I’m goingon to have another one yeah friendly distraction to avoid all stresses and pressures of life you know food it’s a great thing you know until one day you see a picture of yourself you ask yourself when did I get a double chit yeah you just cram your [ __ ] pie hole full of [ __ ] so you don’t have to think about the problems in your life and before you know it you’ve got another problem you’re fat listen I’ve been there it’s crazy you go when did I turn into a raccoon at night when the moon hits the sky I turn into a [ __ ] raccoon how’s this happening why am I eating I just ate a pickle in a piece of bread I’ve never eaten a pickle in a piece of bread in my life now I’m having salsa and cottage cheese together I mean what’s going on hey D I’m a little older than you actually a lot older than you you know we’d have pictures taken all the time or those uh iPhones out yeah so every when I my age like when I was 18 you saw a picture of yourself every like six months and I remember the first time I looked at a picture of myself at like a party from like a month earlier sure I put on like 50 lbs no clue right till I saw that picture yeah because when you’re in the throws of that kind of depression that can only be cured by croquettes and Hot Pockets in my case it was frozen pizza right Celeste Elios you don’t look in mirrors because it’s too painful you know and say I’m sure people would go what about mirrors what about mirrors even though the pictures were only taken every so once in a while you still have mirrors all the time but you know anybody who’s been in the throws of depression knows that you want to stare back at the thing that’s haunting you you just want to keep eating yeah I I took the mirror off my bathroom wall yeah see and that was so that you could eat in the bathroom and spill all the food on a very easy to clean floor without having to look at yourself I mean everybody’s been through this so Carrie sees the fly bridge messy while the SE rats are talking about Ben and Sunny’s love and car’s rip [ __ ] Ben thinks that Captain Cary is militaristic Captain Cary is Stern and chill as [ __ ] I’m sorry but Captain is Stern and chill as [ __ ] I will say this though d a few pill throw pillows on the on the ground and a couple bottles you know when I worked at that North American Insurance Company one of my co-workers Frank what a great guy he was like 70 he was ready to retire yeah one day my supervisor Barbara who loved me she gave me the business you know about doing something with my job and then I heard him quietly pull her aside CU he had been a manager himself at some point with the company he said Barbara always let him get away with a little bit and let him think they got away with it so they know let them have it yeah and she took that advice yeah let the SE rats get away with a little bit he said Barbara you’re behaving like Stalin right now okay this is North American Insurance I took that advice from Frank and I have applied it to many businesses that I’ve uh been a manager at yes only got insued 14 times yep so you know take that with a grain of whatever you want Nick speaks on the adrenaline of a kitchen and why chefs become a booze hound and addicted to smack um they’re constantly chasing the dragon yeah you know I have something in my chat so if you could oh sure okay so uh let’s see here what do we got oh uh dinner yeah um oh this is my this is my territory oh I was going to set up for you all right mhm sorry it was just one of those compressed you know Pockets you know they call it a burp but yeah well we’re going to uh Nick is going to give us French cuisine cuz that’s what he’s trained in I will say that uh salad uh you know I like there’s genius in Simplicity and Beauty in Simplicity D but um I I feel like I could have picked what he put on that plate off my front yard right now yeah yeah yeah and that’s where like you know people like Renee red zeppi come in and you know they can take uh dandelion weeds and turn it into something beautiful but you know Nick Nick is not quite that but he he starts the he starts the dinner off with a French salad um the primary does not like arugula was it on her preference sheet no okay she also does not like local Lobster with saffron risotto and bisque why it’s salty I mean I don’t know what to tell you it’s been sitting in the [ __ ] ocean but also salt is a beautiful ingredient I mean do you cook with salt I don’t cook so dessert is going to be a showstopper we’ve got shantui cream and lemon tart with cherry compo what do you know the primary doesn’t like [Music] lemon do you do you want gummy bears what what what do we need to do here so we hit the next day well I do want to say uh we cut to the girls the interior they’re cleaning those uh the toilets and those cabins uh after years of sucking and [ __ ] in the aftermath of that I think one of them says that the bathrooms have gone viral and not YouTube viral no the toilet has teeth and it wants to spread herpes places are gross yeah she she equates a toilet to uh like something of John Carpenter’s The Thing early stages of it but eventually it will consume wolves it will consume humans and you know we’ve talked about it before they’re very very dangerous things that bubble up on these boats it’s a little bit like the Wuhan lab these boats so next day next morning Paris slams your head and we get the news that cabin inspections cabin inspections are going to be happening today now Dell uh this is a little part uh me narrating uh what I’m seeing here but I’m also triggered by what I was seeing we just covered season one of below deck with captain Lee yeah he did these insane fire drills for no apparent reason I brought up the same note you did y this is absolutely stupid Captain kry you’re better than this wow you’re better than this um well he found his CR his sorry you found your camera to deliver that line yeah I did I did yeah yeah yeah I hit my post uh pretty annoying pretty annoying and if you want to hear our coverage of season one of below deck where it pretty fun season I got to tell you a lot of interviews with at least half the cast that would sometimes um some of the most confusing conversations I’ve ever had with other human beings one of the cast members uh she didn’t want us to let people know that she lived in Virginia and the other one didn’t want to talk to us she got on the phone with us three times and was pissed about it every time it’s pretty hilarious like I’m sorry did you say yes to this yeah she took great umbrage when you’re like hey you know when you first started being a seat she’s like what did you call me a seat I was like I don’t think you’re a rocket scientist she’s like I am like I don’t think so I gotta go yeah yeah that was great well go to patreon.com podcast Network to hear that but anyway this is very annoying why don’t you think I’m a rocket scientist well you’re you’re an idiot he said that no I didn’t kinda okay so um Sam and Benedict and an omelet station is up for breakfast um no salt no salt and we move on to Kyle who is such a CutiePie with Barbie I don’t mean to [ __ ] on their relationship it’s very very lovely well he sees marriage with her yes he does um Ben is a fantastic leader um I was going to say Puff Daddy’s got a better shot at becoming a relationship counselor you two getting married yeah yeah things that won’t happen that yeah they’re never getting married you sit down with Puff Daddy very expensive my wife and I have been having problems well have you tried beating the [ __ ] out of her it’s like can you believe we’re paying him $350 an hour I don’t want to go back to see him again yeah and the husband’s like well I don’t know let’s you know let’s try it out we’ve done one session I mean were you listening to anything he said cuz if you’re not going to put the work in and let’s not go back but if you want to try to save our [Music] marriage before you know it they’re on a vacation they’re at the cosmo and they’re they’re cheersing to we did the work we did the work you know a couple pops ater all and a couple cocktails later and he’s [ __ ] dragging her around by the hair in front of the [ __ ] security cameras so don’t go to Puff Daddy for couple’s counseling you know session two he’s [Laughter] like yeah so Kyle is um on the show and he is being led by Ben I I can’t believe Kyle fell for this to be what what would the word be like why are you joining Ben in this stupid nonsensical fight at the captain you haven’t been that guy the entire season Y I think U red pills and blue pills and black pills alike refer excuse me I you know when you go out of town you’re you don’t sleep well you know everything gets thrown off um people would refer to Kyle as a sheep right now that’s right he’s being a follower he’s being a follower which is you know it’s a difficult position to put yourself in because you know you’re being told what to do by your boss essentially or suggested so I’m going to clean my cabin yeah so um throw away food after 5 days this conversation gets brought up it’s always interesting because I’m very finicky when it comes to this kind of stuff you know I I won’t eat anything that’s been in the fridge longer than three days and I think some people are like what are you talking about one day that’s it how about a pizza two day max okay two day max then it goes It goes straight in the bin there’s so much food waste in America bring it over here I’ll eat it really yeah oh so you’re you’ve got the raccoon stomach I love a I love a a three-day old Pizza really mhm when the cheese gets so cold that it splits from the sauce it’s fine wow I welcome it so Zandy says that she doesn’t have the time to flush her toilet what Z’s just taking [ __ ] you know live shits and just leaving them there she’s so busy mhm Frasier um says have some decorum about you you swine clean your cabin thank you very much for saying that so we head out for a day at the beach Barbie gets her last lashes on while Vampira does all of Barbie’s work she does eventually get back to work to clean up vomit because the night before that woman wasn’t feeling so well so she threw up all over the place and the next day yeah uh Barbie has to clean it up so Paris and Nick continue to Feud with one another Nick didn’t bring uh foil which brings this whole thing to a head once again lunch is shrimp skewers and pesto salad and a little corn we’re getting pretty close to Britney and Jack’s kind of Cuisine here um which if you’re not listening to our coverage of the valley patreon or Vander pump rules um Britney Jax’s betrothed Cooks almost exclusively M food and um and no human being should eat it beer cheese is on the field in Kabul and all of those places you know you just add a little hot water to it and before you know it you got something you can dip a [ __ ] piece of Salsbury in but anyways we’ve seen this before a Brule gets sent back and it’s gnarled on by the seats quite quickly the guests are very cool about this right because the joke was that the charter guest that said take it away actually said you can eat it I don’t think she actually meant to eat it but Paris eats the creme for L she does now we’ve seen this on Seasons past as you pointed out uh one was a birthday cake that I believe the sear rats began to devour uh before dinner was even finished yeah yeah mhm yeah you’ve got to just just I don’t know what to I don’t know what to say but listen if somebody if I was a seat hardwork and CRA and all I got to eat was whatever slop the [ __ ] former addict threw out for us mhm I’d I’d go to town on some Crum Brule in a heartbeat so um we get back to the boat and this whole thing is just tooo congenial you know like we needs a little bit we need the Charter guest to get pissed off about you know somebody needs to step in go hey sorry can we take that again can you actually throw your knife at her please um so we get back and wall Ben should be cleaning his cabin he’s rumbling around and flirting with sunny and that is when Carrie begins his inspections Carrie sees that the seat cabins are on a bit of a a curve we’ve got a 10 for Frasier sevens for others but the worst of the bunch Ben and Kyle who leave their cabin completely a skew and filthy now Carri calls them up and says that they have paid him blatant disrespect what do you think is is I I loved Carrie in this moment I know that we’re a little bit in fire drill mode when we don’t need to be but if we’re if we’re here what are you going to I think Carrie sees this because it would have taken them 8 and 1/2 minutes to uh pull together to earn a 6 and A2 it was a blatant disregard for his request and I think he that as them uh uh attempting to uh uh uh question his authority I’ll tell you what it’s filthy subordination and in you know different cultures and different times you know you’d get your [ __ ] kneecap uh you know busted for that kind of thing okay but it was a lame Cliff Hanger I’d have to say yeah I mean like Ben asked what is he going to do fire me absolutely not we’ll see Ben next week for the season finale get in the comments let us know do you cook with salt do you think that people that don’t cook with salt are nut would you hire Puff Daddy as your relationship counselor how many sessions would you go with Puff Daddy uh five stars kind words we love you very much I’m Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye later dudes [Music]
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You make an old woman cry laughing 🤣🤣
I have a theory – the nail polish on the one hand of Dylan was put there by his nemesis, Ellie.