- puff pastry
- use duffour pack of one sheet
- defrost in the fridge — No, NOT at room temp. if you defrost at room temp you risk outer areas "baking" early and beginning to rise, resulting in uneven rising. we want flat layers of baked dough. rising is for jesus and bread, respectively.
- roll that b*tch out, make it thin, aim for half the thickness of a plate. shouldnt be paper thin though
- poke copious holes in the dough so it doesnt turn into hot pockets on you. for gods sake, poke 👏🏻 those 👏🏻 holes!!!!
- egg wash both sides (1 egg 1tbsp water) if youre fancy like that (i am)
- diplomats creme (don't fck this sht up)
- crème patisserie:
- whisk 5 egg yolks, a bit less than 1/2 cup sugar bc i'm not american, 1/2 cup corn starch, 1/4 teaspoon salt vigorously for 1 minute until silky and light yellow and easily comes off whisk. the texture will look globby at first but be patient, king/queen/quing.
- warm 2 cups whole milk and 1 vanilla bean (sliced in half length wise and remove caviar with knife — no not real caviar, this is what you call those lil tiny specks of black inside the vanilla bean you noobs — put both bean casing and caviar into milk) until scalding (edges are boiling and its just about to boil up together). remove from heat, let cool for a hot sec, then slowly and sparingly and gently — I said GENTLY, MOTHERFCKER!!!!! — pour hot milk into yolk mixture, whisking vigorously to ensure no yolks cook. whisk until uniform. then bring back to saucepan altogether and bring to scalding, whisking vigorously to ensure no eggs cook. don't scramble them eggs. pay close attention – whisk until it starts to become gelatinous *uniformly and quickly take off heat and strain with spatula. takes patience but it makes it silky like your mom's fancy silk nightgown (sorry if you don't have a mom). cover w plastic wrap, ensuring plastic wrap coats/touches top of cream mixture and refrigerate until cool – like 2 hours
- crème chantilly:
- when crème patisserie is ready (2 hours at least) whisk half cup of heavy cream using food mixer with whisk attachment until stiff peaks. i use the most vigorous whisk setting because i'm a sadist, just be careful not to let it overwhip!! DO NOT LEAVE THE FOOD MIXER UNATTENDED. HE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. you want the texture of this cream airy but not dense. but i guess texture is personal preference so you do you booboo.
- give creme patisserie a good mix after cooling, then fold in whipped creme gently. GENTLY.
- no more than three spoonfuls of creme between each layer. trust me.
- dust w powdered sugar
- crème patisserie:
- bone appleteeth
by shibooyahh
27 Comments
I do not know what I prefer: the result, the way you tell the recipe, or the NSFW filter. I want to do this anyway!
omg wait my dumbass forgot!!! remove the vanilla bean casing and discard it!!!! please do not keep that in ffs!!!
EDIT: also bake the puff pastry!!! idk or don’t it’s your food do wtf you want. but i let the pastry cool completely before combining w creme or else even slightly warm pastry will melt creme and make it runny yuck.
This looks glorious, you DID that OP!!! Now if only I could get a slice…
That looks delicious but for an authentic Russian Napoleon you need to overextend your supply lines and leave it outside of Moscow for five months of winter
You gotta cover the whole thing in the cream and then take a baked puff pastry and spread the crumbled pieces all over the outside cream. At least this is how I grew up eating them at home and everyone’s house.
Ever managed to eat one of these without have the cream in the middle get squeeze out?
> *rising is for jesus and bread, respectively*
This is exactly the type of commentary every recipe needs.
I didn’t know such a thing existed and now I feel like I’ve lived a hollow life void of dreams and purpose
It’s NSFW because of the deliciousness of the cake. It’s there, but we can only look.
It’s looks delicious but I am afraid it’s a bit different then original Russian version .you should have way more layers and the cream should be totally soaked in
Looks delicious!
nice
Followed you OP for more amazing recipes with delightful instruction — no pressure!
What makes this Russian? Just wondering because it looks like a standard French napoleon minus the icing on top ?
Loving the narrative voice
Why NSFW??
I can’t wait for your patisserie book to come out! Best recipe I’ve ever read!
this is the only way i want my recipes to be written now 🤣
oh my!!! WOW. THEY LOOK SO YUMMY!! i need to tell my boyfriend right now so we can get the ingredients and make these! also LOVED the non filtered nsfw commentary/instructions lol 🙂
I like how it kinda felt like you were yelling at me the whole time I was reading the recipe lmfao fantastic work.
I wish OP’s writing style was a filter I could use for all my recipes
Saving for later!
I love the history of this cake.
It’s gorgeous and was my fav before I went vegan.
For those wondering why it’s NSFW, it stands for
Napoleon Cake
Served with
Freshly
Whipped cream
“Sorry if you don’t have a mom” legitimately made me LOL.
This looks soooo good omg
Your execution all fronts is flawless.