Credit: Liv Averett / PR Newswire
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I Tried Tombstone French Fry Crust Pizza and I’ll Never Be the Same Again
For centuries, scholars have wondered how to satisfy the unique craving of the inebriated homo sapien that rolls up to a pizza chain at 2 a.m. and ponders, should they get pizza, fries, or pizza and fries? (Or maybe just a dozen wings and some cheesy bread?) Well, our brightest minds have come together to solve this crisis once and for all. Tombstone just released two variations of “french fry crust pizza” for us to shove into our mouths: Loaded Bacon Cheddar and Chili Cheese.
When I first heard the words “french fry crust,” the dopamine receptors in my brain started firing. Several obscene, almost AI-generated images came to mind. I pictured a pizza built on a bed of golden shoestring fries. I pictured a series of long, thick steak fries shaped into a ring around molten cheese. But really, even as my imagination ran wild, I knew the appearance didn’t really matter—I just couldn’t wait to try an egregiously greasy, salty, cheesy french fry pizza. As someone who has a hard time not ordering fries when a fast food craving strikes at 2 a.m., I am the target demographic for this. Now that I’ve finally tried it, here’s what I have to say.
Tombstone French Fry Style Crust Pizza Loaded Bacon Cheddar
Pros: This is one of those frozen food abominations that perfectly rides the line between delicious and disgusting. Kudos, Tombstone. That’s an accomplishment in and of itself. That greasy, salty flavor of frozen fried potatoes melds with the cheese and bacon bits in a way that’s addictive, but also wrong. It tastes like a loaded potato skin (yum), but a little… off. I will say, this is gluten-free—and that’s a huge plus that isn’t really acknowledged enough.
Cons: The crust is weird, fam. When you cut into the pizza, you’ll see how it looks like uncooked dough. Unfortunately, since the potato dough is chewy and gummy, it sort of tastes that way, too. And the crust on the outside just tastes like shriveled-up burnt french fries. This would have been a lot better if the crust was simply a soft potato texture instead of loaded with other starches, like tapioca.
Verdict: I wouldn’t choose this over a good potato skin, but it definitely has some kind of mystical appeal. “Give me ten minutes alone with it, and I’d be happy,” said our editor-in-chief Justine Sterling. A ringing endorsement, to be sure.
Credit: Liv Averett / Tombstone
Tombstone French Fry Style Crust Pizza Chili Cheese
Pros: It’s a perfect concept. If you’re going to make a pizza with potato crust, chili cheese pizza is the natural way to go. With a few adjustments, I think this could make a good product. (Also, worth saying again: This is gluten free!)
Cons: Someone poured a whole big bucket of cumin into the pizza sauce. (Don’t misread that.) It’s very distracting and pretty much takes over your palate. The crust has all the pitfalls of the other french fry pizza—aka, it tastes like gnocchi, not french fries—so really, it just doesn’t have a ton going for it.
Verdict: Put this one in the ground, Tombstone, and start again.
Credit: Liv Averett / Tombstone
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Dining and Cooking