Dining and Cooking
I don't get what's so hard about cutting chives?
In Kitchen Confidential

I don’t get what’s so hard about cutting chives?


It's not that hard. Just pay attention and focus. Took me less than an hour to get this result. All I had to do was start my computer, open Blender, create a new project, model a perfectly cut piece of chive, multiply it a couple of times, adjust various parameters so it looks more organic, simulate a pile of them and viola: perfectly cut chives.

by Phounus

42 Comments

  1. teriaavibes

    Oh, go to hell, spent a minute looking at the picture trying to find a mistake, then opened the post to congratulate you just to see you didn’t actually cut it lmao

  5. Mr_Moose_Eh

    well done chef. Enjoy that smoke break instead of chopping chives.

  6. Burly_Moustache

    I knew something was off by looking at this. There’s no way a human could cut this perfectly that many times. There’s no account for human variability in this. Plus, there’s no variability in chive color.

  7. ironykarl

    > Took me less than an hour

    🤔 

    > All I had to do was start my computer, open Blender

    Haha. You motherfucker 

  8. wolftick

    Even blenders are powered by computers these days 🙄

  11. WereAllGonnaDiet

    Instructions unclear: put all our chives in the vitamix and chef is pissed

  13. Loud-Magician7708

    Viola is a stringed instrument not a french word, chef. See you tomorrow chef.

  14. swingingsolo43123

    These posts have wanted me to re-enter the kitchen world.
    Used to toss salads, PM prep, and grill for a chain back around the turn of the century

  21. goatslovetofrolic

    hahaha thank you for your caption. My instinct was “this is TOO uniform, smacks of AI” then I got all paranoid that it might just be a sharp knife and a skilled hand. Our uncanny valley shit is going to be tough for AI to crack, thank fuck.

  22. WaffleHouseGladiator

    ![gif](giphy|ChPjH3fwbFlXXcVBgf)

    Instructions unclear. Please advise, chef.

  23. Ok_Stable7501

    You spent almost an hour on this? This is a chive for help.

  24. therealdanhill

    It’s not about the cutting or the chives

  26. Waahstrm

    You throw this in a Vitamix, chef? Terrible. /s

  29. Common_Arm_9348

    lol people are still finding errors and I now love this sub.

  30. pulkxy

    shef: “Throw these chives in the blender, I saw someone cut them quite well using one according to Reddit”

  31. Amazing_Bluebird

    One day we will reminisce about the time when chives and Chives took over Reddit. 🥲

  32. Zapplarang

    Someone needs to make one of these that’s a stereogram

  33. cawfytawk

    Winners don’t cheat and cheaters don’t win.

  41. werty246

    Do not take away from F1exicans attempt at bettering themselves. That’s rude.