Cultural attaché: Chris Parker on best gifts & Xmas day desserts, the holiday film he loves, and when he’s happiest

Chris Parker: Makes a dessert that has made him locally famous. Photo / Andi Crown

It’s a busy time for comedian and Celebrity Treasure Island winner Chris Parker: hosting the Best Christmas Comedy Show On Earth as well as performing in comic dance troupe Dynamotion’s A Christmas Crisis. He shares some of his favourite things about the festive season and life in general.

What is
your earliest memory?

One of my earliest was watching a live production of The Wizard of Oz in a school hall when I was 4. I have since had this memory confirmed as I met someone who was in that production playing the Wicked Witch of the West.

What did you want to be as a kid?

As sick as this will sound, it’s always been showbiz for me. I have always wanted to be in shows and in front of an audience.

When are you happiest?

In front of an audience.

What makes you unhappy?

Honestly, a lot at the moment.

What’s your greatest fear?

That the world is led by egotistical men, who will throw our world into climate collapse out of their own vanity and inability to feel the slightest amount of compassion for anything beyond their own front doorstep.

What trait in yourself do you least like?

I’d never hand that information over willingly.

What trait in others do you least like?

Stubbornness.

What characteristics do you most value in your friends?

It’s a two-way tie. Loyalty and laughter.

Apart from any property, what’s the most expensive thing you have bought?

I have a very expensive sofa. But I will have it for the rest of my life.

Christmas

What’s the best gift you’ve ever given?

As a child, I made my mother a walking stick with a wheel on it, so she could find the toilet at night. She was touched by the sentiment, but ultimately offended.

What is your most treasured possession?

I was given a tin car by a speech therapist when I was a child – I had glue ear and went deaf for a short while. I’ve held on to it and taken it to every home I’ve ever lived in for 30 years.

Best Christmas present ever received?

A Pokémon index. All the boys were into Pokémon at the time; I was into the fact that the book was silver and glittery.

Kate Winslet and Jack Black in The Holiday. Photo / Supplied

Worst Christmas present?

I hid a lot of my personality when I was on the precipice of coming out, so Mum didn’t have a lot to go on. She got me a pencil sharpener that looked like a nose.

What did Santa deliver?

Santa was woke enough to give me my first Barbie! I guess he cottoned on to my sexuality earlier than my mother.

Favourite dish to make or eat on Christmas Day?

I have become locally famous for my tiramisu. You need approximately 45 minutes to lie down after eating it.

A perfect Christmas Day is …

Over by 8pm and into leftovers by 9.

Favourite Christmas movie?

Who doesn’t love the Airbnb admin of The Holiday?

The indomitable Kath & Kim. Photo / Supplied

Bookish

What was the last book you read?

Consider Yourself Kissed by Jessica Stanley.

Who are your favourite writers?

I always love David Sedaris. And honestly, no one makes me laugh out loud quite like Alex Casey. Time for her to write a book, please.

Who are your favourite characters of fiction?

Kath and Kim.

The title of your autobiography would be … ?

Well, it’s already out: Here For A Good Time (2022). So I guess my second book will have to be Not For A Long Time.

Do you have a quote you live by?

The Topp Twins told me the advice they live by: “Say the truth faster.” I love it. It’s radically changed my life.

Topp Twins Linda and Jules. Photo / Getty Images

Seen & heard

What is your favourite museum/gallery?

I really love the shows at Objectspace in Ponsonby, Auckland.

What is the artwork you could look at endlessly?

At the Venice Biennale, I don’t remember who the artist was, but there was a work that was a piece of gold leaf attached to a twig blowing in the breeze from a fan. I watched it for more than 30 minutes.

What particular artistic talent would you like to have?

Would you consider the ability to focus for more than 10 minutes without being distracted by the phone artistic?

What is your favourite film?

I love Battle Royale. I know it’s grotesque, and I hate what it says about me.

If a movie was made of your life, which song would be played over the end credits?

I’m Your Man by George Michael.

Who would play you?

I would – I’m desperate for work.

In Camping, with Tom Sainsbury, Brynley Stent and Kura Forrester. Photo / Andi Crown

What has been your most enjoyable live-theatre experience?

Being in Camping, the show I created with Kura Forrester, Tom Sainsbury and Brynley Stent. It was the most fun you could have on stage. I think the show itself is something genuinely special.

What has been your most enjoyable live music experience?

Seeing my friend Marlon Williams perform over the years, an experience that spans almost 20 years. From high school talent quests to back rooms at Whammy to Spark Arena. It’s been inspiring and always a gift to watch him.

What are your favourite genres of music?

Anything gay and sad.

What song always gets you dancing?

You cannot deny the impact The Grease Megamix has on a wedding dance floor.

What is a streaming series or favourite TV show you recommend?

I was totally hooked by The Pitt.

Chris Parker has been watching Marlon Williams perform since their high school day. Photo / Getty Images

Skills & thrills

If you weren’t a performer, what would you be doing instead?

I would run a tiny crystal and precious gem store in a small town and give tourists the wrong directions to their destinations for my own amusement.

Which talent do you wish you had?

I wish I could do the beep test at high school; I think it would have turned things around for me. “That boy Chris, I think he might be gay, but he’s also incredible at the beep test.”

Where is your favourite place in New Zealand?

Every day, I’m convincing myself not to move back home to Christchurch. It’s the most vibrant city in New Zealand.

What is your favourite place outside Aotearoa?

Every day, I’m convincing myself not to move to Melbourne.

What is a building/architecture that you admire?

My husband works in architecture, so this question is contentious for me. I think after watching the NZ documentary Maurice and I, it would have to be the Christchurch Town Hall.

What is your guilty pleasure?

I don’t attach shame to pleasure any more. All pleasures are done guilt-free!

The Best Christmas Comedy Show On Earth, Skycity Theatre, Auckland, November 28. Dynamotion’s A Christmas Crisis, Q Theatre, Auckland, December 10-20.

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