Ok, ‘nuts’ may be a little over the top; at least we’re closer to this Christmas than the last one. And, indeed, this weekend many towns around the region will be enjoying light switch-on events, with some having already got stuck in with them days ago.
Still, I can’t help but feel that outside of the pantheon of special events, Roy Wood, Noddy and Mariah would do well to hang back until December – and Bublé certainly shouldn’t be emerging from his cave until that first Advent calendar window goes ‘pop’.
The look on the till assistant’s face was a picture. Clearly Lewie’s anti-war festive smasher and other Yuletide hits had been doing the rounds for some time already that morning. Rather than spurring said store worker into an early-doors spirit of Christmas ecstasy, they seemed to have pushed her to the edge of almost wanting to mow down every rosy cheeked well-wisher in the place with a candy-cane crossbow.
She did not look happy, and nor did I blame her.
Hearing even one ‘Cavalry’ chorus this early in the day (and, indeed, year) was enough to make me wince, never mind the bungling stampede of premature jingle jives she’d been forced to endure.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I’m no Scrooge, and I love me a bit of seasonal cheer. But breaking out the Wham!, Slade and Shakin’ Stevens too early just means that by the time we’re halfway through December, they’ve become a right pain in the Chris Rea.
Let’s wait until next month, supermarkets – it’s only a week away!
Now, records are one thing, but I have to say that something I’m certainly not unhappy to see early doors is the Christmas tucker being proudly showcased on the telly box this year by the likes of Dawn French and Tom Kerridge.
A British institution famous for its drool-inducing festive grub (not the supermarket I had attended, I’ll point out) has certainly pulled out all the stops this year, and it’s delightful array of festive finger food wizardry is always welcome on my plate as soon as the mighty maestros behind it dare to serve it.
Said high street titan is, of course, not the only purveyor of Yuletide bounty dominating TV screens at the moment, with many rivals also getting our mouths watering with their offerings.
It’s the finger food, antipasti plates, cheeseboards and ‘startery bits’ that always get me going more than any turkey crown or rib of beef. With that, and with me taking the lead this year in preparing the Morris family festive feast, I’m finally going to do what I’ve been threatening for years, and serve a Christmas dinner that can be eaten in its entirety without cutlery.
Bring on the Christmas tucker…
This isn’t as uncultured or lazy as it might sound. For years on Christmas Day I watched my late mother and grandmother proudly preside over the preparation of a sit-down, four-course feast fit for any king or queen in the land, only for everyone (themselves included) to prefer the stand-up, ‘park where you like’ Boxing Day buffet 24 hours later.
In a household packed with uncles, aunties and relatives of an often very obscure nature, everyone being tethered to the dining table at once meant little elbow room, leg room and (most importantly) belly-expansion room.
On Boxing Day, on the other hand, everyone was free to glide about as they wished, eat as much as they wanted exactly when they wanted to eat it, and generally enjoy a carefree experience.
When the glorious 25th of next month roles round, those dining at Morris Manor this year will be treated to canapé heaven, topped off with an abundance of pigs-in-blankets, pork crackling, stuffing and bacon rolls (made to Granny’s secret recipe), with plenty of gravy, camembert and bread sauce available for dipping. And they’ll be able to enjoy it all standing up, sitting down or even doing a headstand in the hallway.
I’m thinking ‘Christmas with a street food edge’ – I might even whip up a few turkey, brie and cranberry burritos. Now we’re talking!
This, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t just any Christmas food – this is Dan Morris Christmas food. And I must confess that sitting here thinking about it has in fact got me in the mood for a bit of festive music.
Come on then, Jona – strike up that brass section…
Dining and Cooking