But as a member of serving staff at Malocchio in Glasgow city centre attempts to squeeze the final part of our order onto a table that’s in no way large enough to accommodate the spread comfortably, it feels like a line has been crossed.
Who decided these portions of pasta, pizzette, and potatoes were small, and what on earth must their ‘big plates’ look like?
I whisper a quick thanks to Nicole, who has already tried this new Ingram Street spot in the former home of Mediterraneo during opening week, for suggesting we cap our order at five dishes.
Even one short of the recommended three per person, this is a lot of food for just two people.
Pictured: Malocchios menu is split across sections of cechetti, fresh pasta, pizette, and ‘others’ (Image: Newsquest)
It’s difficult to determine where to start, but the pasta, made fresh in-house every day here at Malocchio, seems as good a place as any.
I’m liking the thick, curved tubes of lamache, tossed in creamy San Marzano tomato and vodka sauce before being baked on a silver platter until they have just started to crisp over on top (£13).
And though there’s a touch too much liquid starting to pool around a mound of spaghetti alla chitarra (£13.50) the longer it sits, there’s plenty of fresh mussels, crab meat and tangy confit tomatoes buried within the swirls of al dente pasta to make up for it.
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Next are two huge blocks of layered potato (£6), buttery in the middle and crunchy on the outside, finished with a liberal layer of parmesan on top, because who in their right mind stops at one source of carbs at dinner?
Pictured: Chicken Milanese on the bone (Image: Newsquest)
Chicken Milanese (£14) is a welcome relief from the heavier fare, with flavourful meat cooked on the bone beneath a fried bread crumb coating, though it’s not necessarily an obvious pairing for any of the other menu items.
It comes from a funny little coda, simply titled ‘others,’ at the bottom of Malocchio’s small plates menu, offering a trio of meat and vegetable dishes. As if someone in the kitchen has clocked on to the fact that not everyone can stomach multiple servings of bread or pasta in one meal and hastily scrambled to chuck in some protein.
The last of our dishes to arrive, requiring that quick round of tabletop Tetris from our waiter, is a puffed-up gricia pizzette (£8.50) with a crust so plump and pillowy that it looms over the small centre of smoked pancetta and pecorino-topped dough within. That cured, fatty meat has had a hard time of it, incinerated far past the point of crisp, then left to drown in its own grease and oily melted cheese. A simple rosemary and sea salt focaccia would perhaps have been the wiser choice here.
Pictured: Gricia pizette with smoked pancetta, pecorino and black pepper (Image: Newsquest)
Though we’ve made what I think is a valiant effort to tackle each dish, not one of the not-so-small plates is polished off by the time we throw in the towel, knowing that there’s still dessert to go.
An abundance of leftovers means it takes waiting staff a while to notice that we’ve long since stopped picking at pieces of pasta, but when they do, there’s a kind offer to box up what’s left to take home. After all, it could easily do another meal.
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Two months on from opening, Malocchio’s tiramisu (£7) has quickly emerged as one of their standout dishes. I’ve seen so many social media posts about their individual silver tins filled with layers of mascarpone, lady fingers and coffee online that it feels almost like I’ve already tried it long before digging my spoon through a heavy dusting of cocoa powder.
But it’s a last-minute addition to our order that steals the thunder from this fairly standard take on the classic Italian dessert.
Pictured: Tiramisu and our bespoke sundae (Image: Newsquest)
Earlier, we had been handed a teeny tiny pencil with our ‘dolce’ menus, and told we could use it to tick off our choice of ice cream flavour, then sauce and toppings to create a bespoke sundae (£7).
Who would have guessed this retro glass bowl filled with a silky-smooth vanilla ice cream, sticky sour cherries instead of the fluorescent glace ones we anticipated, and a seam of rich chocolate fudge sauce, would be both sophisticated and a big bit of fun all at once?
It’s usually a rule of thumb that the more influencers have lauded a place as ‘unreal’ in between cheese pulls and excessive on-camera chewing, the less likely it is to deliver on the food.
But even though the menu at Malocchio has clearly been designed with a snap-happy Gen-Z-diner in mind, I’m pleasantly surprised by our experience here tonight.
There’s some solid comfort food coming out of that sprawling open kitchen, and it’s the sort of place to keep up your sleeve as a crowd pleaser when it comes to meet-ups with friends and family in the city centre over the festive season.
My one Christmas wish is that they might consider refining a slightly clumsy small plate concept, or better yet, embracing those full-sized portions, to reach their full potential.
Menu: Split across sections of cechetti, fresh pasta, pizette and ‘others’, this ‘modern take on authentic Italian food’ is a real carb fest that’s hard to get a handle on. Honestly, I’d like to see them ditch the small plates. 2/5
Service: The place is packed on a weeknight, and the team does well to keep on top of it all, even with a few small delays. 4/5
Atmosphere: The team behind Malocchio has put serious work into renovating this restaurant. There’s a lively atmosphere, but the sheer size of the space does mean it lacks a little intimacy. 3/5
Price: A cynic would say the small plates concept is a clever ploy to encourage customers to spend more, but the large portions go a long way in making up for it. 3/5
Food: I like that chicken Milanese and the vodka sauce pasta. Let’s not talk about the pizette. 7/10
Total: 19/30
Malocchio is located at 159 Ingram Street in Glasgow.
Dining and Cooking