NEED TO KNOW
A woman said her once-beloved family recipes went untouched at every potluck with her husband’s relatives
Even store-bought drinks and coffee were ignored, leaving her feeling singled out
After years of frustration, she decided to stop bringing anything at all
A woman turned to the Reddit community for advice after years of feeling dismissed and ignored at her husband’s family potlucks. She explained that what once brought her pride and connection had instead become a source of embarrassment and hurt.
“I have a few ‘family secret’ recipes that have always been a huge hit at potlucks,” she wrote, explaining that people back home “raved about them, and practically begged me to bring them.” She said she knew her food was good and had never questioned it before marrying into her husband’s family.
After moving away and getting married, she found herself navigating a very different dynamic with her in-laws. “His family is enormous,” she wrote, adding that every gathering was potluck-style because of how many relatives attended.
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Stock photo of a woman making a cheesecake
For her first Thanksgiving with them, she brought her signature upside-down pumpkin pie, expecting at least a few curious bites. Instead, she said, “This massive family refused to touch it,” and she ended up bringing the entire pie back home untouched.
She recalled that one year, a family member brought a friend from work who tried the pie and openly praised it. “Despite raving loudly over how tasty the pie was, no one from the family tried it,” she wrote, noting that the dessert was once again wasted.
Hoping a change might help, she tried again the following year with the same disappointing result. Each time, she said, the untouched desserts were eventually thrown away because she and her husband could not finish them alone.
Determined not to give up, she decided to bring out another well-loved recipe from her side of the family. “One year I made my family’s secret cheesecake recipe,” she wrote, adding that even her picky husband loved it.
That attempt hurt even more when she noticed only one slice missing from the cheesecake. “When I went to clean up I found that slice in the trash,” she explained, emphasizing that it was untouched and the rest of the cake also went uneaten.
After that, she said she stopped bringing homemade food and tried contributing in other ways. “Soda? No, they went on a soda run to get their own,” she wrote, describing how even drinks were rejected.
She also tried bringing coffee, knowing how much her in-laws loved it. “I didn’t cheap out,” she explained, saying she bought their favorite French vanilla blend and name-brand creamer, but no one touched it.
According to her, the dismissals became routine over the years. She said her mother-in-law even verbalized her dislike for the coffee.
Eventually, she decided to avoid the situation altogether. “At this point, I avoid the topic entirely and give whatever excuse I can to not bring anything,” she admitted.
She explained that her husband understood why she was upset, though she reassured Reddit users, “This isn’t about him.” Now she wanted to know if she was wrong for refusing to contribute to her husband’s family’s potlucks.
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Stock photo of a family dinner
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Commenters overwhelmingly sided with her and expressed concern over the pattern she described. “This sounds like they are personally targeting you. With a crowd that big and not one person eats anything you make at any of the potlucks… I don’t know what is going on, but it sounds like a form of organized group bullying,” one commenter pointed out. “There’s no way not one single person eats anything you make in a large group like that unless you’re targeted.”
Another commenter echoed the sentiment and questioned why she continued attending at all. Some also questioned why her husband hadn’t spoken up in her defense.
“This has been going on for years and you and your husband have never asked anyone from his side of the family what’s going on?” one commenter asked.
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Dining and Cooking